Religious Jokes - Post Your Best!

[EnhancedSpirit]

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'.
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.

The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied stripper............ Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."

 

[Melody]

Last one....this is my all time favorite.

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.
George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."
George W. asked him why he was so uppity.
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!"

 

[EnhancedSpirit]

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, ''Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.''

So down Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.

The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming ''It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!''

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate. ''Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?''

God shrugged and said, ''Jesus saves.''

 

[kevmicsmi]

I grew up Baptist, so I feel i can tell this joke.

Why do Baptists not make love standing up??????????????????





God might think they are dancing!!!

 

[Green Gaia]

I grew up Baptist, so I feel i can tell this joke.

Why do Baptists not make love standing up??????????????????





God might think they are dancing!!!

:biglaugh:

 

[angellous_evangellous]

There was a 3-alarm fire on a corner where a synagogue, a Catholic church, & a Unitarian church stood. The Rabbi ran in & saved the Torah, the Priest ran in & saved the Crucifix, & the Unitarian ran in & saved the coffee pot.

(Yes, I'm still laughing at that one. )

I'd make sure that the Martins got out.

Smoke really devalues those things.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

An Assemblies of God, Baptist, and Episcopalian went fishing.

They were inspired by the quietness on the boat and serenity of the day to confess their sins to eachother.

The Baptist confessed that he was having an affair...

The Episcopalian confessed to drinking the communion wine...

The Assemblies of God pastor confessed that he couldn't keep a secret.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

UU feller goes to heaven and sees everyone partying and having a great time.

He asks where are all the Christians...

Jesus says "We have a quiet room for them... they think that they are the only ones here..."

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Boo-doom - ching

"I'll be here all week"

 

[mr.guy]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A man didn’t understand how televisions work, and was convinced that there must be lots of little men inside the box, manipulating images at high speed.

An engineer explained to him about high frequency modulations of the electromagnetic spectrum, about transmitters and receivers, about amplifiers and cathode ray tubes, about scan lines moving across and down a phosphorescent screen.

The man listened to the engineer with careful attention, nodding his head at every step of the argument. At the end he pronounced himself satisfied.

He really did now understand how televisions work.

"But I expect there are just a few little men in there, aren’t there?"[/FONT]