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Is it Wise to Marry Exclusively or Predominantly for Love?
- Thread starter Sunstone
- Start date
How about compatible life goals, values, talents, and interests, to name a few things?
Thanda
Well-Known Member
Definitely not. Especially since most of us are so bad at differentiating love from infatuation (or even lust sometimes). When the honeymoon period is over, what really keeps the wheels of a marriage going are common goals and values (particularly good goals and values).
roger1440
I do stuff
Aren't all goals good in the eyes of the beholder?
Here is a picture from the movie "Bonnie and Clyde"
When I was one and twenty
I heard a wise man say
"Give crowns and pounds and guineas
But not your heart away"
"Give pearls away and rubies
But keep your fancy free"
But I was one and twenty
No use to talk to me
When I was one and twenty
I heard him say again
"The heart out of the bosom
Is never given in vain"
"'Tis payed with sighs a-plenty
And sold for endless rue"
And I am two and twenty
And O 'tis true, tis true!
-Housman
I don't think it is wise, simply because I don't think it is meant to be. The motivation is emotional, and may turn out well or may not. I can't think of any reason better than love to marry, and I can't think of any additional condition that would have to be filled other than love for me to at least consider marriage.
But then, I'm not a very wise person.
BSM1
What? Me worry?
What in the world would this have anything to do with marriage? It seems a relationship based on any of these points would beg for a resume.
What most people call romantic love dries up after about two or so years. If your relationship isn't founded on much more than giddy feelings then it's no surprise when your relationship falls apart.
Daemon Sophic
Avatar in flux
Short, sweet, and to the point.
BSM1
What? Me worry?
Now I'm feeling a little left out. I've had those giddy feelings for the same woman for almost 45 years. I don't see them going away any time soon, but I'll let you know if I hit that dry spell you speak of.
I'm speaking of infatuation, which is a well understood and ultimately short-lived neurochemical process. It's this infatuation that our culture conflates with love (an emotional bond created by long term attachment) and to frame relationships based on it is chasing an emotional illusion that does not last. She can never find "the one" because she's chasing a lie.
An effortless, purely emotional love as all the pop ballads and soap films would have it, simply does not exist. Not in the long term anyway.
BSM1
What? Me worry?
I'll have to take your word for it. How long have you been in love, btw?
No doubt you're attached to your wife. I'm not denying the existence of long term emotional attachment.
But I think you darn well know this. That's not the "love" being discussed here.
I think it is unwise to get married for other reasons, other than love.
I think those elements are very useful but don't suffice. An essential component is a very strong, spiritual and physical attraction.
Last edited:
Baladas
An Págánach
Thanda
Well-Known Member
Aren't all goals good in the eyes of the beholder?
Here is a picture from the movie "Bonnie and Clyde"
I said particularly, I did not say only. That said they were parted sooner than they would have liked as a result of having bad common goals right?
Yerda
Veteran Member
Love is much more than giddy feelings, though.
My wife and I did not have much in common from that perspective. We do have a similar outlook about money and a great deal of tolerance for the other one doing something that interests the other person.
Infatuation passes soon enough.