My Grandmother Just Suffered a Stroke

[Druidus]

My grandmother's health has been deteriorating severely for some time now. She has Alzheimer's, and has been losing her memory as well as generally declining in cognitive functioning.

I just got a call, 30mins ago from my mother, and she told me that my grandmother has been taken to the hospital. She is non-responsive, though she can squeeze my grandfather's hand on one side. That, combined with the rest of her symptoms, indicates a stroke, and we're all fearing the worst. She's too far to drive to right now, so I am waiting until morning to go see her. She may be flown by helicopter to a bigger hospital here in Halifax anyway, making a drive right now futile.

I'm shocked, despite every indication beforehand that something like this was eventually going to happen. The full ramifications of this haven't yet realized within my mind. I don't even want to imagine what my grandfather and father are going through right now.

I can only hope that I'll get to see her before the end, or, if she does make it through this, that she'll retain enough of herself and her memories to recognize us and we'll be able to say goodbye.

It hurts so much to see this happen. To see someone you love slowly losing themselves and their connection with the world... I question whether this stroke is a blessing in disguise, morbid as it may sound. Is it not selfish for me to hope she lives, despite knowing that Alzheimer's is killing her more cruelly, even if it is slower? At least this way she dies while, with what remained of her memories...

I don't know what to think, or even how to think, it just hurts so deeply...

 

[Druidus]

It looks like she's not going to make it, my sister just called. We're going to rush to get there before she's gone.

 

[Quagmire]

Prayers, Druidus.

 

[ChristineES]

I'll pray for your family.

 

[dawny0826]

I'm so sorry. Praying for peace and healing for you and yours.

 

[Parsimony]

I'll send you my prayers. I wish the bunch of you the best.

 

[Gehennaite]

I question whether this stroke is a blessing in disguise, morbid as it may sound. Is it not selfish for me to hope she lives, despite knowing that Alzheimer's is killing her more cruelly, even if it is slower?

I actually never personally knew my grandparents. I merely knew my mother's adoptive parents & my stepfather's parents. 3 out of 4 of them have passed and I honestly did not feel much dissonance. I was more disturbed by my dog's death than their death. Perhaps your dissonance is a direct result of having a deeper relationship than anything I have ever experienced.

I do think it is cruel to wish people stay in existence that are struggling with severe neurological disorders in their dying years. During my peak struggles with schizophrenia (and granted I've only had it for ~2 years) consciousness was a nightmare. It was hard enough coping with my own consciousness, and it was a pain in the *** dealing with other people's absurd attempts to try and console me. It was embarrassing and upsetting.

Be thankful she is passing relatively quickly. These kinds of neurological problems are not worth living with. It makes life a completely negative experience. If it were physical, that'd be a different story. You can always use the power of the mind to overcome most physical obstacles.

 

[Secret Chief]

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope whatever happens is for the best.

My mum has dementia so I know what it can mean, for the sufferer of the disease and their loved ones.

 

[BSM1]

It looks like she's not going to make it, my sister just called. We're going to rush to get there before she's gone.

Sorry, man.

 

[Druidus]

Thank you all for the support in this difficult time of my (and my family's) life! I really appreciate it; it means a lot to me that people are compassionate in these matters, even online.

She did pass away, just last night. It's been rough, and most of our family, at least those who were able to come, haven't been able to sleep for the past couple nights. We will be holding a funeral on Thursday.

The hardest part of this was being in the hospital room, hearing her laboured breathing, seeing her in such a terrible state. Knowing that despite her being right there in front of me, I'll never be able to talk to her again... Seeing the pain and sadness on the faces of my family; my father, my grandfather, my sister... Seeing the last communication my grandmother had with the world: my grandfather squeezing her hand three times as he said "I love you" (a ritual they'd done for ~50 years at least once a day), and her squeezing back three times, as she'd always done... My grandfather doesn't know what he's going to do with the rest of his life. He said that he'd always thought she'd go first. I can only hope he'll find meaning and joy in existence and the world itself for the remainder of his days.

I will never forget her, and those memories will keep her alive, within me. She meant a lot to, and it hurts to let go of a loved one, but there's no point in dwelling on it. We'll all have to come together as a family and move on into the future.

Again, thanks to everyone for the support!

 

[Secret Chief]

Her struggle is over, she is at peace now.

 

[kashmir]

I am sorry about your losses, you seem like a wonderful grandchild to her, I am sure she knew she was very well loved and didn't die alone.

My gramma was so wonderful to me and she pretty passed the same way, so I can relate.
I am sure your gramma knew perfectly well she had all he loved ones by her side.

((((((((Hugs))))))))))

 

[Shadow Wolf]

You have my deepest sympathies.

I question whether this stroke is a blessing in disguise, morbid as it may sound. Is it not selfish for me to hope she lives, despite knowing that Alzheimer's is killing her more cruelly, even if it is slower? At least this way she dies while, with what remained of her memories...

I don't know what to think, or even how to think, it just hurts so deeply...

Don't beat yourself up over it. Alzheimer's is a vicious monster, and I know of no other disease that brings such devastation to both victim and family. It is not at all cruel or morbid to think the stroke a blessing in disguise. The passing of my grandmother was bitter-sweet as not only where her struggles over, the frustrations and torments of lost memories and forgotten faces were ended.