I don't need to know Chinese parents to know they can be good parents. I don't have to know a Muslim family to know they are good parents. I do know adult women. I do know adult men. I do know gay men and women. I don't have to spend time in their home to understand home life. As I've said, and said, and said, I don't doubt that you are a good parent. I don't doubt that your children are well-adjusted. However, your children are lacking a father, and you set that up.
And yours are lacking additional mothering, and you set that up.
Two parents are better than one.
True.
One parent is better than none.
Also true.
But no woman can substitute for a father. And no man can substitute for a mother. There is no way in this world you can convince me that a boy is just as well off with two mothers as he would be with a mother and father.
This says it all. You are not open to evidence of any kind, whether from talking to such boys, meeting such families, reading the research. Even if every piece of evidence in the world was to the contrary, you would continue to hold to your false belief. And that is what is immoral about Mormonism in particular and religion in general--it habituates people to believing things without or even in defiance of the evidence.
Again, we are measuring quality parenting against quality parenting.
O.K., let's do that. Let's measure it. Oh yeah, a bunch of people did, and found they were functionally equivalent. But I understand that won't change your mind, because you prefer not to be confused with the facts.
Men and women are different. That fact is non-negotiable.
Correct.
That difference is there for a purpose.
This is not a fact, and is quite negotiable. This is your personal opinion, based on your religious belief, with no foundation in reality whatsoever.
Did you know that in many human societies the most important man in a boy's life is his mother's brother? These are called "matrilineal" societies and are not at all rare.
You don't need a man in your life because of your orientation. That's your choice for yourself. But you've made that choice for your children. They may have needed something different.
They may have, but they didn't Your children may have needed three parents, or a parent who's musical, or unusually patient, or who is willing to breastfeed, or any number of things that you've chosen to deprive them of. Every family provides what it does and deprives children of everything else. The question is, does that choice affect the children negatively? This one doesn't.
You want your children to fit into your choice. You want to deny that you've deprived them of anything, because you love them.
No, it's because I didn't. Remember, I had my kids by choice. If I thought that wouldn't be best for all, I wouldn't have done it.
That's understandable. But the fact is, you have.
Sorry, not a fact, a lie. Key difference: fact/lie. Night/day.
Your kids will never know what it's like to grow up with a father.
Yours will never know what it's like to grow up with two moms.
Fathers are indispensable in our society. Mothers are indispensable. Both are necessary. The loss of either is a loss to a child.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. But don't let reality spoil your false beliefs. After all, you're Mormon, so you're used to believing things in defiance of the evidence.
In addition to that, all children of gay parents, have a third parent floating out there somewhere. Does this matter to the child? Maybe yes, maybe no, but you've set this situation up with all the risks involved. Custody issues and rights of the bio-dad are all risks to the stability of that child's life. All bringing confusion into that child's life.
It's a non-issue. I assure you. Not that you would believe me, or my kids, or anyone who knows anything about it.
My point is that we, as adults, have to put children's needs before our own.
I agree. That's why it's time for you to put aside your personal prejudice and decide what's best for the children on the basis of the facts.
One of my kids is rather confused and has issues about other parents. That's the youngest and most troubled, the one born to heterosexual parents who were not available to parent her. She doesn't know where either of them is and never will, although she was with one of them till she was 2. This is a huge issue for her and will probably never be resolved satisfactorily. This is just one of the several ways that her irresponsible heterosexual parents have caused problems for her. But it's not because she has two moms now, that is completely clear and unconfusing, a source of stability and security for her. The other two have zip issues. They know exactly who their family is, and what role their biological father has in their lives. They know that they were both planned for, wanted and loved from birth. The youngest one is understandably envious of them.
While we're on the subject of deprivation, research has shown that the average mom spends more time with her children than the average dad. There are some studies that indicate that in lesbian families, the children receive more actual parenting than in heterosexual families. That is, while there may or may not be special benefits that only dads provide, there is an actual benefit that moms tend to provide, which is time with their kids. So to whatever extent kids of lesbian families are "deprived," they also receive a benefit of which kids in straight families are "deprived." I wasn't kidding when I said your kids are deprived of having two moms. It turns out that having two moms is a good thing. But I respect your choice to raise your children in that parentally deprived environment, and will not try to use it to deprive you of the right to marry. Would be nice if you could do the same.
) males require that stern voice to help form their super ego and develop into confident well adjusted young men.
