I really need a life

[Alceste]

I seriously don't have a clue what my interests are... and I don't know what good travelling would do. I don't see how seeing different buildings helps me. I wouldn't know what to do if I went abroad. I'd likely take pictures of things I see that are different... that hardly seems worthwhile.

Oh I don't know screw it.

You find stuff to do, trust me. And there are plenty of places to go with no buildings.

 

[Phasmid]

You find stuff to do, trust me. And there are plenty of places to go with no buildings.

I really don't know. I'd have thought moving to a city far from home would yield the same results, but it didn't. I don't see how travelling would either. I'm not one who does something without a purpose. I'd probably enjoy travelling if there was an end in sight i.e. if I HAD to travel somewhere and had to make stops on the way, I'd probably enjoy it a lot more than simply going to these places simply for the sake of going.

I suppose I need a goal. I decided on engineering, but I don't know if that's really what I want to do. And there are so many other possibilites I just don't know.

Think I'll just stick with what I'm doing. Maybe the course I do next year will inspire me and maybe it'll lead to better things. And if it doesn't, then sod it I'll just join the army and see what happens.

Either way, I don't think I'll have the time for travel over the next 3 - 4 years.

 

[3.14]

btw why not start playing wow?, you still won't have a life but you won't care about that anymore

 

[DavyCrocket2003]

btw why not start playing wow?, you still won't have a life but you won't care about that anymore

LOL!:clap

 

[DavyCrocket2003]

So have you had times in your life that were exciting and motivating? If so, what were the circumstances that caused this?

 

[Phasmid]

So have you had times in your life that were exciting and motivating? If so, what were the circumstances that caused this?

Not really... I went through school, got a job, went to university... and here I am.

 

[sandandfoam]

You need a motorbike.

 

[misanthropic_clown]

It may sound like an odd suggestion, but walking aimlessly listening to audiobooks/podcasts works for me when I am in a rut. Exercise and fresh air, and something for your mind to chew over. You'll eventually find some ideas you find inspiring.

I think people have reflected rightly that you have to find something within yourself to be interested in. Finding like minded people and having enjoyable experiences with them will only happen when you have developed your own mind.

 

[DavyCrocket2003]

It may sound like an odd suggestion, but walking aimlessly listening to audiobooks/podcasts works for me when I am in a rut. Exercise and fresh air, and something for your mind to chew over. You'll eventually find some ideas you find inspiring.

Yeah, agreed. There is some really great motivational material out there (as well as a bunch of horse hockey...). Sometimes just getting out in the beauty of nature is helpful to some people...

 

[Phasmid]

You need a motorbike.

I have one.

 

[sandandfoam]

I have one.

What you got?

 

[Kilgore Trout]

A little alcohol, pot, and socializing might do you some good.

 

[Alceste]

I really don't know. I'd have thought moving to a city far from home would yield the same results, but it didn't. I don't see how travelling would either. I'm not one who does something without a purpose. I'd probably enjoy travelling if there was an end in sight i.e. if I HAD to travel somewhere and had to make stops on the way, I'd probably enjoy it a lot more than simply going to these places simply for the sake of going.

Well, as difficult as it is for me to imagine anyone not being jostled out of a rut by a few days scuba diving with sharks, sea turtles and barracudas on the Great Barrier Reef, or by hiking to the top of a live volcano in Guatemala, or by wandering aimlessly through the markets in Marrakesh, I'll defer to your understanding of your own personality and interests.

I would still recommend keeping a journal though. It sounds like you're depressed, and you need to unload some of those "deep" thoughts that you feel you can't share with your current social network.

I wouldn't recommend the army. You lack purpose, and you think killing a few Iraqis / Afghans on behalf of Halliburton and Exxon-Mobil will cheer you up? If it's the discipline you're after, take up martial arts. If you're suicidal, seek professional help. If you like guns, join a target shooting club or take up hunting (for food, not sport). Whatever it is you want out of the army, there are healthier ways to get it.

 

[Jackytar]

A little alcohol, pot, and socializing might do you some good.

Too funny...

Seriously, pot and alcohol don't mix well.
No, that's not what I meant to say.
Socializing is important. Engineers are notoriously bad at it.
Having said that, I believe that engineers are the unsung heroes of civilization. There is no higher calling than applied science, IMO, and it is a perpetually interesting field in the long haul. I'm not an engineer. I'm in the medical field. Meaning I spend my day using the tools that engineers have developed for me and taking the credit. That's when I'm not taking the credit, and the fee, for things provided by nature. Engineers make life better. Most people don't appreciate this. So what?

I was once like you, Phasmid, and I grew out of it. You will too. Hang in there. We all find our own path but there are some truths that I believe are universal...

Stop looking for a grand purpose. If there is one it is to reduce suffering. Start with your own. The most important thing in life is your health. Both physical and mental. Next to that, the most important thing is to be connected with others. Isolation is unhealthy, and health is the most important thing in life. Whether you are aware of it or not, you are a part of something much larger than yourself. You will "mesh" better with some more than others and not with any person all the time. But you have to plow through and strive to get along more often than not - for your own sake, not for theirs. Seek out happy people that you like. Happiness is a predisposition we are born with, not as influenced by events as it may seem. Never date or marry an unhappy person. You can't fix that. Thirdly, it is important to accomplish something. Both on a day-to-day basis and in the longer view. Set small goals and larger ones. Whatever it is that you perceive will be an improvement. If you don't know what that is, start with your health and your relationships. Stagnation and isolation are antithetical to meaningful existence. Yes, life is a treadmill with no ultimate prize. So what else is new? People just like you are leading meaningful lives despite all that. Get the hell out of that mindset you're in.

Jackytar

 

[Phasmid]

Too funny...

Seriously, pot and alcohol don't mix well.
No, that's not what I meant to say.
Socializing is important. Engineers are notoriously bad at it.
Having said that, I believe that engineers are the unsung heroes of civilization. There is no higher calling than applied science, IMO, and it is a perpetually interesting field in the long haul. I'm not an engineer. I'm in the medical field. Meaning I spend my day using the tools that engineers have developed for me and taking the credit. That's when I'm not taking the credit, and the fee, for things provided by nature. Engineers make life better. Most people don't appreciate this. So what?

I was once like you, Phasmid, and I grew out of it. You will too. Hang in there. We all find our own path but there are some truths that I believe are universal...

Stop looking for a grand purpose. If there is one it is to reduce suffering. Start with your own. The most important thing in life is your health. Both physical and mental. Next to that, the most important thing is to be connected with others. Isolation is unhealthy, and health is the most important thing in life. Whether you are aware of it or not, you are a part of something much larger than yourself. You will "mesh" better with some more than others and not with any person all the time. But you have to plow through and strive to get along more often than not - for your own sake, not for theirs. Seek out happy people that you like. Happiness is a predisposition we are born with, not as influenced by events as it may seem. Never date or marry an unhappy person. You can't fix that. Thirdly, it is important to accomplish something. Both on a day-to-day basis and in the longer view. Set small goals and larger ones. Whatever it is that you perceive will be an improvement. If you don't know what that is, start with your health and your relationships. Stagnation and isolation are antithetical to meaningful existence. Yes, life is a treadmill with no ultimate prize. So what else is new? People just like you are leading meaningful lives despite all that. Get the hell out of that mindset you're in.

Jackytar

Hi, thanks for the post in my thread. The problem is I get in this mindset all too often. Yes, it'll pass in time, but ultimately it feels like the happy moments are so brief in comparison to the length of time I feel depressed.

Further, I've tried socialising but it just drains me. It's like doing exercise, it's enjoyable for a while, then I just need a rest. As a result, I don't really have close friendships... they're kind of casual. I mean I could go a couple of weeks before anyone would notice I was gone.

I don't doubt engineering is a good profession and that's why I'm sticking with it... I'm just not sure of what I really want to do.

I'll struggle on... suicide only briefly crosses my mind from time to time and it's quickly ignored when I think of what it'd do to my family.

Still... I know I'll feel like crap time and time again and I see no way of it ending. Sometimes I just wish I could sort of evaporate without anyone being hurt.

 

[Alceste]

Hi, thanks for the post in my thread. The problem is I get in this mindset all too often. Yes, it'll pass in time, but ultimately it feels like the happy moments are so brief in comparison to the length of time I feel depressed.

Further, I've tried socialising but it just drains me. It's like doing exercise, it's enjoyable for a while, then I just need a rest. As a result, I don't really have close friendships... they're kind of casual. I mean I could go a couple of weeks before anyone would notice I was gone.

I don't doubt engineering is a good profession and that's why I'm sticking with it... I'm just not sure of what I really want to do.

I'll struggle on... suicide only briefly crosses my mind from time to time and it's quickly ignored when I think of what it'd do to my family.

Still... I know I'll feel like crap time and time again and I see no way of it ending. Sometimes I just wish I could sort of evaporate without anyone being hurt.

I have felt like that. I find it helpful to consider it an illness, like a flu or something. It's uncomfortable and horrid, but it passes eventually if you look after yourself, which for depression, means getting enough sleep, regular exercise, healthy food and some method of pulling yourself out of negative circular thinking patterns. A journal works for me because once the negative thoughts are written down they're out of my head. They don't keep cropping up again and again, keeping me up at night. It's a huge relief. I find if I can power through three solid pages of depressed and hopeless stream of consciousness yammering, I can almost always break through the muck and find a nugget of peace / resolution of whatever is bothering me at the end. And then I can also look at my depressed thoughts later (much later - wouldn't do it for the first few months) and objectively see how stupid they were.

With regards to suicidal thoughts, it's bound to pop into your head from time to time, but if you find yourself making plans, seriously, get help. That's the crucial difference between functional, ordinary depression and severe, terminal depression. The former is no big deal, as for the latter - everyone I know who has gone through that kind of depression and lived to tell the tale now looks back on it with relief and gladness that it passed in the end, and they made it through.

 

[autonomous1one1]

Greetings Phasmid. Let one who has spent forty years working in engineering and research vouch for it as a satisfying area of work. Higher levels of education gave freedom to choose work in such areas as environment, space, and energy. Engineering, that applies science to meet human needs, becomes particularly rewarding when one applies it to major worldwide interests and concerns. And it can be a doorway into many areas. For example with the right undergraduate courses one can go on into medicine and medical research.

At one point there was considerable available time in my life which allowed response to a strong pull which might be described now as a pursuit the true Self, although that wasn't the intention at the time. There is a lot more information on this subject now. One author, Eckhart Tolle, who is an Englishman that went through great personal depression, teaches Spirituality and has written the noteworthy A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. If you haven't looked into this area yet, it is different and has been exciting for many.

Best Wishes,
a.1

 

[Comicaze247]

I really struggle to get up each day knowing nothing of any real significance is likely to happen.

Every day is the same sat in front of the computer or painting stupid minitures for playing a game with other people equally as dull as me.

When I do go out, it's usually with the same small group of people, who I love dearly, but who ultimately I end up having the same conversations with and same activities.

I decided to do something about this and so I went to study at university.

But... the same thing happened when I got there. Just sat in front of my computer doing very little and having few people to talk to. I have about three friends at university and I only seem to talk to them when there's work to be done... and we're not on the same course next year.

All in all... I'm so unbelievably bored/boring and I'm not a very out-going person. I find I feel drained after a while of being in a social situation.

But I really need a life... I seriously can't take this anymore. I'm 21, I'm at university, I'm quite smart (sometimes) and apparently I don't look too bad either... so why the hell am I so misserable and why's my life so dull?

And how can I make it more interesting if my very nature is that of a loner?

Was thinking about joining the military. It'd be exciting and challenging... but, my personality being as it is, I fear I'd likely just seclude myself and in a setting like that, that's not going to end well.

I just don't know what to do... on the one hand I want social contact, but on the other hand I don't want too much of it.

A close relationship with a single, special person would be awesome. But I don't see how I could possibly meet someone given the way I am. I could be more sociable and make more friends at university (and have done) but there's just this kind of tired sigh in my head whenever I try... I just think, "I don't really feel like I want to talk to these people... there's nothing wrong with them and they're nice enough to be around, I just don't... feel like it". It's like talking to people in person drains me and I know that must make me sound extremely arrogant and generally unpleasant, but I don't mean it in a spiteful way. I just find it draining to make small talk. I like important talks, not, "So... crazy weather huh?" "Yeah" *struggles the will to carry on*

I conclude my whiney rant... advice? Comments? Similar stories?

One word: hobby. That's how I got out of my rut.

I'd been in a terrible relationship for 3 years in college. It was semi-long distance, and I'd find myself waiting by the phone every day after class. I only talked to other people when it had to do with homework, if they popped into my dorm (not too often), or if they were my roommate. Otherwise, my time was spent on my girlfriend (so the relationship thing won't necessarily fix your problem).

What pulled me out of my rut was taking a Martial Arts class and a Salsa class. I put my focus into it. It made me happy. Made me forget about the boring life I'd led.
Then I got a job and met a few people there. One of the people I worked with caught me doing some salsa moves while work was slow. It turns out, he knew about tryouts for the salsa team and thought I should join (they're always short on guys ). And so I did. I got on the team, made some friends, and danced with some cute girls .
Also, that salsa team was actually a branch of a club, and therefore, I started going to those club meetings. Made many more friends. And through all the meetings and parties with those friends, I finally met my current girlfriend (1 year and 1 month so far ).
So basically, I got to where I am now just because I took a salsa class

So my advice to you, do something that you'd always wanted to try (that is actually feasible). You've got nothing to lose.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

Hey Phasmid,

I have had times when I have felt exactly as you are...I think we all do at some point or the other..

Which University are you at? Most uni here in UK are great for clubs etc..if you enjoy important talk why not join the debate society or something? or one of the causes societies?

 

[England my lionheart]

I'm studying engineering at university... but I don't think it's my calling in life... it seems I'm just doing it because I feel I should do something.

I studied Electrical and Mechanical Engineering,it was'nt my calling so i tried something different as i get bored quite easily aswell,try a partime job with a lot of people contact,the more people you meet the easier it gets to meet more.
I was seriously bored last year so i got a job in France for a month,i did'nt know a soul there and only one person in the village spoke English which was great as neccessity is the Mother of invention i had to speak in French and although i knew very little i knew everyones first name in the village bar.
Sometimes its good to get out of your comfort zone,so stepping into a situation where everything is new can brighten things up and make life interesting.
This year i am hoping to work in the USA if i can get a job for a month and although the language won't be a problem it will still be new,21 is a great age with a lot to look forward to so get out there amongst it.