danaustin77
Daniel
I put this post up in the Religious Debate thread, but after some replies was told it more suited mysticism. Forgive my ignorance, but I don't know anything about mysticism, and I'd like to learn what anyone thinks of my experience, after 8 years I still don't know what happened to me, and if anyone has any insight or ideas, I'd really like you to share them with me.
I have had an experience I've never quite been able to explain, and I'd really be interested in hearing any views on what people think happened to me, or if anyone has had a similar experience, though there certainly might be many who simply think that I am crazy. If you will let me, I want to take you back through the years to a night back then, it was in England, my home country, in the county of Nottinghamshire, I had an experience to this day I can't understand, any views will be appreciated.
It was the year 2000, I was laying in bed unable to sleep, I was feeling alone, desperate, in tears and prayer, three years previously a girl who I thought to be the love of my life had rejected me, it was basically unrequited love. Although I was not and am not a Christian, infact I am not religious but I do see myself as spiritual, I was in prayer to God, confiding that I was hurt, felt abandoned, I had never gotten over losing her love, and there seemed to be no hope anymore.
It was dark outside, the clouds clung to the sky like ephemeral mists lost in time over a world crying out in pain, since 1997 I had grown bitter, angry, and it had turned to hate and feeling nothing towards the world, I had long since lost caring anymore, with the love that beat in my heart for this girl, I wished I could tear open my chest and find peace. Since 1997 I had evidently became ill, in my heart, mind and soul, my thoughts ravished with insanity and delusion, and later I would be diagnosed with a mental illness.
With the night outside though, in my loneliness suddenly I spoke five words, they came from deep within me without consent, like activated without my choice, I had never known their meaning before, or even given it much thought, these things were far from my mind, but the words rushed from my lips, it felt like some kind of inner thunder, I had never experienced this before or since, and I said 'I am the Second Coming'. It felt as if the words soared across the night skies, and I spoke in realisation of what they meant ' ... the Alpha and the Omega' I spoke, remembering scripture and the meaning of Christ's return.
The atmosphere was eerie, strange and peaceful, I rose from my bed, feeling completely new, awoken even, I stepped from my sheets and walked out into the dawning of a new day, light dimly appearing from above, I felt released, the burden of pain and nothingness gone, I felt such inner peace and strength, that night would change the course of my life forever. For the next three months I felt common mentally ill symptoms, such as hearing voices which said they were angels, and seeing visions.
I experienced film like visions on the walls, just like watching a television screen, images and pictures, and also after hearing voices saying I was the reincarnation of Christ I was admitted into a mental hospital for admitting to my family that I believed to have once been Jesus, and now I had returned and angels were helping me.
The doctors first thought I had depression, or bi polar, then eventually they decided I had schizophrenia and that was the diagnosis, which certaily explained my delusion prior to 2000 and my experiences in 2000, which were termed as a 'relapse'. Now, in 2008, I am healthy, well and happy, living a normal life, and this event from 2000 seems a lifetime ago, I recognise I have an illness, and I am on medication and have had no more problems.
The question I have is really for people who believe in God, please don't think I am claiming to be Jesus or anything like that, I don't believe in people who say they are the son of God and simply think they are seriously misguided, but I present to you my experience as it was, but what happened? An athiest would obviously reason it was schizophrenia gripping my brain and resulting in my delusion, yet I had two further 'pychotic episodes' in 2004 and 2006 and nothing like this happened again, even in illness, in relapse I always had complete control over my words and what I was saying, but only that one night in 2000 those words came from my lips. Also I only experienced film like hallucinations in 2000.
I guess my question is, was God trying to reach me in my illness? Was it a 'born again' experience? Was it an experience in the Gnostic sense of Christ enlightenment, that Jesus lives within each of us and He showed Himself to me in my time of distress? Or was it infact, simply illness, and a loss of all reality?
Thank you for reading this post, it is appreciated.
I have had an experience I've never quite been able to explain, and I'd really be interested in hearing any views on what people think happened to me, or if anyone has had a similar experience, though there certainly might be many who simply think that I am crazy. If you will let me, I want to take you back through the years to a night back then, it was in England, my home country, in the county of Nottinghamshire, I had an experience to this day I can't understand, any views will be appreciated.
It was the year 2000, I was laying in bed unable to sleep, I was feeling alone, desperate, in tears and prayer, three years previously a girl who I thought to be the love of my life had rejected me, it was basically unrequited love. Although I was not and am not a Christian, infact I am not religious but I do see myself as spiritual, I was in prayer to God, confiding that I was hurt, felt abandoned, I had never gotten over losing her love, and there seemed to be no hope anymore.
It was dark outside, the clouds clung to the sky like ephemeral mists lost in time over a world crying out in pain, since 1997 I had grown bitter, angry, and it had turned to hate and feeling nothing towards the world, I had long since lost caring anymore, with the love that beat in my heart for this girl, I wished I could tear open my chest and find peace. Since 1997 I had evidently became ill, in my heart, mind and soul, my thoughts ravished with insanity and delusion, and later I would be diagnosed with a mental illness.
With the night outside though, in my loneliness suddenly I spoke five words, they came from deep within me without consent, like activated without my choice, I had never known their meaning before, or even given it much thought, these things were far from my mind, but the words rushed from my lips, it felt like some kind of inner thunder, I had never experienced this before or since, and I said 'I am the Second Coming'. It felt as if the words soared across the night skies, and I spoke in realisation of what they meant ' ... the Alpha and the Omega' I spoke, remembering scripture and the meaning of Christ's return.
The atmosphere was eerie, strange and peaceful, I rose from my bed, feeling completely new, awoken even, I stepped from my sheets and walked out into the dawning of a new day, light dimly appearing from above, I felt released, the burden of pain and nothingness gone, I felt such inner peace and strength, that night would change the course of my life forever. For the next three months I felt common mentally ill symptoms, such as hearing voices which said they were angels, and seeing visions.
I experienced film like visions on the walls, just like watching a television screen, images and pictures, and also after hearing voices saying I was the reincarnation of Christ I was admitted into a mental hospital for admitting to my family that I believed to have once been Jesus, and now I had returned and angels were helping me.
The doctors first thought I had depression, or bi polar, then eventually they decided I had schizophrenia and that was the diagnosis, which certaily explained my delusion prior to 2000 and my experiences in 2000, which were termed as a 'relapse'. Now, in 2008, I am healthy, well and happy, living a normal life, and this event from 2000 seems a lifetime ago, I recognise I have an illness, and I am on medication and have had no more problems.
The question I have is really for people who believe in God, please don't think I am claiming to be Jesus or anything like that, I don't believe in people who say they are the son of God and simply think they are seriously misguided, but I present to you my experience as it was, but what happened? An athiest would obviously reason it was schizophrenia gripping my brain and resulting in my delusion, yet I had two further 'pychotic episodes' in 2004 and 2006 and nothing like this happened again, even in illness, in relapse I always had complete control over my words and what I was saying, but only that one night in 2000 those words came from my lips. Also I only experienced film like hallucinations in 2000.
I guess my question is, was God trying to reach me in my illness? Was it a 'born again' experience? Was it an experience in the Gnostic sense of Christ enlightenment, that Jesus lives within each of us and He showed Himself to me in my time of distress? Or was it infact, simply illness, and a loss of all reality?
Thank you for reading this post, it is appreciated.
, but it is really neat doing it.
