Parent posts video of daughter smashing cellphone to teach her a lesson

[Stevicus]

I'm not a fan of the Daily Dot or of their trite reports of Tik Tok videos, but this came through on the MSN feed, and I just had to look.

A TikToker Calls Out Emotionally Abusive Parenting On the Platform (dailydot.com)

Different generations have different ideas on what “acceptable” child-rearing looks like. For some parents, there’s a fine line between ensuring your kid learns personal accountability and abuse.

As Jon Fogel, a parenting blogger and social media influencer with over 192,000 followers, pointed out in a now-viral TikTok, abuse can take on many different forms. In one particular clip, posted to the @wholeparent account, Jon stitched a video response to footage of a father “teaching” his daughter to act more respectfully toward her mother.

The punishment in question? The father had the young girl take a hammer to her cell phone. She cries as she destroys the device. As the original clip seems to have since been deleted, its authenticity can not be verified, but commenters found value in the conversation it sparked on TikTok.

Jon stated that while the father in question isn’t spanking his daughter, or necessarily using foul or demeaning language, he alleges that this is a clear-cut case of emotional abuse. As of Sunday afternoon, the clip has 4.8 million views.

Jon says in the clip: “So I talk a lot about physical abuse on this channel and the effects it has on kids and why its ineffective as a discipline strategy and the long term side effects…but every once in a while I will come across a video like this which is a clear sign of emotional abuse. And the interesting thing is if you read books like Childhood Disrupted you’ll learn that physical abuse and emotional abuse have almost the same effect on the brain.”

He continued, “Just because this dad is not physically hitting his daughter doesn’t mean that she is not emotionally distressed, does not mean that her amygdala is not engaged does not mean that she also does not feel helpless. I mean she is being forced to do something that she would never on her own do.”

“And we have to think seriously about what kind of message that sends. Developmental damage aside, what’s the intended goal? Do we want little girls to grow up thinking that men can make them do things they don’t wanna do? Hitting your kid is not the only way to abuse them. We need to be better,” he concluded.

I do agree that emotional abuse is oftentimes just as bad as physical abuse. However, what struck me about this was that the comments to this story seemed to lean towards it not being abuse but an act of discipline which they believe to be necessary for the child's well-being. A lot of criticism about the "woke crowd" being too soft and mollycoddling today's youth, who are apparently more disrespectful than the children raised in the 1950s and 60s, when parents were supposedly tougher and harsher with their children.

According to Cactn.org, more than 700,000 children are consistently abused in the United States every single year, and over 3 million children experience at least one instance of abuse annually.

Child Protective Services’ definition of emotional/psychological abuse is broad: “Emotional Neglect: failure to provide the support or affection necessary to a child’s psychological and social development. Failure on the part of the parent to provide the praise, nurturance, love, or security essential to the child’s development of a sound and healthy personality may constitute emotional neglect.”

Social workers are required to view allegations of abuse on a case-by-case basis to see if this definition is satisfied. While there are many cases where it’s necessary to remove children from the care of abusive guardians, there is also a litany of adverse side effects associated with separating children from their parents.

Whenever the subject of child abuse and disciplining children comes up in the media, the conversation inevitably heads into “old school v.s. soft” styles of parenting, which is exactly what happened in the comments section of Jon’s viral TikTok.

One user wrote, “This page is for snow flakes look he is letting her know she can’t be disrespectful to her mom nor her dad so I agree with the lesson…”

Another penned that there is a distinct difference between disciplining one’s children and abusing them, “Why does ‘don’t abuse children’ always result in people immediately thinking that we are saying ‘never discipline your children’?”

There are plenty of free resources and methods available to parents and guardians for how to effectively shape a child’s behavior when they step out of line that doesn’t involve abuse. A recurring theme throughout many of them, however, suggests a kind of “third person” approach. Namely, those rearing children are encouraged to work situationally and navigate their discipline in a way that frames to their child that their inability to correct their behavior is harming a situation.

One user who responded to Jon’s video stated that they were a former CPS worker and said that the original video showing the father forcing his daughter to take a hammer to the smartphone is a clear-cut sign of abuse.

“Former CPS worker. There’s so much wrong here, but the fact that he posted it on social media with the intention of humiliation is what does it for me.”

The Daily Dot has reached out to Jon Fogel for further comment on this story.

I couldn't find the original video in question, and it was never revealed what, exactly, this young girl allegedly did to "disrespect her mama."

Others were questioning why a child that young was given a cellphone, and some asked why he was forcing her to break it when he could have just taken it away, sold it, or just had the service turned off.

Those who recounted stories of abusive parents from their own lives seemed to side more with the child here. As a product of abusive, neglectful parents myself (and also the main reason I never married or had kids of my own), I also sympathized with kid. My problem at the time is that I didn't know what abuse was. I thought it was just normal human behavior. Adults are supposed to know these things, but kids typically would not unless someone teaches them. If I had known back then what I know now, I would have reported my parents to the proper authorities.

Which style of parenting is best: Old school or the softer style?

As a non-parent myself, I'm looking for answers here: What is it that gets into the mind of a parent like this? What do they think they're teaching their kids? It seems that most (if not all) criminals, to include the most despicable mass murderers and dictators in history, came from abusive backgrounds. So why do parents do it? Are they not aware of the consequences that it could have to their child's well-being?

Is there anything more the government can do to alleviate this problem? States have some sort of child protective services, but is it really enough? And what options does a child truly have, as they're virtual prisoners of their own parents' whims until they turn 18 and are legally allowed to leave? Should children have the right to opt out of living with their parents and being raised in the state's foster care system?

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Which style of parenting is best: Old school or the softer style?

Niether. The best is authoritative, which is firm guidance and limits with appropriate praise and discipline with consequences explained, and allowing enough freedom for children to develop and explore. It tends to treat kids like a human being raised into an adult rather than an object to obey and not question.
Parenting Styles

Is there anything more the government can do to alleviate this problem? States have some sort of child protective services, but is it really enough? And what options does a child truly have, as they're virtual prisoners of their own parents' whims until they turn 18 and are legally allowed to leave? Should children have the right to opt out of living with their parents and being raised in the state's foster care system?

We really need a culturally paradigm shift that acknowledges children are not their parent's property, and accept that children will have needs and wants outside of the parent's wants and desires. I don't know how much that will take care of, but it will help a lot (especially when it comes to addressing authoritarian parenting).

 

[Twilight Hue]

Niether. The best is authoritative, which is firm guidance and limits with appropriate praise and discipline with consequences explained, and allowing enough freedom for children to develop and explore. It tends to treat kids like a human being raised into an adult rather than an object to obey and not question.
Parenting Styles

We really need a culturally paradigm shift that acknowledges children are not their parent's property, and accept that children will have needs and wants outside of the parent's wants and desires. I don't know how much that will take care of, but it will help a lot (especially when it comes to addressing authoritarian parenting).

What a good way to bring up little narcissistic and psychopathic children and introduce them to society.

You do realize this is exclusive to this modern generation and kids in the past were nothing like the kids of today.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

What a good way to bring up little narcissistic and psychopathic children and introduce them to society.

A claim you cannot support. Just hot air.

You do realize this is exclusive to this modern generation and kids in the past were nothing like the kids of today.

I realize you run your mouth a lot and when you make an attempt to back it up your sources don't agree with you. Like your claim weed is legal in NK but your source even says it's likely not. Or it's wild claims that really add nothing to discussion like trying to point out knives being more commonly used in crime in America actually demonstrates any point beyond knives being more commonly used than rifles. And now it's delusional claims, no supporting evidence, just hot trollish air.
And of course people today aren't like people of the past. That's pretty much a given and basic part of history and social studies. Even people alive today aren't behaving like they were when I was a kid. And how far back do you want to go? 100 years ago people were heavily influenced by two world wars, economic Depression, an endemic flu, and a world about to explode with technological change. 200 years ago? Those are people who fought the Revolutionary War and War of 1812. 1000 years ago much of Europe was dealing with the fallout of Norse invasions and occupations. 2000 years ago Rome was raving the world.
Are you going to tell us next that water is wet?

 

[74x12]

I'm not a fan of the Daily Dot or of their trite reports of Tik Tok videos, but this came through on the MSN feed, and I just had to look.

A TikToker Calls Out Emotionally Abusive Parenting On the Platform (dailydot.com)

I do agree that emotional abuse is oftentimes just as bad as physical abuse. However, what struck me about this was that the comments to this story seemed to lean towards it not being abuse but an act of discipline which they believe to be necessary for the child's well-being. A lot of criticism about the "woke crowd" being too soft and mollycoddling today's youth, who are apparently more disrespectful than the children raised in the 1950s and 60s, when parents were supposedly tougher and harsher with their children.







I couldn't find the original video in question, and it was never revealed what, exactly, this young girl allegedly did to "disrespect her mama."

Others were questioning why a child that young was given a cellphone, and some asked why he was forcing her to break it when he could have just taken it away, sold it, or just had the service turned off.

Those who recounted stories of abusive parents from their own lives seemed to side more with the child here. As a product of abusive, neglectful parents myself (and also the main reason I never married or had kids of my own), I also sympathized with kid. My problem at the time is that I didn't know what abuse was. I thought it was just normal human behavior. Adults are supposed to know these things, but kids typically would not unless someone teaches them. If I had known back then what I know now, I would have reported my parents to the proper authorities.

Which style of parenting is best: Old school or the softer style?

As a non-parent myself, I'm looking for answers here: What is it that gets into the mind of a parent like this? What do they think they're teaching their kids? It seems that most (if not all) criminals, to include the most despicable mass murderers and dictators in history, came from abusive backgrounds. So why do parents do it? Are they not aware of the consequences that it could have to their child's well-being?

Is there anything more the government can do to alleviate this problem? States have some sort of child protective services, but is it really enough? And what options does a child truly have, as they're virtual prisoners of their own parents' whims until they turn 18 and are legally allowed to leave? Should children have the right to opt out of living with their parents and being raised in the state's foster care system?

Although I think what he did is stupid and yeah probably hurts the kid a bit. I think I'd rather have a dad who does stupid things sometimes but cares about their child than just putting them in foster care system where they have a 4x statistically higher chance of really being abused by some sicko. And apparently 28x higher chance in a group home!

So unless you have proof that this dad is truly abusive other than this. Don't take the kids. Something that the child probably would find a lot more tramautizing than being punished for disrespecting her mom.

 

[Twilight Hue]

A claim you cannot support. Just hot air.

I realize you run your mouth a lot and when you make an attempt to back it up your sources don't agree with you. Like your claim weed is legal in NK but your source even says it's likely not. Or it's wild claims that really add nothing to discussion like trying to point out knives being more commonly used in crime in America actually demonstrates any point beyond knives being more commonly used than rifles. And now it's delusional claims, no supporting evidence, just hot trollish air.
And of course people today aren't like people of the past. That's pretty much a given and basic part of history and social studies. Even people alive today aren't behaving like they were when I was a kid. And how far back do you want to go? 100 years ago people were heavily influenced by two world wars, economic Depression, an endemic flu, and a world about to explode with technological change. 200 years ago? Those are people who fought the Revolutionary War and War of 1812. 1000 years ago much of Europe was dealing with the fallout of Norse invasions and occupations. 2000 years ago Rome was raving the world.
Are you going to tell us next that water is wet?

Kids today are nothing like the kids of the past.

They are narcissistic little brats and pathological psychopaths today in unprecedented numbers.

Take that and stuff it in that pipe your smoking.

Oh by the way I'm sure you forget easily some real world facts...

Here's a bone to chew on until it sinks in..


FBI data shows nearly 3x as many people were killed by knives than rifles of any kind in 2020

Don't forget this thread deals with a rifle.

 

[mikkel_the_dane]

Kids today are nothing like the kids of the past.

They are narcissistic little brats and pathological psychopaths today in unprecedented numbers.

Take that and stuff it in that pipe your smoking.

Oh by the way I'm sure you forget easily some real world facts...

Here's a bone to chew on until it sinks in..


FBI data shows nearly 3x as many people were killed by knives than rifles of any kind in 2020

Don't forget this thread deals with a rifle.

I hope you never get responsibility for another human in a asymmetrical power relationship.

 

[Twilight Hue]

I hope you never get responsibility for another human in a asymmetrical power relationship.

Hope away then.

 

[Mock Turtle]

For me this just smacks of a lack of imagination as to any sort of appropriate punishments or control, given that abuse (in whatever forms and this is one) often seems to come rather naturally to some more than others. We all vary and no doubt respond differently to punishments, but I can't recall my mother or father doing anything equivalent to this in my childhood, and glad of such, since it probably would be quite traumatic for any child.

At school however I had to endure lots of caning and smacking - all of which were just accepted and dismissed with hardly any effects being produced. Perhaps they also just lacked the necessary imagination, or even recognition as to why I misbehaved, so as to just apply rules and regulations that apparently don't work on all. As to why I misbehaved - I was bored mainly.

 

[VoidCat]

Yeah that's abusive. Reminds me of my childhood when my aunt and uncle would burn books that I owned. Or have me do so.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

Kids today are nothing like the kids of the past.

They are narcissistic little brats and pathological psychopaths today in unprecedented numbers...

...who were raised by the upstanding adults who were the "kids of the past."

"Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth."

-Kahlil Gibran

 

[VoidCat]

Hey this video I did watch on tiktok!

Along with a video of someone complaining about a parent removing their kid's bedroom door and taking away the kids privacy. That's also abusive. It leads to kids that are often terrified when they grow up and can't trust people cuz their privacy was constantly invaded

My aunt and uncle did that too. Except it was the bathroom door.

Seriously don't treat your kids like property. You don't want them to end up like me with mental health problems through the roof

 

[VoidCat]

What a good way to bring up little narcissistic and psychopathic children and introduce them to society.

You do realize this is exclusive to this modern generation and kids in the past were nothing like the kids of today.

Entitled? Oh bless your heart. No. I dont usually say bless your heart given how rude it is but just cuz the kids now attempt to speak for themselves and cuz kids are viewed as property and folk feel kids should respect the estabilshment rather then grow into adults who question everything this brothers you. This bothers you cuz it's not what you were taught to do.


I grew up with a lot of emotional abuse and physical abuse.
I am not a mentally healthy person. Don't tell me emotional abuse can't just be as damaging when I have flashbacks often and have nightmares most nights. I screamed in my sleep last night for the first time in years. Dont claim actually respecting a child is bad cuz at least parents are now questioning parenting techniques and looking towards science rather then tradition.

 

[Secret Chief]

I'm not a fan of the Daily Dot or of their trite reports of Tik Tok videos, but this came through on the MSN feed, and I just had to look.

A TikToker Calls Out Emotionally Abusive Parenting On the Platform (dailydot.com)

I do agree that emotional abuse is oftentimes just as bad as physical abuse. However, what struck me about this was that the comments to this story seemed to lean towards it not being abuse but an act of discipline which they believe to be necessary for the child's well-being. A lot of criticism about the "woke crowd" being too soft and mollycoddling today's youth, who are apparently more disrespectful than the children raised in the 1950s and 60s, when parents were supposedly tougher and harsher with their children.







I couldn't find the original video in question, and it was never revealed what, exactly, this young girl allegedly did to "disrespect her mama."

Others were questioning why a child that young was given a cellphone, and some asked why he was forcing her to break it when he could have just taken it away, sold it, or just had the service turned off.

Those who recounted stories of abusive parents from their own lives seemed to side more with the child here. As a product of abusive, neglectful parents myself (and also the main reason I never married or had kids of my own), I also sympathized with kid. My problem at the time is that I didn't know what abuse was. I thought it was just normal human behavior. Adults are supposed to know these things, but kids typically would not unless someone teaches them. If I had known back then what I know now, I would have reported my parents to the proper authorities.

Which style of parenting is best: Old school or the softer style?

As a non-parent myself, I'm looking for answers here: What is it that gets into the mind of a parent like this? What do they think they're teaching their kids? It seems that most (if not all) criminals, to include the most despicable mass murderers and dictators in history, came from abusive backgrounds. So why do parents do it? Are they not aware of the consequences that it could have to their child's well-being?

Is there anything more the government can do to alleviate this problem? States have some sort of child protective services, but is it really enough? And what options does a child truly have, as they're virtual prisoners of their own parents' whims until they turn 18 and are legally allowed to leave? Should children have the right to opt out of living with their parents and being raised in the state's foster care system?

I've just finished reading a book on Medieval society. Back then it was expected that parents (specifically the male) physically and psychologically abuse their children (and wife) in the name of good discipline, or else you were considered to be a poor parent (or husband). Bring back the good old days.

 

[Stevicus]

Although I think what he did is stupid and yeah probably hurts the kid a bit. I think I'd rather have a dad who does stupid things sometimes but cares about their child than just putting them in foster care system where they have a 4x statistically higher chance of really being abused by some sicko. And apparently 28x higher chance in a group home!

Yes, that's true, although there is a hierarchy of oversight and legal recourse one can take in those situations.

So unless you have proof that this dad is truly abusive other than this. Don't take the kids. Something that the child probably would find a lot more tramautizing than being punished for disrespecting her mom.

I didn't say it constituted proof of abuse, but at least it's enough to launch an investigation.

The government's view is that "children belong to their parents," and it's this philosophy that I challenge. I've seen it happen in so many families where children, particularly teens, are in a hellish situation with horrible parents, who (if they're not abusive and neglectful) are dictatorial and toxic. They're all counting the days until they turn 18 and get the heck out of there, as if waiting for an end to a prison sentence. Does that sound like a loving, family relationship to you?

Other than that, the punishment should fit the crime. There's no indication that the girl did anything violent, nor did she steal anything. If she did something truly wrong and worthy of correction, then I could see it. But "disrespecting her mama"? That sounds like parents operating on whimsy and punishing their daughter in anger because they have thin skin and a bruised ego. I don't think that's respectable for people to allow their own personal feelings to cloud their judgment.

 

[Revoltingest]

You do realize this is exclusive to this modern generation and kids in the past were nothing like the kids of today.

 

[Stevicus]

Kids today are nothing like the kids of the past.

They are narcissistic little brats and pathological psychopaths today in unprecedented numbers.

Take that and stuff it in that pipe your smoking.

Depends on how far back you want to go. I don't think the kids from 50 years ago (and I was one of them, so I know) were anything like saints or choir boys. Every generation has its share of brats and psychopaths, although in terms of crime and juvenile delinquency, kids were probably a lot worse back then.

It's probably the reason why the adults of today (to include our national leaders) are worse than in the past.

 

[Twilight Hue]

Entitled? Oh bless your heart. No. I dont usually say bless your heart given how rude it is but just cuz the kids now attempt to speak for themselves and cuz kids are viewed as property and folk feel kids should respect the estabilshment rather then grow into adults who question everything this brothers you. This bothers you cuz it's not what you were taught to do.


I grew up with a lot of emotional abuse and physical abuse.
I am not a mentally healthy person. Don't tell me emotional abuse can't just be as damaging when I have flashbacks often and have nightmares most nights. I screamed in my sleep last night for the first time in years. Dont claim actually respecting a child is bad cuz at least parents are now questioning parenting techniques and looking towards science rather then tradition.

No generation is perfect, but there is no denying the behaviors displayed today by young people are nothing like the past several generations.

 

[VoidCat]

No generation is perfect, but there is no denying the behaviors displayed today by young people are nothing like the past several generations.

Ok? You probably are correct cuz past generations had problems hon. Guess what? The adults whi were the past generations have you seen what they've done to the world?

Society changes. Now folk are trying to actually look towards science and use authoritive techniques that respects kids rather then harm them and you call that bad. Hon, this isn't a new parenting technique. It has been around for decades. It's been tested by science. It just wasn't embraced by older generations but has gained more popularity

 

[Twilight Hue]

Ok? You probably are correct cuz past generations had problems hon. Guess what? The adults whi were the past generations have you seen what they've done to the world?

Society changes. Now folk are trying to actually look towards science and use authoritive techniques that respects kids rather then harm them and you call that bad. Hon, this isn't a new parenting technique. It has been around for decades. It's been tested by science. It just wasn't embraced by older generations but has gained more popularity

Obviously something is not working.