Is practicing polyamory selfish?

[Brickjectivity]

.....Of the formally poly-amorous people I've known (several women and men) it is more than just about their own relationships. This is a guess based on their efforts to avoid stereotypes of others, to be inclusive. They also attempted (successfully it seems in at least two cases) to draw their parents into their way of life - based upon two separate poly amorous groups and two sets of parents whom I've met. In particular they got their parents to get tattoos.

....they appear to be trying to undo or to reverse engineer problems that they have identified in society or at least trying to break the mould and try out different living arrangements, as if to find out what is natural. Of these I've met, they all had come from 'Broken' homes, which is to say their families had heated family arguments when they were small, and the parents relationships were rocky at best. In addition they all were from ex religious families. They did not trust the culture of their parents.

.....They don't accept traditional wisdom. That's my observation (not of people in this forum but of people I've actually met). ...they decorated their bodies with tattoos where most people wear clothes. To me this represented an attempt at naturism or tribalism. Traditional wisdom said to fit in, but these people refused to. Why make such a big point of having body tattoos if it were only for fun? No, it was for more than fun.

Combine all that with the knowledge that traditional culture has been exposed to have flaws. Many marriages end in divorce, many marriages in the past forced people to stay with mates who didn't love them, combine also with the disappointment and confusion when people feel let down by their religious or cultural roots or where it seems religion and prestige or family prestige cause more problems than it solves. Then you have a recipe for people striking out to find some framework reliable, to do what was previously not tried or not for a long time in terms of family and culture.

 

[Nymphs]

.....Of the formally poly-amorous people I've known (several women and men) it is more than just about their own relationships. This is a guess based on their efforts to avoid stereotypes of others, to be inclusive. They also attempted (successfully it seems in at least two cases) to draw their parents into their way of life - based upon two separate poly amorous groups and two sets of parents whom I've met. In particular they got their parents to get tattoos.

....they appear to be trying to undo or to reverse engineer problems that they have identified in society or at least trying to break the mould and try out different living arrangements, as if to find out what is natural. Of these I've met, they all had come from 'Broken' homes, which is to say their families had heated family arguments when they were small, and the parents relationships were rocky at best. In addition they all were from ex religious families. They did not trust the culture of their parents.

.....They don't accept traditional wisdom. That's my observation (not of people in this forum but of people I've actually met). ...they decorated their bodies with tattoos where most people wear clothes. To me this represented an attempt at naturism or tribalism. Traditional wisdom said to fit in, but these people refused to. Why make such a big point of having body tattoos if it were only for fun? No, it was for more than fun.

Combine all that with the knowledge that traditional culture has been exposed to have flaws. Many marriages end in divorce, many marriages in the past forced people to stay with mates who didn't love them, combine also with the disappointment and confusion when people feel let down by their religious or cultural roots or where it seems religion and prestige or family prestige cause more problems than it solves. Then you have a recipe for people striking out to find some framework reliable, to do what was previously not tried or not for a long time in terms of family and culture.

Thank you very much for your explanations.

 

[AgnosticBoy]

I know, I know, I make a lot of threads on the subject, but I'm just particularly interested in understanding and hearing others opinions on the subject. I appreciate y'all putting up with it.

If a person practices polyamory, are they being selfish? I was reading the Reddit Subforum on polyamory today and someone mentioned being called selfish for practicing polyamory/being polyamorous -- I'm curious to what y'all think.

Perhaps a scenario can come up where the husband or boyfriend adds another woman but then says no when his wife or gf wants another man/partner. One of the fairest principles that I can think of is that no one should be bringing in another partner unless ALL adults choose/want it. Based on this principle I would say that it's okay for the husband to add another wife but not another husband IF the first wife agreed to bring in another woman. Ideally the husband made it known to his wife that having another wife does not mean that he'd be okay with bringing in a man into the relationship. The wife wouldn't be justified in bringing in another husband becuase although she wants it but the husband doesn't so not ALL adults agree. At least the wife can be satisfied with the additional woman that she agreed to bring in and hopefully knew in advance (before agreeing to add another wife) that bringing in another wife doesn't mean you can bring in another husband.

Another fault reasoning I encounter is that polygyny is unequal because there are two women and not also two husbands. IN this case, I'd say equality should not be based simply on number of each gender but on choice. Otherwise, proponents of this argument would have a logic that involves the wife adding an extra husband to the relationship eventhough she wanted another wife and not another husband