I think it would be unfortunate to tell people that they must conform to various social norms instead of being who they are. I don't see this as an issue of "responsibility." I see this as an issue of encouraging cultural diversity and pluralism. A culture that answers this question with a "no" has some work to do on that front.
It sounds like you think that this alienation is guaranteed (aka, "would" instead of "might" in your verbiage there). Let's put things in perspective for a moment. When it comes to human social dynamics, the alienation you're talking about is going to happen to everyone at some point in their lives for some reason or another. To me, the question becomes whether or not we want to allow that to stand in the way of being who they are and supporting diversity. My answer to that is a strong "no," and it's a problem solved by instilling pluralism as a value, alongside old-fashioned proper manners and civility in social interactions. You know, stuff like inviting that lone Asian kid to four square at recess instead of ignoring them because they're not white?
I can't muster addressing the rest of what you wrote, unfortunately. Maybe someday someone will have the patience to explain ontology to you, or how diversity in ontological perspectives isn't some terrible, horrible thing, and correct some of these zany misconceptions about what lacking a "not real" category means ontologically. Right now, I just can't. But please do not ever presume to tell me what I do and do not do. That is really not your call.
