Here's an update post, I suppose. I'm sorry if I seem at all bigoted, but here's what I have to say.
I'm still kind of unsure what to think, and I'm still scared of the Abrahamic Hell. I feel strongly attracted to Islam at the moment; however,
I cannot stop associating Islam with the atrocities committed by ISIS. Moreover
, (Muslim) Syrian refugees seem to be raping western women daily, according to the news, and just today a Muslim professor said that raping western women was perfectly fine and permitted by God to humiliate them (source:
http://zeenews.india.com/news/world...te-them-claims-islamic-professor_1846312.html). I cannot convert to a religion that believes doing such terrible things is what God wants us to do... Yet, at the same time, I'm scared that by not doing this stuff, I'm evil and will end up in Hell. This also applies to Christianity to a lesser extent. As a pansexual, I fear that I'm evil for just being myself.
I'm also scared that I'll be persecuted by people around me if they find out about my skepticism. I'm scared around Christians and Muslims. I'm still scared of terrorism, etc.
Seriously, what the hell do I do? This internal conflict has gone on for over a year now. I've prayed for God to guide me to truth, but no truths are presented to me. I can't take this anymore. If there's an all-powerful God, then why won't he just show me the right path? Is that too much to ask? I just want to feel peaceful inside. Is that too much to ask? I'm skeptical of Christianity and Islam, and I'm skeptical of atheism.
I just don't know what to do. I'm still lost. I'm dissatisfied with both theism and atheism. I feel like I will never be able to solve this.