MY Girlfriend has a Mental Disability

[Sha'irullah]

I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years now and I constantly feel ashamed of having her say to much in front of my family. She has a genetic condition which physically takes a tole on her as it stunted her growth and makes her very tiny. She is only 38kg/84lbs at her peak weight but she is only 1.5 meters tall so it does not show that much in terms of how thin she is. The big issue is that mentally she is slow, by no means is she stupid but when you try and engage in an adult conversation she seriously falls behind. So she behaves and acts more like a child for the most part although she can be temperamental at times.

It does not bother me about her physical weakness as a result of her disorder but it does worry me that her childishness will make her very dependant on me in the future. It is so obvious at this point that people who know of my relationship with her often call her my child.
It is cute to some extent until I fathom what this means when she is on her own.

Has anyone else ever experienced a relationship like this?

 

[Mindmaster]

I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years now and I constantly feel ashamed of having her say to much in front of my family. She has a genetic condition which physically takes a tole on her as it stunted her growth and makes her very tiny. She is only 38kg/84lbs at her peak weight but she is only 1.5 meters tall so it does not show that much in terms of how thin she is. The big issue is that mentally she is slow, by no means is she stupid but when you try and engage in an adult conversation she seriously falls behind. So she behaves and acts more like a child for the most part although she can be temperamental at times.

It does not bother me about her physical weakness as a result of her disorder but it does worry me that her childishness will make her very dependant on me in the future. It is so obvious at this point that people who know of my relationship with her often call her my child.
It is cute to some extent until I fathom what this means when she is on her own.

Has anyone else ever experienced a relationship like this?

Depending on your IQ, everyone else you know is slow.

Anyway, my in-laws are in a relationship where mom is much smarter than the dad and it still works. He's kinda street smart, but not book smart and can barely read. It still works out, so I'd say if you all keep each other happy maybe it doesn't matter. Things have a tendency to work out, if enough effort is applied in the right direction. Though, the situation makes him a little more stubborn and occasionally harder to deal with he is a good person and means well.

 

[Sha'irullah]

Depending on your IQ, everyone else you know is slow.

Anyway, my in-laws are in a relationship where mom is much smarter than the dad and it still works. He's kinda street smart, but not book smart and can barely read. It still works out, so I'd say if you all keep each other happy maybe it doesn't matter. Things have a tendency to work out, if enough effort is applied in the right direction. Though, the situation makes him a little more stubborn and occasionally harder to deal with he is a good person and means well.

I feel as if I am complaining about nothing considering that our relationship is rock steady. My gf functions as my pseudo wife and child all at the same time. Her low IQ actually makes her more childish than anything else, unless you press her on certain things her cognitive disability rarely shows itself.

But I will be honest when I say that I don't see her being able to hold a proper job considering her mind and her physical health. So I will be stuck with a childless bored housewife for the rest of my life.

I am sure this is appealing to many people but actually facing my relatives with this sort of girl would just make me cringe if they found out I was dating a girl like this.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

My first curiosity is the age of you two. "Childishness" is a very subjective term, and without any overt complaints and specific examples and just mentioning it as a potential worry makes me think this is nothing that can't be worked through. For her issues, there are probably resources she available for her to help her learn to cope and take care of herself. Maybe you didn't put that much into the post, but from what you did put your relationship hardly seems doomed.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I am sure this is appealing to many people but actually facing my relatives with this sort of girl would just make me cringe if they found out I was dating a girl like this.

So? If you love her, and they can find nothing valid to complain about (and such a disorder, especially if she is trying and not "being the disease"), then why let their opinion ruin what seems to be an otherwise good thing?

 

[McBell]

but from what you did put your relationship hardly seems doomed.

I have to disagree.
HE is going to doom it if he is unable to get over what other people think.

 

[psychoslice]

I think you just need to treat her like an adult, why wouldn't you if you loved her ?.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I have to disagree.
HE is going to doom it if he is unable to get over what other people think.

Well, that is true. I did say that more from the idea that this apparent disability ruining the relationship. But, yes, him letting others get to him over it will surely ruin it.

 

[Mindmaster]

I feel as if I am complaining about nothing considering that our relationship is rock steady. My gf functions as my pseudo wife and child all at the same time. Her low IQ actually makes her more childish than anything else, unless you press her on certain things her cognitive disability rarely shows itself.

But I will be honest when I say that I don't see her being able to hold a proper job considering her mind and her physical health. So I will be stuck with a childless bored housewife for the rest of my life.

I am sure this is appealing to many people but actually facing my relatives with this sort of girl would just make me cringe if they found out I was dating a girl like this.

Why does it matter what they want? You're happy, she's happy. As long as you are not taking advantage of her (and she fully understands what you mean when you interact) everything is OK.

 

[McBell]

I feel as if I am complaining about nothing ...

If it is something that is honestly bothering you, then it is not nothing.
It is something you really should deal with if you want to keep the relationship.

... ...considering that our relationship is rock steady. My gf functions as my pseudo wife and child all at the same time. Her low IQ actually makes her more childish than anything else, unless you press her on certain things her cognitive disability rarely shows itself.

You seem to be contradicting your self here.
First you say she is childish, then you say it would not be noticed unless pressed....

From what you have posted thus far, it seems you are borrowing trouble.

But I will be honest when I say that I don't see her being able to hold a proper job considering her mind and her physical health.

Physical health?
Is her condition getting worse?
Or has it merely stopped her growing?

OASN:
If I ask a question that is stepping over the line, please let me know.
I can sometimes really get into a topic and do not always think before asking questions that may be uncomfortable to answer of just plain none of my damn business.
So if I do cross that line, please feel free to tell me.

So I will be stuck with a childless bored housewife for the rest of my life.

This is something else you will have to come to terms with if you want the relationship to last.

I am sure this is appealing to many people but actually facing my relatives with this sort of girl would just make me cringe if they found out I was dating a girl like this.

To be brutally honest, are you sure you are mature enough to handle the commitment of such a relationship?

 

[McBell]

Well, that is true. I did say that more from the idea that this apparent disability ruining the relationship. But, yes, him letting others get to him over it will surely ruin it.

The disability will only ruin the relationship if one or both of THEM let it...

 

[columbus]

But I will be honest when I say that I don't see her being able to hold a proper job considering her mind and her physical health. So I will be stuck with a childless bored housewife for the rest of my life.

Have you really explored the possibilities of this with her? The fact that she apparently won't "need" to work, in the survival sense, leaves lots of opportunities. Maybe she is really good with kids and could be a teachers aide or something.
Obviously I don't know her at all, but hardly anyone who can be in a relationship is unemployable. I'd bet she would surprise people (possibly herself included) if she were helped to find her niche. Help her feel useful and competent and happy.
Good Luck
Tom

 

[ShivaFan]

Maybe she was your child from a past life and has found you to complete something that was cut short long ago but not forgotten, and is now being fulfilled.

But what size is the soul? Souls can be beautiful or ugly, innocent, mischievous, on and on - but at least among humans they are all the same size.

 

[Sha'irullah]

So? If you love her, and they can find nothing valid to complain about (and such a disorder, especially if she is trying and not "being the disease"), then why let their opinion ruin what seems to be an otherwise good thing?

Well it is not their opinion but I do want her to be accepted by the family. My stepmother is a flat out racist who was disappointed to see that my girlfriend is "white." I have no intentions on having her be accepted by my step family but my biological family is already in the process of mending old wounds and getting together and my brother who is the oldest thinks bad of me to begin with although not in a negative light just that we are such opposite at everything in life.
The only thing we have in common is our atheism and that is nothing to bond over.

 

[Sha'irullah]

If it is something that is honestly bothering you, then it is not nothing.
It is something you really should deal with if you want to keep the relationship.

It does not bother me truthfully it is that I know sooner or later she will have to interact with more people and she refuses to interact with anyone but me. She does not even interact with her own brother that much and knows so little about her family yet she could spell my name backwards in a heartbeat.

You seem to be contradicting your self here.
First you say she is childish, then you say it would not be noticed unless pressed....

From what you have posted thus far, it seems you are borrowing trouble.

Her personality and interests are childish but that does not mean she has a learning disability per se. It is her intelligence and problem solving where you will find out. She is the only adult over the drinking age that has no idea what an abortion is, or has problems understanding yes or no questions.

Physical health?
Is her condition getting worse?
Or has it merely stopped her growing?

Her condition is not worsening but she is anemic, is prone to infections, and cannot produce proper stomach acid, nor can she absorb protein well. So in short she has no strength; can't run nor jump; has to see a dermatologist 7 times a year and relies on me to do a lot of basic things like pulling out a chair that is too heavy.

OASN:
If I ask a question that is stepping over the line, please let me know.
I can sometimes really get into a topic and do not always think before asking questions that may be uncomfortable to answer of just plain none of my damn business.
So if I do cross that line, please feel free to tell me.

I am leaving out details I do no wish to talk about like the name of her condition so this post does not show up on a Google search. But her condition is here.
I have no problems discussing details because I feel as if it is important. I just want to feel confident on our future together.

This is something else you will have to come to terms with if you want the relationship to last.

It does not harm me but I feel as if it would harm her. She needs to do something in life and I hope she can eventually find what it is and college is not helping her a whole lot.

To be brutally honest, are you sure you are mature enough to handle the commitment of such a relationship?

I can handle commitments to her, it is maintain commitments to my family. I have actually never had a genuine friend or relative that I trust. So the thought of picking one girl and avoiding my new found biological family is just horrible to me. I want both and I just hope that my gf can fit along in the family.

 

[Watchmen]

If she has a mental disability and is childish then maybe she shouldn't be in an adult relationship.

 

[Sha'irullah]

Have you really explored the possibilities of this with her? The fact that she apparently won't "need" to work, in the survival sense, leaves lots of opportunities. Maybe she is really good with kids and could be a teachers aide or something.
Obviously I don't know her at all, but hardly anyone who can be in a relationship is unemployable. I'd bet she would surprise people (possibly herself included) if she were helped to find her niche. Help her feel useful and competent and happy.
Good Luck
Tom

Ironic since her mother is a teacher and she does well with kids. But me nor her would ever like having children ourselves for a wide variety of reasons.
I never thought of it per se but she comes from a laid back family so I cannot get her to move and do anything with her life. She has no gusto and her disability is not helping.

 

[psychoslice]

Always remember when you are born into whatever family doesn't mean they are perfect, many families can be very toxic, and someone has to grow up and see the writing on he wall. Never base your life on what your family believe, they have their own beliefs as you do also. If they don't agree with you then that is their wish, too many agree with family just because they were born into that, but no, you have your own life and you must take control of your own life, and if no one likes what your life is, then that is their problem not your's.........yes, time to grow up.

 

[Sha'irullah]

If she has a mental disability and is childish then maybe she shouldn't be in an adult relationship.

Everybody needs love and everybody needs to have a somebody and she has somebody to care for her and I have somebody who is the only person I have any genuine care for next to my pets. Taking me away from her is like ripping a child from her father and

Always remember when you are born into whatever family doesn't mean they are perfect, many families can be very toxic, and someone has to grow up and see the writing on he wall. Never base your life on what your family believe, they have their own beliefs as you do also. If they don't agree with you then that is their wish, too many agree with family just because they were born into that, but no, you have your own life and you must take control of your own life, and if no one likes what your life is, then that is their problem not your's.........yes, time to grow up.

Just to clarify I am trying to get along with my biological family which is a group of wholesome good people. My step family consist of a conspiracy theorist who thinks aliens are manipulating her mind and a racist who tries to undermine and steal from her own children.
Obviously you can tell which family I prefer and wish to get along with. When people lie for more than 20 years non stop it REALLY makes you lose faith they will ever stop.

 

[psychoslice]

Everybody needs love and everybody needs to have a somebody and she has somebody to care for her and I have somebody who is the only person I have any genuine care for next to my pets. Taking me away from her is like ripping a child from her father and


Just to clarify I am trying to get along with my biological family which is a group of wholesome good people. My step family consist of a conspiracy theorist who thinks aliens are manipulating her mind and a racist who tries to undermine and steal from her own children.
Obviously you can tell which family I prefer and wish to get along with. When people lie for more than 20 years non stop it REALLY makes you lose faith they will ever stop.

But is that a healthy relationship, seeing her as a daughter and her seeing you as her dad ?.