Question about explaining religion to 5 year old

[rachadelle]

Ok. Well my husband and I believe there is a God but we are not affiliated with any religion and we do not talk about religion in our house. Well our 5 year old went to my parents house for a week (they are Catholic and go to church) and of course they brought her to church. I did not know about that until she came home. Now she is asking me questions about God and different things about religion that I'm not sure what to say to her. I was raised Catholic but whenever I lived with my parents they forced religion on myself and my two sisters. Also we did not attend church very often so when I became an adult I got away from the catholic church and started attending non-denominational churches but once I met my husband I stopped attending church because he doesn't go to church or affiliate himself with any religion. Because of this, I don't know what to tell our daughter because I really don't want to bring up religion in the household because I know how my husband feels about it also I wouldn't know what to say because I don't want her to be deprived of learning about religion but I need advice on how to go about doing this. I would appreciate any suggestions.

 

[Rainbow Mage]

Tell her that she should try to formulate her own ideas about god, like you do, or tell her to study religion and pick the one she thinks resonates most with her.

 

[Storm]

I would go with teaching her about as many religions as you can in a "some people believe" style.

 

[Revoltingest]

The only advice I can offer is rather non-specific - be honest, candid, & generous
towards the the alternatives you find possible. I find that kids value getting to
see a big picture, & having the opportunity to make up their own minds

 

[Storm]

Tell her that she should try to formulate her own ideas about god,

It's a great idea in theory, but it was my experience that kids need some guidance.

 

[tumbleweed41]

Just tell her about your beliefs. She will form her own as she grows, especially since you do not force indoctrination on her.

 

[rachadelle]

thank you all for the advice I'm going to tell her what we believe and let her know about other religions as well what they believe so she has a big picture of what religion is

 

[Storm]

You're most welcome!

 

[Wandered Off]

It may be best to avoid or downplay hell threats if they are part of your belief system. At that age, that kind of stress is not helpful and could cause trouble, because there's a good chance it would become the major focus for years to come.

 

[Breathe]

Welcome to RF!

In my opinion, just tell your beliefs, keep them simple, honest. I know you don't want to force your faith down her throat, but you can still talk about your faith and what you believe - and as Wandered Off says, no hell talk, and avoid any "the only way to God is through Jesus" or anything, but I get the feeling that's not something you would say.


I think that at 5, you should focus mostly on what you two believe, than a religion that she won't probably encounter for some time yet, take time to tell her about other faiths as she grows older. If you want, you could teach her little bits about different faiths at a time, over time, but I think it's best for her to have some idea about her parent's beliefs (which are more than likely going to be hers at this age), before educating her to the various religions out there.

Really, I suppose all you can do is what you think is best.

Thanks for bringing this up. My daughter will be 4 soonish, so I should start thinking of how to explain such things if she asks.

Hope you stick around on the forum.

 

[*Anne*]

I would go with teaching her about as many religions as you can in a "some people believe" style.

:yes: This is what I do. It seems to work nicely.

 

[rachadelle]

No I do not plan on bringing up anything about hell. I think that would be too scary for a child her age to even comprehend. I think right now from what all of you have told me it would be best to explain to her what my husband and I believe but I do have one other question... if other people, let's say, for example, she stays at my parents' house sometimes if they try to bring her to church shoudl I do something about that because it would go against what we believe. Should I bring up the subject or leave it alone?

 

[Autodidact]

My approach in general is: "I believe..., but each person has to decide what they believe." I also ask them questions, and respect their ability and right to figure it out for themselves. If they bring up heaven or something, I might ask them, "Is there a heaven?" And listen to their answer without telling them whether I agree or not. I only tell my opinion if they ask it. No, "We believe..." Because I don't think people should believe something just because they're born into it.

 

[Autodidact]

No I do not plan on bringing up anything about hell. I think that would be too scary for a child her age to even comprehend. I think right now from what all of you have told me it would be best to explain to her what my husband and I believe but I do have one other question... if other people, let's say, for example, she stays at my parents' house sometimes if they try to bring her to church shoudl I do something about that because it would go against what we believe. Should I bring up the subject or leave it alone?

I don't have any problem with someone else taking my child to church--good for them to see different ways of belief and worship. That will help them decide what they believe. In general they haven't enjoyed it, and don't want to go back. They find it boring. So I would let them go once, and then let it be up to them.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Teach them to think critically. They'll figure out the rest.

 

[Valjean]

This is a 5 year old we're talking about. "Explanations" would go right over her head and independent investigation would be beyond her abilities. Most 5 year olds are in Piaget's preoperational stage of cognitive development.

Probably all you could get across is that different people believe different things and that you don't really know what's actually true. You might be able to get across some concept of knowledge (evidence based) vs speculation.

 

[linwood]

Because of this, I don't know what to tell our daughter because I really don't want to bring up religion in the household because I know how my husband feels about it also I wouldn't know what to say because I don't want her to be deprived of learning about religion but I need advice on how to go about doing this. I would appreciate any suggestions.

Tell your husband being dogmatically anti-religious is nearly as harmful as being dogmatically religious to a child.

It will leave the child unarmed and unable to understand a huge part of the culture he/she will grow into.
It will create bias in the child.

Tell the child what you believe about any given question or concept they bring up.

Then tell the child what followers of that particular concept believe about it.

Then tell the child you may both be wrong and they should figure out what they think about it for themselves.

This seems to have worked well for this atheist and his daughter living here on Jesus St.USA.

They aren`t dumb, don`t treat them like they are.
It`s a disservice to them.

 

[rachadelle]

I don't have any problem with someone else taking my child to church--good for them to see different ways of belief and worship. That will help them decide what they believe. In general they haven't enjoyed it, and don't want to go back. They find it boring. So I would let them go once, and then let it be up to them.

My daughter didn't like going to chruch with my parents either. She said it was boring too but she was still curious about what they were talking about so thats why she asked me about it.

 

[linwood]

This is a 5 year old we're talking about. "Explanations" would go right over her head and independent investigation would be beyond her abilities.

Absolutely false Seyorni.

It all depends on the "explaining" and to state that independent investigation is out of the childs realm is insulting.

Depending upon which concepts the child is inquiring about.

 

[Valjean]

I'm not trying to be insulting, Linwood. I'm just trying to be realistic. 5 year olds really are in the preoperational stage. They can walk and talk and make sandwiches, they do appear to reason and understand, but if you actually test their cognitive abilities you'd be amazed at how undeveloped their formal reasoning, cognition, insight, &c are.

Most 5 year olds have not yet mastered seriation, classification, conservation, transitivity, reversibility or decentering. They're not able to abstract or comprehend hypotheticals like adults.

This isn't my opinion. It's Cognitive Development 101. Just Google.