My support for hedonism

[The Transcended Omniverse]

Believe it or not, the deadly lie would actually have the good value here. So why is it that people would choose to do so otherwise? It would be because we have evolved other functions of our brains for survival. We have evolved with the ability to not always give into pleasure and to instead choose other things. However, that still doesn't define those other choices/things as being good as long as we didn't derive any feelings of pleasure from them.

As for the deadly lie, I will bring up my rule (concept) below in quotes:

"If you struggle with depression, then it just would not make any sense whatsoever to say in a depressing tone of voice: "My life is great and worth living." Good messages such as this can only be defined through an uplifting and optimistic tone (mood). So really, that quoted message should instead be something like: "My life is not great at all and not worth living at all" since it is in a depressive tone (mood). To say that one's life is good and worth living while he/she is feeling down and depressed would be no different than saying in an excited happy pleasurable tone (mood): "Yipee, my life is bad and not worth living at all!"

This is my rule (concept) that states how it makes no sense for anything to be of good value and worth in our lives without our feelings of pleasure. Therefore, this same rule (concept) also applies to the deadly lie as well and would make the deadly lie have good value if we felt pleasure from it. Even if you were very depressed, had no pleasure, and you were aware of the fact that you would fully recover your feelings of pleasure by tomorrow, then this same rule (concept) even applies in this situation as well. In other words, as long as you are not having any feelings of pleasure, then knowing that you will recover by tomorrow wouldn't even be anything good. So the lives of those who are feeling depressed and have no feelings of pleasure are bad/neutral lives not worth living. But only for those given moments of depression/absence of pleasure. The moment the person recovers his/her feelings of pleasure is when his/her life is good and worth living again.

 

[Spockrates]

...

Believe it or not, the deadly lie would actually have the good value here. So why is it that people would choose to do so otherwise? It would be because we have evolved other functions of our brains for survival. We have evolved with the ability to not always give into pleasure and to instead choose other things. However, that still doesn't define those other choices/things as being good as long as we didn't derive any feelings of pleasure from them.

As for the deadly lie, I will bring up my rule (concept) below in quotes:

"If you struggle with depression, then it just would not make any sense whatsoever to say in a depressing tone of voice: "My life is great and worth living." Good messages such as this can only be defined through an uplifting and optimistic tone (mood). So really, that quoted message should instead be something like: "My life is not great at all and not worth living at all" since it is in a depressive tone (mood). To say that one's life is good and worth living while he/she is feeling down and depressed would be no different than saying in an excited happy pleasurable tone (mood): "Yipee, my life is bad and not worth living at all!"

This is my rule (concept) that states how it makes no sense for anything to be of good value and worth in our lives without our feelings of pleasure. Therefore, this same rule (concept) also applies to the deadly lie as well and would make the deadly lie have good value if we felt pleasure from it. Even if you were very depressed, had no pleasure, and you were aware of the fact that you would fully recover your feelings of pleasure by tomorrow, then this same rule (concept) even applies in this situation as well. In other words, as long as you are not having any feelings of pleasure, then knowing that you will recover by tomorrow wouldn't even be anything good. So the lives of those who are feeling depressed and have no feelings of pleasure are bad/neutral lives not worth living. But only for those given moments of depression/absence of pleasure. The moment the person recovers his/her feelings of pleasure is when his/her life is good and worth living again.

Does your rule (concept) have value, worth or meaning?

 

[The Transcended Omniverse]

There are two worlds ("realms") here. We have the realm of pure logic without our feelings which would be a neutral realm. Then we have the realm that actually defines our lives as good or bad which would be our feelings of pleasure or feelings of suffering. So logically speaking, we can choose to do things such as avoiding pleasure if it meant us getting killed or harming others. So even though my concept (rule) has no good value without my feelings of pleasure, it does hold meaning logically speaking. Logically speaking would just simply mean observing things like facts such as knowing that the Earth revolves around the sun, that certain situations can be good or bad (but can't be good or bad for us without our feelings of pleasure or suffering), etc.

 

[Spockrates]

There are two worlds ("realms") here. We have the realm of pure logic without our feelings which would be a neutral realm. Then we have the realm that actually defines our lives as good or bad which would be our feelings of pleasure or feelings of suffering. So logically speaking, we can choose to do things such as avoiding pleasure if it meant us getting killed or harming others. So even though my concept (rule) has no good value without my feelings of pleasure, it does hold meaning logically speaking.

Yes, I think what we have is a different understanding of the word value. You're talking apples, but I'm thinking oranges. You seem to define it narrowly, as a pleasant feeling. I define it in a much broader send--as anything that brings about the most benefit for me or another. Sometimes that which I find valuable benefits me emotionally, as well as physically or spiritually or morally. But other times it does not. I love to procrastinate, be irresponsible, be selfish, be lazy and waste time. I hate to get to work, be responsible, be unselfish, exercise and make good use of my time.

I logically know what is best for me, though I don't emotionally feel good about doing it. Yet I do it because I value the future benefits more than the feelings of the moment. It's wisdom--deciding what is valuable--not emotion--feeling good about doing what is not good for me--that makes my choices valuable to me.

But what about you? Do you ever find any logical value or rational worth in choosing right over wrong--beneficial over harmful? Do you ever see value or worth outside the context of emotions?

 

[The Transcended Omniverse]

First off, without our feelings of pleasure, then we could say something such as a logical statement such as that another person's life is good since they can experience pleasure. But as I've said before, since we are only in our own minds and can't experience the sense of good and worth others have in their lives (which would be their feelings of pleasure), then there is no personal good or worth for us in our own lives without our feelings of pleasure. So us living for other good things in life without our feelings of pleasure, then all of that is nothing more than just us observing good things logically. We would be living for other good things and that would not make our personal lives anything good. It can't give us any sense of good value and worth in our lives without our feelings of pleasure as I've said before.

Since it is a scientific fact that we as human beings always rely on our sense of good value and worth in life and this sense can only be defined through our feelings of pleasure, then this is the reason why there can't be anything good to us personally if we have chosen to live for other good things in life without our feelings of pleasure. All those other things would have the good value while we would be left with no good value to us personally without our feelings of pleasure.

 

[Spockrates]

First off, without our feelings of pleasure, then we could say something such as a logical statement such as that another person's life is good since they can experience pleasure. But as I've said before, since we are only in our own minds and can't experience the sense of good and worth others have in their lives (which would be their feelings of pleasure), then there is no personal good or worth for us in our own lives without our feelings of pleasure. So us living for other good things in life without our feelings of pleasure, then all of that is nothing more than just us observing good things logically. We would be living for other good things and that would not make our personal lives anything good. It can't give us any sense of good value and worth in our lives without our feelings of pleasure as I've said before.

Since it is a scientific fact that we as human beings always rely on our sense of good value and worth in life and this sense can only be defined through our feelings of pleasure, then this is the reason why there can't be anything good to us personally if we have chosen to live for other good things in life without our feelings of pleasure. All those other things would have the good value while we would be left with no good value to us personally without our feelings of pleasure.

OK, I'll try my best to walk around in your shoes and pretend I have the same inability to feel as you have. I won't say I can't imagine what it feels like to be you, since you have no feelings. I can see the pros and cons of being unhindered by emotion, as I mentioned at the beginning of our conversation.

So since there is logical meaning but no emotional pleasure in living this life, I suppose being selfish is not an option. There is no way to be motivated by selfish pleasure, since there is no feeling of pleasure whatsoever in what we say, think or do! So why not live unselfishly? Why not live vicariously through others by bringing emotional pleasure to them?

In Theatetus, Socrates explains how he is in a similar situation to our own. But instead of having no emotion, he had no wisdom. He had no idea what was true and no ability to discover truth himself. It was his God's curse on him.

But it was also his God's blessing. For although he was unable to discover any truth himself, he had a talent for helping others discover the truth for themselves. He made it his life's mission to help others become what he would never be--wise. So he explained to Theatetus that he took after his mother, who was a midwife. But instead of helping women give birth to infants, he helped men give birth to ideas--some of which were living truths and some of which were stillborn lies. Finding himself unable to selfishly discover truth himself, he chose to unselfishly empower others to discover truth for themselves.

So why not do the same yourself? Being unable to bring any selfish joy to yourself, why not unselfishly work to bring joy to others who need it? Your life might lack value to yourself, but it would not lack meaning. For you would make life more valuable and worth living to others. If you believe there might be a God, then such unselfish devotion to others would certainly not go unnoticed in this life nor unrewarded in the next. Who knows? Like the tin man in the Wizard of Oz, God might reward you with a heart.

 

[The Transcended Omniverse]

Let me just make myself clear right here and now. It is a scientific fact that only our sense of good value and worth in life (our feelings of pleasure) are the only things that matter since we as human beings solely rely on our sense of good value and worth in life to find genuine reason to live life and to live for other great things in life. This would even include relying on this sense of good value and worth in living to help others and bringing them pleasure. We as human beings do not just rely on our logic alone without our feelings of pleasure to have a genuine reason to live and people who are doing so are only fooling themselves into thinking they can have a genuine reason to live without their feelings of pleasure.

Now that I have made myself clear here, I think you can now see why that even me living for others and bringing them pleasure can't make my life anything good or worth living without my own feelings of pleasure.

 

[Spockrates]

W

Let me just make myself clear right here and now. It is a scientific fact that only our sense of good value and worth in life (our feelings of pleasure) are the only things that matter since we as human beings solely rely on our sense of good value and worth in life to find genuine reason to live life and to live for other great things in life. This would even include relying on this sense of good value and worth in living to help others and bringing them pleasure. We as human beings do not just rely on our logic alone without our feelings of pleasure to have a genuine reason to live and people who are doing so are only fooling themselves into thinking they can have a genuine reason to live without their feelings of pleasure.

Now that I have made myself clear here, I think you can now see why that even me living for others and bringing them pleasure can't make my life anything good or worth living without my own feelings of pleasure.

Well, I'd say what matters is what is meaningful, and you and I agree that how we feel or don't feel about something has nothing to do with it being meaningful. Despite a lack of emotional pleasure, your life can still have meaning. Can't it?

But then there is also hope, which I believe has to do with unemotional and rational expectation more than emotional motivation. Do you think there is reason to expect that since there is a God, a life filled with meaning will have value to him, and that such a God would ensure that in eternity those whom he loves will be made whole, so that they will be able to love others as he loves them?

This is love: Not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

(1 John 4:10)
​

 

[The Transcended Omniverse]

First off, if you had no feelings of pleasure right now and you were saying that what matters is what is meaningful, then that is no different than a biological robot just speaking words and performing actions. There is no experience (sense of good value and worth from them). Therefore, I cannot possibly understand how someone can be fine living like some biological robot helping others and such with no sense of good value and worth whatsoever from doing that. It is like they are no longer human and have been transformed into a robot. Only robots would be fine living this way and it is only human beings like me who would not be fine living this way.

Second, I am an atheist and I don't believe there is a God or an afterlife. I don't believe in anything superstitious for that matter either.

 

[Spockrates]

First off, if you had no feelings of pleasure right now and you were saying that what matters is what is meaningful, then that is no different than a biological robot just speaking words and performing actions. There is no experience (sense of good value and worth from them). Therefore, I cannot possibly understand how someone can be fine living like some biological robot helping others and such with no sense of good value and worth whatsoever from doing that. It is like they are no longer human and have been transformed into a robot. Only robots would be fine living this way and it is only human beings like me who would not be fine living this way.

I'd recommend watching the film Eva. It deals with the idea of robots becoming more human than we might think possible. Although you would find no value in it, you might find much meaning!



But I wonder why a life full of meaning would have no value or worth. I'm not so sure it is as black and white as you say. I wonder if the words meaning, value, worth, beauty and greatness are synonyms. I wonder if there are different kinds of meaning--emotional and logical. For something that is devoid of emotional meaning might indeed have significant logical meaning. I wonder, too if there are also different kinds of value, worth, beauty and greatness. For something that is devoid of emotional value, worth, beauty or greatness might indeed have significant logical value, worth, beauty or greatness. Consider mathematics, for example. Although the disciple bores me and gives me no pleasure, reason tells me it has significant value, worth and greatness, though I cannot argue that I do not know it well enough to appreciate its beauty. So I'm not convinced that emotion is the one and only thing that gives anything and everything value.

I'm also curious how you came to this opinion. Was there a time when you were once capable of feeling and so you have experience to compare? Or are you just trusting the opinions of others who feel the way you never had? (Please don't feel any pressure to answer-- I mean, please don't answer if you find no logically compelling reason to do so.)

Second, I am an atheist and I don't believe there is a God or an afterlife. I don't believe in anything superstitious for that matter either.

Isn't more logical to say you are an agnostic? Atheism seems to me more emotional and irrational, for who can logically say she is 100% sure there is no God? Better to say it is possible, but likely improbable. Makes the one saying it sound more reasonable and objective, I think.

 

[The Transcended Omniverse]

Let me just address that post you made before when you said "what matters is what is meaningful." If you had no feelings of pleasure and lived by that message, then you would only be fooling yourself here. This is because in order to find a genuine reason to live in the first place, then you rely on that sense of good value and worth (your feelings of pleasure) since this is a scientific fact that applies to everyone. Therefore, for you to still find a genuine reason to live anyway if you had no feelings of pleasure just because "what matters is what is meaningful," then you would be fooling yourself here and the fact is, you should not find any reason to live as long as you don't have your feelings of pleasure.

As for your question, there was a moment in the past when I had my full feelings of pleasure before I developed this anhedonia. Not only has my personal experience of pleasure, my depression ,and anhedonia (absence of pleasure) taught me everything I've explained about our feelings of pleasure being the only things that define our sense of good value and worth in life, but as it turns out, it also happens to be a proven scientific fact as well. Again, ask a neurologist if you do not believe me.

 

[Spockrates]

Let me just address that post you made before when you said "what matters is what is meaningful." If you had no feelings of pleasure and lived by that message, then you would only be fooling yourself here. This is because in order to find a genuine reason to live in the first place, then you rely on that sense of good value and worth (your feelings of pleasure) since this is a scientific fact that applies to everyone. Therefore, for you to still find a genuine reason to live anyway if you had no feelings of pleasure just because "what matters is what is meaningful," then you would be fooling yourself here and the fact is, you should not find any reason to live as long as you don't have your feelings of pleasure.

From what I understand, there are a good number of sociopaths finding a great deal to live for in the United States. They hold positions of power and prestige as CEOs, lawyers, physicians and the like. would they work so hard to become so successful if they truly believed life was not worth living? Ask any psychiatrist. She will tell you. Or simply google case studies in successful psychopaths.

As for your question, there was a moment in the past when I had my full feelings of pleasure before I developed this anhedonia. Not only has my personal experience of pleasure, my depression ,and anhedonia (absence of pleasure) taught me everything I've explained about our feelings of pleasure being the only things that define our sense of good value and worth in life, but as it turns out, it also happens to be a proven scientific fact as well. Again, ask a neurologist if you do not believe me.

My apologies, Matt. I must have misunderstood. I thought you said you feel no emotion at all. Now you just said you feel depressed. Did you mean, instead you feel no happiness but you do feel sadness? You feel no satisfaction, but you do feel dissatisfaction?

 

[The Transcended Omniverse]

As for your statement about the sociopaths, they would think they have reason to live and would choose to live without their feelings of pleasure. But they would only be fooling themselves into doing so. Even babies who are born with no pleasure are only fooling themselves into finding reason to live. Those babies and sociopaths are unaware of the truth here and are just living their lives like biological robots who, in reality, should find no reason to live. If they were somehow aware of the truth, accepted it, and still have chosen to live anyway, then they would be fooling themselves here as well. If they were to tell you: "I don't need any reason to live. I can just choose to live anyway," then they are finding a reason to live. Their reason for living is just to live. But here again, they would be fooling themselves in saying that since there is no reason to live whatsoever without your feelings of pleasure. If, from there, they then tell you: "I don't understand this. I am just fine living this way," then they are still fooling themselves here and should still find no reason to live.

So if a mother has a newborn baby and this baby has a mental defect in which it has no ability to experience any feelings of pleasure, then the mother should just kill this baby and not allow it to live on, live for other things in life, and help others. As for me, I am living for a possible recovery from this anhedonia and to recover my pleasure. But here again, the truth is that I am only fooling myself here and that I should find no reason to live and should end my life right here and now even though I am not going to do so. As for your other question, I do not feel pleasure at all. But I can feel hopelessness, sadness, and anger.

We who have no feelings of pleasure should all just end our lives. I'm afraid that is just the way life is and all things people say such as that I and others can find good value and worth in life, then that is all delusional and these people are only fooling themselves and lying. Again, it is a scientific fact that only our feelings of pleasure define our sense of good value and worth in life and that people are fooling themselves into thinking otherwise. This is just a fact of life and you are just going to have to kill yourself rather than accept your absence of pleasure.

 

[Spockrates]

As for your statement about the sociopaths, they would think they have reason to live and would choose to live without their feelings of pleasure. But they would only be fooling themselves into doing so. Even babies who are born with no pleasure are only fooling themselves into finding reason to live. Those babies and sociopaths are unaware of the truth here and are just living their lives like biological robots who, in reality, should find no reason to live. If they were somehow aware of the truth, accepted it, and still have chosen to live anyway, then they would be fooling themselves here as well. If they were to tell you: "I don't need any reason to live. I can just choose to live anyway," then they are finding a reason to live. Their reason for living is just to live. But here again, they would be fooling themselves in saying that since there is no reason to live whatsoever without your feelings of pleasure. If, from there, they then tell you: "I don't understand this. I am just fine living this way," then they are still fooling themselves here and should still find no reason to live.

From what I understand of robots and artificial intelligence, they feel no anger or sadness. They also do only what they have been programmed to do. Do you think you are perhaps more human than you think--just disabled? Some are blind, some are deaf. Some have no sense of smell or taste. Some even have no sense of touch. Yet they choose to live with their disabilities. You have no sense of pleasure. Will you live with your disability?

So if a mother has a newborn baby and this baby has a mental defect in which it has no ability to experience any feelings of pleasure, then the mother should just kill this baby and not allow it to live on, live for other things in life, and help others. As for me, I am living for a possible recovery from this anhedonia and to recover my pleasure. But here again, the truth is that I am only fooling myself here and that I should find no reason to live and should end my life right here and now even though I am not going to do so. As for your other question, I do not feel pleasure at all. But I can feel hopelessness, sadness, and anger.

I'm not so sure you have no pleasure. Maybe if you tell me what you believe pleasure is, I'll understand.

We who have no feelings of pleasure should all just end our lives. I'm afraid that is just the way life is and all things people say such as that I and others can find good value and worth in life, then that is all delusional and these people are only fooling themselves and lying. Again, it is a scientific fact that only our feelings of pleasure define our sense of good value and worth in life and that people are fooling themselves into thinking otherwise. This is just a fact of life and you are just going to have to kill yourself rather than accept your absence of pleasure.

I think perhaps you letting your emotions of despair cloud your judgement. Maybe since you feel there is not much hope, you are letting this feeling make the decision for you. It is a decision that seems to me illogical. In that sense you are far from an unemotional robot, though you may indeed be deceived by your emotions. I don't know for sure. I'm just going on what you have told me.

The reason I've made this inference is this: As I stated before, your logical argument fails to prove its conclusion. I'm not you, so I have no right to tell you what to do. But if I was in your shoes, I'd make sure I had an unbiased, rational reason to end my life, uninfluenced by any negative emotion. In short, I'd make certain I was not deceived. As I've said before, I think Socrates was onto something when he said:

I have long been wondering at my own wisdom ; I cannot trust myself. And I think that I ought to stop and ask myself What am I saying ? for there is nothing worse than self-deception — when the deceiver is always at home and always with you — it is quite terrible!

(Cratylus)​

If this sounds reasonable to you, then I'd very much like to consider your logical argument for why you should die. Just let me know, and I'll restate your premises and conclusion, and you can explain why you believe your reasons are sound. If it does not sound reasonable to you, I hope you will explain why it does not.

 

[The Transcended Omniverse]

First off, I am worse than a robot since bad value is worse than neutral value. So not only do I have the neutral value of a robot in my life, but I also have bad value since I can feel unpleasant emotions. If it were ever proven to me in a pretend situation that I would never recover my feelings of pleasure, then that is when I would end my life.

As for what I mean when I say "pleasure," in the area of the brain known as the "Nucleus Accumbens," this area of the brain experiences a pleasant sensation. It experiences the biological sense of reward and motivation and this is what I am referring to as "pleasure." It is the types of pleasure highs that, for example, a heroin addict would get after taking heroin. Or the pleasant sensation (emotion) you get when doing the things you like to do in life. So it is the pleasant emotions that I am referring to as "pleasure" here. Emotions such as love, motivation, beauty, wonder, etc. These are the only things that define our sense of good value and worth in life. Other forms of pleasure and good value that are said to come from our thoughts and everything else in life without our feelings of pleasure, that does not define our sense of good value and worth in our lives at all.

Here is an explanation of the nucleus accumbens:

Nucleus accumbens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Here is another link (the pleasure center):

Pleasure center - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Here again, all decisions we make, actions we make, knowledge/intelligence we have, etc. without our feelings of pleasure, we have just simply evolved these functions for survival. However, it is only our feelings of pleasure that define everything in our lives as having good value and worth to us. Also, I am not being deceived because this is a proven scientific fact as I've said before and you are going to have to ask a neurologist if you do not believe me.

 

[Spockrates]

If you do not want to prove you reasons for killing yourself are logical, that's OK, too. In that case all I can do is recommend that you keep talking to anyone who will listen and seems to care. I'm a firm believer in hope. I think you are, too. For you said you have hope--however small--that your condition will improve.

So I have another idea: You said you have no pleasurable feeling. What about hope? Many tell me it is a positive emotion. What do you think?

 

[Spockrates]

First off, I am worse than a robot since bad value is worse than neutral value. So not only do I have the neutral value of a robot in my life, but I also have bad value since I can feel unpleasant emotions. If it were ever proven to me in a pretend situation that I would never recover my feelings of pleasure, then that is when I would end my life.

As for what I mean when I say "pleasure," in the area of the brain known as the "Nucleus Accumbens," this area of the brain experiences a pleasant sensation. It experiences the biological sense of reward and motivation and this is what I am referring to as "pleasure." It is the types of pleasure highs that, for example, a heroin addict would get after taking heroin. Or the pleasant sensation (emotion) you get when doing the things you like to do in life. So it is the pleasant emotions that I am referring to as "pleasure" here. Emotions such as love, motivation, beauty, wonder, etc. These are the only things that define our sense of good value and worth in life. Other forms of pleasure and good value that are said to come from our thoughts and everything else in life without our feelings of pleasure, that does not define our sense of good value and worth in our lives at all.

Here is an explanation of the nucleus accumbens:

Nucleus accumbens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Here is another link (the pleasure center):

Pleasure center - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Here again, all decisions we make, actions we make, knowledge/intelligence we have, etc. without our feelings of pleasure, we have just simply evolved these functions for survival. However, it is only our feelings of pleasure that define everything in our lives as having good value and worth to us. Also, I am not being deceived because this is a proven scientific fact as I've said before and you are going to have to ask a neurologist if you do not believe me.

As I said before: Although your premises may be fact, they do not support the conclusion that your life has no value. Would you like to consider your logical argument more carefully? If so, I'll restate it and you may clarify it and then we shall examine together if you have a logical reason to put faith in your idea.

 

[Spockrates]

So what fork in the road should we take, Matt? The road that will help us learn if your argument is logically valid, or the road that will lead us to the truth about hope?

 

[The Transcended Omniverse]

Hope would be a positive emotion right now if I could feel it. Hope is a feeling of pleasure. But as I've said before, all my feelings of pleasure are turned off. As for my decision to end my life being logical, even though we have evolved brain functions to survive such as the parts of our brains that make logical decisions and such and that me choosing to live on and not kill myself right here and now would be me using my logical problem-solving part of my brain to instead try things to recover my pleasure, the fact still remains that it is only our feelings of pleasure that define things as being good and worth living for in our lives. Therefore, in that regard, me living for a recovery shouldn't be good and worth living for at all without my feelings of pleasure right now and I really should end my life even though I am not going to do so.

 

[Spockrates]

Hope would be a positive emotion right now if I could feel it. Hope is a feeling of pleasure. But as I've said before, all my feelings of pleasure are turned off.

Yes, my apologies. I stand corrected. When you said,

As for me, I am living for a possible recovery from this anhedonia and to recover my pleasure.​

you did not mean you had a feeling of hope, though I suppose you had an expectation--however slight--of the possibility of a positive outcome.

For me, simply recalling these words written by Paul when he was on death row, so to speak has relieved negative feelings more often then not, but I understand how they have little meaning to you:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:6-7)
​

As for my decision to end my life being logical, even though we have evolved brain functions to survive such as the parts of our brains that make logical decisions and such and that me choosing to live on and not kill myself right here and now would be me using my logical problem-solving part of my brain

Agreed.

to instead try things to recover my pleasure,

What I'm suggesting is using logic to see if your reasons are logical, or illogical, sound or unsound, rational or irrational. If the reasons are illogical, unsound and irrational then they are not good reasons to believe, I believe.

the fact still remains that it is only our feelings of pleasure that define things as being good and worth living for in our lives. Therefore, in that regard, me living for a recovery shouldn't be good and worth living for at all without my feelings of pleasure right now and I really should end my life even though I am not going to do so.

So this is the conclusion you have not proven:

It is only our feelings of pleasure that define things as being good and worth living for in our lives.​

If we are to prove you have a logical, sound and rational reason to put faith in this idea, you must provide proof, a student of logic would say. You must provide premises that (1) have no factual errors and (2) actually support your conclusion rather than supporting a different conclusion, or no conclusion at all.

So please help me understand. What premises (reasons) do you have to support (provide proof of) your conclusion that only our feelings of pleasure define things as being good and worth living for? Let's construct your argument, making it as strong as possible, then see if it is an impenetrable wall, or a flimsy barrier that will come crashing down when opposed by reason.

What do you say? We have nothing to lose but our ignorance and the truth about your beliefs to gain.