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Jesus found in the Rio Grande

Jaymes

Jaymes

The cake is a lie
Maybe because it just randomly washed up on the beach? God deemed that it should wash up on that beach? Jeeze, I can't even come up with an explanation for that. That's bizarre. It probably just fell off someone's boat, for crying out loud...
 
Ceridwen018

Ceridwen018

Well-Known Member
I don't care if it rains or freezes,
'long as I got, my plastic Jesus,
sittin on the dshboard of my car.

Comes in colors, pink and pleasant,
glows in the dark 'cause he's iridescent,
sittin' on the dashboard of my car!

(I can't remember where heard that--it's a really old song)
 
Bastet

Bastet

Vile Stove-Toucher
Well, I know the reply to use the next time someone asks me if I've "found Jesus". :p "Well, I heard he washed up on a beach in the Rio Grande, you might want to try looking there..." ;)
 
meogi

meogi

Well-Known Member
Everyone knows god lives underwater... c'mon
http://raven.cybercomm.net/~flem/glu/disc/empty.html
:D

Reminds me of a story: I found that album on cassette tape, and bought it for my friend as a joke. Well, we all got drunk one night, and decided to try and listen to it. But, no cassette players anywhere, so we wonder the halls of the dorm with the tape. *somehow* (couldn't be we were drunk) he trips, and the cassette flies out of his hand and down the hall. The 'holder' thing shattered into 3 pieces, and my friend looked at me with a pouty face, and said, "Oops. I broke god."

Ah, good times... good times.
 
Feathers in Hair

Feathers in Hair

World's Tallest Hobbit
*is rolling on the floor, laughing at all the posts*

To elaborate on Bastets' post, I think my current favorite bumper sticker I've been seeing lately is: "I found Jesus. He was hiding behind a tree."

And I suppose that the miraculous is where one finds it. If the waters that the fiberglass Jesus had been in are anything close to chemical content of the rivers we have here in Cedar Rapids, I would find it miraculous that it hadn't melted away.
 
Sunstone

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
*is rolling on floor, laughing like Feathers*

Surely this doesn't mean Jesus is "all washed up"?
 
L

Lightkeeper

Well-Known Member
He may have been baptising himself and didn't come back up. Finding this is the river is reminiscent of the Moses story.
 
Ceridwen018

Ceridwen018

Well-Known Member
Lol, yes. Maybe he and god got into a fight, so god took away his walking-on-water priveledges, amongst other powers. That's the only way to handle those pesky teenagers!
 
Feathers in Hair

Feathers in Hair

World's Tallest Hobbit
Ceridwen018 said:
Lol, yes. Maybe he and god got into a fight, so god took away his walking-on-water priveledges, amongst other powers. That's the only way to handle those pesky teenagers!
Click to expand...

Mwhahaaaaaa! Okay, I'm probably going to a hell I don't believe in for finding that an incredibly funny visual.

*dunk*
 
The Voice of Reason

The Voice of Reason

Doctor of Thinkology
Blasphemers!! - You're all going to Hell!!

According to my Bible, Jesus is slated to come back in Papier Mache form - not Fiberglass:
DrOT 1.2 -
"... and lo, he will wash up again, and the unbelieving will see him in the form of crystalline fibers. But the chosen shall gaze upon his true form, that of grade school paste and shredded newsprint..."


And this verse foretells his chosen site to reappear:
DrOT 3.16 -
"... lest ye be not at the grandest of rivers, to see with your own eyes the emergence of me..."

And finally, the fate of those that would believe falsely:
DrOT 5.5 -
"... whence cometh the master, hold not the wrong opinion or ye shall be smited unto the barrio of misery..."

Repent now, as the time of reckoning draws nigh.

TVOR

PS - all of the above verses are quotes taken directly from the Epistles of the Doctor of Thinkology (DrOT), thirteenth revised edition of the Holy Book of Tristianity.

Offer void where prohibited by law.
 
Feathers in Hair

Feathers in Hair

World's Tallest Hobbit
The Voice of Reason said:
Blasphemers!! - You're all going to Hell!!

According to my Bible, Jesus is slated to come back in Papier Mache form - not Fiberglass:
DrOT 1.2 -
"... and lo, he will wash up again, and the unbelieving will see him in the form of crystalline fibers. But the chosen shall gaze upon his true form, that of grade school paste and shredded newsprint..."

[/font]
Click to expand...

Ooo, so all those times I managed to eat paste as a child actually counted as a type of communion?!
 
Ceridwen018

Ceridwen018

Well-Known Member
So I guess that makes the kid who eats glue a saint instead of weird.....after a statement like that, I think the end times ARE coming!
 
The Voice of Reason

The Voice of Reason

Doctor of Thinkology
FeathersinHair said:
Ooo, so all those times I managed to eat paste as a child actually counted as a type of communion?!
Click to expand...
Ceridwen018 said:
So I guess that makes the kid who eats glue a saint instead of weird.....after a statement like that, I think the end times ARE coming!
Click to expand...
Now this is the type of revolutionary thinking that we need in our Outreach programs!! These fine young women are looking for methods to reach the youth of the world - and have hit upon the key for touching so many souls that would have been lost.

Effective immediately, in his official duties as the Pointiff (no, that is not a mispelling - that is his official title) is appointing (hence, the title) Feathers and Ceridwen to head the office of the Program for Outreach to Save the Youth (POSY). They will be tasked with collecting the mailing addresses of every child that has ever eaten paste in grade school, and informing them that they are de facto members of the Church of Tristianity, for having taken part in our communion rites.

As a bonus, each of these young souls will be accepted as full voting members in the congregation, in view of their early recognition of the righteousness of the Tristianity movement.

Careful how you respond to these posts - the Pointiff is still looking for individuals to head several other key programs. Members that post responses to this (or any other thread) may be appointed to positions of authority on an "as needed" basis.

TVOR
 
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