My Mother died this week.

[Madhuri]

My sincere condolences. Losing family is probably the hardest thing a person can go through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[TashaN]

My condolences, Fantome.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Saturday night my mother had a stroke, and because she was on blood thinners for other conditions she bled quickly and profusely into the brain. She died Sunday morning, after several doctors told us several different ways that there was nothing they could do. This has been very hard for me; I suppose that should go without saying. I am 41 years old and I have never experienced a loss like this, and I know that means I have been incredibly fortunate. But this has been very hard for me.


In the time since we have been busy making arrangements, calling family and friends, preparing for the funeral, and I have been constantly hearing people talk about my mother meeting up with her family that has “gone” before her and about how we will meet again.

I do wish I believed this. I have tried to believe this. There may have been a time when I could have forced myself to believe this, but not now. I could be wrong, but I just cannot believe this is true. Please understand I am not posting this because I want anyone to try to convince me this is true, and I am not asking for prayers, and I am not looking for debate of any kind. I actually have no idea why I am posting this, but I am.

My mother is not “just in the next room”, she is not “waiting for us”, and she has not been “reunited with her Father”. She is dead.

Maybe that is why I am posting this here. Because I cannot say these things. And I must say these things.

But if reality is in the mind, then my Mother does still exist. She is as present in my mind as ever. I still hear her voice and see here face clearly. I wonder if I always will. And I understand why people believe the dead live on. Because I do still see her, I do still hear her. She is still with us. But she is dead.

May she rest in peace.

 

[fantome profane]

I want to thank everyone for their words of support and advice. I am sure what some of you have said will help in the weeks and months to come.

 

[England my lionheart]

Please accept my condolences,i lost my Mother and i can relate to what you said in the OP,your Mother lives on though in your memories,whenever i play Music i think of my Mother because Music made us happy,IMO its memories like this of a loved one that they live on.

 

[Copernicus]

Fantome, I'm so sorry to hear this. Losing a loved one is really hard to adjust to.

My parents died many years ago, but I often have dreams in which they are still alive. There is a part of my mind which seems unable to accept their permanent loss.

 

[KittensAngel]

Saturday night my mother had a stroke, and because she was on blood thinners for other conditions she bled quickly and profusely into the brain. She died Sunday morning...

I am sorry for your loss. You and your family have my deepest sympathy.

I've lost people close to me and I remember thinking at the time that the whole world should simply stop what it was doing, because the life I had with them had just ended.
I think the older you are, the harder it is to say goodbye to those who've been with you for so long. It's so easy to enjoy the companionship and take it as if it shall always be, until it abruptly tragically comes to an end.
So much to say that shall never be said. So much to do, that was planned for a future that shall never come.

I think our family and friends console us with the comfort of thinking those we've lost shall live on happy somewhere else, because it makes it easier to live our own life knowing we shall never see them here again. So words of comfort make it all seem like they're in the next town over, having a great reunion of sorts, and we're not that far separated just because we can't see them.
But it's not true. We only wish it were.

Physics says nothing truly ever ends, it just reforms into something else when it appears to die to our conscious perception. Maybe so, but I'd rather have those I cared for here where I can feel hugging them, instead of think they're now this fragmented energy returned to everything that came after they left my life.

But I tried to see it that way. I remember someone I loved who loved the wild birds. Bird books, and binoculars were still sitting in her bedroom when I went in to get things sorted out after her passing. I thought to myself, perhaps she's the chickadee that she loved best, now. Perhaps the songs we hear on the morning breeze, when the dew is still dappling the leaves about her ivy covered house, is testament to her alive in another place.
I walked outside after that and sitting on the railing of the deck that circled her house was a gorgeous dragonfly. It sat there and turned toward me as I approached, and as I squatted down we looked one another in the eyes and I asked aloud, Billie? Is that you?

May you find peace after you've had time to grieve. May you dream of the good times with your mother. And may you come to find a way to deal with this chasm that's cleaved your heart in twain, as it shall always be a scar there because we only get one mom. (Hugs)

 

[IsmailaGodHasHeard]

I am very sorry for your loss. My father died the same way. I am available if you want to talk.

 

[javajo]

I'm sorry too. Maybe telling us about it and how you feel will help some. It will get better, this too shall pass, as they say.