My testimony revisited (and better explained)

[PoetPhilosopher]

As a kid, I felt I was very gifted. I was completing some very difficult video games at a young age. I felt I even learned a little math from them, and also learned about puzzle-solving.

By age 13, I had taken up computer programming, which I consider a good challenge to one's skills in various areas - including patience.

I'd say I kind of had a positive outlook at the time, but I also kept a lot to myself.

There's a sort of mini-culture where I live, the town I live in. A lot of people seem to have an interest in ghosts and such topics. Even some of my family believed in them. But some actually later changed their beliefs on the topic.

I also believed in ghosts at the time, and I had a few "weird" experiences, but it kind of just all made me superstitious in general.

By age 20, I learned a bit more about subjects like logic, and stopped thinking as much about the paranormal - at least for the time. I met a couple of educated people who I started to hang out with. They were Unitarian Universalists.

Another year went by, and I started to get migraines and some started to comment how I was acting differently. I was consuming a lot of caffeine, and I could have also faced a bit of depression by that point - which wasn't related to me learning about logic, nor about me getting away from the paranormal - I think it simply had more to do with some emotionally draining events in my.life at that time and before.

Without going into a lot of details, I was eventually diagnosed with mental illness. After that, I stopped consuming a level of caffeine that wasn't good for me, also. If you ask me, I feel the caffeine really didn't help with all that I was going through at the time.

After all this, I experienced what I'd consider a little bit of a learning disorder, and I had to pick up the pieces of my life. This experience also gave me a greater understanding that I don't have to do it all alone. At this point, I trusted my psychiatrist and to be under his care and my life went from there. I also saw merit in making more friends, and keeping a little bit less to myself overall (ie, being more social now).

I've had a lot of experiences along the way since then. Some, the forum knows about. Others, I haven't conveyed, or I told once or twice and may have been forgotten about. I've had personal journeys regarding gender, sexuality, and spirituality, among other things.

I have covered all of these topics before on the forum, but not in the most concise or most coherent way. So I wanted to apologize for that, and also take a chance to properly convey my thoughts, without all the speculation and the in-betweens. I need to convey things in a not-too-complex way when describing them, without assuming that people automatically relate to or understand every detail. Because doing so allows me to paint a better picture where people understand what I'm saying better overall. If I get too complex here, the message simply gets lost.

Life is a journey, and in the heat of the moment, I may talk about how I wish some things were different... but looking back now, I see myself as where I want to be. I've learned a bit more about a few things including independence, and how to love people despite their differences, and how to forgive others, and accept love from those different from you. Life is still challenging sometimes, but I look forward to it and the future, and no longer feel like some clueless character thrust into the story of a dystopian novel. Anyways, that's how I feel. Thanks for reading.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I feel that the learning problems, and the mental illness, were two separate challenges.

The mental illness was like a form of hyperphantasia - to try to get better, it was like you had to train your mind in the early stages to recognize what is real and what isn't, what is a hallucination and what isn't. Though it gets much better with medicine, and after a few months on medicine, it really isn't such a problem. It's getting over the initial stages of things that's hard.

The learning problems are more of a challenge. To describe them, it's like your world is shattered, and you have to slowly piece things back together. In my case, I had to try extra hard due to the thought in my mind that simply piecing things back together wasn't enough - I had to not only piece them back together, but learn from them in such a way where I don't repeat the same crash-course that may have also helped contribute to the mental illness and learning problems to begin with.

Anyways, this thread may come off a bit "raw" when it comes to my writing - sometimes, I run my posts through a word & grammar check first. I didn't want to for this thread because it's a close and personal, non-technical thread, and I didn't want to change any subtle meanings or anything through a grammar-correction program.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Life is still challenging sometimes, but I look forward to it and the future, and no longer feel like some clueless character thrust into the story of a dystopian novel.

I'd like to expand a bit more on this section -

It may very well, and likely is, that I have always been in control of my life.

The problem was, recognizing what was going on to begin with, to take the reigns.

Previously, I had problems with that. And I feel it led to a loss of direction.

So I guess you could say that life is a bit different now. I'm still overcoming some learning problems, but I feel more receptive - I feel I can better recognize what things are - whether they be social dynamics, my own feelings and emotions on a topic, or anything in between.

 

[Spice]

As a kid, I felt I was very gifted. I was completing some very difficult video games at a young age. I felt I even learned a little math from them, and also learned about puzzle-solving.

By age 13, I had taken up computer programming, which I consider a good challenge to one's skills in various areas - including patience.

This kind of early childhood oftentimes leads to mental challenges, as I understand.

So my analogy is that a path may be foggy, and you think it will never clear - the mind can have a funny way of telling you that - but sometimes, a path has a way of clearing despite your thoughts that it looks foggy without a chance of clearing.

I learned, in my own journey, that this is what is meant by the saying "Let go, and let God." I didn't understand that until I hit such a mental fog that I had to let go because mentally I was close to a zombie state.

But honestly, looking back on it, I feel the differences of opinion have shaped me into a better person still. If I recall, @JustGeorge once remarked that they thought I got along well with people of different backgrounds, and that it could be related to some real life experiences of mine as well. I'd say I agree. Life is a journey,

Through my differences, I mingled with many, many others that were different, with no two different in a like way. It was good for my growth, still is, and I feel I'm utilizing my life in a meaningful way. . .because I am, and apparently always have been, different -- in a bit of a wacky way. LOL

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Speaking in general -

One thing I'm working on currently in my life is taking a look at people who act like snake-oil salesmen - and who try to convince others of things to "use" them - I'm talking politicians mostly - and the human condition to be misled by that.

By doing so, I feel I can explore certain topics in my mind - like whether I myself am susceptible to the before-mentioned - and in doing so, explore whether I am easily misled myself - at least when it comes to certain things.

Because as much as I want to think that everything is just about having the correct beliefs, it isn't. I feel I also should have good analytical skills.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

This kind of early childhood oftentimes leads to mental challenges, as I understand.

I appreciate the post!

I was wondering if you could expand on this statement a little?

 

[Spice]

I appreciate the post!

I was wondering if you could expand on this statement a little?

I take a try at expressing:
"Gifted" is caught between average/normal and recognized genius. If it's structured and nourished it can grow stronger. Still not genius, but properly applied. If it's purposefully and personally down-played, one may unhappily pass as normal, or enter into a nefarious world searching for a way to apply those gifts. Otherwise your looking at overachiever, workaholic, manic entrepreneur, (the gift running wild like an evasive weed) or just plain-out chronically depressed because the gift is left searching for nourishment like a houseplant stuck in a pot with insufficient care.

Think Clyde Barrow -- possibly one who falls in this category. IQ not at a high enough level to be educated and reasonably employed in the 1930s, but above average enough to not be contented in the day to day drudgery of average-man of the times. He could have fallen into a state of despair and taken the route of chronically depressed hobo. But instead, he "thinks" himself right into bank-robbery. Then he finds his gifted mind rolling with planning new jobs and out-witting the law. That lifestyle doesn't lend itself to mental health any better than the hobo life.

Does this explain a little bit?

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I take a try at expressing:
"Gifted" is caught between average/normal and recognized genius. If it's structured and nourished it can grow stronger. Still not genius, but properly applied. If it's purposefully and personally down-played, one may unhappily pass as normal, or enter into a nefarious world searching for a way to apply those gifts. Otherwise your looking at overachiever, workaholic, manic entrepreneur, (the gift running wild like an evasive weed) or just plain-out chronically depressed because the gift is left searching for nourishment like a houseplant stuck in a pot with insufficient care.

Think Clyde Barrow -- possibly one who falls in this category. IQ not at a high enough level to be educated and reasonably employed in the 1930s, but above average enough to not be contented in the day to day drudgery of average-man of the times. He could have fallen into a state of despair and taken the route of chronically depressed hobo. But instead, he "thinks" himself right into bank-robbery. Then he finds his gifted mind rolling with planning new jobs and out-witting the law. That lifestyle doesn't lend itself to mental health any better than the hobo life.

Does this explain a little bit?

Hmm, interesting.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

One obstacle I've actually overcome (and without putting a lot of thought into solving it) is that around age 21 when all of this occured, it was later remarked by people who listened to me talk that I had a very slow way of talking in person - it was described as "a bit unintelligent".

I seem to have overcome that. People not only don't say that about me anymore, but usually have positive things to say. I'm also taking it even further now in regards to social interaction, and getting some tips from extroverts on how they interact with people. I'm not an extrovert, and it's possible I may never be - but some of the tips were still pretty insightful, and it seems the people I asked didn't mind sharing.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

One error in my thinking used to be thinking that "Extroverts talk more / talk the most". But I was told it was a bit less simple than that, that there was a certain technique - that the extroverts I talked to might have said a lot more statements, but tended to keep them short and positive, only seeming to defeat introverts on "the amount talked" by frequency of the statements rather than the contents themselves. I was told that the people I talked to used a lot of short sentences that were easily understood, and a lot of positive ones. I think this approach may tend to apply both in writing, and when talking vocally.

Anyways, it's interesting.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

The way I understood the advice being given, extroverts may sometimes use a more feelings-based way of communicating with people, but they try to do it in a natural way, where, rather than trying to ask a bunch of questions and peer into someone, they'll think up one short question which lends itself to conversation, and only ask that, and listen. To get the conversation started.

I'm not saying all extroverts are this way. I, in fact, doubt that they all are. But still, I consider this interesting advice.