When I think of how long I have dealt with depression while also having to handle various life-changing difficulties (which I'll talk about more in this thread), sometimes I feel genuine surprise that I'm still here. I'm not complaining at all, mind you, but the fact that I'm still here after how close I came to giving up on many occasions leads me to believe that sharing some of my experiences here might help someone out there even if in a small way. I know it helped me at the peak of my depression when I read stories of how people had overcome similarly intense struggles.
I'm not sure where to begin, frankly, nor which specific experience was the most difficult--there was the onset of my depression when I first left religion in Saudi Arabia and had to spend my last two years there in extreme isolation and fear while also being in my last year of high school. There was also my misdiagnosis that went on for three years and consequently being prescribed the wrong meds (some of which almost drove me over the edge during struggles with suicidal ideation) as a result by five psychiatrists. There was that one time the fifth psychiatrist prescribed me three antipsychotics in high doses and told me my condition would become "chronic" if I didn't follow the prescription, right after the one before her had directly given up on my condition and said, "Since you haven't felt any improvement after seven months of treatment, you must discontinue the treatment and find another doctor." To her credit, at least she was honest.
Then there was that year when I failed a whole semester in college and changed majors after two years in my first one--partially due to the brain fog and extreme sleepiness from being on antipsychotics at the time--and feeling like a total failure, not to mention being distressed by knowing that my situation would be prolonged by two more years. And most recently, there was my being accepted for conscription despite showing evidence of my long-term depression and appealing the initial assessment that deemed me fit.
This is only a glimpse into the last 10 years of my life; I'll share more detailed stories in subsequent posts to avoid overly lengthening this OP. Like I said, I'm sharing some of the stories here because reading similar ones sometimes helped me when I most needed help; my intention isn't to complain or seek sympathy. Besides, the last month has been a breakthrough for me in terms of my life situation and mental health: for thr first time in about 10 years, I can finally see clear indications that my life is getting back on a healthy track. With academic struggles, military service, and social isolation/loneliness all behind me, I'm now free to pursue my goals without being weighed down by such baggage anymore.
To be continued!
I'm not sure where to begin, frankly, nor which specific experience was the most difficult--there was the onset of my depression when I first left religion in Saudi Arabia and had to spend my last two years there in extreme isolation and fear while also being in my last year of high school. There was also my misdiagnosis that went on for three years and consequently being prescribed the wrong meds (some of which almost drove me over the edge during struggles with suicidal ideation) as a result by five psychiatrists. There was that one time the fifth psychiatrist prescribed me three antipsychotics in high doses and told me my condition would become "chronic" if I didn't follow the prescription, right after the one before her had directly given up on my condition and said, "Since you haven't felt any improvement after seven months of treatment, you must discontinue the treatment and find another doctor." To her credit, at least she was honest.
Then there was that year when I failed a whole semester in college and changed majors after two years in my first one--partially due to the brain fog and extreme sleepiness from being on antipsychotics at the time--and feeling like a total failure, not to mention being distressed by knowing that my situation would be prolonged by two more years. And most recently, there was my being accepted for conscription despite showing evidence of my long-term depression and appealing the initial assessment that deemed me fit.
This is only a glimpse into the last 10 years of my life; I'll share more detailed stories in subsequent posts to avoid overly lengthening this OP. Like I said, I'm sharing some of the stories here because reading similar ones sometimes helped me when I most needed help; my intention isn't to complain or seek sympathy. Besides, the last month has been a breakthrough for me in terms of my life situation and mental health: for thr first time in about 10 years, I can finally see clear indications that my life is getting back on a healthy track. With academic struggles, military service, and social isolation/loneliness all behind me, I'm now free to pursue my goals without being weighed down by such baggage anymore.
To be continued!
