Just having a rough time

[LittlePinky82]

I wasn't sure where to put this...but for the past two months now I've just been having a rough time. I graduated with my associates in the paralegal field at the end of the summer term back in August. I thought I might get a job at where I did my internship and was supposed to hear back at the end of September. Well, the start of October comes and I don't hear anything back so I figure that's my cue I wasn't hired. I started looking around everywhere in my area for law firms. I did calling and Emails just telling who I am and my situation and experience. Everyone I try isn't hiring. I did find one place that is going to have an open position at the end of next summer because the person who has it now is going to law school.

It's been really depressing. I'm the type of person who has to be around other people. I have to be busy and be useful to people. I know people probably don't really like me or having me around but even just being used by people I know at least I can be something besides useless. I used to not take summers off in college because it'd be three months and I'd get antsy and cabin fever and all that. I'm not a very social person because off-line I'm more mute and have some social fears from the past though I'm not as bad as I used to be.

With the job situation I've just been feeling so depressed and low. Recently I started not eating much and I just have no energy to do anything. I used to enjoy working out and was doing well with that but now I have no energy for that. I haven't gotten to the part in depression of not bathing or anything only because I don't like smelling and I can't stand being dirty and water comforts me.

I guess I'm looking for some comfort and maybe some help or prayers. I do practice the Occult and have prayed for help but it's like no one wants to help me.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I feel you. I'm going through a horrible time in my life, actually. I've suffered from severe depression for years and now my mom has cancer and is very sick from it, plus we're in a very bad environment and need to move. But the important thing is not to give up. Satan teaches us that we have all power and possibility within us and that we can take care of our own affairs and save ourselves if we just beat back the things - within and without - that seek to hold us down. When you're depressed, you have to fight it. You have to constantly correct the negative thoughts that try to diminish you. Therapy and medication can help, but it's ultimately you who has to make the choice to press on and overcome.

You just start by making some goals and working towards setting them in action. Don't overwhelm yourself. Satan is with you and within you. Focus on letting his Fire, which is within you, motivate you. Let it burn and magnify it.

 

[LittlePinky82]

I feel you. I'm going through a horrible time in my life, actually. I've suffered from severe depression for years and now my mom has cancer and is very sick from it, plus we're in a very bad environment and need to move. But the important thing is not to give up. Satan teaches us that we have all power and possibility within us and that we can take care of our own affairs and save ourselves if we just beat back the things - within and without - that seek to hold us down. When you're depressed, you have to fight it. You have to constantly correct the negative thoughts that try to diminish you. Therapy and medication can help, but it's ultimately you who has to make the choice press on and overcome.

You just start by making some goals and working towards setting them in action. Don't overwhelm yourself. Satan is with you and within you. Focus on letting his Fire, which is within you, motivate you. Let it burn and magnify it.

I guess with me is I just feel like I'm just stuck and lost. I've tried everywhere with where to find a job in my area of work. I definitely deal with depression at times and I'm an emotionally intense person so when I really feel negativity I can get dark really quick. I also suffer from si and have since I was 16/17. Nobody knows about my issues except an online friend and places like here. I guess just with the situation it's like how are you supposed to save yourself when there's no opportunity to?

I'm sorry to read about your situation and I hope it gets better for you soon.

 

[Sunstone]

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time, LP. Hang in there! Things are almost certain to get better. Much better. I know you've heard that before, and it sounds like a cliche, but it's true.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I guess with me is I just feel like I'm just stuck and lost. I've tried everywhere with where to find a job in my area of work. I definitely deal with depression at times and I'm an emotionally intense person so when I really feel negativity I can get dark really quick. I also suffer from si and have since I was 16/17. Nobody knows about my issues except an online friend and places like here. I guess just with the situation it's like how are you supposed to save yourself when there's no opportunity to?

I'm sorry to read about your situation and I hope it gets better for you soon.

Hmm. Have you sought mental help services? There's no shame in it.

Thanks. I hope your situation quickly improves, too.

 

[Mindmaster]

People are always hiring... Especially for things they cannot H1-B. Just keep plugging away... There are always vacancies somewhere, but realize with legal they're sort of inundated with applicants because they actually have a surplus of people at all levels. (I wish these dishonest colleges would tell people that... ) Remember that paralegals are used privately, corporately, and by government as well. Make sure you are hitting all of the avenues. It will take extreme diligence to land a job even if you don't fail to ignore one of the sectors.

Also, ask the firm you interned for for a letter of recommendation. That's basically what your "paycheck" was, and if you don't have it that might be the problem. If people don't know you then they look for this letter, your grades, and whether they just like you. Figure out if there isn't something in the presentation that you can't fix. Ask a few close friends how you look in a suit and see if you aren't missing something... If you're not wearing a suit well that's your #1 problem. You need to make networking friends to do well in this job -- so go to any events where you can get in.

Also, get involved with a political party -- most of the names are lawyers and you can get a job through that angle.

 

[Princeps Eugenius]

Remember that this suffering is temporary. Even the worst kind of affliction and illness goes away after a couple of weeks or months and you end up in a better state than before. Dont be so worried about not finding a job. you have great education and can apply for different jobs in the meanwhile, if its bothering you. The job you seek will perhaps have to wait for a while but i am very sure you will get it sooner or later. Just keep doing what is necessary and dont overdo things also! Everything will be good just have patience .

 

[Adramelek]

Hi LP82,

You are a Satanist right? It may be time for you to start employing some Magick in your life to re-kindle that Fire within you and to better your self. Start with something simple like the 'Conjuration of Compassion" rite in the 'Satanic Bible' and use that inspiration and energy you receive through that ritual when going out seeking employment. You may be surprised at the results you get through the use of Magick. Also, never take these results for granted, always be thankful for everything you receive through the exercise of the Powers of Darkness. Adra hugs LP82 and Saint Frank.

 

[LittlePinky82]

People are always hiring... Especially for things they cannot H1-B. Just keep plugging away... There are always vacancies somewhere, but realize with legal they're sort of inundated with applicants because they actually have a surplus of people at all levels. (I wish these dishonest colleges would tell people that... ) Remember that paralegals are used privately, corporately, and by government as well. Make sure you are hitting all of the avenues. It will take extreme diligence to land a job even if you don't fail to ignore one of the sectors.

Also, ask the firm you interned for for a letter of recommendation. That's basically what your "paycheck" was, and if you don't have it that might be the problem. If people don't know you then they look for this letter, your grades, and whether they just like you. Figure out if there isn't something in the presentation that you can't fix. Ask a few close friends how you look in a suit and see if you aren't missing something... If you're not wearing a suit well that's your #1 problem. You need to make networking friends to do well in this job -- so go to any events where you can get in.

Also, get involved with a political party -- most of the names are lawyers and you can get a job through that angle.

I interned for the US Trustee's office. I have their permission to use the people I worked for as references. I've tried all the law firms but I don't know where to turn to with corporate levels.

Everywhere I tried just isn't hiring heh. They keep my resume for the future but who knows what that could be heh. :\ I'll try some more corporate areas.

Hi LP82,

You are a Satanist right? It may be time for you to start employing some Magick in your life to re-kindle that Fire within you and to better your self. Start with something simple like the 'Conjuration of Compassion" rite in the 'Satanic Bible' and use that inspiration and energy you receive through that ritual when going out seeking employment. You may be surprised at the results you get through the use of Magick. Also, never take these results for granted, always be thankful for everything you receive through the exercise of the Powers of Darkness. Adra hugs LP82 and Saint Frank.

I don't have a Satanic Bible at the present. But I do think it's a good idea with the "fire within myself" part. I definitely need that.

 

[Adramelek]

I don't have a Satanic Bible at the present. But I do think it's a good idea with the "fire within myself" part. I definitely need that.

INVOCATION EMPLOYED TOWARDS THE CONJURATION OF COMPASSION;

With the anger of anguish and the wrath of the stifled, I pour forth my voices, wrapped in rolling thunder, that you may hear!
Oh great lurkers in the darkness, oh guardians of the way, oh minions of the might of Thoth! Move and appear! Present yourselves to us in your benign power, in behalf of one who believes and is stricken with torment.
Isolate him (her) in the bulwark of your protection, for he (she) is undeserving of anguish and desires it not.
Let that which bears against him (her) be rendered powerless and devoid of substance.
Succor him (her) through fire and water, earth and air, to regain what he (she) has lost.
Strengthen with fire the marrow of our friend and companion, our comrade of the Left-Hand Path.
Through the power of Satan let the earth and its pleasures re-enter his (her) being.
Allow his (her) vital saltes to flow unhampered, that he (she) may savor the carnal nectars of his (her) future desires.
Strike dumb his (her) adversary, formed or formless, that he (she) may emerge joyful and strong from that which afflicts him (her).
Allow no misfortune to allay his (her) path, for he (she) is of us, and therefore to be cherished.
Restore him (her) to power, to joy, to unending dominion over the reverses that have beset him (her).
Build around and within him (her) the exultant radiance that will herald his (her) emergence from the stagnant morass which engulfs him (her).
This we command, in the name of Satan, whose mercies flourish and whose sustenance will prevail!
As Satan reigns so shall his own whose name is as this sound: (name) is the vessel whose flesh is as the earth; life everlasting, world without end!

Ave, Hail Satan!

 

[LittlePinky82]

Thank you for this. I'll have to try it tonight.

 

[Adramelek]

Thank you for this. I'll have to try it tonight.

Also, at the beginning of the ritual you may want to recite out loud an invocation of Satan like this to decompress and set the mood for the rite; sort of an opening of the Gates of the Powers of Darkness.

Invocation of Satan

In Nomine dei nostri Satanas Luciferi excelsi.

In the Name of Satan, the Lord of Darkness, Archon of the Earth, King of the world, I summon the Black Flame into my midst that I may Work my Will upon the warp and weave of Creation. O Prince Lucifer, hear me, look upon me, and enshrine within me your Infernal essence. Open wide the Gates of the Abyss and come forth from your burnt and blackened Temple to greet me as a Brother and kindred Spirit.​

Enshroud me with the Powers of Darkness for I have taken thy Name as a part of myself. I walk the Path of the Left under the Aegis of Leviathan. I favor the just and curse the rotten. Arm me, thus, with the Shining Pentagram and grant me your strength and the knowledge of your Undefiled Wisdom.​

Let then my mind, body, and soul become a vessel for the manifestation of the Powers of Hell! From the primordial depths I am risen up and am become transformed unto the Everlasting Flame of Darkness. By all the Gods of the Abyss I command that these things of which I speak shall come to pass!

Sanctus Satanas!
Ave Satanas!
Hail, Satan!​

 

[AnnaCzereda]

Finding a job takes time, sometimes even up to a year, especially if you're not content with just any job. Some patience is necessary and not giving up. Also if your application is rejected, it doesn't have to mean there is something wrong with you. The employers get hundreds of written applications, they often don't read them but the special computer filters do the selection. Even if you end up invited to an interview, there might be plenty of other candidates with similar qualifications. Getting a well-paid job in a prestigious company is like winning a lottery. Nobody is a special snowflake. Some companies are not hiring new employees because of the lack of funds, others may prefer to hire those they already know; friends, relatives, friends of relatives, friends of friends and so on. Sad but true.

 

[Aštra’el]

_Depression is a waste of emotion. Summon up some willpower, take control of your focus, and direct it towards something that will make you stronger and help you fulfill your goals.

And don't allow yourself to feel sad or hurt. Be thankful for your ability to feel and convert those weaker feelings into something empowering, such as fuel for when you go work out, or motivation as you seek out ways to better progress your situation in life.

And remember this: merely believing your willpower is stronger than it actually is will actually make it stronger. Got it? Now Will away your depression and go be a badass_​

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

_Depression is a waste of emotion. Summon up some willpower, take control of your focus, and direct it towards something that will make you stronger and help you fulfill your goals.

And don't allow yourself to feel sad or hurt. Be thankful for your ability to feel and convert those weaker feelings into something empowering, such as fuel for when you go work out, or motivation as you seek out ways to better progress your situation in life.

And remember this: merely believing your willpower is stronger than it actually is will actually make it stronger. Got it? Now Will away your depression and go be a badass_​

That's nice rhetoric, but reality doesn't usually work like that, especially if you have severe depression. It's also not healthy to repress your emotions, including feeling hurt or sad.

 

[LittlePinky82]

_Depression is a waste of emotion. Summon up some willpower, take control of your focus, and direct it towards something that will make you stronger and help you fulfill your goals.

And don't allow yourself to feel sad or hurt. Be thankful for your ability to feel and convert those weaker feelings into something empowering, such as fuel for when you go work out, or motivation as you seek out ways to better progress your situation in life.

And remember this: merely believing your willpower is stronger than it actually is will actually make it stronger. Got it? Now Will away your depression and go be a badass_​

I'm sorry I agree with Saint F here on that. I've spent many years repressing things from upbringing issues from my time in Christianity. Repressing only hurts you. I think there's a time and place to have your emotions. Also, with me, I'm the type of person who is really intense with my emotions whether positive, negative, neutral.

I do understand what you're saying though and I do do that to a point. I let myself feel my emotions, have a good cry, talk to a friend, and then after I am feeling more motivated. I don't know but I've always been like that even when I was young.

I do appreciate your post though and it does help that yes I can over come this rough little patch. I've been through worse. I mean hell I even am still alive when I was born with a hole in my heart and had open heart surgery (I like to joke sometimes I'm a zombie lol cause you do die five min's during heart surgery).

I do agree with you about believing in your own will power.

That's nice rhetoric, but reality doesn't usually work like that, especially if you have severe depression. It's also not healthy to repress your emotions, including feeling hurt or sad.

I do agree. I appreciate the sentiments behind the post though and to fight through things. But I also agree there's a time and place to feel your emotions and not repress them. Nothing is really a waste and not certainly any emotions.

Thanks everyone for being helpful. I've been feeling better today. The sun was out today (been dark and dreary for a while now here) and I've been trying ideas that's been mentioned here and other ideas too for looking around.

 

[Adramelek]

That's nice rhetoric, but reality doesn't usually work like that, especially if you have severe depression. It's also not healthy to repress your emotions, including feeling hurt or sad.

I agree also with SF. Sometimes for me a depression or feelings of sadness and being hurt can inspire me to compose a piece of music, for instance, tonight I am sort of feeling like this - happy and sad;

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Hang in there! I just graduated with a bachelors, with honors, in psychology, English writing, and philosophy, I can do a bunch of stuff with computers and new media, but yet I'm having to move away to find better job opportunities.
But the harsh reality is is that America's college graduates are not entering into a favorable or desirable climate for finding work. And when we find something, we're expected to do more for less. What we really need is a populace movement that sends cheap junk back to China, demands heavy tax penalties for companies that ship jobs over seas, and not resting until there are good jobs for anyone who wants one.

 

[LittlePinky82]

Hang in there! I just graduated with a bachelors, with honors, in psychology, English writing, and philosophy, I can do a bunch of stuff with computers and new media, but yet I'm having to move away to find better job opportunities.
But the harsh reality is is that America's college graduates are not entering into a favorable or desirable climate for finding work. And when we find something, we're expected to do more for less. What we really need is a populace movement that sends cheap junk back to China, demands heavy tax penalties for companies that ship jobs over seas, and not resting until there are good jobs for anyone who wants one.

Sigh it's true. I saw though the other day on Reddit a study that showed more places are hiring people from CC schools vs Uni's? I just have an associates from the CC school here and the program I was in always brags (and rightfully so imo) about how good the program is that all the local attorney's like it better than the Uni because we have hands-on learning and don't need basically a babysitter when we are hired. Heh apparently the Uni doesn't do as hands-on? Shrug. Every year the paralegal dept in the CC and Uni school has a big debate and last year the CC school won lol.

I so agree about the last part. Vote Bernie 2016.

I did Email the person I did my internship for asking if they know anything. They're the Chapter 13 Trustee in the area and are in touch with the local bankruptcy attorney's here so I tried. I asked another attorney I worked with this summer there a bit ago and they didn't know of anyone. :\ So, I guess it doesn't hurt right? I even apologized if it wasn't okay for me to Email them. But she was always pretty chill as a person so I don't think it should hurt.

Oh and with you have you thought about opening your own practice?

 

[Aštra’el]

I'm not saying to repress it... I'm suggesting converting otherwise self destructive energy into something useful and empowering. For me if I feel pain I'll embrace it and use that as fuel when I workout, or when I create artwork. But at times I might instead just Will away those feelings, because in many situations emotion can create a barrier between failure and success. Will away, as in... abolish, not repress.

But yeah, it's just advice. There is no right or wrong way here, just do what works for you.

​