ooooh!!! I'm in troubbbble!!!

[NobodyYouKnow]

There's a saying 'you can choose your friends, but not your relatives'. I also have problems with my family, them using me on a regular basis, then when I need something, I'm told to 'go to hell'.

I think family tend to take us for granted, saying things to siblings/children they wouldn't dare say to other people because they know, at the end of the day, we cannot escape it because we are 'family'.

I may soon cut all ties with mine. It's a last resort, but these problems have been going on for years and it's only bringing me down.

 

[Jainarayan]

That is some good insight mister!

Meditation and age.... and anti-anxiety meds. :biglaugh:

It is a very silly thought "we were not raised to get in trouble". Who the hell is?

I know, right!? I don't know whom she was trying to convince... me or herself because she was giving in to her kids. My nephew, a married man with 2 kids was out of work as a database admin. He didn't want to try to take a state job because it didn't pay enough. Uh, how much are you making now out of work? Sure, I let happen to me what happened, but I blame no one and I take full responsibility. I chose the life I have, it's just sometimes we need someone to throw us a rope.

 

[savagewind]

Meditation and age.... and anti-anxiety meds. :biglaugh:



I know, right!? I don't know whom she was trying to convince... me or herself because she was giving in to her kids. My nephew, a married man with 2 kids was out of work as a database admin. He didn't want to try to take a state job because it didn't pay enough. Uh, how much are you making now out of work? Sure, I let happen to me what happened, but I blame no one and I take full responsibility. I chose the life I have, it's just sometimes we need someone to throw us a rope.

I imagine that the oportunity to throw rope is a blessing! People who think numbers are better than feelings are accursed imo.

 

[Jainarayan]

For what it is worth, it sounds like although we love our families, we grow tired of the drama.

That's a big part of it. It is indeed drama. One time I was chastised for not calling in a while (one time? yes I am a repeat offender), one of them said "we all have our problems but we still call to talk". Yes, but talk about what? I don't want to tell you my problems (because you'll tell me I created my own problems, as if none of us do ) or hear yours. If I want to hear the same thing over and over again, I'll put my iPod on REPEAT SONG.

 

[Jainarayan]

There's a saying 'you can choose your friends, but not your relatives'.

That's why I think I want to be reborn as an artichoke.

I also have problems with my family, them using me on a regular basis, then when I need something, I'm told to 'go to hell'.

I think family tend to take us for granted, saying things to siblings/children they wouldn't dare say to other people because they know, at the end of the day, we cannot escape it because we are 'family'.

There you go, that's bang on. :yes:

I may soon cut all ties with mine. It's a last resort, but these problems have been going on for years and it's only bringing me down.

You have to think of yourself. Some people are energy vampires.

 

[Revoltingest]

I know, I was being facetious. :sorry1:
Will it entail sitting for hours over coffee? If so, I am soooo there.

Ooooo...I want in! I gots me some family stories.

 

[savagewind]

Ooooo...I want in! I gots me some family stories.

Do it!

 

[Jainarayan]

Ooooo...I want in! I gots me some family stories.

Go for it.

 

[savagewind]

It was so very nice talking to you Jainarayan. If you were close enough I'd ask you over.

 

[Jainarayan]

It was so very nice talking to you Jainarayan. If you were close enough I'd ask you over.

Aw, thanks. Same here.

 

[DallasApple]

You got BIG FAMILY BLUES!!!!

I hide under the bed these days !

I'm coming around in February because my mother is having her second hip surgery at 70(the first one was recalled ..yep recalled like a car part she just had "installed " 3 years ago) and we all only live max 15 miles apart. I make an excuse not to go ANYWHERE around them . And I'm not dogging them necessarily because they are all bad.. I just don't have a high tolerance.SOO if I spread it out ....LESS FIGHTS! (P.S my mother lives 2 miles away I see her now about 4 times a year )

 

[DallasApple]

OHHHH>>>>>Honey ..throw in a 31 year old son and DIL with the selfish meter hitting 106 degrees and two grandchildren ! ????

'Im like my remaining children ..my cats..(my husband if I'm in the mood LOL) my dinner ..my friends...(grandchildren now once a week) ... MEEEEEEEEEEEE! Teaching my 17 year old to drive then MEEEEEEEEEEEE eating pasta !did I say my cats ?

Sorry ...((((HUGS))))

 

[InformedIgnorance]

Im the 7th of 8 children; there were 5 kids in a row, then my folks took a break for like 10 years then had 3 more. As a result the dynamics of our family was much the same (regarding the elder children being more like aunts and uncles) and there was some measure of distance there between older and younger.

I am a very private individual and in my own case this distance with all of my siblings but more so the elder siblings is exacerbated given my limited social skills and emotional reticence. Given my preference for quiet and stability this is largely comfortable, though I would prefer to know them better and to have stronger family ties. For this reason, though I find family events extremely taxing (and the justified criticisms leveled at me due to my not having a job are vexing), I do try to attend and do so in an engaged (not just pleasant but hopefully slightly eager) manner; particularly given my lack of involvement throughout the rest of the year.

Though I certainly understand the desire to just blow it off; there needs to be some sort of balance - you really should make an effort to be involved but at the same time, you need to have time to your own plans and they need to understand that.

 

[DawudTalut]

This is just a rant, so be forewarned.

I'm the youngest of 5 surviving siblings, with 12 years between me and the next youngest (a sister). A brother between us by 6 years each died at 7 months old. My mother never really got over it. Anyway, my siblings in order of descending age are brother 75, brother 73, sister 71, and sister 68. Then there is me at 56.

I was really pretty much raised as an only child because by the time I was 11 or 12 everyone was married with their own kids. My brothers and sisters were made to be more like aunts and uncles to me by my parents. So I think you can understand why I don't feel like I am part of "that group".

I have always felt my sisters harbored a little resentment and jealousy because I was the "spoiled brat", as it was often put. Suffice to say that all the judgements they've made about me over the years have been visited upon them with their own kids and in their own lives. Then there is the being called weird or openly mocked for my beliefs and activities, brushed off with "oh lighten up" or "get over it". OK, I may be a little off the beam by some standards.

I don't think it's too hard to understand that I really don't want anything to do with my family if at all possible. I have my own life with its own problems, as does everyone else. Here's another kicker... I really have nothing to talk with them about. I don't want to hear gossip about Cousin M or Aunt E; I don't want to hear about my nephew's alcoholic ex-wife and the child custody battle; I don't want to re-hash what we went through with my parents (they were very bitter, angry, self-centered people). I've tried very hard to put all that behind me. Oh yeah, I've talked all this out in therapy and I'm pretty OK with it.

So... Christmas means almost nothing to me. I've stopped sending Christmas cards, the last time all five of us were together was last June. I've spoken to one sister only once in that time, she called to tell me our uncle died. I didn't send any cards or call anyone on Christmas. We stopped having family Christmases years ago when their grandkids came along. I caught a raft of **** one year for being invited to another Christmas Eve dinner ("Christmas Eve is family!") but when a nephew and his wife broke the tradition it was "well, you know, they have families now".

Today I got an e-mail from the younger sister (who has a direct line to the village smithy to have her tongue sharpened on a regular basis) saying "Hey - what the ****?!!!!!!!!" I'm not looking to start WW III, so I just brushed it off with John Lennon's comment "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." That will not be sufficient, and I know I will get a further tongue-lashing. :run:

Peace be on you....Perhaps you want a way out?....
1- If so and
2- if possible,
3- go somewhere to help needy people of your community and be busy with them...
4- and once in a month make a brief call to your 4-direct-owns.
Just a thought.

 

[Jainarayan]

Im the 7th of 8 children; there were 5 kids in a row, then my folks took a break for like 10 years then had 3 more. As a result the dynamics of our family was much the same (regarding the elder children being more like aunts and uncles) and there was some measure of distance there between older and younger.

I am a very private individual and in my own case this distance with all of my siblings but more so the elder siblings is exacerbated given my limited social skills and emotional reticence. Given my preference for quiet and stability this is largely comfortable, though I would prefer to know them better and to have stronger family ties. For this reason, though I find family events extremely taxing (and the justified criticisms leveled at me due to my not having a job are vexing), I do try to attend and do so in an engaged (not just pleasant but hopefully slightly eager) manner; particularly given my lack of involvement throughout the rest of the year.

Though I certainly understand the desire to just blow it off; there needs to be some sort of balance - you really should make an effort to be involved but at the same time, you need to have time to your own plans and they need to understand that.

Ye gods! You augmented my o.p.

I tried to weasle out of a get-together in June (Father's Day to be precise). It was the first time since 1997 that all 5 of us were in the same place at the same time. It might be any two or three, but not all five in all that time. I did wind up going, and it didn't suck. But there are things I'm wary of, mostly with my sisters. Here is one example...

I have a tattoo on my left arm ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ, ancient Spartan Greek for "come take" (Leonidas defying Xerxes about the Greeks surrendering their weapons). It was the first time they saw it. The younger sister asks loudly in front of the rest of the family and a family friend "what the hell is that?". I told her what it meant. She says "yeah mmhmm ok, whatever" and rolled her eyes. I gave her a sidelong disapproving glance. Later on our friend happened to notice it and asked "ooh, what is that?" My older sister put up her hand and said "oh don't ask!" I gave her a sidelong disapproving glance and explained it to our friend. She said "oh my goodness, I never knew you were so fascinated by that stuff, that's interesting". Score 1 for the "weirdo" as I'm known and called.

 

[Jainarayan]

Peace be on you....Perhaps you want a way out?....
1- If so and
2- if possible,
3- go somewhere to help needy people of your community and be busy with them...
4- and once in a month make a brief call to your 4-direct-owns.
Just a thought.

And upon you (I hope I did that right ).

At the risk of losing karma and merit for revealing this, I did indeed ask about volunteering at a shelter, soup kitchen, food bank or some such place for Christmas. But no one in my area does anything like that; I think it's a lack of funding. I was actually disappointed.

 

[StarryNightshade]

I'm soon to be 23 and I'm already tired of my family for the most part. I love them, but I'm not sure if they will be a huge part of my life in the future.

My Mom has always been my favorite of the parents (yes, you can chose favorites when it comes to parents), however, as of late, I think she is slightly lacking in the parental department. She's fairly distant, depressed and doesn't seem like she cares very much anymore. My sister and her 5 kids are living with my parents, because of legal issues. The house is always crowded (they live in a double wide), groceries are depleting much quicker and she has actually told me that she is digging into her retirement, as well as my sibling's and I's inheritance, in order to support my sister and her children. However, in all this, my mom doesn't really seem like she is doing anything to better the situation. Instead of actually trying to do what little she could do to improve anything, she insists that she has "faith that it is in God's plan" and that she "prays that things will get better".

My Dad is an *******. Plain and simple. He was an alcoholic (he did quit drinking about two and a half years ago, so I will give him that), thinks that if you don't do things his way then you are doing it wrong (ie:an idiot) and during my developmental childhood and teenage years, when I needed his guidance, he would get drunk and emotionally berate me. Such as calling me a "*****" because I didn't want to work under the house. And there were a few times where he did slap me and other physical acts of abuse. His defense was that he spoiled me growing up, which he did. Anything I wanted he would buy. However, material goods mean nothing if there is no emotional bond between a father and son. I think he's trying to establish a new relationship between us now, but I think it's too little too late. Oddly enough, I still love him in a strange way (he does support my dreams and has finally accepted me being gay), but I do not like him and (as horrible as this is going to sound) I don't think I'll be sad when he dies.

My sister is LAZY! She dropped out of high school her last semester of her senior year. She got her GED, but has done nothing nothing with it. No college, never held a job in her life and has 6 children by 4 different men. Like I mentioned above, she recently lost most of them due to legal issues and the court gave them to my parents; all over something stupid that was entirely her fault. She's now starting to notice how bad she messed up, but I don't know if anything is actually going to get better for her.

Point being, I think I know where Jainarayan is coming from. Families sometimes just suck.