My New Religion--I am the real God

[stupified]

So, my name is stupified. I was sent here by the ultra-lord who has a big schlong. He could part the universe with his bad breathe. My symbol is the electric chair. Anybody who doesn't believe in me does not get tortured, but their kids do as they watch. You must not worship any other gods, or any sports, or have any hobbies 5 days out of the week. On Monday you can watch monday night football. On Tuesday you can attempt to breed, and you must breed continually and be fruity and multiply. Even if that means inbreeding. The rest of the week you must neel down and touch your tongue to a spark plug, in honor of the melting flesh of your kids if you misbehave and they get the honor ot the electric chair. My ultra-lord shocks me everyday, just to take away from your sins and allow you to watch football on Monday nights.

I dare you not to join my stupified religion. Your kids will enjoy their ride with sparky.

 

[Rainbow Mage]

Sounds interesting, but I'm not interested in a religion based on torture and suicide

 

[stupified]

Your kids, its your kids we have to worry about!

 

[chinu]

My New Religion--I am the real God

So from now there will be two gods,

• "God"
• "Real God"

_/\_
Chinu

 

[stupified]

It will not be a trinity, it will be a bi-sexuality. The ultra-lord with the mega-schlong will penetrate me, and he will penetrate all of you if you let him, and want him, and worship him. Or your kids get the electric chair. Your choice.

 

[science_is_my_god]

So, my name is stupified. I was sent here by the ultra-lord who has a big schlong. He could part the universe with his bad breathe. My symbol is the electric chair. Anybody who doesn't believe in me does not get tortured, but their kids do as they watch. You must not worship any other gods, or any sports, or have any hobbies 5 days out of the week. On Monday you can watch monday night football. On Tuesday you can attempt to breed, and you must breed continually and be fruity and multiply. Even if that means inbreeding. The rest of the week you must neel down and touch your tongue to a spark plug, in honor of the melting flesh of your kids if you misbehave and they get the honor ot the electric chair. My ultra-lord shocks me everyday, just to take away from your sins and allow you to watch football on Monday nights.

I dare you not to join my stupified religion. Your kids will enjoy their ride with sparky.

I understand the point you are trying to make, but doesn't it make more sense to have a theological revolution, abandon everything religions across the world have taught us, and start with theology from scratch?

Abandon religion: Absolutely

Abandon theology as a whole: Absolutely not

 

[stupified]

I understand the point you are trying to make, but doesn't it make more sense to have a theological revolution, abandon everything religions across the world have taught us, and start with theology from scratch?

Abandon religion: Absolutely

Abandon theology as a whole: Absolutely not

I don't know. Good question. Definitely abandon Christianity (or narrow doctrines). Strip everything down like you said. Especially silly stuff like in the Bible. But you raise a good question.

 

[stupified]

Amazing people aren't flocking to my religion (maybe after I die?). It is not that different from some religions.

 

[Breathe]

Amazing people aren't flocking to my religion (maybe after I die?). It is not that different from some religions.

You mention schlongs.

Most religions which are narrow-minded enough to say "believe or perish" tend not to look favourably upon body parts.

Therefore, you are an impostor!

 

[stupified]

You mention schlongs.

Most religions which are narrow-minded enough to say "believe or perish" tend not to look favourably upon body parts.

Therefore, you are an impostor!

LOL but they do say things like almighty and kind of macho stuff. But yeah no direct references just innuendos.

 

[Breathe]

LOL but they do say things like almighty and kind of macho stuff. But yeah no direct references just innuendos.

Kind of macho stuff?


You mean, anthromorphising the Divinity by giving It masculine qualities, like "The Father"?

 

[stupified]

Exactly. The almight. The father. Masculizing it. His strength bla bla.

 

[Breathe]

I can kind of understand why it's done, not that I agree with it. My own conception of God is genderless, formless, raceless, casteless, and so on. However, I tend to associate with female manifestations of the Supreme better, such as Mother Durga, Kali, Lakshmi and Saraswati.


I think you will find that many who turn God male do so because of what are perceived as masculine qualities: strength, passion, active involvement, tough love (like flooding a whole planet kind of tough from a Christian-Jewish-Islamic scripture reading), and so on, but many do not believe God has a "schlong" or anything in reality.

I most certainly don't, but then again, I'm none of those religions.

 

[stupified]

We need to invent a religion for me. I am lost.

 

[Breathe]

Give me a run-down on what you believe, on God, Its nature, Its relation to the universe, the afterlife, and whether or not you believe in a soul. I'll see if I can point you in the right direction.

 

[doppelganger]

Abandon religion: Absolutely

Abandon theology as a whole: Absolutely not

What is the relationship between religion and theology?

 

[LuisDantas]

I understand the point you are trying to make, but doesn't it make more sense to have a theological revolution, abandon everything religions across the world have taught us, and start with theology from scratch?

Abandon religion: Absolutely

Abandon theology as a whole: Absolutely not

Isn't it better the other way around?

 

[BruceDLimber]

37
“Whoso layeth claim to a Revelation direct from God, ere the expiration of a full thousand years, such a man is assuredly a lying impostor. We pray God that He may graciously assist him to retract and repudiate such claim. Should he repent, God will, no doubt, forgive him. If, however, he persisteth in his error, God will, assuredly, send down one who will deal mercilessly with him. Terrible, indeed, is God in punishing! Whosoever interpreteth this verse otherwise than its obvious meaning is deprived of the Spirit of God and of His mercy which encompasseth all created things. Fear God, and follow not your idle fancies. Nay, rather, follow the bidding of your Lord, the Almighty, the All-Wise.”


-- The Book of Laws, p. 32


Enough said!

 

[stupified]

37
“Whoso layeth claim to a Revelation direct from God, ere the expiration of a full thousand years, such a man is assuredly a lying impostor. We pray God that He may graciously assist him to retract and repudiate such claim. Should he repent, God will, no doubt, forgive him. If, however, he persisteth in his error, God will, assuredly, send down one who will deal mercilessly with him. Terrible, indeed, is God in punishing! Whosoever interpreteth this verse otherwise than its obvious meaning is deprived of the Spirit of God and of His mercy which encompasseth all created things. Fear God, and follow not your idle fancies. Nay, rather, follow the bidding of your Lord, the Almighty, the All-Wise.”


-- The Book of Laws, p. 32


Enough said!

God may send down somebody to TRY to deal with me mercileslly, but I work for the ultra-Lord and I will bend him over.