I should be happy

[Trailblazer]

I cannot remember exactly how long ago it was, probably over 10 years ago, when a therapist I was seeing told me ‘I should be happy’ because of all that I have – a good job, a house, and a husband. Most people would be happy if they had all of that, she said.

The reason I was seeing a therapist at that time was because my cats had been dying one by one for many years, so I had grief as well as PTSD. Basically, she was saying I should be happy even though I was grieving. As I am also a trained therapist, I felt this was very insensitive and unprofessional of her to say this but I just blew it off at the time, although it was very hurtful.

Well, I still have the good job, and now I have three houses which I own in full, but I no longer have a husband, so what would she say now? As I recall, her husband had died rather suddenly, just like mine did, and she told me the story about that. Her point is that we all have to go on, even after we lose a loved one.

Now I have a good job, and more financial security than I have ever had, and none of my eight cats are sick or dying, but I cannot say I am happy. My new therapist does not consider me clinically depressed, so I do not need drugs, just changes in my life, and she is trying to help me with some kind of treatment plan. I don’t know how much help that is going to be because I feel completely stuck. As long as I am alone, I am not going to be motivated to do anything different from the basic humdrum routine. I may never retire although I have been eligible for five years and I do not need the income from my job.

Being a believer is not a cure-all for all of life’s problems. If one more Baha’i tells me ‘I should be happy’ because I have God and the Baha’i Faith I am going to scream! That is easy for them to say since they all have the same spouses who they have had for decades. It is impossible for them to understand how I feel, and they usually don’t even try to. This is one reason I am keeping to myself rather than going to their meetings, as it would only make me feel worse, and I cannot afford to feel any worse right now.

To add to this, I don’t want to read about, think about, or talk about religion anymore, as it only makes me feel worse, so the life I had is gone, in more ways than one.

 

[Kenny]

I cannot remember exactly how long ago it was, probably over 10 years ago, when a therapist I was seeing told me ‘I should be happy’ because of all that I have – a good job, a house, and a husband. Most people would be happy if they had all of that, she said.

The reason I was seeing a therapist at that time was because my cats had been dying one by one for many years, so I had grief as well as PTSD. Basically, she was saying I should be happy even though I was grieving. As I am also a trained therapist, I felt this was very insensitive and unprofessional of her to say this but I just blew it off at the time, although it was very hurtful.

Well, I still have the good job, and now I have three houses which I own in full, but I no longer have a husband, so what would she say now? As I recall, her husband had died rather suddenly, just like mine did, and she told me the story about that. Her point is that we all have to go on, even after we lose a loved one.

Now I have a good job, and more financial security than I have ever had, and none of my eight cats are sick or dying, but I cannot say I am happy. My new therapist does not consider me clinically depressed, so I do not need drugs, just changes in my life, and she is trying to help me with some kind of treatment plan. I don’t know how much help that is going to be because I feel completely stuck. As long as I am alone, I am not going to be motivated to do anything different from the basic humdrum routine. I may never retire although I have been eligible for five years and I do not need the income from my job.

Being a believer is not a cure-all for all of life’s problems. If one more Baha’i tells me ‘I should be happy’ because I have God and the Baha’i Faith I am going to scream! That is easy for them to say since they all have the same spouses who they have had for decades. It is impossible for them to understand how I feel, and they usually don’t even try to. This is one reason I am keeping to myself rather than going to their meetings, as it would only make me feel worse, and I cannot afford to feel any worse right now.

To add to this, I don’t want to read about, think about, or talk about religion anymore, as it only makes me feel worse, so the life I had is gone, in more ways than one.

What do you do during your spare time?

 

[Secret Chief]

I cannot remember exactly how long ago it was, probably over 10 years ago, when a therapist I was seeing told me ‘I should be happy’ because of all that I have – a good job, a house, and a husband. Most people would be happy if they had all of that, she said.

The reason I was seeing a therapist at that time was because my cats had been dying one by one for many years, so I had grief as well as PTSD. Basically, she was saying I should be happy even though I was grieving. As I am also a trained therapist, I felt this was very insensitive and unprofessional of her to say this but I just blew it off at the time, although it was very hurtful.

Well, I still have the good job, and now I have three houses which I own in full, but I no longer have a husband, so what would she say now? As I recall, her husband had died rather suddenly, just like mine did, and she told me the story about that. Her point is that we all have to go on, even after we lose a loved one.

Now I have a good job, and more financial security than I have ever had, and none of my eight cats are sick or dying, but I cannot say I am happy. My new therapist does not consider me clinically depressed, so I do not need drugs, just changes in my life, and she is trying to help me with some kind of treatment plan. I don’t know how much help that is going to be because I feel completely stuck. As long as I am alone, I am not going to be motivated to do anything different from the basic humdrum routine. I may never retire although I have been eligible for five years and I do not need the income from my job.

Being a believer is not a cure-all for all of life’s problems. If one more Baha’i tells me ‘I should be happy’ because I have God and the Baha’i Faith I am going to scream! That is easy for them to say since they all have the same spouses who they have had for decades. It is impossible for them to understand how I feel, and they usually don’t even try to. This is one reason I am keeping to myself rather than going to their meetings, as it would only make me feel worse, and I cannot afford to feel any worse right now.

To add to this, I don’t want to read about, think about, or talk about religion anymore, as it only makes me feel worse, so the life I had is gone, in more ways than one.

Yes, that first therapist was in the wrong job. I hope this new one is an improvement.

 

[Trailblazer]

What do you do during your spare time?

My habit has been to spend it all on this forum, but now that is not what I want to do since I am sick of religion.

 

[Trailblazer]

Yes, that first therapist was in the wrong job. I hope this new one is an improvement.

Yes, she is one of the best therapists I have ever had, and I have had a lot of therapists.

 

[Kenny]

My habit has been to spend it all on this forum, but now that is not what I want to do since I am sick of religion.

I'm not a guru on this but it seems to me that we are all created with purpose and no greater joy can be found than in making a difference in someone else's life.

Have you every thought of volunteering in an organization that impacts other people's lives?

 

[Exaltist Ethan]

I'm sorry that you feel this way. I've enjoyed your tidbits of fruitful wisdom as an acknowledgeable member of the Baha'i Faith. Maybe it is time you distance yourself from that religion and find more productive things to do with your time. It sounds like you take great care of eight cats and you still have a line of work to do. Even though it may sound tempting you may not want antidepressants anyways, they seem to cause problems with empathy. SSRIs and other antidepressants can be filled out by a general care physician in most cases now days, you don't need a therapist or a psychologist to fill a prescription for you. I myself was given Lexapro which led to my first manic episode, but looking back on it now, I've always had bipolar disorder. But before I took medication I just wasn't psychotic about my mania.

I really hope you find some value in life even though your husband is dead. I know life can be difficult and you may be suffering from some amount of anhedonia. In fact, it sounds that way very much so. I hate to say it but it really is better to love and lost than never to love at all, and remember, by almost every religion's beliefs your late husband is already experiencing such joy being closer to God than he could in the flesh. And someday, I know you'll be with him too, right next to God and the Manifestations one day. I know it's difficult but you know you always have us to talk to, and if you are feeling up to it, you can always DM me again. We don't have to talk about your religion, or any religion in general either. We can talk about whatever you want to talk about.

Please, I just want you to know that there are people out there who care about you, no matter how difficult, bored or mundane life might appear right now.

And as always, good luck out there.

 

[Sand Dancer]

Yes, that first therapist was in the wrong job. I hope this new one is an improvement.

I was gonna say...

 

[Trailblazer]

I'm not a guru on this but it seems to me that we are all created with purpose and no greater joy can be found than in making a difference in someone else's life.

Have you every thought of volunteering in an organization that impacts other people's lives?

Here is the problem with that: I can barely help myself so how am I going to help other people?
I do not feel better when I am around other people, I feel worse. That is one reason I keep to myself.
This is not a new problem for me, it is just much worse now that I am all alone, except for the cats.

 

[stvdv]

I cannot remember exactly how long ago it was, probably over 10 years ago, when a therapist I was seeing told me ‘I should be happy’ because of all that I have – a good job, a house, and a husband. Most people would be happy if they had all of that, she said.

The reason I was seeing a therapist at that time was because my cats had been dying one by one for many years, so I had grief as well as PTSD. Basically, she was saying I should be happy even though I was grieving. As I am also a trained therapist, I felt this was very insensitive and unprofessional of her to say this but I just blew it off at the time, although it was very hurtful.

Well, I still have the good job, and now I have three houses which I own in full, but I no longer have a husband, so what would she say now? As I recall, her husband had died rather suddenly, just like mine did, and she told me the story about that. Her point is that we all have to go on, even after we lose a loved one.

Now I have a good job, and more financial security than I have ever had, and none of my eight cats are sick or dying, but I cannot say I am happy. My new therapist does not consider me clinically depressed, so I do not need drugs, just changes in my life, and she is trying to help me with some kind of treatment plan. I don’t know how much help that is going to be because I feel completely stuck. As long as I am alone, I am not going to be motivated to do anything different from the basic humdrum routine. I may never retire although I have been eligible for five years and I do not need the income from my job.

Being a believer is not a cure-all for all of life’s problems. If one more Baha’i tells me ‘I should be happy’ because I have God and the Baha’i Faith I am going to scream! That is easy for them to say since they all have the same spouses who they have had for decades. It is impossible for them to understand how I feel, and they usually don’t even try to. This is one reason I am keeping to myself rather than going to their meetings, as it would only make me feel worse, and I cannot afford to feel any worse right now.

To add to this, I don’t want to read about, think about, or talk about religion anymore, as it only makes me feel worse, so the life I had is gone, in more ways than one.

In short:
Happiness is Grace
Grace will be got if you follow conscience

Go against conscience depression follows

KEY: discover where you still are off track (going against your conscience)

 

[Secret Chief]

My habit has been to spend it all on this forum, but now that is not what I want to do since I am sick of religion.

Would you not want to avoid the religion threads and stay for other stuff?

 

[Trailblazer]

Would you not want to avoid the religion threads and stay for other stuff?

That is what I am trying to do. I'm not leaving, I cannot afford to leave.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Here is the problem with that: I can barely help myself so how am I going to help other people?
I do not feel better when I am around other people, I feel worse. That is one reason I keep to myself.
This is not a new problem for me, it is just much worse now that I am alone, except for the cats.

I think I understand how you feel. Alone, but most people you would rather not talk to. It’s very hard to find that number 1, especially for you having lived decades with your late husband it would be hard to find a kind of love like that again.

I personally find that being out in nature and going for walks are enjoyable distractions. Music, car rides, experiences. Have you considered traveling and sight seeing, food tasting? Money could be beneficial to helping you find joy if you know where to put it. Maybe a cruise?

I just thought I’d suggest some ideas. I hope you find your source of happiness. Have faith, sister. My PMs are always open.

 

[Secret Chief]

That is what I am trying to do. I'm not leaving, I cannot afford to leave.

Good, because there's important photos to share

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

I cannot remember exactly how long ago it was, probably over 10 years ago, when a therapist I was seeing told me ‘I should be happy’ because of all that I have – a good job, a house, and a husband. Most people would be happy if they had all of that, she said.

The reason I was seeing a therapist at that time was because my cats had been dying one by one for many years, so I had grief as well as PTSD. Basically, she was saying I should be happy even though I was grieving. As I am also a trained therapist, I felt this was very insensitive and unprofessional of her to say this but I just blew it off at the time, although it was very hurtful.

Well, I still have the good job, and now I have three houses which I own in full, but I no longer have a husband, so what would she say now? As I recall, her husband had died rather suddenly, just like mine did, and she told me the story about that. Her point is that we all have to go on, even after we lose a loved one.

Now I have a good job, and more financial security than I have ever had, and none of my eight cats are sick or dying, but I cannot say I am happy. My new therapist does not consider me clinically depressed, so I do not need drugs, just changes in my life, and she is trying to help me with some kind of treatment plan. I don’t know how much help that is going to be because I feel completely stuck. As long as I am alone, I am not going to be motivated to do anything different from the basic humdrum routine. I may never retire although I have been eligible for five years and I do not need the income from my job.

Being a believer is not a cure-all for all of life’s problems. If one more Baha’i tells me ‘I should be happy’ because I have God and the Baha’i Faith I am going to scream! That is easy for them to say since they all have the same spouses who they have had for decades. It is impossible for them to understand how I feel, and they usually don’t even try to. This is one reason I am keeping to myself rather than going to their meetings, as it would only make me feel worse, and I cannot afford to feel any worse right now.

To add to this, I don’t want to read about, think about, or talk about religion anymore, as it only makes me feel worse, so the life I had is gone, in more ways than one.

My advice: Don' let people Should on you! You do it your way!

 

[Nimos]

I cannot remember exactly how long ago it was, probably over 10 years ago, when a therapist I was seeing told me ‘I should be happy’ because of all that I have – a good job, a house, and a husband. Most people would be happy if they had all of that, she said.

The reason I was seeing a therapist at that time was because my cats had been dying one by one for many years, so I had grief as well as PTSD. Basically, she was saying I should be happy even though I was grieving. As I am also a trained therapist, I felt this was very insensitive and unprofessional of her to say this but I just blew it off at the time, although it was very hurtful.

Well, I still have the good job, and now I have three houses which I own in full, but I no longer have a husband, so what would she say now? As I recall, her husband had died rather suddenly, just like mine did, and she told me the story about that. Her point is that we all have to go on, even after we lose a loved one.

Now I have a good job, and more financial security than I have ever had, and none of my eight cats are sick or dying, but I cannot say I am happy. My new therapist does not consider me clinically depressed, so I do not need drugs, just changes in my life, and she is trying to help me with some kind of treatment plan. I don’t know how much help that is going to be because I feel completely stuck. As long as I am alone, I am not going to be motivated to do anything different from the basic humdrum routine. I may never retire although I have been eligible for five years and I do not need the income from my job.

Being a believer is not a cure-all for all of life’s problems. If one more Baha’i tells me ‘I should be happy’ because I have God and the Baha’i Faith I am going to scream! That is easy for them to say since they all have the same spouses who they have had for decades. It is impossible for them to understand how I feel, and they usually don’t even try to. This is one reason I am keeping to myself rather than going to their meetings, as it would only make me feel worse, and I cannot afford to feel any worse right now.

To add to this, I don’t want to read about, think about, or talk about religion anymore, as it only makes me feel worse, so the life I had is gone, in more ways than one.

Getting a hobby or start doing charity work, and helping other people tend to have a very positive effect on oneself. You could for instance start helping the homeless or left behind cats given that you like them so much. And since you are financially strong, you could probably get that started and maybe get funding for it through donations or however one does that and by helping those animals to a better life or into new families would probably bring you a lot of joy. Obviously, if there is such an issue, to begin with where you live

 

[Kenny]

Here is the problem with that: I can barely help myself so how am I going to help other people?
I do not feel better when I am around other people, I feel worse. That is one reason I keep to myself.
This is not a new problem for me, it is just much worse now that I am all alone, except for the cats.

Just a shot in the dark. Start small?

Send thank you notes or "you are special" notes. No interaction but yet touching a life with positiveness.

Then move to making cookies or something and take it to a person. Limited contact.

Grow into touching lives. Somehow I think that will boomerang into your life with happiness.

 

[Soandso]

Sorry to hear that you are going through it right now, @Trailblazer. Sending love your way

I do have a question, though. If this forum is your hobby, do you think you spend more time on it than you think you should? It sounds to me that you devote a lot of time here - I wanna know what your thoughts are on that

 

[Trailblazer]

Getting a hobby or start doing charity work, and helping other people tend to have a very positive effect on oneself. You could for instance start helping the homeless or left behind cats given that you like them so much. And since you are financially strong, you could probably get that started and maybe get funding for it through donations or however one does that and by helping those animals to a better life or into new families would probably bring you a lot of joy. Obviously, if there is such an issue, to begin with where you live

Those are good ideas but the problem is that I am not motivated to do anything except what I have to do, take care of the house and the cats and work. I also have to eat and sleep, and I do a certain amount of exercise every day.
Eight cats is a lot to care for, but I can handle it as long as one is not sick, but if one of them is sick that sends me over the top.

 

[Nimos]

Those are good ideas but the problem is that I am not motivated to do anything except what I have to do, take care of the house and the cats and work. I also have to eat and sleep, and I do a certain amount of exercise every day.
Eight cats is a lot to carer for, but I can handle it as long as one is not sick, but if one of them is sick that sends me over the top.

Well maybe change is what you need, if you have yourself completely booked up so you can't or don't feel you have time for anything else, then it is not so weird that you feel a little down or stressed