Negative Traits

[JustGeorge]

After dealing with a former friend yesterday(that's on cordial terms, but definitely not a 'friend' anymore), my husband came in from dealing with him with a lot of sympathy in his heart. The guy's gotten himself into a lot of trouble, chasing greed through inappropriate means. He realizes he's messed up, but isn't able to get himself out of it, as at this point it would mean giving up thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of materials and opportunities. He acknowledged he ruined most of his friendships doing so(including the friendships with us). (He's done this through legal means, fyi.)

We agreed it was a shame he let things get so far out of hand. "But, we can't really let him back into our life. Not after all the dishonesty, both from him, and the person he chooses to spend time with(whom we think is who is fanning the flames on his recent months of nonsense)". My husband wholeheartedly agreed.

Once a person is dishonest(white lies and simple exaggeration excepted), I feel you never know where you stand or what's going on, and a meaningful relationship can no longer be had. I've dealt with anger, impulsiveness/poor choices, addictions, mooching, laziness, and selfishness from folks and still called them my friend, but dishonesty is the absolute deal breaker for me. I can't let a person come back from that.

How about you? What personality traits would you find worth severing a relationship over?

 

[Spirit of Light]

After dealing with a former friend yesterday(that's on cordial terms, but definitely not a 'friend' anymore), my husband came in from dealing with him with a lot of sympathy in his heart. The guy's gotten himself into a lot of trouble, chasing greed through inappropriate means. He realizes he's messed up, but isn't able to get himself out of it, as at this point it would mean giving up thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of materials and opportunities. He acknowledged he ruined most of his friendships doing so(including the friendships with us). (He's done this through legal means, fyi.)

We agreed it was a shame he let things get so far out of hand. "But, we can't really let him back into our life. Not after all the dishonesty, both from him, and the person he chooses to spend time with(whom we think is who is fanning the flames on his recent months of nonsense)". My husband wholeheartedly agreed.

Once a person is dishonest(white lies and simple exaggeration excepted), I feel you never know where you stand or what's going on, and a meaningful relationship can no longer be had. I've dealt with anger, impulsiveness/poor choices, addictions, mooching, laziness, and selfishness from folks and still called them my friend, but dishonesty is the absolute deal breaker for me. I can't let a person come back from that.

How about you? What personality traits would you find worth severing a relationship over?

In my current state of mind there isn't anything i could not forgive and let someone in to my life again.
(Including my own brother who tried to kill me before I had to back away from him in 2017)

 

[JustGeorge]

In my current state of mind there isn't anything i could not forgive and let someone in to my life again.
(Including my own brother who tried to kill me before I had to back away from him in 2017)

Glad you got away when you needed to be safe, and I'm glad you were able to repair the relationship.

I forgive most people, but I don't always let them back to repeat mistakes.

 

[Stonetree]

After dealing with a former friend yesterday(that's on cordial terms, but definitely not a 'friend' anymore), my husband came in from dealing with him with a lot of sympathy in his heart. The guy's gotten himself into a lot of trouble, chasing greed through inappropriate means. He realizes he's messed up, but isn't able to get himself out of it, as at this point it would mean giving up thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of materials and opportunities. He acknowledged he ruined most of his friendships doing so(including the friendships with us). (He's done this through legal means, fyi.)

We agreed it was a shame he let things get so far out of hand. "But, we can't really let him back into our life. Not after all the dishonesty, both from him, and the person he chooses to spend time with(whom we think is who is fanning the flames on his recent months of nonsense)". My husband wholeheartedly agreed.

Once a person is dishonest(white lies and simple exaggeration excepted), I feel you never know where you stand or what's going on, and a meaningful relationship can no longer be had. I've dealt with anger, impulsiveness/poor choices, addictions, mooching, laziness, and selfishness from folks and still called them my friend, but dishonesty is the absolute deal breaker for me. I can't let a person come back from that.

How about you? What personality traits would you find worth severing a relationship over?

...Celebacy...?

 

[exchemist]

After dealing with a former friend yesterday(that's on cordial terms, but definitely not a 'friend' anymore), my husband came in from dealing with him with a lot of sympathy in his heart. The guy's gotten himself into a lot of trouble, chasing greed through inappropriate means. He realizes he's messed up, but isn't able to get himself out of it, as at this point it would mean giving up thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of materials and opportunities. He acknowledged he ruined most of his friendships doing so(including the friendships with us). (He's done this through legal means, fyi.)

We agreed it was a shame he let things get so far out of hand. "But, we can't really let him back into our life. Not after all the dishonesty, both from him, and the person he chooses to spend time with(whom we think is who is fanning the flames on his recent months of nonsense)". My husband wholeheartedly agreed.

Once a person is dishonest(white lies and simple exaggeration excepted), I feel you never know where you stand or what's going on, and a meaningful relationship can no longer be had. I've dealt with anger, impulsiveness/poor choices, addictions, mooching, laziness, and selfishness from folks and still called them my friend, but dishonesty is the absolute deal breaker for me. I can't let a person come back from that.

How about you? What personality traits would you find worth severing a relationship over?

I agree. Dishonesty is fatal - unless it's just over some small peccadillo. (I once went out with a nurse who was trying to give up smoking and who once or twice had a quick ciggie and then tried to deny it. Hopeless - I could always smell it in her hair. I found her weakness rather amusing and endearing. She was always reliable in the things that mattered.)

The other thing that would cause me to break off relations would be mistreatment of someone, e.g. someone who wrecks a marriage or something like that. Other than those things I can't think of much, as normally the process of selecting one's friends eliminates people with character flaws one cannot abide.

 

[sun rise]

I would put dishonesty as breaking a bond of trust. Of course, there are some times when it can be very hard "Does this dress make me look fat?" Or: "what do you think of this outfit, dear"? "To be honest, it's the most hideous thing I've ever seen and it makes you look like fat person who died last month"

Someone looking for affirmation that she's made a good choice would not appreciate brutal honesty.

There are ways to be honest in that kind of situation but I would not put that level of dishonesty on the same scale.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

After dealing with a former friend yesterday(that's on cordial terms, but definitely not a 'friend' anymore), my husband came in from dealing with him with a lot of sympathy in his heart. The guy's gotten himself into a lot of trouble, chasing greed through inappropriate means. He realizes he's messed up, but isn't able to get himself out of it, as at this point it would mean giving up thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of materials and opportunities. He acknowledged he ruined most of his friendships doing so(including the friendships with us). (He's done this through legal means, fyi.)

We agreed it was a shame he let things get so far out of hand. "But, we can't really let him back into our life. Not after all the dishonesty, both from him, and the person he chooses to spend time with(whom we think is who is fanning the flames on his recent months of nonsense)". My husband wholeheartedly agreed.

Once a person is dishonest(white lies and simple exaggeration excepted), I feel you never know where you stand or what's going on, and a meaningful relationship can no longer be had. I've dealt with anger, impulsiveness/poor choices, addictions, mooching, laziness, and selfishness from folks and still called them my friend, but dishonesty is the absolute deal breaker for me. I can't let a person come back from that.

How about you? What personality traits would you find worth severing a relationship over?

I suppose for me it comes down to when someone's unwilling to change their ways and continues to affect me in a negative way. I could forgive anger but if this person continues to be angry over simple things and it affects me negatively then I will distance myself from them. Same with anything else you mentioned. Dishonesty is a big one, because once they lie you never know if they'll be truthful. I think I could even forgive that once, depending on how severe the dishonesty affected me or someone else, but if I see signs again of them being dishonest then "Fool me once......"

 

[PureX]

How about you? What personality traits would you find worth severing a relationship over?

Mostly, I'm old enough to see those people coming, and keep my distance. So I don't think so much in terms of specific things someone does that I can't abide. It's more a matter of toxic personalities. Like, I've met people that I actually kind of like, but that I cannot engage with, or can only engage with slightly because they're just too problematic. They cause chaos everywhere they go and I appreciate my own peace of mind too much to allow that to be disrupted.

'Dirty Harry' said, "A man's got to know his limitations", and that's how I feel about dealing with people that haven't yet learned how to live like human beings. I just don't have the patience or the willingness to deal with their idiocy. So I don't. It doesn't mean I don't like them. Some I do, and some I don't. I just don't want to play with that kind of crazy, anymore. There's nothing in it for me. For anyone, really.

I like and understand that you still care about your friend, but I respect and appreciate your decision to disengage with him. That's just the way it has to be, sometimes.

 

[Fool]

After dealing with a former friend yesterday(that's on cordial terms, but definitely not a 'friend' anymore), my husband came in from dealing with him with a lot of sympathy in his heart. The guy's gotten himself into a lot of trouble, chasing greed through inappropriate means. He realizes he's messed up, but isn't able to get himself out of it, as at this point it would mean giving up thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of materials and opportunities. He acknowledged he ruined most of his friendships doing so(including the friendships with us). (He's done this through legal means, fyi.)

We agreed it was a shame he let things get so far out of hand. "But, we can't really let him back into our life. Not after all the dishonesty, both from him, and the person he chooses to spend time with(whom we think is who is fanning the flames on his recent months of nonsense)". My husband wholeheartedly agreed.

Once a person is dishonest(white lies and simple exaggeration excepted), I feel you never know where you stand or what's going on, and a meaningful relationship can no longer be had. I've dealt with anger, impulsiveness/poor choices, addictions, mooching, laziness, and selfishness from folks and still called them my friend, but dishonesty is the absolute deal breaker for me. I can't let a person come back from that.

How about you? What personality traits would you find worth severing a relationship over?

you can still love someone but realize there has to be more secure boundaries. like a parent with ever enduring love for their children but realize no relationship is worth the continued abuse; whether physical, financial, emotional.


zoo keepers care about their wards but they are always aware that compassion and caring is more one sided than the other. the more base a thing, the more dangerous it is. the psychologically mature and healthy relationships don't abuse one another.


hopefully in our journey and our next meeting of those we've been separated from, will be more positive.

 

[JustGeorge]

...Celebacy...?

Would it matter if the person was celibate because they just weren't able to find that kind of relationship, or because of a health issue?

I agree. Dishonesty is fatal - unless it's just over some small peccadillo. (I once went out with a nurse who was trying to give up smoking and who once or twice had a quick ciggie and then tried to deny it. Hopeless - I could always smell it in her hair. I found her weakness rather amusing and endearing. She was always reliable in the things that mattered.)

The other thing that would cause me to break off relations would be mistreatment of someone, e.g. someone who wrecks a marriage or something like that. Other than those things I can't think of much, as normally the process of selecting one's friends eliminates people with character flaws one cannot abide.

I can see where a small 'sneak' like that would be endearing. I think I'd have to tease the person a bit, though...

I would put dishonesty as breaking a bond of trust. Of course, there are some times when it can be very hard "Does this dress make me look fat?" Or: "what do you think of this outfit, dear"? "To be honest, it's the most hideous thing I've ever seen and it makes you look like fat person who died last month"

Someone looking for affirmation that she's made a good choice would not appreciate brutal honesty.

There are ways to be honest in that kind of situation but I would not put that level of dishonesty on the same scale.

I agree, that brand of dishonesty isn't on the same scale.

I like and understand that you still care about your friend, but I respect and appreciate your decision to disengage with him. That's just the way it has to be, sometimes.

It is. It was awkward for my husband to tell him that "We don't hate you, we just can't trust you, and we consider the company you're hanging with to be dangerous to us. We have our family to think about. Sorry." (I'm really, really proud of him for having that conversation, though.)

 

[Revoltingest]

What personality traits would you find worth severing a relationship over?

Mean
Dishonest
Boring

 

[Debater Slayer]

How about you? What personality traits would you find worth severing a relationship over?

Aside from the big ones like dishonesty, malice, lack of empathy, etc.: impulsivity concerning major decisions. I really loathe that specific trait and find it profoundly toxic and harmful. Once I have seen someone exhibit it frequently, I walk away and don't look back.

 

[Debater Slayer]

Boring

But most people aren't into glorious heavy machinery. We can't blame them or cut them all off for that mistake.

 

[Nakosis]

After dealing with a former friend yesterday(that's on cordial terms, but definitely not a 'friend' anymore), my husband came in from dealing with him with a lot of sympathy in his heart. The guy's gotten himself into a lot of trouble, chasing greed through inappropriate means. He realizes he's messed up, but isn't able to get himself out of it, as at this point it would mean giving up thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of materials and opportunities. He acknowledged he ruined most of his friendships doing so(including the friendships with us). (He's done this through legal means, fyi.)

We agreed it was a shame he let things get so far out of hand. "But, we can't really let him back into our life. Not after all the dishonesty, both from him, and the person he chooses to spend time with(whom we think is who is fanning the flames on his recent months of nonsense)". My husband wholeheartedly agreed.

Once a person is dishonest(white lies and simple exaggeration excepted), I feel you never know where you stand or what's going on, and a meaningful relationship can no longer be had. I've dealt with anger, impulsiveness/poor choices, addictions, mooching, laziness, and selfishness from folks and still called them my friend, but dishonesty is the absolute deal breaker for me. I can't let a person come back from that.

How about you? What personality traits would you find worth severing a relationship over?

Yes, except it is hard to separate completely from family.
Friends, yes maybe it is easier to just not be friends anymore but family tends to keep coming back into your life.

 

[JustGeorge]

Yes, except it is hard to separate completely from family.
Friends, yes maybe it is easier to just not be friends anymore but family tends to keep coming back into your life.

It can be. I try to be cordial but distant when that happens...

I have a sister I consider to be a dangerous person. She can be fine for awhile, but when she doesn't get her way she becomes verbally and sometimes physically abusive. She's been known for threatening to make false reports to law enforcement, too.

If she asks for a recipe, I send it, but I don't volunteer personal information, and I certainly don't invite her over(my dad struggles with this at birthday times, but says he ultimately understands).

 

[Revoltingest]

But most people aren't into glorious heavy machinery. We can't blame them or cut them all off for that mistake.

Lack of machine interest isn't essential.

 

[PureX]

It was awkward for my husband to tell him that "We don't hate you, we just can't trust you, and we consider the company you're hanging with to be dangerous to us. We have our family to think about. Sorry." (I'm really, really proud of him for having that conversation, though.)

And rightly so. It's what a man does. (Sorry, I've been binge watching "Yellowstone".)

 

[Trailblazer]

Once a person is dishonest(white lies and simple exaggeration excepted), I feel you never know where you stand or what's going on, and a meaningful relationship can no longer be had. I've dealt with anger, impulsiveness/poor choices, addictions, mooching, laziness, and selfishness from folks and still called them my friend, but dishonesty is the absolute deal breaker for me. I can't let a person come back from that.

How about you? What personality traits would you find worth severing a relationship over?

I agree that once a person has been shown to be dishonest, I can never know where I stand or what's going on, and a meaningful relationship can no longer be had.

The problem can sometimes be in proving that a person has actually lied. That happened to me a couple of days ago, and I am still unsure if the person lied, since he said he was just joking. I think he was either just joking as he said or he might have been backpedaling to cover his original intentions. I cannot prove he lied, I only suspect it, and it was not about something that really matters, so I think it is best for me to just forget about it.

Generally speaking, I cannot trust a person who has lied to me. However, under special circumstances I might be able to forgive them for lying and trust them again if I understand why they lied.

It is a Baha'i teaching that truthfulness if the foundation of all virtues.

Truthfulness | Bahá’í Quotes

 

[ChristineM]

How about you? What personality traits would you find worth severing a relationship over?

Violence, mental or physical abuse, serious dishonesty.

A couple of trivial ones I don't think are trivial, lack of cleanliness, dislike of cats

 

[PureX]

Violence, mental or physical abuse, serious dishonesty.

A couple of trivial ones I don't think are trivial, lack of cleanliness, dislike of cats

Dislike of CATS! That's most of the World!!!