Online vs. Real Life Friendships

[Buttercup]

I have a lousy track record for keeping long term online friendships alive and thriving. I have one online (and phone) friend (Buttons*) who I've managed to stay good friends with for four years. The rest have fallen by the wayside for one reason or another, usually some form of disagreement.

However, IRL, I have a half dozen very good friends I've known almost 30 years and many more whom I've had a close relationship with for at least 10 years. In all that time, I've only lost one friend due to disagreements.

What's wrong with me? How come I can keep friendships vibrant in the real world but not online?

Do you have the same problem? What's your experience with this subject?

 

[Just_me_Mike]

You have to give it up more often. Cyber sex is all the rage these days :biglaugh:

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Honestly, it's rather hard for me to really think of someone as a friend when I know them only online. Although, to be honest, I don't develop actual friendships in real life very easily either. Most people whom I'm "friends" with I don't have an emotional attachment to, and their presence, or absence, isn't particularly important to me. I used to have more significant friendships, but most people I know now are friends with my wife and I as a couple, so that probably has something to do with it. On top of that, my wife is pretty much the only friend I really need, as she's the one-in-a-million person who both gets me, and can put up with me.

 

[Just_me_Mike]

I have had 14 bad experience with mail order brides from Thailand and Russia, so after those experiences, I find it hard to relate to anyone online. I thought maybe 14 was enough even though I was tempted to give it one more chance.

The shipping rates were through the roof!

 

[Buttercup]

Most people whom I'm "friends" with I don't have an emotional attachment to, and their presence, or absence, isn't particularly important to me.

That's kind of sad. I have several friends whom I'm certain would be a tremendous loss to me if they passed away.

On top of that, my wife is pretty much the only friend I really need, as she's the one-in-a-million person who both gets me, and can put up with me.

I understand. I feel the same way about my husband but my women friends understand things he'll never get.

I've tried to get and keep several online friendships going but it simply hasn't worked out. It's kind of confusing.

 

[Just_me_Mike]

Seriously for me, I have a problem with my face. So it is sometimes easier for me online to meet people than in real life.

In real life, it is easier for people to meet me if they are with someone, or I am with someone, because well I look different. It sucks ***, but it is my reality. I have a beautiful wife and two great kids, but it has been a problem all my life, since I was born.

You seem really nice, so I don;t know what the problem might be

 

[Buttercup]

Seriously for me, I have a problem with my face. So it is sometimes easier for me online to meet people than in real life.

What do you mean? I've seen pics of you and you're a nice looking guy. Are you really the Incredible Hulk or something?

 

[Mister_T]

I have one online (and phone) friend (Buttons*) who I've managed to stay good friends with for four years. The rest have fallen by the wayside for one reason or another, usually some form of disagreement.

One way to keep online friends is remembering how many you have.:tuna:

 

[Just_me_Mike]

What do you mean? I've seen pics of you and you're a nice looking guy. Are you really the Incredible Hulk or something?

Nah you've seen the right side of my face my left side ain't so purty.

Anyway... I manage some pretty close friends, but definitely not as easy as for some.

 

[Buttercup]

One way to keep online friends is remembering how many you have.:tuna:

(see profile note)

 

[Buttercup]

Nah you've seen the right side of my face my left side ain't so purty.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to joke. I didn't know.

Still, it wouldn't matter one scintilla to me. :hug:

 

[Just_me_Mike]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to joke. I didn't know.

Still, it wouldn't matter one scintilla to me. :hug:

It's all good, thanks...

 

[croak]

Most of my friendships are online, I'd say. -shrugs- Maybe because online I can think about what I type and not act as insane on occasion? xD

Although I do still act insane online. I tend to take account who I'm with, on and offline, and try to judge the degree to which I can take it.

Although I'd probably have a stronger attachment to people I know offline, in some cases. You've sat down with them, spoken to them, seen them, heard them... you can only go so far online.

 

[blackout]

In "Real Life",
you actually do share real life.

Online you share ideas about real life.
(which is often harder to do in real life actually)

 

[rojse]

With my online friends, I actually get the chance to talk to people that are interested in all of the stuff that I am. And people online have more interesting things to say.

 

[Buttercup]

Most of my friendships are online, I'd say. -

May I ask you what's the longest online friendship you've had?

And, by online friend, what exactly does that mean to you? Is this a gamer friend or do you talk often in chat?

 

[Buttercup]

With my online friends, I actually get the chance to talk to people that are interested in all of the stuff that I am.

It is easier to find people to talk about religion and other hot topics online, isn't it? I rarely have the chance to discuss some of these subjects IRL with people.

And people online have more interesting things to say.

I can somewhat agree. But, in the real world I'm more inclined to talk for an extended period about subjects while online I'm just too damn lazy to explain and explain through typing.

Plus, have you ever spent a good chunk of time typing something you thought was brilliant only to have your lovely post ignored? It's harder for people to ignore you in person.

 

[rojse]

It is easier to find people to talk about religion and other hot topics online, isn't it? I rarely have the chance to discuss some of these subjects IRL with people.

There's a lot of stuff I can't really discuss IRL. Religion, for example, my friends don't care about it at all, or I'm loathe to discuss such a contentious topic with people I need to work or live with. Other stuff I like is fairly obscure stuff, and my friends and acquaintances have more mainstream interests.

I can somewhat agree. But, in the real world I'm more inclined to talk for an extended period about subjects while online I'm just too damn lazy to explain and explain through typing.

Plus, have you ever spent a good chunk of time typing something you thought was brilliant only to have your lovely post ignored? It's harder for people to ignore you in person.

Most of the people whose opinions I actually care about online respond to what I post. Even if it is to tell me why I'm wrong. In contrast, what I say in real-life is ignored depressingly often.

 

[Buttercup]

There's a lot of stuff I can't really discuss IRL. Religion, for example, my friends don't care about it at all, or I'm loathe to discuss such a contentious topic with people I need to work or live with. Other stuff I like is fairly obscure stuff, and my friends and acquaintances have more mainstream interests.

True. I learned long ago to not discuss religion or politics unless your companions are like minded. Otherwise, it makes for an awkward evening. Once I tried to discuss my desertion of Christianity with my mother-in-law. When I told her I no longer believed in the Abrahamic God or in the literal place of hell, she shot me this look that had me thinking if there was such a place, it would surely have landed me there quickly. :angel2: I was scared!

Most of the people whose opinions I actually care about online respond to what I post. Even if it is to tell me why I'm wrong. In contrast, what I say in real-life is ignored depressingly often.

Wow, it's VERY hard for me to imagine someone ignoring you in person, truly it is. And, it may be equally as hard for you to imagine that I generally have a captive audience anywhere I go IRL. For some odd reason people want to hear what I have to say.

 

[Circle_One]

I seem to have a hard time keeping friends IRL and online. But it's my fault. I'm awesome, we all know this, so it's not a problem of people not liking me, it's a problem of keeping in touch. I can't be bothered. I don't like talking on the phone. It drives me nuts, and most people can't handle the "I'll call you when I wanna hang out, but other than that, don't expect to hear from me" kind of relationship. I tend to lose a lot of friends because they get the impression that because I don't call them, or don't answer my phone often, that I don't want to be friends with them. It's actually not true, I just don't want to talk on the damn phone.

I think I have three friends who've been around for years and years. Other than that, nope, not a big friend person.