Is it okay to have sex at an early age?

[Lotta]

Or will you be going against the word of god, I mean after constanine butchered the bible, I really have no idea what the right way is.

Discuss.

 

[Smoke]

The Bible doesn't care how old you are when you have sex. The Bible only cares about your and your partner's marital status. So if you're eleven and married, you and your spouse are in the clear -- biblically speaking.

 

[DeadVegas]

To me, it's more of a whether or not you're in love than necessarily married, because of that example. I highly doubt two married eleven year olds are actually in love. Then there's the people who would marry just to have sex.

 

[Karl R]

Or will you be going against the word of god, I mean after constanine butchered the bible, I really have no idea what the right way is.

Even among adults, sexual relationships frequently end up with someone getting hurt. Sex ties into very strong emotions, and that tends to distract people from how they're treating others. The younger someone is, the less they know about how to avoid hurting their partner or getting hurt themselves.

A friend of mine is a high school teacher. She sees a lot of her female students getting into sexual relationships with boys. These girls think that if a boy has sex with them, it means he cares about them. How often do you think that's the case among teenaged boys? Furthermore, kids are a lot more likely to overlook precautions against the physical dangers: STDs and pregnancy. In addition, my friend told me that many women don't start experiencing orgasms until their early twenties. So not only are these girls trying to get love in an ineffective way, and getting into a situation where they're likely to get hurt emotionally, and possibly facing more serious consequences ... they won't even be able to get the temporary gratification that most of us can expect from sex.

It's not only the girls who can have a lousy experience. I know of someone who had his first (consensual) sexual experience at the age of 12. He was so traumatized by the incident that he didn't have sex again for the next 9 years. Too young is too young, regardless of whether you're a boy or a girl.

Even as an adult, there are compelling reasons not to jump into sexual relationships. From personal experience, I've discovered that sex is a distraction from getting to know a woman better. After that, I'm more interested in having sex than having a conversation. I won't consider sex until I am already very close friends with a woman. I need to build the foundation for the relationship so there's something stable to build the rest on.

Do you need the bible to tell you the obvious? Waiting is a good idea, even if it takes some effort.

 

[nutshell]

I always here on Loveline with Dr. Drew that the vagina is like a machine that can wear out over time. I've heard him say more than once that sex early on wears down the girl and you end up with girls in their early 20's that look like 40. The toll isn't just physical, but emotional as well.

 

[Buttercup]

I always here on Loveline with Dr. Drew that the vagina is like a machine that can wear out over time. I've heard him say more than once that sex early on wears down the girl and you end up with girls in their early 20's that look like 40. The toll isn't just physical, but emotional as well.

That's the funniest statement I've heard all week. And what a load of nonsense. The vagina doesn't wear down any more than a penis wears down. Scare tactics is all they are spreading.

 

[Sunstone]

That's the funniest statement I've heard all week. And what a load of nonsense. The vagina doesn't wear down any more than a penis wears down. Scare tactics is all they are spreading.

Moralists have a long and delightful history of lying about sex to further their moralistic views on what is proper or improper. The notion that masturbation makes you go blind, for instance, was promoted as scientfic fact by moralists as recently as the 1950's. I personally don't think they are doing either their cause or anyone else favors by lying to folks about sex.

On the issue of whether it's ok to have sex at a young age, I think the question is interesting, but poorly put. How young is a young age? Are we talking early adolescence, mid adolescence, late adolescence, or something outside that range? What is meant by ok? Do we mean whether sex is ok in biblical terms, psychological terms, physiological terms, or what?

Having said all that, I think that most people are probably prepared in most natural ways to have sex sometime in their late adolescence or early twenties. Somewhat fewer people are prepared for sex at younger ages, and somewhat fewer people are unprepared for sex until later ages. But generally speaking, most people are emotionally and mentally mature enough for sex sometime around 17 to 21 years of age. That's just the majority though.

 

[James the Persian]

Or will you be going against the word of god, I mean after constanine butchered the bible, I really have no idea what the right way is.

Discuss.

Constantine didn't 'butcher the Bible'. Neither he nor the Ecumenical council he called at Nicea even touched on the canon. I really wish people would do some research into Church history before bandying around this myth as though it were fact.

I don't believe that the Scriptures have anything to say on age of consent except to say that you must be old enough to be married by virtue of the fact that extra-marital sex is condemned. Given that it wasn't exactly unusual for marriages to be quite young in ancient times (the traditional age of majority in the Christian east, for instance, was twelve) I don't really think that early sex was a factor, rather the Church was concerned with the context in which Christians had sexual relations.

James

 

[Mystic-als]

I have a really interesting opinion on marrage and sex. Basically, you cant be married until you have sex. Details for another time maybe.

On the young sex thing. Hey.. if its up, and you're ready, have at it. The church has made sex into a horrible and dirty thing you do just to make babies. But it's not.
It's soooooo much fun. If done with the right person and you are ready.
I personally think you should at least be the legal age in your state or country.
This is just to avoid going to jail and being in one huge sexual relationship that you aren't ready for.

Also remember that the majority of young guys (13-21) just want to screw. It's got very little to do with how he feels about you as opposed to how hot you are or he just can't get it elsewhere. I said majority not all.

So no. There isn't a too young. But there is a too imature. Most of the time though these go together.

 

[James the Persian]

The church has made sex into a horrible and dirty thing you do just to make babies. But it's not.

No, that wasn't the Church, that was Bl. Augustine of Hippo and those who followed on after him. He was the one, after all, who thought masturbation more sinful than rape because at least rape could result in a conception. Thankfully this sort of an idea (along with almost all of the rest of Augustine's theology) was never accepted in the east and had absolutely no impact on the theology of either the Orthodox or Oriental Orthodox communions. Personally, I see Augustine's Manichaean past bleeding into his theology (though I'm pretty sure he was not aware of this and, unfortunately, was not corrected in his lifetime) in that he errs in proposing a matter/spirit dualism in which 'mere' matter is base. Contrary to this view, we are taught that all creation is good, that there is nothing inherently wrong with sex, even if procreation is not the purpose for it and, in fact, we are strongly discouraged from withholding sexual relationships with our spouses for any reason other than a temporary period of fasting. The anti-sex attitude often asociated with Christianity is truly a western concept.

James

 

[Mystic-als]

I do agree with you on this. It is a western thing. Unfortunate.

 

[Fluffy]

Or will you be going against the word of god, I mean after constanine butchered the bible, I really have no idea what the right way is.

Discuss.

How early are we talking about? I think there is certainly nothing wrong with sex between 16 year olds and, on a case by case basis, I would be willing to consider sex between 12+ year olds as amoral as well. The Bible has more of a liberal attitude towards age of consent because it was written during periods when people came of age much sooner. As long as it happened in marriage, it would probably be given the thumbs up.

 

[James the Persian]

How early are we talking about? I think there is certainly nothing wrong with sex between 16 year olds and, on a case by case basis, I would be willing to consider sex between 12+ year olds as amoral as well. The Bible has more of a liberal attitude towards age of consent because it was written during periods when people came of age much sooner. As long as it happened in marriage, it would probably be given the thumbs up.

That was exactly my point also. 12 years old seems pretty young to us but it wasn't considered such in antiquity. I remember when my son was baptised, the priest said that being a godparent was a great responsibility because traditionally, as well as helping in the spiritual upbringing, if my son was orphaned before the age of 12 his godparents would be expected to raise him. he then went on to explain that this was, when such rules were drafted, the traditional age of majority. If a 12 year old could get married the Church was hardly likely to say that they couldn't then sleep with their spouse was it?

James

 

[nutshell]

That's the funniest statement I've heard all week. And what a load of nonsense. The vagina doesn't wear down any more than a penis wears down. Scare tactics is all they are spreading.

Who do you think will be more physically and emotionally worn down as they age? Someone who begins irresponsible sex at 14 or someone who waits until they are older and more responsible?

 

[Buttercup]

Who do you think will be more physically and emotionally worn down as they age? Someone who begins irresponsible sex at 14 or someone who waits until they are older and more responsible?

I'm not advocating early irresponsible sex to anyone male or female. What irked me about their (alleged) extremely sexist comments was the insinuation that girls aged quicker if they started sex too early. But, boys don't age wickedly fast if they participate in early sex? Only girls? That's purely uneducated, prejudiced rumor starting with no basis in fact. They should have to prove wild statements like that. Can they prove their claim with verifiable evidence? I highly doubt it.

I don't think there is a magic age for humans to start having sex. Obviously it differs for everyone. We do know that a majority of Americans start having sex somewhere in their late teens. The issue is reponsibility while participating in the act of sex....to not contract STD's, to not get pregnant and to be emotionally ready. And of course for some the religious connontations come into play as well.

In my personal opinion 14 is too young for girls or boys to start having sex....I've had four 14 year olds of my own. They are not emotionally ready nor are they responsible enough to be having sex. But, I would never in a million years tell my daughter that she'd turn into an old hag of a woman if she started having sex then. I get so weary of hearing these ball and chain stereotypes placed on women if they engage in sex. I thought we were out of the dark ages?

 

[nutshell]

I'm not advocating early irresponsible sex to anyone male or female. What irked me about their (alleged) extremely sexist comments was the insinuation that girls aged quicker if they started sex too early. But, boys don't age wickedly fast if they participate in early sex? Only girls? That's purely uneducated, prejudiced rumor starting with no basis in fact. They should have to prove wild statements like that. Can they prove their claim with verifiable evidence? I highly doubt it.

I don't think there is a magic age for humans to start having sex. Obviously it differs for everyone. We do know that a majority of Americans start having sex somewhere in their late teens. The issue is reponsibility while participating in the act of sex....to not contract STD's, to not get pregnant and to be emotionally ready. And of course for some the religious connontations come into play as well.

In my personal opinion 14 is too young for girls or boys to start having sex....I've had four 14 year olds of my own. They are not emotionally ready nor are they responsible enough to be having sex. But, I would never in a million years tell my daughter that she'd turn into an old hag of a woman if she started having sex then. I get so weary of hearing these ball and chain stereotypes placed on women if they engage in sex. I thought we were out of the dark ages?

Dr. Drew's discussion was not about boys or penile vitality. Does that make him sexist because he didn't mention it in that specific discussion? NO. Further, this is a radio program where he gives his opinion and some advice...not some major academic discussion.

 

[Buttercup]

Dr. Drew's discussion was not about boys or penile vitality. Does that make him sexist because he didn't mention it in that specific discussion? NO. Further, this is a radio program where he gives his opinion and some advice...not some major academic discussion.

What makes him sexist is spreading the rumor at all. It has no basis in fact. None whatsoever and it's directed at females. I can't imagine he continued the discourse with additional comments on a man's penis falling off if he engages in sex too early. Those comments about girls are damaging to a girl's self esteem. And they are false statements more importantly.

 

[nutshell]

Another stereotypical statement. Just because I am a woman...defending an erroneous statement or rumor said about our sex I am slapped with a negative label. Oh brother.

You're attacking his claim because he didn't make an equal statement regarding a man's penis. Seems pretty feminist to me. Why can't someone have a specific topic and stick with it?

What makes him sexist is spreading the rumor at all. It has no basis in fact. None whatsoever and it's directed at females. I can't imagine he continued the discourse with additional comments on a man's penis falling off if he engages in sex too early. Those comments about girls are damaging to a girl's self esteem. And they are false statements more importantly.

Do you even know who I'm talking about???

 

[Buttercup]

You're attacking his claim because he didn't make an equal statement regarding a man's penis. Seems pretty feminist to me. Why can't someone have a specific topic and stick with it?

I'm displeased with what was said by him through you. It is beside the point whether he said equal comments about men in actuality. The false comments about girls are bad enough on their own. And incorrect.

And what do you mean can't someone have a specific topic and stick with it? Are you implying that we digressed from the OP?

Do you even know who I'm talking about???

Yes, I do know who you're talking about, I've heard them. But, it wouldn't matter if Donald Duck said those comments publically...I would still refute them. Makes it worse that this guy claims to be a doctor, imo.

 

[nutshell]

I'm displeased with what was said by him through you. It is beside the point whether he said equal comments about men in actuality. The false comments about girls are bad enough on their own. And incorrect.

Yet the fact that he didn't make equal comments about men was the basis for your initial attack...leading me to call you a feminist.

And what do you mean can't someone have a specific topic and stick with it? Are you implying that we digressed from the OP?

Dr. Drew should be able to say something about males or females without always having to provide an equal statement regarding the opposite sex.

Yes, I do know who you're talking about, I've heard them. But, it wouldn't matter if Donald Duck said those comments publically...I would still refute them. Makes it worse that this guy claims to be a doctor, imo.

Well, I guess you're hearing his words through me out of context. That's my fault. Perhaps I can find the transcript so you can see what was actually going on. IMO, he was saving a girl form a life of self-destructing behavior.