I never really feel good enough

[LittlePinky82]

I've been having these feelings for quite a long time honestly speaking but especially these past few months I've been really feeling it. I graduated back in the summer with an associates in the paralegal field and since then have been trying to find a job. It just seems like anything I try I never get that "yes." I did try a place earlier this week and just missed when they were taking in new applicants. Go figure. I've had two interviews but they were in areas that I wasn't really with experience in (one I had the education from another degree just not experience).

With having all this free time (when I'm not busy looking for a job) it has given me time to really examine myself as a person. And honestly I just don't really ever feel good enough for anything.

Even when I'm on here and get into discussions (whatever it is) I just don't feel good enough with my words. I'm the type of person where things are laid out and sound good in my head but when I type things out they're not good at all and a lot of times I just make things worse for myself. I want to be able to practice more but I feel like too many places online are about arguing and not just talking so I feel this unnecessary pressure on myself and just make things worse for the things I advocate for whatever it is (religion, politics, education whatever).

I'm over weight (though some clothes does feel loose on me lately so shrug) and suffer from depression and self harm and am easily emotionally triggered when I get tired mentally/emotionally.

People forget I exist and I always have to ask people to remember me. Even on my birthday.

I'm just really feeling emotionally tired and mentally drained and just wish I could feel good enough for something and always seem to just make things worse for myself. Sometimes I wonder why I bother with things and that people would be better off without me.

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place or anything like that. I have never posted one of these things before so I wouldn't be surprised if I messed something up.... ;\

Update- Thanks to everyone who has posted and another friend online I talk to on a regular basis I feel a lot better. I got a good night sleep and it helped a lot. I definitely am going to take the recommendation in looking into herbs. I need more vitamins in my life too I think. I don't take enough of that already I know (I eat veggies and drink different juices like apple and orange juice and I drink milk).

 

[psychoslice]

You don't have to please anyone except yourself, put yourself first, and then and only then can you think of others, or even help others. You may find that if you talk to a professional such as a good doctor or psychiatrist, you may need something to help you get by for now. If you have a low esteem of yourself that can make life hell for you, try to work out why you feel the way you do about yourself, get to the cause, it could be anything, something someone said to you when you were young, or even a parent.

You said you were over weight, what is causing you to be over weight, does food make you feel better, or is it hormone problems, look into that and be honest with yourself.

I suffered for years with clinical depression, it wasn't very nice at all, it wasn't until I was diagnosed with schizophrenia that the ball got rolling, I was put onto anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, my life today is much better, even though sometimes I do go into psychosis and need to go to the psychic ward , which I like. I then get back on my feet letting the past go, everyday is a new day, to live in the Now is the only way to truly live.

 

[Revoltingest]

I've been having these feelings for quite a long time honestly speaking but especially these past few months I've been really feeling it. I graduated back in the summer with an associates in the paralegal field and since then have been trying to find a job. It just seems like anything I try I never get that "yes." I did try a place earlier this week and just missed when they were taking in new applicants. Go figure. I've had two interviews but they were in areas that I wasn't really with experience in (one I had the education from another degree just not experience).

With having all this free time (when I'm not busy looking for a job) it has given me time to really examine myself as a person. And honestly I just don't really ever feel good enough for anything.

Even when I'm on here and get into discussions (whatever it is) I just don't feel good enough with my words. I'm the type of person where things are laid out and sound good in my head but when I type things out they're not good at all and a lot of times I just make things worse for myself. I want to be able to practice more but I feel like too many places online are about arguing and not just talking so I feel this unnecessary pressure on myself and just make things worse for the things I advocate for whatever it is (religion, politics, education whatever).

I'm over weight (though some clothes does feel loose on me lately so shrug) and suffer from depression and self harm and am easily emotionally triggered when I get tired mentally/emotionally.

People forget I exist and I always have to ask people to remember me. Even on my birthday.

I'm just really feeling emotionally tired and mentally drained and just wish I could feel good enough for something and always seem to just make things worse for myself. Sometimes I wonder why I bother with things and that people would be better off without me.

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place or anything like that. I have never posted one of these things before so I wouldn't be surprised if I messed something up.... ;\

There's an interesting phenomenon regarding competence.
(I can't remember where I read it, so please just take my word.)
Those who lack doubt tend to not double check themselves enuf.
Those who doubt themselves tend to do better work because they consider it more thoroughly.
Perhaps this is why I see your posts becoming more engaging over time.
If you're continually improving, this makes you smarter than many of us.

 

[LittlePinky82]

You don't have to please anyone except yourself, put yourself first, and then and only then can you think of others, or even help others. You may find that if you talk to a professional such as a good doctor or psychiatrist, you may need something to help you get by for now. If you have a low esteem of yourself that can make life hell for you, try to work out why you feel the way you do about yourself, get to the cause, it could be anything, something someone said to you when you were young, or even a parent.

You said you were over weight, what is causing you to be over weight, does food make you feel better, or is it hormone problems, look into that and be honest with yourself.

I suffered for years with clinical depression, it wasn't very nice at all, it wasn't until I was diagnosed with schizophrenia that the ball got rolling, I was put onto anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, my life today is much better, even though sometimes I do go into psychosis and need to go to the psychic ward , which I like. I then get back on my feet letting the past go, everyday is a new day, to live in the Now is the only way to truly live.

I was abused as a teenager but I've made peace with that which took a long time but im happier with that now. My father worked hard and changed a lot and barely even raises his voice now days. I have a good relationship with him. With my weight I think it's just something that happened. In denial a long time and it just piled on. Working out helps a lot with how I feel about myself and working through issues I have. I don't think I'm at the point with medicine. I'm just a really intense emotional person so I feel things more. I'm definitely a lot better than I used to be. I'm really glad your life is much better for you. I think your last sentence is especially beneficial and important. With my self esteem I know I still have issues of that from the past. I also always had friends leave and forget about me. And now not having anyone in person to call a friend or being needed anywhere for a job doesn't help either.

 

[LittlePinky82]

There's an interesting phenomenon regarding competence.
(I can't remember where I read it, so please just take my word.)
Those who lack doubt tend to not double check themselves enuf.
Those who doubt themselves tend to do better work because they consider it more thoroughly.
Perhaps this is why I see your posts becoming more engaging over time.
If you're continually improving, this makes you smarter than many of us.

I've heard of this before too. I also don't remember where but I have. I was that way with work in college and always improved. Once a prof did a surprise test of this new program the college was having, with the computer, that checked plagiarism issues and I had the lowest score. I had something because I cited and you're going to have to with law but I did everything right. It goes with what you mentioned. If it wasn't for that I might have been lazy and got the most.

 

[ShivaFan]

Oh my God, no, you are obviously above the average than most, it is obvious just reading your post, that you are both highly intelligent and educated, your sort of skill sets are valuable. Actually, you might make a great investor analyst, or a banker - and both professions need those who have schooling in law. One of my majors was Environmental Law (don't laugh!) and yes while I also had subsequent schooling in computer science that was not my main degree yet I ended up working 37 years in IT, programming etc.. Funny, you may discover that a fit for your schooling doesn't even match the job you post for.

I like your threads, and find them interesting. Sorry if I missed your b-day, honestly I am sort of a scattered person always looking for mischief but I do like birthdays and giving wishes, so belated Happy Birthday!

 

[psychoslice]

Yes I was also abused, I was raped at a young age by two men, I was always paranoid through my whole life, I always seen to attack those who want to hurt me in some way. After feeling better and dealing with the rape and abuse, I was then shot by someone along the highway just out of town, I nearly had my lower leg blown off, that was back in 1980, and I still have so much pain to this day.
After all this I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and then I was diagnosed with cancer, but through all this I still have a great sense of humour, its the only thing that has kept me alive.

I better finish there, sorry to let all that crap out.

 

[LittlePinky82]

Oh my God, no, you are obviously above the average than most, it is obvious just reading your post, that you are both highly intelligent and educated, your sort of skill sets are valuable. Actually, you might make a great investor analyst, or a banker - and both professions need those who have schooling in law. One of my majors was Environmental Law (don't laugh!) and yes while I also had subsequent schooling in computer science that was not my main degree yet I ended up working 37 years in IT, programming etc.. Funny, you may discover that a fit for your schooling doesn't even match the job you post for.

I like your threads, and find them interesting. Sorry if I missed your b-day, honestly I am sort of a scattered person always looking for mischief but I do like birthdays and giving wishes, so belated Happy Birthday!

My birthday is in July. The month when people are busy and doing stuff. I never have thought about myself as that. People have asked me about going further and into law school. I don't think I could. I've heard the horror stories. And I really like being a paralegal. I love legal research and getting into all that. Especially the law books ( hard copies). I admire your career path. I won't laugh at environmental law because it's important too. All areas of law have their important place obviously. If anyone laughs that's not nice.

 

[LittlePinky82]

Yes I was also abused, I was raped at a young age by two men, I was always paranoid through my whole life, I always seen to attack those who want to hurt me in some way. After feeling better and dealing with the rape and abuse, I was then shot by someone along the highway just out of town, I nearly had my lower leg blown off, that was back in 1980, and I still have so much pain to this day.
After all this I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and then I was diagnosed with cancer, but through all this I still have a great sense of humour, its the only thing that has kept me alive.

I better finish there, sorry to let all that crap out.

Oh it's more than fine. I can't related to that but I think we can with our feelings perhaps. I admire you with your humor and you found something. Mine is really lame. I do fart jokes. I hope you're okay and I'm always available in my inbox.

 

[psychoslice]

Oh it's more than fine. I can't related to that but I think we can with our feelings perhaps. I admire you with your humor and you found something. Mine is really lame. I do fart jokes. I hope you're okay and I'm always available in my inbox.

Ahh, you so wonderful, thanks, yea I am doing a lot better these days, every now and then I get caught out by the mind, that wants to dig up the past, for that is where the mind lives, in the so called past and the imagined future. Yea, you also, if you need someone to talk to I will be there, Oh yea, I love fart jokes also, plus the Simpsons, South Park, and Family Guy.

 

[LittlePinky82]

Ahh, you so wonderful, thanks, yea I am doing a lot better these days, every now and then I get caught out by the mind, that wants to dig up the past, for that is where the mind lives, in the so called past and the imagined future. Yea, you also, if you need someone to talk to I will be there, Oh yea, I love fart jokes also, plus the Simpsons, South Park, and Family Guy.

Me too. I love those shows too. Especially the older seasons. We haven't been properly introduced i don't know. You can call me pinky. Definitely inbox me anytime you want to talk even if just about those shows. I don't watch the Simpsons much anymore but I love the older episodes. I'm the same way. Generally I am okay but those days that get you. Just for a while now, since September, I've been basically isolated to just my immediate family and not having luck with a job has taken its tole to where I've been feeling like this.

 

[psychoslice]

Me too. I love those shows too. Especially the older seasons. We haven't been properly introduced i don't know. You can call me pinky. Definitely inbox me anytime you want to talk even if just about those shows. I don't watch the Simpsons much anymore but I love the older episodes. I'm the same way. Generally I am okay but those days that get you. Just for a while now, since September, I've been basically isolated to just my immediate family and not having luck with a job has taken its tole to where I've been feeling like this.

Yes I feel the same way with the Simpsons, they seem to loose it somewhere with their stories, you just have Homer acting stupid for no reason ?. You can call me Robert if you want, I like Pinkie, sounds cute. I hope you find a good job that you can settle into, it does make a big difference that's for sure. I am on disability pension, I cannot stand on my feet to long, I just wish they would amputate my lower left leg. hey!, Pinkie and the Brain, remember that show ?.

 

[Kori]

This has inspired me to make a thread. Partly to show I am with you Comrade also partly to not pass up a chance to throw down a wall of text. Better get Reagan. But yeah I feel depressed a lot too but I have had my severe depression for 17+ years. I have learned to live with it. It is my companion. I'll post more here in a bit.

 

[LittlePinky82]

Yes I feel the same way with the Simpsons, they seem to loose it somewhere with their stories, you just have Homer acting stupid for no reason ?. You can call me Robert if you want, I like Pinkie, sounds cute. I hope you find a good job that you can settle into, it does make a big difference that's for sure. I am on disability pension, I cannot stand on my feet to long, I just wish they would amputate my lower left leg. hey!, Pinkie and the Brain, remember that show ?.

Nice to meet you robert. I feel the same with the Simpsons. Lol yes I loved that show. "The same thing every night pinky. We're going to try to take over the world!

 

[LittlePinky82]

This has inspired me to make a thread. Partly to show I am with you Comrade also partly to not pass up a chance to throw down a wall of text. Better get Reagan. But yeah I feel depressed a lot too but I have had my severe depression for 17+ years. I have learned to live with it. It is my companion. I'll post more here in a bit.

The Reagan joke made me laugh with the gif . I'm glad you're able to get along I hope.

 

[psychoslice]

Hey Pinky, what about the Rim and Stimpy show, that was so good.

 

[Kori]

The Reagan joke made me laugh with the gif . I'm glad you're able to get along I hope.

Well the best way I deal with it is to avoid low energy. It breeds my depression. I take caffeine pills.

 

[allfoak]

I would imagine this is going to sound a little strange but i am used to that.

I would suggest you start taking herbs for your health.
Your physical health is taking a toll on your mental health, you need an intervention.
Herbs will restore your physical health and then your mental health will also be restored.

If you would like more details i will be happy to answer any questions you may have, otherwise you can find all the information you need about herbs on the internet.
Herbs for kidneys and bowels is where you want to start.

 

[LittlePinky82]

Hey Pinky, what about the Rim and Stimpy show, that was so good.

You mean Ren and Stimpy? I never was a big fan of that one. It was good but not my sense of humor that much.

I would imagine this is going to sound a little strange but i am used to that.

I would suggest you start taking herbs for your health.
Your physical health is taking a toll on your mental health, you need an intervention.
Herbs will restore your physical health and then your mental health will also be restored.

If you would like more details i will be happy to answer any questions you may have, otherwise you can find all the information you need about herbs on the internet.
Herbs for kidneys and bowels is where you want to start.

Oh it doesn't sound strange at all. I should look into it. I've been trying to be healthier. And I have a slow metabolism (I lose and gain weight slowly which is another reason why I gained so much I think). I also need more vitamins in my life too.

I think it's taking a toll because of not finding a job for a few months now and it's definitely emotionally/mentally draining. I actually slept really well last night and that helped a lot but I can definitely tell that the last couple of months are taking it's toll on myself.

I'll look into that and more vitamins.

Well the best way I deal with it is to avoid low energy. It breeds my depression. I take caffeine pills.

Caffeine has never really had an affect on me. I like coffee sometimes and it has never bothered me. I agree with avoiding low energy. I work out when I can (it's been too cold to go into my basement and do so heh already been sick once from that) and it helps me feel better in all areas (mentally etc). I just feel this higher energy from working out and doing something productive. Especially if I reach a challenge I have been working on for a while.

 

[Kori]

I would imagine this is going to sound a little strange but i am used to that.

I would suggest you start taking herbs for your health.
Your physical health is taking a toll on your mental health, you need an intervention.
Herbs will restore your physical health and then your mental health will also be restored.

If you would like more details i will be happy to answer any questions you may have, otherwise you can find all the information you need about herbs on the internet.
Herbs for kidneys and bowels is where you want to start.

Smoking-er I mean using herbs works for me.