Overcoming offensive opinions

[Spiderman]

So, I have some very offensive opinions and views that have really offended a lot of people at this forum and in real life.

I'm ashamed of it, and rightfully so.

I don't want to be that way.

My question is, what do I do to purge myself of deep-seated views and convictions that I believe to be true, that are extremely offensive to people?

I have firm convictions in my heart that the belief is true.

But it is simply unacceptable to talk about such things.

How would you recommend I shake the conviction that such offensive beliefs are true?

I really appreciate any help you have to offer.

I simply don't want to believe these things, or think this way, but I feel like my ability to change it, is about as difficult as it would be for the average homosexual to choose to be heterosexual.

It isn't like they can change the fact that they are attracted to the same gender.

Likewise, it isn't like I can choose to not believe these deep-seated convictions of heart.

But I want to.

 

[Estro Felino]

As I've always said in this forum....

If you don't agree with someone, or find their opinions despicable, there is no need to call that person names or to make fun of them.

It is sufficient to say "I don't agree with you".

 

[Spiderman]

For those who don't know, I made some very offensive statements about another ethnicity that was an insult to their intelligence.

I don't want to have these beliefs. They are insulting towards good people. But at the same time, I believe the beliefs are true, because I'm convinced of it, and that is the conviction of my heart.

But I don't want to be that way. Racism and bigotry is a very ugly thing.

I don't want to live with myself, if I can't make it go away.

How the hell does a person make such a thing, a conviction of heart, go away?

What is the therapy?

It would be nice if there was a pill that could just make such convictions of heart go away.

I know I'm sounding like a helpless child, but I feel powerless over this.

 

[YmirGF]

For me, quite honestly, it is a mood thing. If someone's ideas are abhorrent to me it really does depend on my mood and how much time I have. I also consider the source before just letting loose. It will sound weird, but I will already have roughly gauged their intellectual level, education level and be mapping out a mini psych profile in my mind within seconds. (It's a technique I learned from working in sales; to do a 5 second analysis of strangers based on available factors.) If I perceive any of these three are below normal expectation, I generally don't waste any time, whatsoever, in dealing with them. I realize they are not likely able to grasp the reasons that have ruffled my feathers. I should point out that this does not happen very often in real life.

The odd time I will make an effort to establish a dialogue is when I think that the person is not a total idiot AND they are worth my time to try to convince them of an alternate way of looking at things. I'm a huge fan of reality based discussions. My mantra is often, "Don't just believe what I am saying. Look it up. Investigate and find out if what I am saying is true or not." The point is, I will never go to the mat if I am not very sure of myself and my understanding of the facts. Most of the time I will probably say something funny and walk away.

 

[Spiderman]

It just feels really ugly to be that way. Being a bigot is one of the last things I want to be!

Where do I go for help with this?

Do I tell my psychiatrist, and say yeah, I'm struggling with inner convictions that many would identify as racist?,... then what? He writes me a prescription so that I don't have offensive beliefs about other races?

Do I share it at the AA meeting I go to, and lose all the black friends that I've made there?

Do I open up about this at my mental health group, where literally, I'm the only white guy there? Risk losing their friendship?

I would rather be dead than be a racist bigot!

 

[YmirGF]

It just feels really ugly to be that way. Being a bigot is one of the last things I want to be!

Where do I go for help with this?

Do I tell my psychiatrist, and say yeah, I'm struggling with inner convictions that many would identify as racist?,... then what? He writes me a prescription so that I don't have offensive beliefs about other races?

Do I share it at the AA meeting I go to, and lose all the black friends that I've made there?

Do I open up about this at my mental health group, where literally, I'm the only white guy there? Risk losing their friendship?

I would rather be dead than be a racist bigot!

You dear man. I would strongly urge you NOT to bring it up in public discussions as that could easily backfire while you are coming to grips with the whole thing. I would mention it to your psychiatrist and ask them if it was OK to explore those feelings. That's my very best advice. Any further advice @Epic Beard Man

 

[Spiderman]

@Saint Frankenstein @Epic Beard Man

What would you say to someone who sincerely came to you asking for your help trying to shake beliefs about your ethnicity that are insulting and offensive?

If the person seemed truly contrite that is, and humbly seeking answers to this disordered toxic thinking?

I know it's not your job to provide such help, but surely, I think if you knew how to help people change such views and beliefs, you would do so, because I'm pretty sure you would prefer that nobody had those views or convictions... imagine a world without them.

I'm just looking for answers is all. I don't want to be guilty of something so ugly. It feels like being a leper or a bad person.

Please understand that sometimes a person can't just make it go away.

I know there is no excuse for it, but beliefs and convictions are not just something I can make leave.

 

[Spiderman]

keep in mind, my feelings are not hateful, I want all people to be happy, and I don't like to see anybody suffer. Therefore I wish ill on nobody, and I love people of every ethnicity.

This is not about hatred.

But my beliefs are still very offensive and insulting.

I don't want this!

 

[Hockeycowboy]

So, I have some very offensive opinions and views that have really offended a lot of people at this forum and in real life.

I'm ashamed of it, and rightfully so.

I don't want to be that way.

My question is, what do I do to purge myself of deep-seated views and convictions that I believe to be true, that are extremely offensive to people?

I have firm convictions in my heart that the belief is true.

But it is simply unacceptable to talk about such things.

How would you recommend I shake the conviction that such offensive beliefs are true?

I really appreciate any help you have to offer.

I simply don't want to believe these things, or think this way, but I feel like my ability to change it, is about as difficult as it would be for the average homosexual to choose to be heterosexual.

It isn't like they can change the fact that they are attracted to the same gender.

Likewise, it isn't like I can choose to not believe these deep-seated convictions of heart.

But I want to.

That’s the first major step to doing anything...”I want to”!

If you know my posting pattern, you know what I’ll say: something from the Bible (I can’t help it.):

Ephesians 4:31-32. What helps to do this — really the key to all good relationships— is applying Philippians 2:3.
Can you imagine how much better this world would be if we all followed these two passages?

Take care.

 

[Shushersbedamned]

You need not and should not rid of your convictions.

You are so kind. I have noticed your opinions are strictly drawn but sense you are so aware of it and I have never seen you write anything insulting, I don't think your opinions are the problem.

People are often overly sensitive. Just bc they are insulted does not mean you were insulting.

There are a lot of things that people don't want to be talked about (hence my name here) but that doesn't mean you need to obey them. All truths should be said out loud or one might just as well die on the spot.

 

[Estro Felino]

You need not and should not rid of your convictions.

You are so kind. I have noticed your opinions are strictly drawn but sense you are so aware of it and I have never seen you write anything insulting, I don't think your opinions are the problem.

People are often overly sensitive. Just bc they are insulted does not mean you were insulting.

There are a lot of things that people don't want to be talked about (hence my name here) but that doesn't mean you need to obey them. All truths should be said out loud or one might just as well die on the spot.

Indeed...you and I agree on nothing as for European politics...but you have always been kind and respectful to me. Thank you

 

[SomeRandom]

For what it's worth, I don't think you're a bigot. You seem very.........emotional and I know I am quite so with some of my own potentially offensive convictions. Though I have sort of mellowed out a bit with age, I guess.
Maybe don't attach yourself too strongly to being right or wrong. Because thinking you are right and coming from a position where you will rabidly defend your "right-ness" doesn't allow for self introspection.
Perhaps try to recognize instances where you get heated and try to calm down. Maybe make yourself some tea or I dunno look at pictures of cute puppies or something. Then come back and try to approach the instance again with a more level head.
And if you think it would help you, speak to a mental health professional. I mean I ain't an expert.

 

[Sunstone]

So, I have some very offensive opinions and views that have really offended a lot of people at this forum and in real life.

I'm ashamed of it, and rightfully so.

I don't want to be that way.

My question is, what do I do to purge myself of deep-seated views and convictions that I believe to be true, that are extremely offensive to people?

I have firm convictions in my heart that the belief is true.

But it is simply unacceptable to talk about such things.

How would you recommend I shake the conviction that such offensive beliefs are true?

I really appreciate any help you have to offer.

I simply don't want to believe these things, or think this way, but I feel like my ability to change it, is about as difficult as it would be for the average homosexual to choose to be heterosexual.

It isn't like they can change the fact that they are attracted to the same gender.

Likewise, it isn't like I can choose to not believe these deep-seated convictions of heart.

But I want to.

PopeADope, you are like most of us in that you find it difficult to take criticism, fairly and open-mindedly weigh it, and then learn from it. Yes, I know that you often say that criticism of your views has changed them, and so on and so forth. But I don't observe that it actually does in at least some cases where you have said that it does.

Maybe it would help if you kept in mind that intellectually honest, fair-minded people tend to need other intellectually honest, fair-minded people to provide them with reality checks. We humans have so many and so powerful cognitive biases built in that we all have a strong tendency to drift off the tracks at times, to start harboring views and opinions that are nothing if not false. We all need reality checks.

Now the problem is finding relatively intellectually honest and fair minded people to provide those reality checks. They can be in short supply, and you certainly cannot trust everyone to guide you true. But you should find them -- find people you trust to guide you true, then honestly weigh and evaluate their advice.

Again, it does little good to say, "Thank you! You've radically changed my views on this!", if in fact your views haven't changed one bit.

 

[Mock Turtle]

I have some sympathy for what this person has to say, but undoubtedly would be called a racist for this:

CMV: Certain ethnic minorities are making Britain a worse place than if they weren't here [UK] • r/changemyview

Not sure where the truth actually lies, so I can also see where you are coming from.

Edit: And I also have issues here:

BBC Radio 4 - Seriously... - Seriously... - How colourism complicates the dating game

We seem to get accused of racism if we just don't find some races attractive. For me, it is mostly about the features rather than any colour - I had a love-at-first-sight moment with a very dark-skinned female, for example - but many blacks I just do not find attractive at all, although many I do. All depends upon the facial features more than anything else. I am a racist for being so?

 

[Valjean]

So, I have some very offensive opinions and views that have really offended a lot of people at this forum and in real life.

I'd be less concerned with their offensiveness than with their veracity, and less with holding them than with airing them in inappropriate situations.
Keep in mind, most of today's generally held values and opinions began with some radical group of offensive wackos.

My question is, what do I do to purge myself of deep-seated views and convictions that I believe to be true, that are extremely offensive to people?

First, I'd determine if they were true, or if you just felt them to be true. What are their sources? How did you arrive at them?
Running them by a diverse group of opinionated thinkers might help; a talk forum, for example.
Socratic dialogues can be enlightening.

I have firm convictions in my heart that the belief is true.

And here's a problem; a belief in your heart vs a belief in your head. What you feel and what you think can be very different. Learn to distinguish.
Best go with the latter. Critical analysis of a set of observed facts generally yields a generally agreed on conclusion. Feelings, on the other hand, are all over the board. They reflect more what you're familiar and comfortable with than a logically valid conclusion.

Sometimes there's also a neurological component: neurological short-circuits can generate their own, very convincing delusions.
Again. consider the source of these offensive opinions.

How would you recommend I shake the conviction that such offensive beliefs are true?

First, analyse their origins, then run 'em up the flagpole in a safe space like RF.

I simply don't want to believe these things, or think this way, but I feel like my ability to change it, is about as difficult as it would be for the average homosexual to choose to be heterosexual.

A delusion is a fixed belief impermeable to contrary evidence.
Again, know thyself; determine the origins of these beliefs. If they don't dissolve with critical analysis, at least learn to put them into separate mental cubbyholes.

Likewise, it isn't like I can choose to not believe these deep-seated convictions of heart.

But I want to.

Why can't you? Consider origins. Learn to differentiate between thoughts and feelings. learn to apply analytic conclusions even when your mind is screaming No!
Be a little schizophrenic. Learn to switch back and forth between McCoy and Spock modes. In forming intellectual opinions, switch to Spock mode.

 

[Sunstone]

keep in mind, my feelings are not hateful, I want all people to be happy, and I don't like to see anybody suffer. Therefore I wish ill on nobody, and I love people of every ethnicity.

This is not about hatred.

But my beliefs are still very offensive and insulting.

I don't want this!

As @Valjean kindly points out, you are most likely relying far too much on your feelings to judge whether or not something is true than on logic and reason. I think I've seen that in you.

It's a popular notion these days that we can discern the truth by consulting how we feel about something. But that's a dangerous and misleading notion. It's basically the road to hell when it comes to arriving at true beliefs. All your feelings about any particular idea really tell you is whether or not you have accepted that idea as true. If you have accepted it as true then -- even if it is really false -- you will feel good about it, you will feel it's true. And if you have accepted it as false then -- even though it's true -- you will feel bad about it, you will feel it's false. You cannot rely on your feelings to guide you straight.

Best to carefully weigh the logic and evidence for a belief, rather than consult your feelings about it.

 

[sandy whitelinger]

So, I have some very offensive opinions and views that have really offended a lot of people at this forum and in real life.

I'm ashamed of it, and rightfully so.

I don't want to be that way.

My question is, what do I do to purge myself of deep-seated views and convictions that I believe to be true, that are extremely offensive to people?

I have firm convictions in my heart that the belief is true.

But it is simply unacceptable to talk about such things.

How would you recommend I shake the conviction that such offensive beliefs are true?

I really appreciate any help you have to offer.

I simply don't want to believe these things, or think this way, but I feel like my ability to change it, is about as difficult as it would be for the average homosexual to choose to be heterosexual.

It isn't like they can change the fact that they are attracted to the same gender.

Likewise, it isn't like I can choose to not believe these deep-seated convictions of heart.

But I want to.

You just worry about being you. We can handle offense.

 

[sandy whitelinger]

For those who don't know, I made some very offensive statements about another ethnicity that was an insult to their intelligence.

I don't want to have these beliefs. They are insulting towards good people. But at the same time, I believe the beliefs are true, because I'm convinced of it, and that is the conviction of my heart.

But I don't want to be that way. Racism and bigotry is a very ugly thing.

I don't want to live with myself, if I can't make it go away.

How the hell does a person make such a thing, a conviction of heart, go away?

What is the therapy?

It would be nice if there was a pill that could just make such convictions of heart go away.

I know I'm sounding like a helpless child, but I feel powerless over this.

Learning how to treat an individual is different than intellectally held beliefs...unless one of your deep held beliefs is to treat people well. In which case treating others kindly trumps everything.

Yet this is a debate forum where certain personal sensitivities should be held in check by everyone.

By the way, you have never offended me.

 

[Jumi]

I think your views aren't right on some topics, but at least you're honest about what you think. That always gives you the chance to learn and improve, if you so choose. I think you are well-meaning, but you sometimes get drawn into some strange narratives and try to fit two perspectives together that are irreconcilable.

 

[joe1776]

...But I don't want to be that way. Racism and bigotry is a very ugly thing.

I don't want to live with myself, if I can't make it go away.

How the hell does a person make such a thing, a conviction of heart, go away?...

The white supremacist believes that people with black skin are less intelligent than people with white skin. For the sake of argument, let's assume he's right and then ask: So what?

Is intelligence a measure of human worth?

If so, in dealing with people individually, how does a white man with a 100 IQ become superior in human value to a black man with a 120 IQ?

Is a retarded white man a worthless human being?

The white supremacist's argument makes no sense even if he's right that people with white skin are, as a group, more intelligent than those with black skin. So, there must be another cause for his racist views.

I think we humans are infected with a need to feel superior to others and racism is just one of many behaviors that we employ to satisfy that need. I think racism, nationalism, religious intolerance and many other forms of bad behavior are caused by the arrogant need to prove ourselves superior to others.

I do daily battle with my arrogance. Racism hasn't been a problem for me but I have a collection of other flaws with the same origin.