Light Bulb Jokes...

[tumbleweed41]

How Many ___________ does it take to change a church light bulb ?




​

Charismatic: Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None - Candles only. (Of guaranteed origin of course.)

Baptists: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?​

 

[Peacewise]

For the Babylon 5 fans.

How many Centauri does it take to change a light bulb?
Only 1, but in the grand old days of the republic we would have a thousand servants change a thousand light bulbs at our merest wish.

 

[Smoke]

Charismatic: Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.

Charismatic: 1 or more to lay hands on the old light bulb and speak healing in the name of Jesus.

Primitive Baptists: None. The Bible doesn't say one word about changing light bulbs.

Southern Baptists: It will take all of us to support the Republican Party in the next election. Liberals keep making our light bulbs go out!

Druids: 1 to change the bulb and twelve to realign the standing stones.

Asatruar: 1 to change the bulb and six to carry in the mead.

Wicccan: Never mind; it's so much nicer outside anyway.

Russian Orthodox: None! Was it light bulbs in 19th century Russia? No, it was not!

Greek Orthodox (America): A committee will be appointed to discuss whether to replace the light bulb with a yellow bulb or a pink bulb.

Greek Orthodox (Greece): Leave it. Somebody will change it.

Serbian Orthodox: First, we have to call the police to quell the riot that broke out during the discussion of whether to replace the bulb with a paraffin candle or a beeswax candle.

Scientologists: The method of changing light bulbs is part of an advanced training class. Any attempt to learn this method without passing through the intermediate training classes will be dealt with severely.

Quakers: None. You must seek the Light within.

Jains: None. A light bulb might be harmful to moths.

Buddhists: Do not seek to change the light bulb. Instead, learn to perceive the light bulb as it is.

Hindus: To perform the light bulb changing puja, you will need a coconut, a mango, some sandalwood, some turmeric, and eleven dollars to pay the pujari.

 

[YmirGF]

Taliban: None. They prefer to live in the dark.

 

[Smoke]

Hasidim: Thirteen. One to change the light bulb, eleven to reach a scholarly consensus on the halakhically correct way of changing the light bulb, and one to ask the Rebbe's blessing.

 

[BucephalusBB]

non-believer: none, there is no lightbulb anyway, why bother?

 

[tumbleweed41]

Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.