Still on the journey trying to become more meaningful. Meaning often seems to be relative or comparative like a competition. The tiny butterfly that changes the weather is more meaningful than the one in a jar. If I feel like I'm stuck in a jar, then I feel like my potential is being limited. If I am frustrated then I feel like I have less meaning or like everything does. There are problems with this flawed view.
I arrived at this current approach, because I was always thinking about the future of the world. I hated the thought that people would go on hurting each other. Still do. I accepted that sometimes people hurt each other; but that would be mitigated if the future held a better situation. As a hero I thought of the world 'as-is' as an unacceptable permanent future which must improve for humanity to have meaning. This probably arose out of a somewhat unhealthy desire to be assured by other people that I had value. I could not look past this to consider other meanings. Still I can't really do that. I can play around with other ideas, but I have to seek a better future. I see my importance as whatever part I play in that. I know this is flawed. If my own life has no value then why would the lives of people in the future? Logically it does not add up.
If I put the hero aside for a moment: if I think mostly of myself and what I want and don't feel sorry for everyone then life is more like a story. Its a story of events and entertaining dances. Think of it as one of those films of time that is sped up with day and night passing in moments and people running about like ants. It is color and sound and beautiful things. It is experiences like the taste of food and the smells and feelings. Like a soup.
