-Peacemaker-
.45 Cal
The guy should shoot for being a "gentleman" in a lady's eyes, not a "nice guy".
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Nice Guy Syndrome and Misandry
- Thread starter CynthiaCypher
- Start date
Frankly, I'm glad I know some women you don't know.
CynthiaCypher
Well-Known Member
I think the link wolf provided is a good definition
http://icedteaandlemoncake.wordpress.com/2011/04/04/feminsim-101-nice-guy-syndrome/
Don't get me wrong, I don't think for a guy to masculine he has to be a jerk. I look for certain traits like he has to be self-assured but not a complete narcissist, he should be confident but not foolish and he should definitely be responsible. I find those traits attractive in a male.
Songbird
She rules her life like a bird in flight
I don't think so. I think our expectations of what the opposite gender wants interferes with what they actually want. On top of that, confusing myths and outdated modes of addressing reality add mixed messages.
Perhaps we're saying similar things but semantics are getting in the way.
painted wolf
Grey Muzzle
And the man should realize the same thing about the woman.
He should know that the woman allows him make decisions because she cares about his happiness... not because he's got the ability to bully her.
wa:do
ps... in adult relationships both people are equal partners. Neither "allows" the other to do anything.
Gjallarhorn
N'yog-Sothep
I think they should shoot for honesty, not pander to cultural stereotypes. That might just be me though.
Songbird
She rules her life like a bird in flight
There's that confusing mythology. It's all semantics - "allowed", "making decisions", being "too weak to stop her" - can you identify the meaning of these? Can you locate their definitions please? They're likely catch words used to elicit feelings rather than having actual useful meanings.
The men I've been attracted to share a common set of traits.
-They're strong in more ways than one, with an emphasis on intellectual and moral character.
-They are comfortable with their self, and are effective leaders but don't need to boast about it.
-They treat women and other men compassionately and respectfully because they're not small enough to need to be unnecessarily competitive or hurtful to anyone. There's nothing for them to prove; their virtues are apparent, or come out with time. They show by doing, not talking. They genuinely help other people.
-They're willing to be decisive and take charge, but they don't have to, nor do they feel that women need or want them to.
The same traits are desirable in male or female friends, because they're just attractive traits in general.
A truly nice guy is a good thing. But a stereotypical "nice guy" typically refers to a person who is submissive or weak or uncomfortable or socially inexperienced.
-They're strong in more ways than one, with an emphasis on intellectual and moral character.
-They are comfortable with their self, and are effective leaders but don't need to boast about it.
-They treat women and other men compassionately and respectfully because they're not small enough to need to be unnecessarily competitive or hurtful to anyone. There's nothing for them to prove; their virtues are apparent, or come out with time. They show by doing, not talking. They genuinely help other people.
-They're willing to be decisive and take charge, but they don't have to, nor do they feel that women need or want them to.
The same traits are desirable in male or female friends, because they're just attractive traits in general.
A truly nice guy is a good thing. But a stereotypical "nice guy" typically refers to a person who is submissive or weak or uncomfortable or socially inexperienced.
Brilliant! Especially for a girl.
CynthiaCypher
Well-Known Member
And that's how I would define being masculine.
I would add that he puts his spouse and family first and foremost above all other things
CynthiaCypher
Well-Known Member
What do you mean by "especially for a girl."?
I see your point, and it's a good one.
You are not a "nice guy" you are a genuine one.
Thank you so much! Does that mean you're buying the beer?
Songbird
She rules her life like a bird in flight
I don't know you, and I don't know if you embrace the things you've posted as a matter of principle or if you naturally are wired that way. But I want to say that if you are inclined to behave the ways you mention easily and naturally, I support and accept that.
If, however, you endorse your view as best for everyone as a matter of belief, I encourage you to listen to opposing viewpoints in a careful, compassionate, thoughtful way. A good way to do so is to "remove" your view for a few minutes, pretend to take on the viewpoint of the person you're listening to, and even try arguing for that view for a bit. Test it out, see how it can be valid to others, even if it doesn't work for you.
And the best way to do that is to develop genuine, compassionate, long-term friendships with people unlike you.
Songbird
She rules her life like a bird in flight
Heh... when anyone refers to my Mom as a lady, she bristles and says "I'm no lady!"
... and when anyone called my Dad a gentleman, he'd say "I'm not a gentleman! I work for a living."
A joke.
Songbird
She rules her life like a bird in flight
....and I don't define "masculine". Gender attributes are mostly irrelevant to me. Sooo many other qualities take precedence.
-Peacemaker-
.45 Cal
The reality is that you were spot on in the first part of your post. You don't know **** about me. Nevertheless, you chose to reject that bit of insight by assuming you know how I treat women in my personal relationships.
You should listen to Songbird, Jungle. She gave you excellent advice. But what the hell, it's your loss.
