Is Sex Sacred?

[lunamoth]

Excellent topic Sunstone, and one that deserves deeper treatment than I have time to give it right now.

I view sex as sacred. And, in brief, I think the world would be a better place if everyone held this view.

<ducks>

peace,
lunamoth

 

[Darkdale]

I don't think sex is sacred at all. All it is is a way to physically "bond" with another person, nothing more. Sex with someone you actually love is better than hving sex with someone just for the sake of having sex; sex with someone you love will be more special, I would think. But I wouldn't go as far as to call it sacred.

I think that sex can be "sacred" when used in religious ritual. Other than that, I agree with you.

 

[Sunstone]

Ideally for me, sex is a conversation with another being, not just an act of mutual gratification. It is an act of communion.

I agree, word for word, as I do with the rest of your post. Furthermore, I think that if the sacred is to be found in sex, then it has something to do with the communion you speak of.

I'm not impressed with the argument that sex is sacred because an authority or a holy book tells us it's sacred, even if that authority is God, even if that holy book is the word of God. If sex is sacred, then it is sacred when we experience it as sacred.

Again, it seems to me that when we experience sex as sacred it has something to do with communion. But what?

 

[Buttercup]

I don't know if I would consider sex sacred as in a holy communion type reference but I certainly think it should be viewed as a serious experience treated with respect.

Sex between commited people is an ongoing emotional and physical intimacy that helps reinforce the relationship. Sometimes it's an emotional coming together, sometimes it's purely physical and that's ok too.

When I was really young I used to have an unrealistic expectation that sex with someone you love is always this dreamy, perfectly romantic union with angels singing in the background (ok, that's an exaggeration but you get the idea). Of course reality set in years later and I realized with great disappointment that sex is rarely a romantic time of togetherness.....The romance is before the sex...or afterwards.

 

[standing_alone]

I think that sex can be "sacred" when used in religious ritual.

That's a good point. I'm inclined to agree with that.

 

[Ðanisty]

I often hear people say, "sex is sacred". But is sex sacred? If so, what makes it sacred? What would profane it? How do sacred and profane sex crucially differ?

Obviously sex can be be both. The difference is in the circumstances. Those circumstances don't necessarily have anything to do with marriage though. I've had pre-marital sex that was sacred to me and I've also had pre-marital sex that was purely physical. Sex with my husband is sometimes sacred and sometimes purely physical. It's whatever someone's needs are at the time, I think.

If you believe sex is sacred, is the experience of its sacredness open to all, or just a few?

It's open to anyone, but that will depend on the circumstances. Is there a relationship? Is there romance? Lots of things affect what the experience will be.

Lastly, does your mother know you spend your time on the internet talking about sex?

Nope!

I don't quite see sex as being for the service of a deity (except maybe for Roman Catholics with very strong convictions).

That depends on your deity! For example, try following Coyote without indulging in sex. My husband claims it's impossible (and I don't complain either ). I know I've personally had orgasms for my "deity" but that is primarily through masturbation.

 

[Flappycat]

Look, sex is basically nothing more than the set of behaviors related to conveying sperm from a male's testes to an egg in a female's uterus. There's nothing particularly earth-shaking about these things, either: crudely put, they're just incomplete cells. The resulting fertilized egg's transition from a poor few cells to a newborn infant is a mere result of the multiplication of these cells and the consequences of the genetic patterns represented in their DNA. I think that people generally invest far too much emotion in sexuality, and I think that the world would be improved if it were considered a consequence of a close, romantic relationship, rather than its basis. I don't see why the people in our society consider it something to get so worked up about. Perhaps this has something to do with me being in some way peculiar?

 

[Ðanisty]

I think that people generally invest far too much emotion in sexuality, and I think that the world would be improved if it were considered a consequence of a close, romantic relationship, rather than its basis. I don't see why the people in our society consider it something to get so worked up about. Perhaps this has something to do with me being in some way peculiar?

Meh, I'd wager to say that you haven't had good enough sex to understand. I used to feel the way you feel, and I thought it was pretty normal until I was with a partner who really knew how to perform.

 

[Darkdale]

Look, sex is basically nothing more than the set of behaviors related to conveying sperm from a male's testes to an egg in a female's uterus. There's nothing particularly earth-shaking about these things, either: crudely put, they're just incomplete cells. The resulting fertilized egg's transition from a poor few cells to a newborn infant is a mere result of the multiplication of these cells and the consequences of the genetic patterns represented in their DNA. I think that people generally invest far too much emotion in sexuality, and I think that the world would be improved if it were considered a consequence of a close, romantic relationship, rather than its basis. I don't see why the people in our society consider it something to get so worked up about. Perhaps this has something to do with me being in some way peculiar?

I agree - but if candles, books, crosses, pentagrams, people, cows, fish, moon, sun, and stars can be sacred... why not sex? Something becomes sacred doesn't it? I think this is what Sunstone was talking about earlier and what I was getting at by referring to ritual. I've never thought of sex as sacred, but then again, I started at a young age, so for me sex was kind of like sports, with all the excitement of sneaking out of your house at night. I always thought of sex as something couples did for fun. But for someone that views sex as a holy act, to them, the act is sacred.

 

[Sunstone]

Look, sex is basically nothing more than the set of behaviors related to conveying sperm from a male's testes to an egg in a female's uterus. There's nothing particularly earth-shaking about these things, either: crudely put, they're just incomplete cells. The resulting fertilized egg's transition from a poor few cells to a newborn infant is a mere result of the multiplication of these cells and the consequences of the genetic patterns represented in their DNA.

I agree that your's is one legitimate way of looking at sex, but I disagree that it is the only legitimate view of sex. I don't think sex can be reduced to any one view.

I think that the world would be improved if it [sex] were considered a consequence of a close, romantic relationship, rather than its basis.

I think you make good sense here.

I don't see why the people in our society consider it something to get so worked up about.

I imagine there are many reasons for that. Too many, and too off topic for this thread. But you might want to start a new thread on why do people get so worked up about sex?

 

[Flappycat]

Meh, I'd wager to say that you haven't had good enough sex to understand. I used to feel the way you feel, and I thought it was pretty normal until I was with a partner who really knew how to perform.

I highly doubt it. I know a few people who get good sex all the time and share a similar view. Having a skilled partner doesn't keep one from having a cynical attitude toward it. My view toward it isn't so much cynical as...well, to put it bluntly, I don't think that sex is really worth anything at all by itself. I think that stronger and more important is the commitment and affection between two or more people. Think of it as the return you get on an investment: if you don't keep feeding an IRA, it'll be worthless and, well, empty when you can actually start drawing on it.

I think that it would be appropriate to draw a distinction here. Perhaps romantic sex is in some way meaningful and spiritually fulfilling. I can buy that. Carnal sex, however, the act alone, is about as meaningful and sacred as a marriage you got in Vegas from some Elvis impersonator. Zip. Nada. Zeeeeeeeeero. Does this make any sense?

 

[Ðanisty]

I highly doubt it. I know a few people who get good sex all the time and share a similar view. Having a skilled partner doesn't keep one from having a cynical attitude toward it. My view toward it isn't so much cynical as...well, to put it bluntly, I don't think that sex is really worth anything at all by itself. I think that stronger and more important is the commitment and affection between two or more people. Think of it as the return you get on an investment: if you don't keep feeding an IRA, it'll be worthless and, well, empty when you can actually start drawing on it.

Ah, yes. It seems I misunderstood you. It did sort of sound cynical to me.

I think that it would be appropriate to draw a distinction here. Perhaps romantic sex is in some way meaningful and spiritually fulfilling. I can buy that. Carnal sex, however, the act alone, is about as meaningful and sacred as a marriage you got in Vegas from some Elvis impersonator. Zip. Nada. Zeeeeeeeeero. Does this make any sense?

Yes, I agree. Romantic sex of course can be experienced by people who aren't married. That is what I meant earlier.

 

[Flappycat]

Ah, yes. It seems I misunderstood you. It did sort of sound cynical to me.

Eh, nay, I was referring to my own views. I was saying that I know plenty of people who share plenty of MY feelings about sex and have had plenty of experience with it. To them, it's just a way of having a good time and doesn't really have any special meaning. I kind of amended myself, though, and said that it would perhaps be better to regard carnal (empty) sex and romantic sex as entirely different things.

Yes, I agree. Romantic sex of course can be experienced by people who aren't married. That is what I meant earlier.

Yes. Basically, I think that any sense of spiritual fulfillment in sex is likely to come more from the love invested in it, which is an abstract thing, than the actual act of getting laid. This is very similar to my views on life: the tissue and bone we're composed of is the canvas on which the abstraction that is life dwells, a meaningful thing in its own right that is merely brought into the light of substance by its physical incarnation. There is nothing supernatural about it: nothing could be more natural.

 

[Bishka]

I believe it is sacred. Like I believe Nutshell said, why just give it to anyone, what's the point of that. I believe we were givien a sacred gift of procreation--to be able to create life, which is extremley important-by God and that we should treat it with reverence and sacredness. =)

 

[Flappycat]

That's it, Becky. I'm going to be the first high school biology teacher to teach students how to grow fetuses in a lab, and the remains will be thrown into the garbage with the lunch scraps. I'll actually make it my life's mission if I don't see a sharp decline in this ridiculous talk about making new welfare parasites being somehow holy and magical. Having a developing homo sapien in the womb is as meaningless by itself as empty sex. What makes us human is the capacity for abstract thought and complex emotions. That's where the real wonder of it actually is. Without that, you might as well be the queen of a beehive: a factory for the creation of more insects. SPAT!

Those are my views, and I'm not in a mood for a contest to see which of us can be more pig-headedly stubborn. I'm gone.

 

[retrorich]

Is Sex Sacred?

Blessed are the fornicators, for they shall have fun.

 

[Maxist]

Without sex ther is no reproduction; so it is sacred. But it does not matter if it is sacred, it makes us men feel better. :jiggy:

 

[nutshell]

Those are my views, and I'm not in a mood for a contest to see which of us can be more pig-headedly stubborn. I'm gone.

I'm glad.



Regarding "good" sex...if you only have one partner in your life, you'll never know the difference. Sex should be much more than a physical experience, it is a mental and spiritual connection with your partner. It transcends the physical and that's when it becomes truly beautiful.

 

[lilithu]

I agree, word for word, as I do with the rest of your post. Furthermore, I think that if the sacred is to be found in sex, then it has something to do with the communion you speak of.

I'm not impressed with the argument that sex is sacred because an authority or a holy book tells us it's sacred, even if that authority is God, even if that holy book is the word of God. If sex is sacred, then it is sacred when we experience it as sacred.

Again, it seems to me that when we experience sex as sacred it has something to do with communion. But what?

Well for UUs, the ultimate spiritual authority is personal experience, which we hold above scripture, tradition, and even reason. So yeah, if sex is sacred, it is only sacred because we experience it as sacred. But as I said before, how we view sex will affect how we experience it. If someone insists that sex is banal then they will only ever experience it that way, regardless of how good their partners are. It's an approach, a way of of interpretation.

No one has defined sacred, so I will. For me, religion is all about communion. The word religion comes from a Latin word, religare, which means "to bind." Some people interpret that as to bind back, as in to restrain. I interpret it as to bind together, as in to make whole. (And this difference in interpretation reflects a difference in theological views of human nature but that's off topic.) For me, the source of our "fallen" state, to use Christian terminology, is that we view ourselves as separate. In reality, we are an interdependent whole, but in our perceptions we are independent entities. Religion for me is all about reminding us of our true state, and the sacred are those symbols that serve this purpose. Thus, food can be sacred if it is ritually (ie - with mindful intent) shared as in holy communion or a Passover Seder or a Ramadan Iftar. The food is then both symbolic of and fostering of community. But just pounding down a BigMac at Mickey D's drive-thru on the way back to work is not sacred.

Similarly, sex can be sacred if it is engaged in with mindful intent to both symbolize and foster community - togetherness, wholeness. Sex has always symbolized wholeness - the coming together of perceived opposites - male and female, yin and yang, yab and yum in the Tantric tradition - reuniting to make one. (Actually, I have wondered several times if this isn't the source of some of the resistance to homosexuality, the fact that it would be seen as an imbalance.)

But even if it isn't performed as a ritual per se, sex more than anything else that we engage in reminds us of our dependence upon another. You can't have sex by yourself. Masturbation may be pleasurable but it's not sex. And you can't reproduce by yourself. Even if it's only temporary, it's the binding together of two people into one in a creative act (not just talking about offspring).

 

[Mathematician]

Everything we do is "sacred". My chosing to have sex is sacred, my chosing to kiss, my chosing to not kiss.