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I want the funniest theology possible

S

sillygeezer10

Member
:hi: I read a very funny doctrine about God telling people to kiss each other, Here's the catch.(this is not a spoof) You must kiss saints only no matter if they have bad breath or braces.
They said "You must kiss your brethen. No loose men or women.
Only Christians. God told the dispclines "you must kiss each other, a holy kiss. NO matter which male or female, how long is the kiss,you must kiss each other" It made me laugh so much I :lol: went breathless. It's on another religious forum.
Send me doctrines which made you laugh.
apologies to anybody offended

God loved the world so much, He sened his only son to die for your sins.

Moving topic to General Religion Discussion.
 
Master Vigil

Master Vigil

Well-Known Member
Sometimes when I can't sleep I watch those people on the chrisitan station that try to prove the bible over science. One guy said that dinosaurs were really dragons. And tried to prove that the earth was not as old as we thought, only as old as the bible says. And his proof was a layer of "cosmic dust" on the moon. It was so hilarious!!!
 
S

sillygeezer10

Member
That satire was interesting, the catch is I've already read it because I'm a fan of Humour and satire. :lol: But I specifed real doctrine though it's not binding. I'm laughing at Christianity because it's healthy to laugh at your religion once in a while. I don't want to wind up a pumping, devil sensing Fundamentalist.
It's only a little satire to lighten up your devotion to Christianity but I recommned any humour on christianity.
Had you heard of Life of Brian? They (fundies) condemned that film loads of times to HELL :roll: I don't believe in Hell only a cleansing process for evil people. I had never seen that film before, I do want to see that film.

GOD LOVE YOU
 
Mr Spinkles

Mr Spinkles

Mr
Oh yes, Life of Brian is hilarious! I love that movie-- I even liked it, along with Monty Python's Holy Grail, back when I was a Christian. It's good to laugh at yourself!
 
Ceridwen018

Ceridwen018

Well-Known Member
The Gospel of Hank is probably one of the funniest things I've ever read...*burst out laughing at the thought*

Alright, you want real doctrine? This is some funny stuff right here:

The whole concept of god sending his only son to mingle with earthlings who eventually kill him in an 'ultimate sacrifice', and then the resulting ritual of eating his 'body' and 'blood', was actually stolen from the ancient religion of Mithra. Mithra sent his only son to earth to proclaim his message where the people killed him and ate his body and blood. They turned it into a ritual for themselves where they would sacrifice someone and eat THEIR body and blood in his memory.

Ok, here's where it stops being gross and gets funny. When someone brought this to the pope's attention sometime during the Middle Ages, he called one of his many councils to straighten things out. The council decided, that the bible did NOT steal it's idea from Mithraism, but rather Mithraism stole it's story from the bible. How is this possible since Mithraism existed hundreds of years BEFORE Christ and even some of the OT? Quite simply, satan and his demons took the story of Jesus, went back in time, and wrote it as Mithraism so that in the future they could use it to tempt people away from the bible. I'm not even joking here kids, that's the gospel truth!

:lol: :lol: :lol:
 
S

sillygeezer10

Member
Once upon a time a man met a Devilsenslistal, the man's name is Heretic, the Devilsenslistal said " The Devil'll choke you and slay your children!"
Heretic said " Sigh, Devil have no powers to slay my children, Devilsenslistal."
"But, the world is ruled by the Satan!! You must resist Satan!"
Heretic replied "Man, you're crazy."
The Devilsenslistal went more crazy by the minute " The Bibs says Satan is everywhere! You must believe the Lord's Bibs!" Heretic chuckled and spoke "It says the Satan isn't every where, sorry, you're wrong there."
Devilsenslistal went quiet and shouted "You are going to Yell! There'll be Pokemons screaming at you for all eternality! You'll be watching stinky Pokemon repeats! Good day! I got abortion clinics to bomb today and gays to beat up!"
Heretic shaked his head in disgust "You're batty, whatever that is."
The Devilsenslistal merely glowered and screamed "Praise the Lord!" He walked away in disgust.

The end.

Hope I didn't offend anybody. I made it. This is my first attempt at religious satire.
 
S

sillygeezer10

Member
Hello Cer,

Thanks for the complient. Only one person actually laughed at my jokes. The others didn't get it because my joke was...uh..too clever for them.
 
Yerda

Yerda

Veteran Member
I think it is absolute comedy when those christian channels urge you to show your love by digging into your pockets. Has God got a mortage to pay or something?

The repo men are coming soon, the phone's already cut off, the TV is up for sale (almost new). Save heaven, donate now!
 
Ceridwen018

Ceridwen018

Well-Known Member
Has anyone ever seen the crazy evangelist show where the guy brings people up on stage who need to be 'cured' of something, basically says a couple verses to them and then smacks 'em in the head and they fall over and are drug backstage by his lackeys? The first time I saw that I was just like 'What in the hell...'

The crazy things evangelists come up with...heck, more like the crazy things these Christians swallow. I guess if I were that gullible I'd want someone to smack me in the head.

Actually though, I must admit. Watching those crazy Christian shows is a secret pleasure of mine. I don't mean to offend, but I get a very good laugh!
 
S

sillygeezer10

Member
I read three giants pages in my thread "what's the antediviluvian world's like?" It is crazy....but I didn't laugh. But you'll find this funny. One claim is that "the giants ate humans and sinned against animals" Try it!
I don't know if it's a Fundies pages but it is pretty crazy.....
Oliver Stone would've loved it.
Any body not believing in a "fundies" God, feast on this!
May you've heard of Rasfarian religion of God?
It advocate being on drugs! Weed would be legalised according to this religion. Another one, one about Greenies Christians, They love natural loving God, they're anti people! One said some thing like this "We prefer it if nobody is on these God blessed lands, we prefer humanity to be dead."
That's it for this night, ladies and gentlemen!
 
S

sillygeezer10

Member
God was looking at one of his servants doing fake miracles when a repo man came in His home, God turns, saying "What are thou doing?"
The repo man who is a atheist, says "I'm taking your stuff, You're poor. No one is paying you,You're bankrupt." God let out a almighty roar "DON'T SACK ME! BOHOHOHO! LOOK!" God sees a crazy fundamentalist turning in his "valuable" coin collection in order to save Him from bankruptancy.The repo man said "I'm sorry, but you don't exist. You is just one of the million gods I'm coming to sack. It say on this paper "Fundamentalist God, address: in their minds and their twisted literatures. Personality: Crazed, No proof for His doctrines, Hell loving.
Income: $1 from that crazy fundamentalistal with his cheap coin collection." "God" goes crazy and tries to damn the Repo man to hell.
The man says "Sorry, you don't have that power any more" he walks away, holding all the stuff "God" had. "God" curses a lot. The repo man laughs, and continued on.

The End

I'm not a atheist but I'm making fun of way some Christians act
 
S

sillygeezer10

Member
A crazy Yellerian preacher comes to a heathen village in a mountain range, intending to preach them to their hearing loss. But the villagers are notorious for their cannibalism, because of that, all preachers stay away from them. When the crazy preacher shouts out loud, the heathens's appetites increasing, they bribes him to come to their religious rituals involving harmless stuff like praying or singing but that is a hoax. This is what's happening.
Preacher shouting: Hello! How are you, Knut?
Knut:We welcome you to our village. Here is your seat (pointing to the cauldorn)
Preacher yells: EXCELLENT! (gets into the cauldorn)
Knut: Are you comfortable?
Preacher dreadfully shouting: Yes!!
Knut start the fire
Preacher hyperventining: It's warm!
Knut: Fine, this is the bath of the God and his angels.
Preacher: Oooooh!Do it make me closer to god?
Knut: Yes.
Preacher: Do I get to see his face?
Knut: Yes.
Preacher: Is God pleased?
Knut snickers balefully.
Preacher: Uh oh! I'm burning!
Knut: All the more softer for us to eat!
Preacher: You heathen!
Knut: All the more hotter for us!
Preacher: Eeek!

Later, the preacher got eaten by the cannibals but God reached down to take neither the cannibals or the preacher.
He raptured a dog and his blind friend.
The cannibals shrugged and went on with their normal activities.
Later in years, there was no one at the old cannibal village. Only a crazy man shouting nonsense, was the only inhabitant. And he's a ghost.

THE END.
 
A

Allan

Member
I saw a pastor at a church ranting over a women I think he was trying to heal her but she went crazy and jumped onto his chest. They both fell off a stage him underneath.
I never noticed her again but both my sons commented that she looked all starey eyed and generally strange.

That pastor really new how to stir up the energy but it wasn't good.

He upset a lot of people.
 
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