if your girlfriends parents didn't give you their blessing to marry her

[BSM1]

In certain part of the world, right now, some men could get engaged without having seen the girl personally.

Sure, I'm aware of that, but Kloth lists his location as USA.

 

[edwinic]

Sure, I'm aware of that, but Kloth lists his location as USA.

Thats not surprising either.

 

[metis]

and if their reason was because you guys don't have the same religious beliefs, and that's the only reason why they don't give you their blessing.

would you still ask her to marry you, despite them refusing the blessing? even if she is still willing to marry you?

My wife and I were of different denominations, and both her parents and mine did not want us to get married, so my [unintended] solution was to knock her up. That was over 47 years ago, and our parents eventually came around.

 

[Glaurung]

Depending on the family culture I would consider consulting with the parents as a formality. In any case, if I were in a serious relationship; I would make a point in doing everything reasonable to get in my potential in-laws' good books long before being ready to propose.

 

[edwinic]

and if their reason was because you guys don't have the same religious beliefs, and that's the only reason why they don't give you their blessing.

would you still ask her to marry you, despite them refusing the blessing? even if she is still willing to marry you?

In Manila, even to these days, seeking the blessing (approvals) by parents and relatives is seen as virtueous. Seeking the advises of celibate priests and bishops on marriage and family concerns are encouraged.

 

[Nymphs]

In Manila, even to these days, seeking the blessing (approvals) by parents and relatives is seen as virtueous. Seeking the advises of celibate priests and bishops on marriage and family concerns are encouraged.

How is seeking the advice of someone that is celibate on marriage even useful?

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I never asked... every one assumed we would marry from the time we met.

There was no question about it in our own minds, so why put a question about it in theirs.
Had they said no ... then what? ..................

My son in law did ask me and it raised a number of problems. As he expected rather more in the way of help and was rather pushing his luck. The final plan was far better in every way than the first thoughts.

 

[Drolefille]

How is seeking the advice of someone that is celibate on marriage even useful?

I know this is a trope, often an anti-Catholic one, but having a counselor of some sort whether they be religious or otherwise, celibate or not, is actually a good thing. Pre-marital counseling whether secular or religious (the Catholic Pre-Cana is pretty in depth actually and isn't just Catholic teaching 101) is advisable for a lot of people.

And it's not like a relationship counselor is going to tell you (or should) whether they're happily married before they work with you. It's more about having an unbiased outside party to talk to. For a lot of our history, those most likely to fill that role in the Western world were priests and other clergy. Also, they're usually free.

Anyway tl;dr: Can be totally useful.

 

[Alceste]

It's important to me to have the respect and admiration of my in-laws, but that doesn't extend to seeking out their opinion on anything my husband and I choose to do, including the wedding planning. Our ceremony and reception was about us expressing our vows to one another, introducing our families. There was also a recognition that when you're almost 40, "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" is kind of a silly thing to call someone you've been with for five years and intend to be with for many years to come - hopefully all of them.

My first fiance did ask for permission, but it was retarded. My parents, fearful I would never find a life partner, would have given anybody "permission" at that point. Also because my father is the last person on earth who is qualified to render an opinion on what makes for a good husband.

 

[edwinic]

I know this is a trope, often an anti-Catholic one, but having a counselor of some sort whether they be religious or otherwise, celibate or not, is actually a good thing. Pre-marital counseling whether secular or religious (the Catholic Pre-Cana is pretty in depth actually and isn't just Catholic teaching 101) is advisable for a lot of people.

And it's not like a relationship counselor is going to tell you (or should) whether they're happily married before they work with you. It's more about having an unbiased outside party to talk to. For a lot of our history, those most likely to fill that role in the Western world were priests and other clergy. Also, they're usually free.

Anyway tl;dr: Can be totally useful.

hey, thanks for answering that...:clap, its not an anti-catholic question, its a reality. I should know, i live in manila.

 

[Nymphs]

I know this is a trope, often an anti-Catholic one, but having a counselor of some sort whether they be religious or otherwise, celibate or not, is actually a good thing. Pre-marital counseling whether secular or religious (the Catholic Pre-Cana is pretty in depth actually and isn't just Catholic teaching 101) is advisable for a lot of people.

I never said it wasn't a good thing, but taking advice from someone who has pledged to never have sex or get married give me advice on marriage and relationships sounds incredibly counter-productive. P.S. I wasn't being anti-Catholic, just wondering how someone who has never been married has any qualifications on giving marital advice.

 

[Drolefille]

I never said it wasn't a good thing, but taking advice from someone who has pledged to never have sex or get married give me advice on marriage and relationships sounds incredibly counter-productive. P.S. I wasn't being anti-Catholic, just wondering how someone who has never been married has any qualifications on giving marital advice.

I didn't say that you were being anti-Catholic, just noted that the comment is often made in an anti-Catholic context.

But a drug and alcohol counselor may never have been addicted to anything, a sexual abuse counselor need not have been abused, a relationship counselor could be completely celibate and asexual. My mom is monogamous, but that doesn't mean she can't provide polyamorous me with good advice sometimes. They're trained as counselors. For a long time clergy was the only ones trained as counselors, now a days, we have completely secular options but there are still good and bad counselors among the licensed population as there are priests, pastors, nuns, etc. who will provide good and bad counsel. It is in fact taught to those in the profession of counseling that you shouldn't bring your personal experience into the discussion because it isn't therapeutic for your client to hear your junk, you're really just doing it for you.

So if you're asking a friend for advice, maybe you're asking the person who has "been there." But most of the time you really just need someone outside the situation to help you sort things out without the emotional attachment you have to things.

Again tl;dr, not inherently counter-productive by professional or personal standards.

 

[Nymphs]

I didn't say that you were being anti-Catholic, just noted that the comment is often made in an anti-Catholic context.

But a drug and alcohol counselor may never have been addicted to anything, a sexual abuse counselor need not have been abused, a relationship counselor could be completely celibate and asexual. My mom is monogamous, but that doesn't mean she can't provide polyamorous me with good advice sometimes. They're trained as counselors. For a long time clergy was the only ones trained as counselors, now a days, we have completely secular options but there are still good and bad counselors among the licensed population as there are priests, pastors, nuns, etc. who will provide good and bad counsel. It is in fact taught to those in the profession of counseling that you shouldn't bring your personal experience into the discussion because it isn't therapeutic for your client to hear your junk, you're really just doing it for you.

So if you're asking a friend for advice, maybe you're asking the person who has "been there." But most of the time you really just need someone outside the situation to help you sort things out without the emotional attachment you have to things.

Again tl;dr, not inherently counter-productive by professional or personal standards.

Since when was clergy trained in relationships? :areyoucra From my experience, many of them have not had any training in those areas, so my statement still stands. I just feel like people who are actually trained in these things should be help, but that's just my opinion.

 

[Glaurung]

Since when was clergy trained in relationships? From my experience, many of them have not had any training in those areas, so my statement still stands. I just feel like people who are actually trained in these things should be help, but that's just my opinion.

Well a Catholic priest is unlikely to tell an agnostically atheistic person what she would like to hear, but that doesn't make their advice untrained.

 

[Nymphs]

Well a Catholic priest is unlikely to tell an agnostically atheistic person what she would like to hear, but that doesn't make their advice untrained.

That still doesn't answer my question. How is the clergy trained to answer these types of questions?

 

[Glaurung]

That still doesn't answer my question. How is the clergy trained to answer these types of questions?

What do you mean by trained? By whose standards? Clergy are educated in areas relevant to their duties which I would dare say includes counselling in common areas of concern. Your position on church social and moral teaching be what it may doesn't mean that it's not useful for those who hold some consideration for it.

I have the impression that your question "Are they qualified?" Is really just a cover for "Are they advising what I'd have them advise?"

 

[DreadFish]

Id say that a person can be very insightful into the workings of relationships without being in one or having had many. There are plenty of people who have had many relationships and are still awful at them.

Time spent in relationships =/= understanding of and insight into relationships, and time not spent in relationships =/= lack of understanding of and insight into relationships.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Id say that a person can be very insightful into the workings of relationships without being in one or having had many. There are plenty of people who have had many relationships and are still awful at them.

Time spent in relationships =/= understanding of and insight into relationships, and time not spent in relationships =/= lack of understanding of and insight into relationships.

So you'd be happy taking your car to a mechanic who has never even had a driver's license?

 

[BSM1]

So you'd be happy taking your car to a mechanic who has never even had a driver's license?

I think the analogy would be more like not taking driving lessons from said mechanic. He may know how and why a car works but maybe not how to move it safely from point A to point B.

 

[edwinic]

I think the analogy would be more like not taking driving lessons from said mechanic. He may know how and why a car works but maybe not how to move it safely from point A to point B.

Most mechanic can drive a vehicle