I love false rape accusations

[Mathematician]

I kid.

A few months ago after a very distinctive and hard break up, I made the mistake of befriending my ex-girlfriend's best friend. I've always been told that I'm a rather naive when it comes to trusting people, and it was proven when I would answer he suicidal threats by rushing over to wherever she was to comfort her. Prior to my breakup the two of us had forged a rather strong friendship, and I think friends are meant to comfort someone whose mental state is not all that stable. The friend in question is Mormon and had just performed an abortion; needless to say both friends and family were treating her non-ideally, and my ex-girlfriend was too busy at the time sleeping around with random men to comfort her own insecurities to really offer up much assistance.

Well one night I picked her up from ihop after she had a near mental breakdown. I returned to a hotel room (my house was being painted at the time and there was no room to sleep at night, so I elected to just get one temporarily). Originally I tried bringing her home but she told me she didn't feel comfortable being around her family. I drank some beer upon returning to the room - not enough to get drunk, but a definite buzz - and over the course of the night she started to hit on me. As you might suspect, the night ends with us having sex. (Ironically if the situation was reversed, I would be considered a victim of rape. But since gender roles in society are messed up to the point few people actually think men can be raped, it's an irrelevant point).

Nothing out of the ordinary occurs for the next few days. In fact I take this girl out to eat. Then I wake up one day and find out she accused me of raping her to my ex. I suspect it was to save her own hide and restore the crumbling friendship - which to my dismay has proliferated these past five months.

She never brought the issue to court as there's no proof I committed such a heinous act, but she and my ex still insist to their friends that I'm guilty. Occasionally this has created some tension. Recently a girl I've been going out with a lot has told me she's more hesitant to continue our relationship. This girl was actually raped a few years ago and while she sides with my "side," the fear is still apparent in her mind.

And so I just want to give a grand "f you" to this witch.

I really wish people like this could be brought to court and tried for slander. This is completely devastating to a man's life, and I feel disgusted that any woman would abuse the actual problems other women face just to restore a friendship. And while this may sound devastatingly cruel to say, I really think a "boy who cries wolf" solution is really the only way to teach such people to rethink their actions.

 

[LuisDantas]

My sympathies. I'm scared by how sick some people can be without apparently realizing it.

 

[Watchmen]

I think it's pretty stupid to post something like this on a public message board. It can become evidence and who knows how it could be used against you.

 

[zenzero]

Friend Gene,

Read the post, though it is true that her accusation was only to prove a point;that you are as good as any man who in the guise of support or help is actually looking for sex from any girl you may come across.

Our mind is very smart and it slowly drives us to act on our desires using various means; is a personal understanding.

Love & rgds

 

[cynic2005]

I kid.

A few months ago after a very distinctive and hard break up, I made the mistake of befriending my ex-girlfriend's best friend. I've always been told that I'm a rather naive when it comes to trusting people, and it was proven when I would answer he suicidal threats by rushing over to wherever she was to comfort her. Prior to my breakup the two of us had forged a rather strong friendship, and I think friends are meant to comfort someone whose mental state is not all that stable. The friend in question is Mormon and had just performed an abortion; needless to say both friends and family were treating her non-ideally, and my ex-girlfriend was too busy at the time sleeping around with random men to comfort her own insecurities to really offer up much assistance.

Well one night I picked her up from ihop after she had a near mental breakdown. I returned to a hotel room (my house was being painted at the time and there was no room to sleep at night, so I elected to just get one temporarily). Originally I tried bringing her home but she told me she didn't feel comfortable being around her family. I drank some beer upon returning to the room - not enough to get drunk, but a definite buzz - and over the course of the night she started to hit on me. As you might suspect, the night ends with us having sex. (Ironically if the situation was reversed, I would be considered a victim of rape. But since gender roles in society are messed up to the point few people actually think men can be raped, it's an irrelevant point).

Nothing out of the ordinary occurs for the next few days. In fact I take this girl out to eat. Then I wake up one day and find out she accused me of raping her to my ex. I suspect it was to save her own hide and restore the crumbling friendship - which to my dismay has proliferated these past five months.

She never brought the issue to court as there's no proof I committed such a heinous act, but she and my ex still insist to their friends that I'm guilty. Occasionally this has created some tension. Recently a girl I've been going out with a lot has told me she's more hesitant to continue our relationship. This girl was actually raped a few years ago and while she sides with my "side," the fear is still apparent in her mind.

And so I just want to give a grand "f you" to this witch.

I really wish people like this could be brought to court and tried for slander. This is completely devastating to a man's life, and I feel disgusted that any woman would abuse the actual problems other women face just to restore a friendship. And while this may sound devastatingly cruel to say, I really think a "boy who cries wolf" solution is really the only way to teach such people to rethink their actions.

Your first mistake was sleeping with someone who was mentally unstable...
Second, you slept with your ex's friend...

Psychologically, women are conditioned to be submissive. Sometimes women, although they are interested, might not be ready to have sex with you, but because of passiveness and fear, won't put up any kind of resistance, especially if they know you. I think its entirely possible that she genuinely feels raped, unless if she was the one who initiated the intercourse.

Also, in the field of psychology, psychologists consider having sexual relations with clients (who are mentally unstable) unethical. You are taking advantage of someone who is in a vulnerable position. Because they are mentally compromised, they may be less capable of making rational decisions.

This raises another possibility. She may be bipolar, or have any number of mental disorders. People who are bipolar for example, can become sexually promiscuous and aggressive while in a manic state. She could have been in a manic state, and later after entering a baseline (normal) state, felt that she was taken advantage of because she was mentally compromised when the intercourse had taken place. Even if she was simply depressed, the former is entirely possible. I am guessing that this hits the nail on the head, as you had intercourse with her the night she had one of her "mental breakdowns."

I'm not trying to "blame the victim" here, which in this case is you, but sleeping with someone who is mentally unstable? You need to consider the possibility of unintended consequences when you make these kinds of decisions, and also be able to accept and confront the unintended consequences of your decisions, instead of neutralizing responsibility by labeling someone else as a conspirator and "witch."

If you were tried, and said many of the things in the OP in defense, you would be shooting yourself in the foot.

 

[Renji]

Tssk, tssk. Not good, not good....

 

[Diederick]

Blêgh, women...

This reminds of when I got home from a friend's birthday and had sex with this hot blond straight guy who said he was curious about what it would be like with another dude. He just broke up with his girlfriend and apparently was in need of something. Of course I didn't say no, it's not like such offers come around often, from attractive young men at least. But I hated myself for giving in to such feelings, especially because I hate casual incidental sex without love, and that was the best example I could give of casual incidental loveless sex.

Men...

Alcohol...

Not that he accused me of raping him. I saw him again a few weeks later in public transport, he seemed terrified his classmates would find out. I suppose men don't talk of being raped easily because of their ego. Being a victim is not butch.

The idea of being accused of rape seems awful, especially since women are so good at being victims and men have got the reputation of being sex offenders; almost by definition. I think it is time for some emancipating...

 

[Renji]

Blêgh, women...

This reminds of when I got home from a friend's birthday and had sex with this hot blond straight guy who said he was curious about what it would be like with another dude. He just broke up with his girlfriend and apparently was in need of something. Of course I didn't say no, it's not like such offers come around often, from attractive young men at least. But I hated myself for giving in to such feelings, especially because I hate casual incidental sex without love, and that was the best example I could give of casual incidental loveless sex.

Men...

Alcohol...

Not that he accused me of raping him. I saw him again a few weeks later in public transport, he seemed terrified his classmates would find out. I suppose men don't talk of being raped easily because of their ego. Being a victim is not butch.

The idea of being accused of rape seems awful, especially since women are so good at being victims and men have got the reputation of being sex offenders; almost by definition. I think it is time for some emancipating...

You've had sex with another man

 

[Diederick]

You've had sex with another man

I know, eternal damnation for me. :beach:

 

[Renji]

I know, eternal damnation for me. :beach:

lol I was just 'shocked' and I go like or :run:

 

[Diederick]

lol I was just 'shocked' and I go like or :run:

Oh, please. You're not really telling me you never came across a gay man who is sexually active before. Are you?

 

[Penumbra]

I kid.

A few months ago after a very distinctive and hard break up, I made the mistake of befriending my ex-girlfriend's best friend. I've always been told that I'm a rather naive when it comes to trusting people, and it was proven when I would answer he suicidal threats by rushing over to wherever she was to comfort her. Prior to my breakup the two of us had forged a rather strong friendship, and I think friends are meant to comfort someone whose mental state is not all that stable. The friend in question is Mormon and had just performed an abortion; needless to say both friends and family were treating her non-ideally, and my ex-girlfriend was too busy at the time sleeping around with random men to comfort her own insecurities to really offer up much assistance.

Well one night I picked her up from ihop after she had a near mental breakdown. I returned to a hotel room (my house was being painted at the time and there was no room to sleep at night, so I elected to just get one temporarily). Originally I tried bringing her home but she told me she didn't feel comfortable being around her family. I drank some beer upon returning to the room - not enough to get drunk, but a definite buzz - and over the course of the night she started to hit on me. As you might suspect, the night ends with us having sex. (Ironically if the situation was reversed, I would be considered a victim of rape. But since gender roles in society are messed up to the point few people actually think men can be raped, it's an irrelevant point).

Nothing out of the ordinary occurs for the next few days. In fact I take this girl out to eat. Then I wake up one day and find out she accused me of raping her to my ex. I suspect it was to save her own hide and restore the crumbling friendship - which to my dismay has proliferated these past five months.

She never brought the issue to court as there's no proof I committed such a heinous act, but she and my ex still insist to their friends that I'm guilty. Occasionally this has created some tension. Recently a girl I've been going out with a lot has told me she's more hesitant to continue our relationship. This girl was actually raped a few years ago and while she sides with my "side," the fear is still apparent in her mind.

And so I just want to give a grand "f you" to this witch.

I really wish people like this could be brought to court and tried for slander. This is completely devastating to a man's life, and I feel disgusted that any woman would abuse the actual problems other women face just to restore a friendship. And while this may sound devastatingly cruel to say, I really think a "boy who cries wolf" solution is really the only way to teach such people to rethink their actions.

Well, I feel some sympathy for you if you had consensual sex and she falsely claims it was rape. The way society operates, guys have a disadvantage when it comes to that sort of situation.

Still, it was pretty dumb to have sex with a person that was mentally unstable at the time. If a guy did that with one of my friends, I'd be pretty furious. Drinking alcohol in that situation wasn't smart, and you claim you didn't get drunk anyway, so there is no real excuse for doing something like that with her. Not rape, just dumb.

 

[Renji]

Oh, please. You're not really telling me you never came across a gay man who is sexually active before. Are you?

Honestly, I'm not sure.

 

[Watchmen]

The most interesting part of the OP is the first two words.

 

[linwood]

Your first mistake was sleeping with someone who was mentally unstable...
Second, you slept with your ex's friend...

Psychologically, women are conditioned to be submissive. Sometimes women, although they are interested, might not be ready to have sex with you, but because of passiveness and fear, won't put up any kind of resistance, especially if they know you. I think its entirely possible that she genuinely feels raped, unless if she was the one who initiated the intercourse.

Also, in the field of psychology, psychologists consider having sexual relations with clients (who are mentally unstable) unethical. You are taking advantage of someone who is in a vulnerable position. Because they are mentally compromised, they may be less capable of making rational decisions.

This raises another possibility. She may be bipolar, or have any number of mental disorders. People who are bipolar for example, can become sexually promiscuous and aggressive while in a manic state. She could have been in a manic state, and later after entering a baseline (normal) state, felt that she was taken advantage of because she was mentally compromised when the intercourse had taken place. Even if she was simply depressed, the former is entirely possible. I am guessing that this hits the nail on the head, as you had intercourse with her the night she had one of her "mental breakdowns."

I'm not trying to "blame the victim" here, which in this case is you, but sleeping with someone who is mentally unstable? You need to consider the possibility of unintended consequences when you make these kinds of decisions, and also be able to accept and confront the unintended consequences of your decisions, instead of neutralizing responsibility by labeling someone else as a conspirator and "witch."

If you were tried, and said many of the things in the OP in defense, you would be shooting yourself in the foot.

I`m sorry but this entire post is utter crap.

If we were to exactly switch the gender/situational roles you would STILL be blaming him because she had been drinking.

Total ********.

To the OP, you have my sympathies.
Stay away from both of these obviously unstable girls and move on beyond this.
It will pass.

 

[Oberon]

Also, in the field of psychology, psychologists consider having sexual relations with clients (who are mentally unstable) unethical.

There mental stability has little or nothing to do with it. It is the power dynamic. The whole reason Freud proposed payments to therapists is to prevent the very easy and very strong attachment which can develop to someone whose role is not only to help someone, but to hear, comment on, interpret, and deal with one's most intimate thoughts and problems. It wouldn't violate professional ethics for psychologist or psychiatrist to sleep with a depressed or otherwise mentally unhealthy individual who wasn't there client or whom they had no professional dealings with.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Gene, this has happened to me before, and it completely changed my life.

After that, I only dated girls after we had a friendship and I had known her friends. Thata way they know my character should anything happen, and you know sooner rather than later if the girl is going to turn into some kind of wacko.

 

[Revoltingest]

Gene, this has happened to me before, and it completely changed my life.

After that, I only dated girls after we had a friendship and I had known her friends. Thata way they know my character should anything happen, and you know sooner rather than later if the girl is going to turn into some kind of wacko.

I'm lucky enuf to have avoided that tragedy, but I've seen over & over again just how inaccurate perceptions can ruin lives.
One must be guarded in situations where one is vulnerable. It ain't the 60s anymore. (I wonder if it ever was the 60s.)

 

[.lava]

i am really sorry to hear that. it is very disturbing

.

 

[Kathryn]

The whole thing is disturbing - the accusations as well as the extremely poor decisions that both parties made which put both people in a very predictable, errrr, POSITION.

In a sense you are both victims - and both offenders.

That's my take on it anyway.

Keep your britches on next time - and don't take women to hotel rooms and then sit around drinking unless you're sure you want to have sex with them, and are sure they want to have sex with you.

Both of you put yourselves into this position and made one poor decision after another every step of the way. Makes me think that you probably both DID want to sleep together. Sometimes people use vulnerability, or alcohol, or whatever, as excuses for doing something that they really did want to do in the first place.