Ideas on how to make friends

[Red Pill]

This sounds wacky but it is true. I am 52 years old and I really don't remember how to make friends.
I was a member of a church and was all absorbing, and I had instant "friends" no matter where I went. I went to church there over 30 years. When I left, I had no more friends!
I left that church over 3 years ago, and I moved to a new state- along with my husband. Now, we are pretty much lost as to how to make friends...
We talk to the neighbors. I talk to the people I work with. But I don't really know what to do next.
Shoot, I don't really know what I like or what my interests are anymore.
Has this happened to any of you?
What did you do?

 

[whereismynotecard]

I don't have any friends. And what I do about it is hang out with my sister instead, or just be alone.

 

[Red Pill]

I don't have any friends. And what I do about it is hang out with my sister instead, or just be alone.

Yeah, my sisters live 1200 miles away. I would like to have a friend to go shopping with, or do things with that we both enjoy. Some of the stuff I want to do, my husband does with me just because I don't want to go alone. Nice of him, but not very nice for him. Same thing for stuff he likes to do. He would have a better time if he had a friend who liked to go to electronic stores and motorcycle shops with him. I go, but it's not as fun for him.
Alone is fine, but not all the time.

 

[Willamena]

I find a good way to make friends is to talk to them. Talk is often under-rated.

 

[zenzero]

Friend Red Pill,
Situations in your country will surely be different than here; however the main problem these days are Making Commitments.
Friendship is about commitments; which is becoming rarer and rarer even within a family we humans are losing that over the years. Today it is not the same what it was during my parents and grand-parents time.
Suggest, start with one person in the office or neighbourhood and slowly expand your circle.
Love & rgds

 

[whereismynotecard]

My "friends" and I are very mean to each other. He says "I'll call you tomorrow" and he doesn't. Then I'll be talking to him on MSN, and he'll say "will you call me this weekend?" and I'll say "Yes. " and then I won't.

And then my other friend says "I'll be in (town where I live) on such and such a date" and so I say "Cool! We'll have to hang out when you are in town." but then neither of us makes any attempt to hang out with the other one.

We all hate each other so much.

 

[Scuba Pete]

Anytime I want to find a friend, I just try to help someone. I volunteer to do something, somewhere for somebody. I never seem to have a shortage of friends this way.

 

[Charity]

Sorry to hear about your situation....Are you no longer in a church? When you said you left your church I wasn't sure if it was because of the move or that you just didn't attend anymore. I found that I had to put forth extra effort in order to find the right friends and meet new people....Our life is like seasons and sometimes certain people only stay in your life for a "season" or a certain amount of time. I wish things didn't have to change but I guess that is just part of life. I do have some friends that have been in my life since childhood, but sometimes you don't see them very often. Are you involved in any clubs or activities, sports, anything where you might find some people with similar interests? I usually never really liked the idea of a close friendship with people that I worked with, since it tends to mix business and pleasure.
I don't know if you work but perhaps if you did some volunteer work with a couple of charities, hospital, or some organization where you could meet others and strike up a conversation. If you like dancing, try some various places and start talking with some other couples, usually after you are there a couple of times people start talking and recognize you as part of their group.....I am sure that you will find some good friends soon...........

 

[Heneni]

My "friends" and I are very mean to each other. He says "I'll call you tomorrow" and he doesn't. Then I'll be talking to him on MSN, and he'll say "will you call me this weekend?" and I'll say "Yes. " and then I won't.

And then my other friend says "I'll be in (town where I live) on such and such a date" and so I say "Cool! We'll have to hang out when you are in town." but then neither of us makes any attempt to hang out with the other one.

We all hate each other so much.

LOL...you have a firm grasp on honesty. Id be your friend anytime!

 

[Heneni]

This sounds wacky but it is true. I am 52 years old and I really don't remember how to make friends.
I was a member of a church and was all absorbing, and I had instant "friends" no matter where I went. I went to church there over 30 years. When I left, I had no more friends!
I left that church over 3 years ago, and I moved to a new state- along with my husband. Now, we are pretty much lost as to how to make friends...
We talk to the neighbors. I talk to the people I work with. But I don't really know what to do next.
Shoot, I don't really know what I like or what my interests are anymore.
Has this happened to any of you?
What did you do?

Real friends are hard to find. Remember that and you wont be dissapointed when you dont make many. But i understand how you feel when you say...i dont really know what I like or what my interests are anymore. So, there you go...get that sorted and the rest will sort itself out.

As scuba has said, its not hard to make friends when you do stuff for people. Dont expect help back cause it can cause heartache.

Mostly what you have to do...is be really good at being yourself. People worth your time will like that sort of confidence. Footnote: You might attract people who will suck you dry like a leech, or you will attract a-holes who dont like the fact that you have confidence. Still, be yourself at all cost.

Personally. I have few friends. I have made some friends on here. You know when you talk to someone and it feels like you have known each other for years? Those are the people you need to draw close to, and allow close to you.

Also, remember that the amount of friends you have is no reflection of your personal worth.

 

[methylatedghosts]

This sounds wacky but it is true. I am 52 years old and I really don't remember how to make friends.
I was a member of a church and was all absorbing, and I had instant "friends" no matter where I went. I went to church there over 30 years. When I left, I had no more friends!
I left that church over 3 years ago, and I moved to a new state- along with my husband. Now, we are pretty much lost as to how to make friends...
We talk to the neighbors. I talk to the people I work with. But I don't really know what to do next.
Shoot, I don't really know what I like or what my interests are anymore.
Has this happened to any of you?
What did you do?

Invite them over for lunch, or tea and scones

Or say "hey, there's a new musical at the theatre if you'd like to come along" if that's your kind of thing.

Or perhaps a chat over a cup of coffee may get things moving ^_^

You could even do something like dance classes! You get to learn something new AND get to meet new people.

 

[whereismynotecard]

LOL...you have a firm grasp on honesty. Id be your friend anytime!

Well... We both live in the world, so maybe we'll run into each other one day, and become friends.

 

[stacey bo bacey]

Whenever I'm in a situation where I meet someone I think I'd like as a friend and I wanna hang out with them more (like outside work or school) I kinda wait for an opportunity to ask them to do something.

Like if the conversation gets started about movies. You could start talking about which movies are out and what looks good and if you discover there's something out y'all both wanna see, then just be like, "We should see that!"

There's lots of little ways to invite someone out. You could do it for drinks or coffee, too. Or if you're talking about what you did that weekend and that person expresses interest, you could just say "Yea it's fun, you should come next time!"

That's just how I do it. Hope that helps a little!

edit: I'm kinda at a dry spell in my life as well, if that helps to know you're not alone. I don't have many friends at all these days and I've never in my life had someone I consider a "best friend." I'd be willing to do lots for people but they wouldn't be willing to do the same. Great friends are extremely rare and very hard to come by!

 

[Red Pill]

I find a good way to make friends is to talk to them. Talk is often under-rated.

First I have to find people to talk to. I would look nutty if I tried to make a lot of friends standing in like at the grocery store!
But you are right, talking is good.
Thanks

 

[Red Pill]

Friend Red Pill,
Situations in your country will surely be different than here; however the main problem these days are Making Commitments.
Friendship is about commitments; which is becoming rarer and rarer even within a family we humans are losing that over the years. Today it is not the same what it was during my parents and grand-parents time.
Suggest, start with one person in the office or neighbourhood and slowly expand your circle.
Love & rgds

Thank you for the input. There is a lady at work that is about my age. I want to join a gym to get some exercise, and I was thinking about asking her if she goes to a gym, or is interested in doing so.
It is hard to keep commitments, but it is lonely too.
Thanks for the kind words

 

[Red Pill]

Anytime I want to find a friend, I just try to help someone. I volunteer to do something, somewhere for somebody. I never seem to have a shortage of friends this way.

Living in a new state, with a new job and neighborhood- I haven't found a fit for volunteering yet.
The church I was a member of took care of all that. We just had to show up. Now I have to think for myself and I find I have few skills in choosing what I like.
Thanks for the ideas

 

[methylatedghosts]

First I have to find people to talk to. I would look nutty if I tried to make a lot of friends standing in like at the grocery store!
But you are right, talking is good.
Thanks

I've made friends at a grocery store before

 

[Red Pill]

Sorry to hear about your situation....Are you no longer in a church? When you said you left your church I wasn't sure if it was because of the move or that you just didn't attend anymore. I found that I had to put forth extra effort in order to find the right friends and meet new people....Our life is like seasons and sometimes certain people only stay in your life for a "season" or a certain amount of time. I wish things didn't have to change but I guess that is just part of life. I do have some friends that have been in my life since childhood, but sometimes you don't see them very often. Are you involved in any clubs or activities, sports, anything where you might find some people with similar interests? I usually never really liked the idea of a close friendship with people that I worked with, since it tends to mix business and pleasure.
I don't know if you work but perhaps if you did some volunteer work with a couple of charities, hospital, or some organization where you could meet others and strike up a conversation. If you like dancing, try some various places and start talking with some other couples, usually after you are there a couple of times people start talking and recognize you as part of their group.....I am sure that you will find some good friends soon...........

I resigned my membership from a worldwide church. I discovered they were lying to me ( and everyone else). Since I "fell away" everyone thought I had kooties, and that was the end of my friends. To be honest, there was one couple who still visited us, but when we moved out of state they didn't return emails or calls anymore. Ofcourse, I really didn't have any real friends, or they would still talk to me.
I work- 6:30 to 4 every week day- so that lets out a lot of volunteer stuff.

I haven't even tried any other church here. What I went through was not very fun.
I am going to have to do something.
I just wondered if any one else got to the point in their life that they didn't have any friends because they changed so much.
Thanks so much for talking to me.

 

[Red Pill]

Real friends are hard to find. Remember that and you wont be dissapointed when you dont make many. But i understand how you feel when you say...i dont really know what I like or what my interests are anymore. So, there you go...get that sorted and the rest will sort itself out.

As scuba has said, its not hard to make friends when you do stuff for people. Dont expect help back cause it can cause heartache.

Mostly what you have to do...is be really good at being yourself. People worth your time will like that sort of confidence. Footnote: You might attract people who will suck you dry like a leech, or you will attract a-holes who dont like the fact that you have confidence. Still, be yourself at all cost.

Personally. I have few friends. I have made some friends on here. You know when you talk to someone and it feels like you have known each other for years? Those are the people you need to draw close to, and allow close to you.

Also, remember that the amount of friends you have is no reflection of your personal worth.

Yeah, but zero is pretty pathetic for a friend count. I don't need a whole herd, just a few to get to know. I had friends before I joined that church ( 30 years ago) but now I have to start again. I needed a few ideas on where to look and what to do when I got there. Thanks for the encouragement
You guys have all been great.

 

[Red Pill]

Invite them over for lunch, or tea and scones

Or say "hey, there's a new musical at the theatre if you'd like to come along" if that's your kind of thing.

Or perhaps a chat over a cup of coffee may get things moving ^_^

You could even do something like dance classes! You get to learn something new AND get to meet new people.

Yeah, after thinking about this and reading these nice ideas, it seems that this is the scary part. I didn't have to try to make friends before- they had to be my friend. Now they don't. I don't think I am a jerk or anything- but you never know!!