I've read enough of your posts to say that I used to be in a situation notably similar to yours.
Finally I just ditched the "Christian" label.
It was far more trouble than it was worth.
Anyway, it's much more fun being Purple.
I hear you....
I don't exclusively label myself a Christian, nor do I necessarily feel that theist is even my best label for explaining 'God' in my experience... but neither is atheist.
I don't like to limit myself.... but I also don't like to limit the label either, ya know what I mean? Labels themselves are own by the people who use them and I'm not ready to give up on Christianity and my place in it's bounds.
I wish to freely engage the roots of my spiritual journey and learning as it's always been a part of my backpack/tool box of understanding, reasoning and meaning making.
It's good to know I have a friend out here in RF land though.
Thanks for your kind words.
:namaste