Pagan Terrorism

[lewisnotmiller]

I've been scoping the world wide web of stupidity, and have come to the following startling conclusion;

There have been terrorists of all religious flavours, except Paganism. I can even include atheism in there, although to use an ice cream analogy you'd have to think of an empty bowl, rather than vanilla. Consider the following examples (of course, I could have listed more);

Christians : IRA, UDA
Hindus : RSS
Atheists : The League of Militant Atheists
Muslims : Abu Sayyaf
Buddhism : 969 Movement
Judaism : Irgun

What becomes immediately apparent is that there are no Pagan Terrorists. At least, no ultra violent ones. This immediately raised my suspicions, as it seems quite likely that all discussion of Pagan Terrorism in the media has been quashed.

It took some serious investigation, but I managed to find an eye-witness who could confirm for me some of the extreme depravities of Pagan Terrorism. The informant is NOT an English speaker, so I have taken the liberty of translating for you, dear Reader, but please be assured this is an accurate translation.

Anyone with a weak stomach shouldn't read on. We've changed the informants voice to prevent her being identified, due to the dangerous nature of these claims, and will refer to her as Deep Throat;

LNM : Thank you for granting this interview, I appreciate the risk you are taking here. Could you start by telling our listeners about the events you were recounting to me off air, in relation to the more extreme terrorist activities you have personally witnessed?

DT : Boook.....book, book, cluck....cluck, cluck, CLUCK. CLUCK. BOOK, BOOK, BOOK.

Translation : It was a cold day, and we were huddled together for warmth. A terrorist burst in through the door, eyes wild, surveying us like we were just bags of meat.

LNM : Ok. And what happened next?

DT : Book. Book, book. Cluck. Cluck. CLUCK, CLUCK.

Translation : He just came straight up to us and grabbed Whitey. Ripped her away from us, told us to settle down when we protested. Right in front of us he checked his knife, made sure it was sharp.

LNM : Ok. Did you know the attacker was a Pagan Terrorist at this time?

DT : Book. B....B.....Book. B....C.....Cluck....

Translation : No, but he started praying to his...his...sorry this is hard, you know? His Pagan Gods. Can I have a moment?

*brief pause in tape*

LNM : All right, we'll try and continue, okay? Did you see what became of Whitey after the prayers had finished?

DT : CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK!!!!

Translation : He killed her! Quick and clinical! Just killer her! Just...killed her!!!

LNM : And...I know the next part is hard, but...can you tell our listeners what came next? What you told me happened after that?

DT : Book. Book, book, cluck. Cluck.

Translation : Another terrorist came in. A woman. She...she started suggesting the best way to cook Whitey. I...I think they were going to...to eat her. Oh, God, can we stop the interview? I...I can't do this any longer...

*tape ends*

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Varg Vikernes - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I'm so glad you came across this interview. Really opens my eyes to the horrors of pagan terrorism.

I'm making chicken pot pie tomorrow. PM me if you want to be invited to dinner....

 

[Revoltingest]

I've been scoping the world wide web of stupidity, and have come to the following startling conclusion;

There have been terrorists of all religious flavours, except Paganism. I can even include atheism in there, although to use an ice cream analogy you'd have to think of an empty bowl, rather than vanilla. Consider the following examples (of course, I could have listed more);

Christians : IRA, UDA
Hindus : RSS
Atheists : The League of Militant Atheists
Muslims : Abu Sayyaf
Buddhism : 969 Movement
Judaism : Irgun

What becomes immediately apparent is that there are no Pagan Terrorists. At least, no ultra violent ones. This immediately raised my suspicions, as it seems quite likely that all discussion of Pagan Terrorism in the media has been quashed.

It took some serious investigation, but I managed to find an eye-witness who could confirm for me some of the extreme depravities of Pagan Terrorism. The informant is NOT an English speaker, so I have taken the liberty of translating for you, dear Reader, but please be assured this is an accurate translation.

Anyone with a weak stomach shouldn't read on. We've changed the informants voice to prevent her being identified, due to the dangerous nature of these claims, and will refer to her as Deep Throat;

LNM : Thank you for granting this interview, I appreciate the risk you are taking here. Could you start by telling our listeners about the events you were recounting to me off air, in relation to the more extreme terrorist activities you have personally witnessed?

DT : Boook.....book, book, cluck....cluck, cluck, CLUCK. CLUCK. BOOK, BOOK, BOOK.

Translation : It was a cold day, and we were huddled together for warmth. A terrorist burst in through the door, eyes wild, surveying us like we were just bags of meat.

LNM : Ok. And what happened next?

DT : Book. Book, book. Cluck. Cluck. CLUCK, CLUCK.

Translation : He just came straight up to us and grabbed Whitey. Ripped her away from us, told us to settle down when we protested. Right in front of us he checked his knife, made sure it was sharp.

LNM : Ok. Did you know the attacker was a Pagan Terrorist at this time?

DT : Book. B....B.....Book. B....C.....Cluck....

Translation : No, but he started praying to his...his...sorry this is hard, you know? His Pagan Gods. Can I have a moment?

*brief pause in tape*

LNM : All right, we'll try and continue, okay? Did you see what became of Whitey after the prayers had finished?

DT : CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK!!!!

Translation : He killed her! Quick and clinical! Just killer her! Just...killed her!!!

LNM : And...I know the next part is hard, but...can you tell our listeners what came next? What you told me happened after that?

DT : Book. Book, book, cluck. Cluck.

Translation : Another terrorist came in. A woman. She...she started suggesting the best way to cook Whitey. I...I think they were going to...to eat her. Oh, God, can we stop the interview? I...I can't do this any longer...

*tape ends*

But isn't every person who commits a violent crime a terrorist.....& every terrorist is an atheist....& every atheist is a pagan?
It's a pagan crime wave spanning all of history & the planet!

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Varg Vikernes - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

You think he went from church arson to cold-blooded chicken murder?
Hmmm...it's possible. One thing I have learnt is that these pagan terrorists just don't have the same sort of morals you and I would take for granted.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

I'm so glad you came across this interview. Really opens my eyes to the horrors of pagan terrorism.

I didn't just come across this interview, I conducted it. I also did the translation, since I couldn't trust anyone else to get it right.

I'm making chicken pot pie tomorrow. PM me if you want to be invited to dinner....

I'm in.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Varg Vikernes - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The pagans can have him! We metalheads get enough blame as it is, even though if you give us a joint and a guitar we're really rather quite harmless. Some of us are even bonafide peace ambassadors.

 

[Nietzsche]

You think he went from church arson to cold-blooded chicken murder?

That monster!

 

[lewisnotmiller]

But isn't every person who commits a violent crime a terrorist.....& every terrorist is an atheist....& every atheist is a pagan?
It's a pagan crime wave spanning all of history & the planet!

I like how you're trying to connect the dots, but you have today's conspiracy confused with yesterdays. This is a common error made by the mundane (ie. people who don't see the Truth in the way I do).

To make it simple;

Bad crap happens in the world - I am a good person - Bad crap is only done by people different to me.

Simple evidence of this is that there is not a single Australian inside Australian prisons, due to the simple fact that Australians don't break laws. Apart from public urination. We break that one all the time.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

The pagans can have him! We metalheads get enough blame as it is, even though if you give us a joint and a guitar we're really rather quite harmless. Some of us are even bonafide peace ambassadors.

I assume the ones who are bonafide peace ambassadors are not pagan terrorists though? This fits with my hypothesis that ALL acts of pagan terrorism are conducted by pagan terrorists.

 

[Revoltingest]

I like how you're trying to connect the dots, but you have today's conspiracy confused with yesterdays. This is a common error made by the mundane (ie. people who don't see the Truth in the way I do).

To make it simple;

Bad crap happens in the world - I am a good person - Bad crap is only done by people different to me.

Simple evidence of this is that there is not a single Australian inside Australian prisons, due to the simple fact that Australians don't break laws. Apart from public urination. We break that one all the time.

In Revoltistan, public urination is not only legal...it's expected, especially if there's an ant hill nearby.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

The pagans can have him! We metalheads get enough blame as it is, even though if you give us a joint and a guitar we're really rather quite harmless. Some of us are even bonafide peace ambassadors.

Varg is a neo-Nazi moron, anyway. His idea of Asatru isn't exactly "orthodox" to begin with. But I think he does fit the definition of a "Pagan terrorist" since he burned down churches as an act of "revenge" against Christianity.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

That monster!

It's even worse than that. I fear there is some sort of insidious recruitment occurring. When Deep Throat was telling me that they probably ate Whitey, my mind began imagining a plump, roasted drumstick. Clearly the pagan prayer offered before the monstrous act was to make pagan terrorism almost...well...contagious, I guess?

 

[Nietzsche]

It's even worse than that. I fear there is some sort of insidious recruitment occurring. When Deep Throat was telling me that they probably ate Whitey, my mind began imagining a plump, roasted drumstick. Clearly the pagan prayer offered before the monstrous act was to make pagan terrorism almost...well...contagious, I guess?

YOU CAN'T GIVE IN!

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Varg is a neo-Nazi moron, anyway. His idea of Asatru isn't exactly "orthodox" to begin with. But I think he does fit the definition of a "Pagan terrorist" since he burned down churches as an act of "revenge" against Christianity.

Oh, that's why I went 'Ultra-violent' in the OP. All I have to do is change what I consider ultra-violent based on a whim, and I get to exclude people's intelligent points. So, church-burning is off the ultra-violent list. Sorry.

Now, if you could prove he favoured Kentucky Fried Chicken over tofu, we might be getting somewhere.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Oh, that's why I went 'Ultra-violent' in the OP. All I have to do is change what I consider ultra-violent based on a whim, and I get to exclude people's intelligent points. So, church-burning is off the ultra-violent list. Sorry.

Now, if you could prove he favoured Kentucky Fried Chicken over tofu, we might be getting somewhere.

Lol. I know this is a parody thread, but I decided to be serious about it.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

YOU CAN'T GIVE IN!

*wipes grease from mouth with back of hand*

You're right. I must continue to fight the good fight! To do this, I need donations. I think a bucket of chicken is about $19.99, so that'll do for a start.
I need the chicken for...err...research on...the aftermath...I mean...victim identification...umm...

So yeah.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Lol. I know this is a parody thread, but I decided to be serious about it.

My threads are all about random crap that makes no sense, so I am COMPLETELY down with it.

 

[Nietzsche]

*wipes grease from mouth with back of hand*

You're right. I must continue to fight the good fight! To do this, I need donations. I think a bucket of chicken is about $19.99, so that'll do for a start.
I need the chicken for...err...research on...the aftermath...I mean...victim identification...umm...

So yeah.

Just 19.99? You're a saint, you know that? Willing to pay for the gravy out of your own pocket.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

In Revoltistan, public urination is not only legal...it's expected, especially if there's an ant hill nearby.

Oooh...are you a pagan terrorist too? Do you eat the little buggers after you drown em, or are you just going all 'Wrath of God' on them for no apparent reason?