Marit Ayin

[JonM]

I recently ordered four beautiful kipot with the desire to start wearing one in public for the first time. I tried for two days, but I was so uncomfortable that I had to take it off on several occasions. I came up with the idea because I wanted to truly represent myself outwardly, and all I've felt since I started wearing a kipah was that I was misrepresenting myself, masquerading as an observant Jew, when in reality my Judaism is still very personal and embryonic, not at all like the Judaism I think of when I see someone wearing a kipah in public. My Reconstructionist background impels me to define my Jewishness the way I want to; if I feel Jewish, I should be Jewish to the fullest and wear the kipah as a symbol of my faith, regardless of my level of observance. But I have been recently introduced to the concept of marit ayin, and my confidence about making public statements about my Jewishness is shaken.

Now, I deliberately ordered a small, black knit kipah to wear in public, because I read that this is what the "rebellious son" who did not want to distance himself from the faith altogether would traditionally wear. But I'm not sure anyone would be aware of this distinction. I'm probably more worried about misrepresenting myself to non-Jews than to Jews, so the fact that I'm wearing a kipah at all makes me self-conscious.

Any advice?

 

[dauer]

Why not get some tzittzit instead? They're a biblical mitzvah, and you have the option of whether to wear them inside or outside of your trousers. And if any non-Jews see them, they probably won't know what they are anyway.

Dauer

 

[Deut 13:1]

I recently ordered four beautiful kipot with the desire to start wearing one in public for the first time. I tried for two days, but I was so uncomfortable that I had to take it off on several occasions. I came up with the idea because I wanted to truly represent myself outwardly, and all I've felt since I started wearing a kipah was that I was misrepresenting myself, masquerading as an observant Jew, when in reality my Judaism is still very personal and embryonic, not at all like the Judaism I think of when I see someone wearing a kipah in public. My Reconstructionist background impels me to define my Jewishness the way I want to; if I feel Jewish, I should be Jewish to the fullest and wear the kipah as a symbol of my faith, regardless of my level of observance. But I have been recently introduced to the concept of marit ayin, and my confidence about making public statements about my Jewishness is shaken.

Now, I deliberately ordered a small, black knit kipah to wear in public, because I read that this is what the "rebellious son" who did not want to distance himself from the faith altogether would traditionally wear. But I'm not sure anyone would be aware of this distinction. I'm probably more worried about misrepresenting myself to non-Jews than to Jews, so the fact that I'm wearing a kipah at all makes me self-conscious.

Any advice?

From reading your posts, I can see you're really trying. Let me give you a comparison, think of it as if you want a million dollars. Each 1000$ is a step to that million dollars. Think of the Kippa as one baby step in returning to Judaism. You can't just get a million dollars at once, but with baby steps, you can slowly reach where you want too...

Just whatever you do, try not to jump in too fast, you will just become burned out after a month or two. I see it happen a lot. You need to take it very slowly. Start with begining to observe Shabbas, even if it's just going to service or lighting the candels, tefillin, and if you can, dedicate yerself to not eat pork/bacon/shellfish. Just start with the basics. Those are the 3 areas I would strive for. Just keep up the good work. :highfive:

Bemakom Ba'alei Teshuva Omdim, Ain Tzaddik Gamur Yachol La'amod.
In the place where one who returns to G-d stands, not even a Tzaddik can stand. - Rambam. -

And if you have any questions on what to do, they have a 24/6 live chat one-on-one with Orthodox Rabbi's at www.askmoses.com

Also, in the sticky of mine, there is a list of great sites that can answer questions that I, or anyone else here might not be able to.

 

[Deut 13:1]

Why not get some tzittzit instead? They're a biblical mitzvah, and you have the option of whether to wear them inside or outside of your trousers. And if any non-Jews see them, they probably won't know what they are anyway.

Dauer

A lot of people find the wool to be uncomfortable.

 

[JonM]

Thanks to both of you. I like the particular significance of the kipah, and I really would like to make that a part of my life. Tzitzit are a possibility, too, but I would really like to get comfortable with this one.

Binyamin, thanks for the words of encouragement. Usually I think of the "baby steps" argument as a less observant way of looking at things, so it is good to know that more observant Jews would appreciate my efforts as well. I do go to synagogue every Friday night, and I've been a vegetarian for two years, so I sort of keep kosher by default. I really think this outward display of my Jewishness is the next step. I'm working on it.

I would like to know how you feel about marit ayin, though, because that's the main thing that makes me hesitant.

 

[Deut 13:1]

I would like to know how you feel about marit ayin, though, because that's the main thing that makes me hesitant.

Orthodox can tell the difference between someone who is starting to become observant and someone who is not observant, so I wouldn't worry about giving the perception that something is okay except to reform jews who already don't care.

 

[jewscout]

this is something that i've been wrestling with as well JonM.

as much as i want to display my love of Judaism and new found faith i find my position more...complicated.
not only am i still goy but even after my conversion, since it's conservative, i know that Halachically, at best, my conversion is questionable.

it is very heart-breaking.

 

[Deut 13:1]

this is something that i've been wrestling with as well JonM.

as much as i want to display my love of Judaism and new found faith i find my position more...complicated.
not only am i still goy but even after my conversion, since it's conservative, i know that Halachically, at best, my conversion is questionable.

it is very heart-breaking.

Well, your situation is slightly different. While JonM's Jewishness would never be questioned, you run into a slightly different wall. Possibly, when you get to Israel, a valid conversion might be possible...

 

[jewscout]

Well, your situation is slightly different. While JonM's Jewishness would never be questioned, you run into a slightly different wall. Possibly, when you get to Israel, a valid conversion might be possible...

gonna have to anyways, only way me and rachel can get hitched

i'm not going all the way to the Holy Land just to get married somewhere else.

 

[evearael]

...and then you can start working on the first commandment...

 

[jewscout]

...and then you can start working on the first commandment...

I am HaShem thy G-d, who brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. (Exodus 20:2)

 

[evearael]

Well, I was referring to "be fruitful & multiply" but....

 

[dauer]

Deut,

wool isn't the only option anymore.

http://www.neatzit.com/

Dauer

 

[jewscout]

Well, I was referring to "be fruitful & multiply" but....

i know just pickin' on ya:dan:

 

[Deut 13:1]

Deut,

wool isn't the only option anymore.

http://www.neatzit.com/

Dauer

That sounds like what JonM was cautious of. I still only do wool. The cotton doesn't seem right to me.

Thanks for read though.

 

[jewscout]

That sounds like what JonM was cautious of. I still only do wool. The cotton doesn't seem right to me.

Thanks for read though.

halachically is there anything wrong w/ using cotton?

 

[Deut 13:1]

halachically is there anything wrong w/ using cotton?

According to the Torah a garment made of cotton does not need Tzitzis. It is only a later Rabbinic ordinance that garments made of cotton also need Tzitzis. Therefore, one who wishes to fulfill this Mitzvah with its ultimate standards will opt to have a wall garment since that garment is obligated to have Tzitzis by all standards rather then the Rabbinic.

 

[standing_on_one_foot]

Well, there is certainly a chance that your wearing a kipah might give the wrong impression to non-Jews, but chances are they assume that you're Christian, which you could argue is an even bigger wrong impression...but do what you're comfortable with.

The baby steps is a good way to think of it. You might want to try it for just a week, say, since that's not too intimidating to get through and you can get used to something like this pretty fast. I think a display that's fairly subtle is a good idea (dunno how much that means coming from a Reform Jew, but there you are )

 

[Deut 13:1]

Well, there is certainly a chance that your wearing a kipah might give the wrong impression to non-Jews, but chances are they assume that you're Christian, which you could argue is an even bigger wrong impression...but do what you're comfortable with.

The baby steps is a good way to think of it. You might want to try it for just a week, say, since that's not too intimidating to get through and you can get used to something like this pretty fast. I think a display that's fairly subtle is a good idea (dunno how much that means coming from a Reform Jew, but there you are )

Well Christians wear a cross around their neck and they dont crucificed for it, so I don't see why Jews are scared to wear a Kippa

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

...and then you can start working on the first commandment...

Meaning?