Prenuptial agreements?

[Terrywoodenpic]

Even if the other person was worth billions, if they asked me to sign a prenup, then they either do not trust that I'm actually marrying them because I love them rather than for their money (in which case they shouldn't get married) and/or their concern is for their money (in which case perhaps they're already married....to their money).

A marriage that starts without some foundation of trust is a marriage that's already over and the participants just don't recognize it.

That said, I seriously think our laws need to be revamped. My husband owned a paid for house before we got married. Our state has community property laws which meant that the day I married him, I legally owned half that house. When he wanted to sell off a piece of the property 6 months later, he couldn't without my permission as well. That is just so wrong.

At least this is not a problem between the two of you, but one of an over spacific law and the two of you.
Such things do come up Less often in the UK as we have not yet moved far down that road. A joint bank account needs no permissions from either party. But property is different it requires the agreement of every one with an interest. If only to protect the new owner.

Terry
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Blessed are the pure of heart, they shall behold their God.

 

[michel]

I think with that you are building in an opt out.

Like your other example the addict. I was definitely a Tobacco addict till I was thirty. an inhaling pipe smoker. at least 1 ounce a day.
the day I gave up I went and bought 4 ounces put it with my pipe next to my chair and never touched it again. Iknew it was there and could have it if I wanted to. My wife said I was unbearable for over 6 months, I was always feeling ill no energy it was horrible. when I woke in the morning I would reach out for my pipe, have a curse and then get on with my day.

I am still addicted. one puff and I would be off again. But I am glad I gave up.

Like most things in life it is making the decision that that is the hard bit. keeping it up even harder. but then something takes over, you are still an addict but things become easier.

Marriage is like that, decisions must be held to. luckily we never had a serious row those we had were always unimportant. Looking back they always are.

Terry
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Blessed are the merciful, mercy shall be shown unto them.

I know and agree with what you say. I too was a heavy smoker 40+/day from 20-44 years old; I gave up overnight; I had tried before, but 'My heart wasn't in it.'

I made myself carry a cigarette case & lighter, and offered cigarettes to anyone else at social functions ( my wife and both my parents smoked; after a meal I would pass them around and light them ) - but that was just my way. The reason I gave up was because I was going to have a cataract op, and I had been warned off coughing after the op - it could split the stitches in the eye ball, and render me blind in that eye. That was good enough for me!

I am (well, I consider myself to be) an alcoholic - I have never been to a meeting, because I am well versed in the 'A.A' techniques, and that was why I made the suggestion in my last post - that is a VERY important factor for an alcoholic.

I can see though, having read your reply, that maybe what I suggested is a bit of a 'cop out' when applying the same system of thinking to marriage. It is certainly not the one Marie and I have towards our marriage - I could not contemplate leaving her, and I think I can safely say the same on her behalf. Even so, I am a bit of a 'handful' - I am disabled, suffer from depression, and have a highly addictive character. Though I am 56 I feel physically more like 66 or even more (Of course I can't KNOW, but I feel so totally decrepit).

I have even gone as far of telling Marie that I would understand her perfectly if she 'wanted out' - I really am a sad excuse for a husband; holidays, week end trips, most everything terrifies me; I am happiest here at the keyboard. Now that isn't much of a husband, is it ?- especially to a still young, vivacious woman who loves dancing & holidays!

I would, out of love, let her go to find hapiness elsewhere; but she doesn't want to entertain the idea - probably out of a feeling of duty - which makes me feel even more guilty.

I know we married 'for better or for worse', but I have more than a sneaky suspicion that poor Marie is getting the worse, while I am receiving the better. Do you understand me a little better now ?

 

[EnhancedSpirit]

Prenupts are based on materialistic ideas. I understand that people use them to protect themselves, and I'm not going to say that they are bad for those who choose to sign one.

But for me personally. I was born naked and had nothing, and when I die I will take nothing with me. Everything I have is a gift from God, and they are his to take away if he sees fit for the benefit of my growth and maturity.

 

[Melody]

I would, out of love, let her go to find hapiness elsewhere; but she doesn't want to entertain the idea - probably out of a feeling of duty - which makes me feel even more guilty.

I know we married 'for better or for worse', but I have more than a sneaky suspicion that poor Marie is getting the worse, while I am receiving the better. Do you understand me a little better now ?

Don't be too hard on yourself. I bet if you asked her, you'd find it's not duty. I tease my husband all the time about being a curmudgeon. We are total opposites and I certainly don't stay with him out of duty.

 

[Nerthus]

I don't know.

I hate the idea of them in some ways, as it's almost like preparing for the marriage to fail. I know some do, and when you see what can happen during divorce, you can understand why people have them.

It's something I have always said I wouldn't want.... But honestly, don't know.

 

[Harmonious]

I prefer to think of the prenuptial agreement as something you should never need, but it is better to have one than to not have one and wish you had.

My prenuptial agreement was the one thing that safely got me out of a toxic marriage. It had little to do with who got what money (as neither he nor I had a lot), but it had everything to do with settling a religious divorce.

While that situation won't apply to everyone, I highly recommend pre-nups. I pray that they are useless and stay in whatever envelope they are hidden away in, but I also pray that should they be necessary, they are available to be used.

 

[ChristineES]

I suppose I can understand why a few people would want them, the rest of me says "If you distrust someone so much that you need one, then you probably don't trust him or her enough to marry the person in the first place." But here in California, divorced couple have to automatically have split everything in half- in that case you wouldn't need one here for that reason.

 

[kylixguru]

I answered that prenuptial agreements are a good thing generally because when two people are joining together they really ought to have a clear basis for what is going to be expected of one another. This actually includes by default everyone who has a marriage inside of a religious context where those expectations are clearly establish.

But, I would be inclined to think if something is being withheld from the union by way of a prenuptial clause that it is an indication you really should not be getting married in the first place.