Prenuptial agreements?

[Green Gaia]

What's your opinion of prenuptial agreements?

 

[Quoth The Raven]

There are two schools of thought with regard to prenups.One is that you're going into marriage with the idea that it might fail from the outset and therefore entirely the wrong mindset.
Personally I can't see myself ever needing one, but given the percentage of failed marriages then I'm sure that for some people it makes a lot of sense. Also, given the level of STD (sexually transmitted debt), more successful women should probably consider protecting what they've worked for prior to marriage.
Really, what it comes down to is - while we'd all like to think that our relationships are going to last forever, statistically some of them aren't. We'd also all like to think that if we did have to get divorced we'd behave like civilized grownups and settle everything amicably...after all, we were in love once. Unfortunately I've seen people who have said of others in the midst of nasty divorce,'Oh, I could NEVER do that to someone!' degenerate to the level of a starving dog fighting for a chicken wing when they were in the same situation. The idea of the prenup is to avoid all that.

 

[Sunstone]

I think Lady Lazarus has given some strong reasons why prenups are advisable for nearly everyone.

 

[michel]

I agree with lady lazarus pretty much. To me the idea of a pre-nuptual agreement is almost admitting that you are not sure that things are going to work out. Having said that, as L L says, the figures on divorces seem to indicate that maybe it isn't a bad idea; I would still feel reluctant to have one drawn up if I was going to be married.

Pre-nuptual agreements or not ? - I think the whole Idea of marriage ought to be 're-vamped' the role of women in society has changed so much over the last two generations - here, partly due to economic pressure,the woman in most relationships needs to work. marriage, like everything else in life is 5% inspiration 95% perspiration - the trouble, as I see it, is that folk aren't 'into' the perspiration bit anymore.

 

[Unedited]

Lady Lazarus has already put forth my beliefs far better than I ever could. I believe that, were I to consider marriage, I would seriously consider a prenup. However, there's only about a 4.57% chance of me ever getting married in the first place, so, hopefully, I'll never even have to consider.

BTW, 4.57 = random small number.

 

[Fat Old Sun]

I think my father should have had one before he married his current wife. :sarcastic

 

[CaptainXeroid]

...marriage, like everything else in life is 5% inspiration 95% perspiration - the trouble, as I see it, is that folk aren't 'into' the perspiration bit anymore.

I concur 100%! My wife and I have been married 10 years, and it hasn't been fun and games the entire time, but seperation/divorce is not an option. Whatever differences arise, we are committed to work them out.

My humble opinion is that if you think you need a prenuptial agreement, you are not in the right mindset to get married. Stay single.

For those of you who do have a pre-nup, I honestly hope your marriage is happy and forever so you never have to use it.

 

[Original Freak]

I'm going to have to go with, it depends, and what I'm basing it on is your financial situation before you were with the person your with now. I've been married for almost 6 months now but I've been with my wife for 9 1/2 years. We have been dating since we were 17, so we've been together through pretty much all financial endovors and have gotten to where we are together (be it good or bad). Now if I were to try to get into a realationship now I would want to make sure if it ended I wouldn't be any worst off. I dont' think I would get into a serious relationship with someone who took it personally either, and it would be known early in the realationship so no suprises down the line.

 

[anders]

What's your opinion of prenuptial agreements?

Could somebody please post a link explaning what "prenuptial agreements" mean?

 

[Green Gaia]

Could somebody please post a link explaning what "prenuptial agreements" mean?

A prenuptial accord is a contract between two people about to wed that spells out how assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or death.

http://www.bankrate.com/brm/prenup.asp

 

[anders]

Thanks, Maize. It seems like they may be needed in the US. In Sweden, most of it is taken care of by law and wills, but similar agreements occur here as well, especially if one partner is much wealthier.

 

[niceguy]

Thanks, Maize. It seems like they may be needed in the US. In Sweden, most of it is taken care of by law and wills, but similar agreements occur here as well, especially if one partner is much wealthier.

Det heter "äktenskapsförord" för oss svenskar. Se här för mera info Anders: http://www.sjolund.net/forord.htm

Please excuse the swedish, I just informed Anders of the swedish term for "Prenuptial contracts" in case he didn't know. Basically, translated it would be "marrage contract" using an older term for contrat then we normally use.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I think prenuptial agreements a horrible Idea, but not a surprising one considering the litigious age we live in.
I do not even believe in separate bank accounts. If you can't trust the one you love, why marry? the most important thing in marriage is trust.
If you marry for sexual attraction only it is sure to fail.
It never even entered my mind that our marriage would not last. if you don't accept it as a possibility, the tough times are so much easier . The problems become our problems not someone’s fault.


Terry
________________________________________________

Blessed are the merciful, mercy shall be shown unto them.

 

[painted wolf]

to me it is a sign that you don't really expect to be with someone for the rest of your life and that you don't really trust them from the get go.

If you are more concerned with money than marrage, and need to secure your cash ahead of time then you have a problem IMHO.

I would never marry someone with a pre-nup as part of the deal... I wouldn't marry for money, but for love and trust...

wa:do

 

[michel]

I think prenuptial agreements a horrible Idea, but not a surprising one considering the litigious age we live in.
I do not even believe in separate bank accounts. If you can't trust the one you love, why marry? the most important thing in marriage is trust.
If you marry for sexual attraction only it is sure to fail.
It never even entered my mind that our marriage would not last. if you don't accept it as a possibility, the tough times are so much easier . The problems become our problems not someone’s fault.


Terry
________________________________________________

Blessed are the merciful, mercy shall be shown unto them.

Oh how I hate modern phraseology - but I'm going to use it all the same. I 'know where you're coming from' (To which my wife usually comes back with - and I know where you will be going, if you carry on using those phrases!), but I am just that little bit concerned at your "if you don't accept it as a possibility, the tough times are so much easier " - I am perfectly happy with "It never even entered my mind that our marriage would not last" but in the first sentence "If you don't accept it as a possibility" - treminds me of the way to approach alcoholism - and I suppose drug addiction - but I have known many alcoholics but few drug addicts.

One of the first things taught to an alcoholic is "never say never."

The thinking is that you cannot ever be 100% certain that you won't be tempted to drink again, so trying to abide by that precept is asking for trouble - the day you do have a drink, you have proved to yourself that you are weak willed, and the negative connotations are very bad for you.

I personally prefer the I cannot ever forsee it happening, and I would hope that it won't happen - I'll try as hard as I can , but, if things do go wrong...........

A valid point ?

 

[jeffrey]

I'm going to have to side with CX and terrywoodepic. Trust. If you don't trust the marriage, how can you trust the spouse? Marriage is built on trust. Maybe It's I value love more then material things. If your well off and get burned for half of what you own, you still are well off and can rebuild. But if that lack of trust costs you love... All the money in the world cannot bring that back.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

Oh how I hate modern phraseology -
I personally prefer the I cannot ever forsee it happening, and I would hope that it won't happen - I'll try as hard as I can , but, if things do go wrong...........

A valid point ?

I think with that you are building in an opt out.

Like your other example the addict. I was definitely a Tobacco addict till I was thirty. an inhaling pipe smoker. at least 1 ounce a day.
the day I gave up I went and bought 4 ounces put it with my pipe next to my chair and never touched it again. Iknew it was there and could have it if I wanted to. My wife said I was unbearable for over 6 months, I was always feeling ill no energy it was horrible. when I woke in the morning I would reach out for my pipe, have a curse and then get on with my day.

I am still addicted. one puff and I would be off again. But I am glad I gave up.

Like most things in life it is making the decision that that is the hard bit. keeping it up even harder. but then something takes over, you are still an addict but things become easier.

Marriage is like that, decisions must be held to. luckily we never had a serious row those we had were always unimportant. Looking back they always are.

Terry
__________________________________________________
Blessed are the merciful, mercy shall be shown unto them.

 

[Stormygale]

If I worked my whole life on building an empire....
If I was born into a family who had millions........

I would ask for a prenup. In today's time, one must expect certain rules and guidelines when entering a family who has much money, and alot to lose if a marriage goes wrong. In this age of the major percentage of marriages ending in divorce, I feel it is a wise action.
If it makes a person feel inferior, or casts doubt on them that the other does not trust them, then that is just something they have to overcome. They must realize that they are entering an empire of money, and that many lives are probably depending on the stability of any new introductions into the pyramid.
It is just a part of the turf that comes with the field.
I would take this course of action.
A prenup does not mean I doubt you or love you any less. Peoples lives depend on a prenup. The average marriage today lasts under five years. That is a bad statistic. People just have to understand.

 

[Melody]

Even if the other person was worth billions, if they asked me to sign a prenup, then they either do not trust that I'm actually marrying them because I love them rather than for their money (in which case they shouldn't get married) and/or their concern is for their money (in which case perhaps they're already married....to their money).

A marriage that starts without some foundation of trust is a marriage that's already over and the participants just don't recognize it.

That said, I seriously think our laws need to be revamped. My husband owned a paid for house before we got married. Our state has community property laws which meant that the day I married him, I legally owned half that house. When he wanted to sell off a piece of the property 6 months later, he couldn't without my permission as well. That is just so wrong.

 

[Pah]

Has anyone mentioned the prenupial contract initiated in Louisiana and seversl aother states that don't deal with the material aspects of marriage but more the spiritual ones? I think they call it a covenent marriage.

I know it requires a period of learning and counseling to complete the contract before marriage