Religion vs Spouse

[Treks]

Hello

Do you and your spouse/partner/significant other disagree about your religion, or parts of it?
Are there elements of your religion that your spouse disagrees with, or doesn't like?
Does your religion require you to do certain things or wear/not wear certain things which your spose doesn't like?
How does that make you feel?
Do you feel your spouse should take precedence, or your religion?
Do your answers change if you had partnered with your spouse before you converted to your religion?
And anything else you'd like to say about any conflict between your spouse and your religion.

 

[Ingledsva]

Hello

Do you and your spouse/partner/significant other disagree about your religion, or parts of it?
Are there elements of your religion that your spouse disagrees with, or doesn't like?
How does that make you feel?
Do you feel your spouse should take precedence, or your religion?
Do your answers change if you had partnered with your spouse before you converted to your religion?
And anything else you'd like to say about any conflict between your spouse and your religion.

My guys are both Spiritual - not religious - so we all get along splendidly.

We were all Spiritual before we met.

*

 

[Sunstone]

Hello

Do you and your spouse/partner/significant other disagree about your religion, or parts of it?
Are there elements of your religion that your spouse disagrees with, or doesn't like?
How does that make you feel?
Do you feel your spouse should take precedence, or your religion?
Do your answers change if you had partnered with your spouse before you converted to your religion?
And anything else you'd like to say about any conflict between your spouse and your religion.

For the most part, I don't see differences of opinion -- even differences of religious opinion -- as detrimental to a relationship. I suppose the can be, if you let them be detrimental, but I don't see the necessity of allowing that to happen. In my view, two adults ought to be able to live together comfortably with differences of opinion on religious matters.

 

[Treks]

Apologies, I wasn't clear in my original post.

I'm particularly interested in the physical differences, not differences of opinion.

Wife wants to wear hijab, husband wants her to show more skin.
Husband doesn't want contact with wife while she's menstruating, wife wants a hug.
Wife wants to be skyclad during mixed gender rituals, husband doesn't want her to.
Etcetc.

Do you back down spiritually/religiously in favour of your partner or do you stick by your religion?

Thanks

 

[Monk Of Reason]

Hello

Do you and your spouse/partner/significant other disagree about your religion, or parts of it?
Are there elements of your religion that your spouse disagrees with, or doesn't like?
How does that make you feel?
Do you feel your spouse should take precedence, or your religion?
Do your answers change if you had partnered with your spouse before you converted to your religion?
And anything else you'd like to say about any conflict between your spouse and your religion.

If the two people can maintain a certain level of distance between themselves and their religion then its usually possible. It means being respectful to the other's views while hopefully recieving the same respect.

This also means that dicisions cannot be dictated by any religious standpoints. I am sure there are exceptions but this is a general rule of thumb. It is usually better to find someone who has similar views to your own but you can make it if both people are generally less pious. A hard core catholic who wants to raise thier children in a very strict catholic home and go to mass every sunday would probably not do very well getting hitched to a Muslim who was just as driven in all the same ways.

 

[sojourner]

Apologies, I wasn't clear in my original post.

I'm particularly interested in the physical differences, not differences of opinion.

Wife wants to wear hijab, husband wants her to show more skin.
Husband doesn't want contact with wife while she's menstruating, wife wants a hug.
Wife wants to be skyclad during mixed gender rituals, husband doesn't want her to.
Etcetc.

Do you back down spiritually/religiously in favour of your partner or do you stick by your religion?

Thanks

I'm not convinced that anyone so entrenched as to let sacramentals interfere in the marriage relationship would generally marry someone so different from themselves in the first place.

 

[Aquitaine]

Wife wants to be skyclad during mixed gender rituals, husband doesn't want her to.

Skyclad? Never heard of that before, what is........ oh my!

 

[BSM1]

My spouse and I are in complete agreement on religious and spiritual matters. However when I get to thinking I can walk across water my wife reminds me, in no uncertain terms, that I still have to wipe my feet before I track through her kitchen.

 

[Ingledsva]

I'm not convinced that anyone so entrenched as to let sacramentals interfere in the marriage relationship would generally marry someone so different from themselves in the first place.

Yep, I agree with this.

There are some oddballs that do, but it doesn't make sense, or bode well for their marriages.

*

 

[Question_love_act]

I'm not convinced that anyone so entrenched as to let sacramentals interfere in the marriage relationship would generally marry someone so different from themselves in the first place.

But what if they convert after marriage? I have a friend who was married Catholic, but then converted both to Anglicanism. No problem until... My friend became Muslim. Now he doesn't like her wearing the hijab, though he knows that what makes her happy and spiritually grown.

 

[dgirl1986]

Do you and your spouse/partner/significant other disagree about your religion, or parts of it?

My partner is antireligion.

Are there elements of your religion that your spouse disagrees with, or doesn't like?

The gods and religious bits lol.

Does your religion require you to do certain things or wear/not wear certain things which your spose doesn't like?

Not that I am aware of.

Do you feel your spouse should take precedence, or your religion?

One should not take precedence over the other. Balance.

Do your answers change if you had partnered with your spouse before you converted to your religion?

I doubt it.

 

[Ingledsva]

But what if they convert after marriage? I have a friend who was married Catholic, but then converted both to Anglicanism. No problem until... My friend became Muslim. Now he doesn't like her wearing the hijab, though he knows that what makes her happy and spiritually grown.

Sounds like a husband that wasn't paying enough attention to his wife.

He must have been leaving her alone a lot, and not talking to her, for her to have come into contact with proselytizers that had time to convert her.

*

 

[arthra]

Hello

Do you and your spouse/partner/significant other disagree about your religion, or parts of it?
Are there elements of your religion that your spouse disagrees with, or doesn't like?
Does your religion require you to do certain things or wear/not wear certain things which your spose doesn't like?
How does that make you feel?
Do you feel your spouse should take precedence, or your religion?
Do your answers change if you had partnered with your spouse before you converted to your religion?
And anything else you'd like to say about any conflict between your spouse and your religion.

Interesting question...

Baha'is can marry people outside their religious traditions.. so it might be there could be issues over religion. Generally if the marriage began as an inter-faith marriage there would be recognition of the right of the spouse to practise their religion... The only issue that might be problematic is an agreement that the children be exposed to say both religions as they are being raised...and at say fifteen years of age they would have a choice to make as to what religion they wanted to accept.

For Baha'is there's no special items that we wear.. We're not required to wear certain items so it would depend on what the non-Baha'i spouse wanted in that case.

In my case my wife and I were Baha'is so generally we don't have religious conflicts.. I did see that our children as they were being raised had exposure to churches, mosques and temples around where we lived and not to be prejudiced about religion.

 

[Treks]

Ok, so in the example of the Catholic/Anglican whose wife became Muslim and he doens't like her wearing the hijab: Do you think she would not wear it in deferrence to her husband, or continue to wear it in deferrence to her religion? She can't have both, and will likely be struggling with feelings of guilt or resentment either way. Which decision would you make if you were her, or in a similar situation?

This is a very good example of what I'm trying to get at with my ill-worded and poorly defined OP.

 

[Ingledsva]

Ok, so in the example of the Catholic/Anglican whose wife became Muslim and he doens't like her wearing the hijab: Do you think she would not wear it in deferrence to her husband, or continue to wear it in deferrence to her religion? She can't have both, and will likely be struggling with feelings of guilt or resentment either way. Which decision would you make if you were her, or in a similar situation?

This is a very good example of what I'm trying to get at with my ill-worded and poorly defined OP.

The Qur'an doesn't say to wear hijab does it?

Doesn't it just tell BOTH men and women to dress modestly?

*

 

[Treks]

I'm not asking about the details of the example. She wants to wear hijab to feel closer to God but her husband doesn't like it.

 

[Caladan]

Hello

Do you and your spouse/partner/significant other disagree about your religion, or parts of it?
Are there elements of your religion that your spouse disagrees with, or doesn't like?
Does your religion require you to do certain things or wear/not wear certain things which your spose doesn't like?
How does that make you feel?
Do you feel your spouse should take precedence, or your religion?
Do your answers change if you had partnered with your spouse before you converted to your religion?
And anything else you'd like to say about any conflict between your spouse and your religion.

I come from a secular Jewish background and my wife from a secular Catholic background. However, she does not like Christianity, while having a healthy affinity and interest in Judaism. What makes our situation ideal is that I am a non practicing Jew. Which means we can eat whatever we want at home and not be limited by other Jewish traditions. My wife knows French Jews that immigrated here, and she is relieved that general Israeli Jewish society around her is much more secular. She is not limited by cuisine, the Sabbath, fasting, articles of clothing, etc. But she does get to enjoy all the holidays and the chance to listen to the Bible in Classical Hebrew.

 

[Ingledsva]

Ok, so in the example of the Catholic/Anglican whose wife became Muslim and he doens't like her wearing the hijab: Do you think she would not wear it in deferrence to her husband, or continue to wear it in deferrence to her religion? She can't have both, and will likely be struggling with feelings of guilt or resentment either way. Which decision would you make if you were her, or in a similar situation?

The Qur'an doesn't say to wear hijab does it?

Doesn't it just tell BOTH men and women to dress modestly?

I'm not asking about the details of the example. She wants to wear hijab to feel closer to God but her husband doesn't like it.

Well! She purposely stuck herself in a very patriarchal religion, which says to obey her husband.

Add to that - the Qur'an does not say to wear hijab, and her husband does not want her to - so - if she actually believes in her patriarchal religion - she would do as her husband says and not wear it.

Personally, I would never join a patriarchal religion.

*

 

[Treks]

Thank you Ingledsva, however the reference to hijab is just to illustrate the actual question of wife wanting to do something the husband doesn't want her to do. Let's forget the hijab example, it's causing confusion.

Let's say, husband converted to a religion after marrying wife. Husband's new religion tells him to wear pink polkadot pointy hats all day every day and wife doesn't like that. Husband feels torn between his religion and his wife. Who wins? Who should win?

 

[Treks]

Oh! Here's a good one:

Wife is a Buddhist and wants to shave her head - husband finds this a turn off. What does she do?