I need help. Don't know where to turn. Please read.

[Little Joe Gould]

I haven't been here very long and I already like this place. Everybody is very welcome and accepting and I'm getting good advice from anyone from an atheist to a druid. You guys are nice.

 

[FFH]

Find something you like in this life, but we need to remember not to put the things of this world above Christ, who created us, we must always acknowledge that, and put him first in our lives. We were created so "that we might have joy".

Ps. 37: 4
Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

For me it's bikes, check out the last page.

Bullet Bike Art (

123 ... Last Page)
FFH

 

[michel]

I really don't know where to start. I have a lot of history, so I'll try to sum this up. I'm bipolar and have been hospitalized from everything to being too happy, to burning myself, to hearing voices, suicide attempts, and drug habits. My psychiatrists have me so drugged up all the time that up seems down and left seems right and I don't know who I am anymore; and my use of street drugs doesn't help the situation much. Over the summer months I fell back into mania, where your brain goes into overdrive basically and you can become delusional. I became completely insane. I believed some people in my life were angels, others demons, some Zen masters, and other such things. At one point in time I thought I had sold my soul to the devil based on how crazy and out of control my thoughts had become one night. I was hearing voices saying "you're evil, you're unworthy, you're a disgrace, etc.". I also have a lot of things I've done in my past to deal with that have caused me untold shame and guilt. I may have been molested when I was younger but I have blocked out the memories, but some strange memories still remain. I also molested my sister for a period of years while we shared a room in high school and after coming to Christ and realizing how horrible it was to do what I did I've been horribly depressed and I randomly start crying a lot of the time. Lately, I've been so depressed I've narrowed my options to running away, becoming institutionalized, becoming a monk, or committing suicide. My mom is currently homeless and going through a rough time herself; she also has mental difficulties, just not as bad as me. I've felt like all the love I felt when I first came to Christ is gone. I feel like a hollow shell. I've balled lying in my bed praying that God would teach me how to love again, but it doesn't come back. I just want to feel alive again. I want to be able to look into people's eyes and see life and compassion once more. If there is anyone who has dealt with bipolar illness or clinical depression and has made it through with the Lord please give me some advice. I'm depressed. My body aches all over to know love again.

I am sorry, reading about your problems;

I've felt like all the love I felt when I first came to Christ is gone. I feel like a hollow shell.

The above is a classic sign of depression; I am bipolar, and a lot of what you say rings bells. You do need more professional help than you are getting - and I would urge you to make sure you receive it.

I am going on 60, and have suffered from depression since the age of 15/16; I too have a question mark about my youth since I have very few personal recollections of my early years - in fact, until I was eleven. I have been warned off delving into that, because the knowledge of "why?" - if there is something "murky" might be worse than not remembering......

I have attempted suicide, as I have in mental institutions (mostly shortish stays - on a voluntary basis) . I found that the problem with that was that I felt too comfortable in the presence of people with problems; I felt far more "at home" there than I do in society.

The only reason that I am alive now is that I have been told that I would cause so much pain and suffering to my family (I am married with two sons) - and have had it drummed into me that "I am not allowed to take what they see as "the easy way out""..............I guess I live for the sake of my wife and children; I don't think they have any notion of what that "costs" me.

I am reasonably stable - I have been for a few years, bar the usual hiatuses that crop up whenever I least expect them to.

One thing I have learned though; people like us talk about what we feel and see, thinking that we are strange and not like others - but, many of the folk around you may well be thinking (maybe not to such a degree) the same things as you. The difference is that they either shut it out, or keep quiet, because they don't want to think, and don't want others to think, that there is something "wrong" with them.

One thing I know for sure; and I expect the same applies to you: the manic phases allow you to enjoy experiences that the so called "normal" people will never enjoy - that is the blessing and the curse of our illness; we enjoy incredible highs - which have to be balanced with equally incredible lows..........

By the sound of it, part of your trouble may have a genetic link; as, I believe, does mine.

After professional help and medication, your best hope is to look for "distress tolerance techniques" - I went through a course of CBT and DBT (cognitive behaviour therapy and dialectic behaviour therapy) - and some of what I learned helped somewhat. At the end of the day, I guess I still see life as a dreadful uphill struggle - one I resent, because, being a Christian and a sinner, I resent being here on Earth where I am bound to sin.

Be kind to yourself; learn to recognise the oncoming of a "bad" spell, and think of, and use distraction techniques; above all, live one day at a time - just get through each day - each day that you manage to cope is a blow to the swine that has made you the way you are. Your enemy is that faulty gene - whatever it is that has made you have to fight; beat the swine, and be proud of the achievement.

I know of a couple of useful books; let me know if you would like details of them.

 

[Little Joe Gould]

Yeah, I'm interested in the books you've read.

 

[dance-above]

Newness of life ... He ( Christ ) "quickened" them who were dead in trespassess and sins.
Christ is a life giving spirit and rewards those who diligently seeks him. this is true and trustworthy he cares. Miricles do happen.