The other day, an aunt complimented my parenting. My uncle added it was particularly impressive, being as I've never had good parenting modeled for me.
My parents weren't very good parents. They weren't bad people, but they weren't very good with us. Dad hadn't yet learned to harness in and manage his temper, and Mom let the stress of an unhappy marriage drive her from the house any chance she got. Materially, we were provided for. We weren't spoiled, but we were middle class, and lived it. But, the environment was far from loving, and we all knew we were pretty much on our own, as far as problem solving went.
However, my uncle was incorrect. I did have excellent parenting modeled for me. I had a friend on the other side of town who lived in a one bedroom apartment with her mother. Their living environment was much different. The were poverty ridden. I remember sleeping over there with my coat on because the apartment was so cold. It wasn't always known where the next meal was coming from. They both struggled with employment, the friend because of mental illnesses that weren't yet managed(she was quite young), and the mother because of age and past physical injuries(she'd had my friend in her 40s, making her a fairly old mother).
However, the atmosphere was pleasant. Very seldom was there bickering. I knew I was wanted there. Activities were done together, instead of everyone in their own corner. Because their home was near my school, I'd walk there after school instead of taking the city bus home(there was no busing to my school). It made a huge impression on me that, even with the severe financial struggles they faced, there was always my favorite ramen in the cupboard so I could have a snack when I came home from school(in comparison to me being scolded for vegetarianism at home, and presenting a need for more than lunchmeat sandwiches). I stayed there often, and in the event I left clothing in the bathroom, I wasn't scolded, it was just laundered, and I'd find I had a pile of clean laundry on the couch with the other family members.
I learned a lot on how to be in the world, too. She was Catholic, but attended her daughter's Pagan events(and participated). She cared for not only the daughter in the apartment, but another daughter and her entire family, who lived in another unit. She didn't complain, even though the physical and mental health challenges faced by the group presented many hurdles.
She wasn't a mushy woman; she was almost expressionless, and sometimes bore her pain until those around her finally became aware. But there was love in every action she took, despite her 'tough guy' attitude. I remember coming home from school one day. I'd been depressed for awhile. My friend announced "Mom made chocolate honk for you!" (a snack she made out of melted chocolate and crispy chow mein noodles) "Oh no. I didn't make it for her. I made it for everyone." She tried to hide her smile(as she almost always did.) "Nu-uh! You made it for her! Because you love her!" my friend teased. She smiled and ignored us both and read her book, as we gorged on the chocolate mess.
I learned probably more from her on how to conduct myself in the world than any other person.
What people in your daily life had the most influence over how you turned out? Was it positive, or negative? What are your favorite stories or memories of them?
My parents weren't very good parents. They weren't bad people, but they weren't very good with us. Dad hadn't yet learned to harness in and manage his temper, and Mom let the stress of an unhappy marriage drive her from the house any chance she got. Materially, we were provided for. We weren't spoiled, but we were middle class, and lived it. But, the environment was far from loving, and we all knew we were pretty much on our own, as far as problem solving went.
However, my uncle was incorrect. I did have excellent parenting modeled for me. I had a friend on the other side of town who lived in a one bedroom apartment with her mother. Their living environment was much different. The were poverty ridden. I remember sleeping over there with my coat on because the apartment was so cold. It wasn't always known where the next meal was coming from. They both struggled with employment, the friend because of mental illnesses that weren't yet managed(she was quite young), and the mother because of age and past physical injuries(she'd had my friend in her 40s, making her a fairly old mother).
However, the atmosphere was pleasant. Very seldom was there bickering. I knew I was wanted there. Activities were done together, instead of everyone in their own corner. Because their home was near my school, I'd walk there after school instead of taking the city bus home(there was no busing to my school). It made a huge impression on me that, even with the severe financial struggles they faced, there was always my favorite ramen in the cupboard so I could have a snack when I came home from school(in comparison to me being scolded for vegetarianism at home, and presenting a need for more than lunchmeat sandwiches). I stayed there often, and in the event I left clothing in the bathroom, I wasn't scolded, it was just laundered, and I'd find I had a pile of clean laundry on the couch with the other family members.
I learned a lot on how to be in the world, too. She was Catholic, but attended her daughter's Pagan events(and participated). She cared for not only the daughter in the apartment, but another daughter and her entire family, who lived in another unit. She didn't complain, even though the physical and mental health challenges faced by the group presented many hurdles.
She wasn't a mushy woman; she was almost expressionless, and sometimes bore her pain until those around her finally became aware. But there was love in every action she took, despite her 'tough guy' attitude. I remember coming home from school one day. I'd been depressed for awhile. My friend announced "Mom made chocolate honk for you!" (a snack she made out of melted chocolate and crispy chow mein noodles) "Oh no. I didn't make it for her. I made it for everyone." She tried to hide her smile(as she almost always did.) "Nu-uh! You made it for her! Because you love her!" my friend teased. She smiled and ignored us both and read her book, as we gorged on the chocolate mess.
I learned probably more from her on how to conduct myself in the world than any other person.
What people in your daily life had the most influence over how you turned out? Was it positive, or negative? What are your favorite stories or memories of them?
