JonM
Member
I recently ordered four beautiful kipot with the desire to start wearing one in public for the first time. I tried for two days, but I was so uncomfortable that I had to take it off on several occasions. I came up with the idea because I wanted to truly represent myself outwardly, and all I've felt since I started wearing a kipah was that I was misrepresenting myself, masquerading as an observant Jew, when in reality my Judaism is still very personal and embryonic, not at all like the Judaism I think of when I see someone wearing a kipah in public. My Reconstructionist background impels me to define my Jewishness the way I want to; if I feel Jewish, I should be Jewish to the fullest and wear the kipah as a symbol of my faith, regardless of my level of observance. But I have been recently introduced to the concept of marit ayin, and my confidence about making public statements about my Jewishness is shaken.
Now, I deliberately ordered a small, black knit kipah to wear in public, because I read that this is what the "rebellious son" who did not want to distance himself from the faith altogether would traditionally wear. But I'm not sure anyone would be aware of this distinction. I'm probably more worried about misrepresenting myself to non-Jews than to Jews, so the fact that I'm wearing a kipah at all makes me self-conscious.
Any advice?
Now, I deliberately ordered a small, black knit kipah to wear in public, because I read that this is what the "rebellious son" who did not want to distance himself from the faith altogether would traditionally wear. But I'm not sure anyone would be aware of this distinction. I'm probably more worried about misrepresenting myself to non-Jews than to Jews, so the fact that I'm wearing a kipah at all makes me self-conscious.
Any advice?