"Real Housewives" star has new book that advocates marital rape

[Me Myself]

Tip: dont tell him the wrong feelings will make him a rapist

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

Maybe you dont notice when your partner is upset if he doesnt tell you

Its okay, some of us are less perceptive. Him being very direct and honest about his feelings by verbal communication will be more important in your relationships.

sorry but he shouldn't be upset anyway, being upset every time your partner doesn't want to have sex with you, to the point they know when to have sex with you to avoid an argument sounds like you has entitlement issues.

 

[Me Myself]

sorry but he shouldn't be upset anyway, being upset every time your partner doesn't want to have sex with you, to the point they know when to have sex with you to avoid an argument sounds like you has entitlement issues.

Thats not what you said, you said that when that happens you are a raping your parner which is much beyond having entitlement issues.

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

Thats not what you said, you said that when that happens you are a raping your parner which is much beyond having entitlement issues.

I never said you are raping your partner just from that I also included him saying to rip a woman's clothes off when she refuses sex, he sounds like a rapist and I wouldn't be surprised if he was one. But he doesn't view it as rape because he is a man with needs and she doesn't view it as rape because he is a man with needs and it's a woman's job to make sure there the man isn't upset.

 

[Me Myself]

I never said you are raping your partner just from that I also included him saying to rip a woman's clothes off when she refuses sex, he sounds like a rapist and I wouldn't be surprised if he was one. But he doesn't view it as rape because he is a man with needs and she doesn't view it as rape because he is a man with needs and it's a woman's job to make sure there the man isn't upset.

You said:

What she said is her partner gets upset if she refuses sex and he has to have sex atleast once a day or he is moody with her that translates to me as a rapist.

I told you just being upset by no daily sex does not mean rapist, you answered there is rape by blackmail sorry you didnt know that.

So yeah, yes you did.

I am not saying he is not a rapist, I am saying it is ridiculous to assume someone with a high frequency prefrence for sex who gets bothered when such preference is not met is a rapist by default.

Which should really be obvious.

 

[dawny0826]

sorry but he shouldn't be upset anyway, being upset every time your partner doesn't want to have sex with you, to the point they know when to have sex with you to avoid an argument sounds like you has entitlement issues.

You've made two separate statements here, one of which, I can understand your desire to ponder, given the nature of what we've seen from the book. You're questioning if the man has entitlement issues. Fair enough.

But, you're also projecting how people should feel and it perplexes me that you feel entitled to such projections.

You're certainly entitled to your opinions. I get that. But, in truth, humans naturally feel a plethora of emotion. I hesitate to project how a person should FEEL as emotion is natural and specific to a person's personality and overall mental and emotional state of being, something that you can't possibly have full insight on (as it applies to another).

We can freely feel anger, hurt, happiness, comfort, anxiety, etc. These are natural human emotions and responses. We can't always control our feelings. The question here is in regards to action. How is this man acting out on emotion?

I still contend that none here are wise enough to confidently claim with certainty how this man behaves, but, I admire your gumption.

 

[Me Myself]

You've made two separate statements here, one of which, I can understand your desire to ponder, given the nature of what we've seen from the book. You're questioning if the man has entitlement issues. Fair enough.

But, you're also projecting how people should feel and it perplexes me that you feel entitled to such projections.

You're certainly entitled to your opinions. I get that. But, in truth, humans naturally feel a plethora of emotion. I hesitate to project how a person should FEEL as emotion is natural and specific to a person's personality and overall mental and emotional state of being, something that you can't possibly have full insight on (as it applies to another).

We can freely feel anger, hurt, happiness, comfort, anxiety, etc. These are natural human emotions and responses. We can't always control our feelings. The question here is in regards to action. How is this man acting out on emotion?

I still contend that none here are wise enough to confidently claim with certainty how this man behaves, but, I admire your gumption.

Exactly.

We just know she knows he gets moody with her. That's it. We dont even know if he tries to hide it becaus ein his macho attitude he doesnt want it to be obvious how much power she has over his emotions.

We just know she can tell he is upset. Its plain idiotic to assume therefore he is a rapist.

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

It reminds me when I was watching a show called surrendered wives or something like that, and the husband had control over every aspect of the relationship even down to decisions like what restaurant they would go to, he would ask his wife if she wanted to go to a particular restaurant and if she said no, they would go there anyway. He basically only asked her questions so she could tell him want he wanted to hear and so she could validate his position in the household, not because he actually wanted to hear her real opinion.
Then he said if his wife doesn't want to have sex he would keep pushing her until she gave in, than he turned to her and asked rhetorically "you like it when I pursue you don't you?" and she said yes because that is the answer he wanted to hear.

 

[Me Myself]

It reminds me when I was watching a show called surrendered wives or something like that, and the husband had control over every aspect of the relationship even down to decisions like what restaurant they would go to, he would ask his wife if she wanted to go to a particular restaurant and if she said no, they would go there anyway. He basically only asked her questions so she could tell him want he wanted to hear and so she could validate his position in the household, not because he actually wanted to hear her real opinion.
Then he said if his wife doesn't want to have sex he would keep pushing her until she gave in, than he turned to her and asked rhetorically "you like it when I pursue you don't you?" and she said yes because that is the answer he wanted to hear.

So thats what it reminds you, thats cool. I ve seen clouds reminding me of all kinds of things.

Still doesnt make him a rapist. Not saying he is not, but I AM saying that we dont have enough information for trustworthy conclusions,

 

[DallasApple]

I dont think each sexual encounter needs to be equally pleasurable for both, just consensual and not emotionally damaging.

I never said each sexual encounter "needs" to be "equally" pleasurable for both.I'm talking about having sex because if you don't..LATER (out side of bed)you will experience some negative consequences by that person.

Having said that though.For me I cant enjoy sex if my husband isn't experiencing pleasure.I can give myself a 'hand job".Going through the motions mechanical sex is a turn off for me not a turn on.But that is a different topic.

And for me it is emotionally damaging to think my husband really could care less care how I feel and is just getting off on me. Especially if I know if I don't just "do it' the next day he will treat me like ****.

 

[Me Myself]

I never said each sexual encounter "needs" to be "equally" pleasurable for both.I'm talking about having sex because if you don't..LATER (out side of bed)you will experience some negative consequences by that person.

e know he got moody and more prone to arguing. He may very well not know he did. Sometimes people that are with us notice things about our moods that we dont.

Maybe it just wasnt a big deal for her to have sex every day. It doesnt sound like it was.

Having said that though.For me I cant enjoy sex if my husband isn't experiencing pleasure.I can give myself a 'hand job".Going through the motions mechanical sex is a turn off for me not a turn on.But that is a different topic.

It is indeed. I find the pleasure of my partner to be of the biggest turn ons, both by facial expresions and sounds.

And for me it is emotionally damaging to think my husband really could care less care how I feel and is just getting off on me.

Well, each person is different. I would expect people to care at least not to damage the other person which already means they care, what I am saying is that there is nothing wrong with having sex and not caring a lot (in a specific encounter, not on all of them) about whether the other one is feeling aroused by it or not, which is very VERY different than not caring at all on what they feel. If youare in a loving relationship, you care how your partner feels.

In any case, as I said each is different. If the woman or the man feels strongly displeased about that kind of sex then naturally it would not be negotiable to just have sex even if not into it so the partner can get their release. On other circumstances it is though. I am sure it is viable for a lot of people.

You can think of it as erotic massage if you will so you get what I mean

 

[DallasApple]

I think what is confusing here is if you "put it all together" he seems to have a rapist "mentality".Rather than his being 'upset" every time his desires aren't immediately met "makes him " a rapist.

It seems like the whole conversation or a lot of it is geared towards 'cutting Joe some slack"but I feel little or no sympathy for the man because he is ADVOCATING that mentality for marriages.Not to mention his cave man like beliefs of what is feminine and what is masculine.

And if he has the balls to go our publically and announce that all women want their clothes ripped off of them and their hair pulled when she says she doesn't want sex then he is talking bout ME..because I am in fact a woman.And Im saying if my husband did that to me it would be RAPE.And I'm not talking about planning it for a role play with a safe word..Which he did not elude to what so ever.

He did not say WE like to get rough sometimes.He said when she says no I rip her clothes of ..and all women want to be dominated.

If he (and she) did not want to be called out or ridiculed for saying that ...they should not have said it..its dangerous thinking and he needs to keep his mouth shut.

 

[Me Myself]

I think what is confusing here is if you "put it all together" he seems to have a rapist "mentality".Rather than his being 'upset" every time his desires aren't immediately met "makes him " a rapist.

It seems like the whole conversation or a lot of it is geared towards 'cutting Joe some slack"but I feel little or no sympathy for the man because he is ADVOCATING that mentality for marriages.Not to mention his cave man like beliefs of what is feminine and what is masculine.

And if he has the balls to go our publically and announce that all women want their clothes ripped off of them and their hair pulled when she says she doesn't want sex then he is talking bout ME..because I am in fact a woman.And Im saying if my husband did that to me it would be RAPE.And I'm not talking about planning it for a role play with a safe word..Which he did not elude to what so ever.

He did not say WE like to get rough sometimes.He said when she says not I rip her clothes of ..and all women wants to be dominated.

If the (and she) did not want to be called our of ridiculed for saying that ...they should not have said it..its dangerous thinking and he needs to keep his mouth shut.

Again, I havent read the book.

I ve said the excerpts seem like awful and dangerous advice but I cannot still judge the book in a credible fashion without having read all of it and I can certainly not judge the couple in a credible fashion without having met them personally for long time, etc.

Hte impression I get from the little I ve seen is that she is the emotionally balanced one in the relationship and he is a little kid in a man's body and I have no idea what she likes of him.

I dont think he literally thinks that way because then he would have been getting rape sex every day she said no, right?

And yeah, I am not terribly fond of playing the blue is for boys pink is for girls silly mentality. I joke around with it here and there Irl, but people be people and a romantic relationship is a partnership that needs to have mutual care and interest on communication and nurture coming form both sides.

 

[Me Myself]

Oh and ridicule them away, I just havent read any joke that made me chuckle about them so far in this thread

And need to emphasize that we simply dont know, cause we dont.

I dont even know about the full book, just those couple of excerpts.

 

[DallasApple]

Oh and ridicule them away, I just havent read any joke that made me chuckle about them so far in this thread

You didn't think my "shes a closet pooper" joke was funny?

 

[Me Myself]

You didn't think my "shes a closet pooper" joke was funny?

I didnt read it before, now I chuckled

 

[DallasApple]

I dont think he literally thinks that way because then he would have been getting rape sex every day she said no, right?

The fact that it seems sometimes he takes no for an answer (which then of course leads to a huge fight the next day) or he may "fight " her into consent.. does not mean he hasn't ever raped her or that he does not have that mentality.How many times does someone need to rape someone to be a rapist?

 

[Me Myself]

The fact that it seems sometimes he takes no for an answer (which then of course leads to a huge fight the next day) or he may "fight " her into consent.. does not mean he hasn't ever raped her or that he does not have that mentality.How many times does someone need to rape someone to be a rapist?

At least one. Any reported case?

 

[DallasApple]

At least one. Any reported case?

I haven't seen a 'reported" case.But what he advised men to do that all women want is at the very least violent and the beginning of a rape. But the bigger point was you can have the MENTALITY of a rapist without ever actually 'literally" raping.

If I told my husband no ...and he turned me around and ripped my clothes off and started pulling my hair I would call the police even if he stopped at that point.But he didn't say and stop there and wait for a "yes".Which would be rape.I certainly don't think he was saying women just like their clothes ripped off and her hair to pulled then they roll over and smoke a cigarette and go to sleep.

I read the excerpt to my husband and he agrees what it seems to be inferring and is not at all surprised its getting the reaction it is from most people.

 

[Me Myself]

I haven't seen a 'reported" case.But what he advised men to do that all women want is at the very least violent and the beginning of a rape. But the bigger point was you can have the MENTALITY of a rapist without ever actually 'literally" raping.

Provided it was an accurate portrayal of his overall mentality, sure. Again, I havent read the book, I dont know the guy. Pretending I know his mentality because of one phrase would be extremely presumptuous of me.

If he truly believed that, literally, I wouldnt understand how he has gone through life wiout ever raping anyone. Like, no idea. Maybe he has, sure, but we dont knnow if that is a good protrayal of his mentality. If it were, then I cant imagine how he has not raped anyone thinking thats what they wanted. It would take an awesome ampunt of luck to not rape anyone with that mentality that no matter what she says she wants sex with you now.

If I told my husband no ...and he turned me around and ripped my clothes off and started pulling my hair I would call the police even if he stopped at that point.But he didn't say and stop there and wait for a "yes".Which would be rape.I certainly don't think he was saying women just like their clothes ripped off and her hair to pulled then they roll over and smoke a cigarette and go to sleep.

I read the excerpt to my husband and he agrees what it seems to be inferring and is not at all surprised its getting the reaction from most people.

Oh no, e reaction is not surprising at all. As I said before it is a stupid and dangerous advice. I just havent read the book so I dont pretend to know the couple or the real overall message, but by the blue boys and pink girls mentality I wouldnt care to read it if it were free cause I just dont agree with that way of looking at a romantic relationship.