Relying Too Much on the Internet

[Exaltist Ethan]

I would like to discuss what we are all on now. The Internet. I have spent six years trying my best to build Internet friendships, a few have stuck while others diminished over time. But that has all changed recently, because recently I decided that I needed to rely less on the Internet. I deleted my Discord and Twitter accounts, and cut my Facebook friends in half, only keeping the people I know in real life on it.

Why did I do this? I am starting to understand just how addicted I am to the Internet. I honestly considered removing myself from this website, but I don't feel like it as on the same obligation I had with two Facebook friends that I spent a considerable amount of time with. One of my friends can only conversate small talk, the other keeps telling me things she'll do and constantly lie about actually doing them.

So I decided to slowly detox myself from the Internet. Of course, making this thread alone is feeding into my dopamine receptors, especially when I expect or get replies. However, doing what I did was enough to crash on the lack of dopamine I have currently. Those two friends - whom I used to talk to constantly, always fed my brain with the expectations for more conversation. I'd literally wait hours on Facebook Messenger before a reply would come in.

It's destroying my life. There would be weeks I wouldn't go outside because I was so addicted to the dopamine. Messaging people on Facebook Messenger and Discord has destroyed my life. I have virtually no non-Internet friends and my social skills are horrible. I don't even know how to make a friend in real life I am so inept at this point.

Just waking up today, after what I did, made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Each and every inch of my body just wants to go back to the dopamine resources, but it is hard to seriously rely on my Internet friends for more than that. And that's just it - I want more than what they can provide me. I was just frustrated with them, and myself, because I know I expect too much from them.

If I were to completely stop using the Internet, the dopamine crash would be so catastrophic I probably wouldn't be able to handle it. Besides my Internet friends I use the Internet primarily for YouTube and Spotify. And I'm addicted to both of those as well.

I just don't know what to do about this. A part of me wants things to go back to the way they used to be when I lived in my first apartment, but I know that can't happen. And I don't want to happen either. Being on disability gives me so much free time and nothing to accomplish or achieve. I've even paid others to start projects to waste more of my time. But what I really want are real life friends and a sense of community that I'm lacking now. I had that in my first apartment, and looking back on it now those were the best times of my life.

I don't own a car or have a driver's license. I feel uncomfortable having to depend on the city busses all the time. I've cut the ties from my online friends and the depression I had when I first moved to this apartment complex is starting to set in again. I want to meet people who are nearby but all the websites I know that focus on that are awful and often people are just trying to sell sex or drugs from those platforms.

The only thing I know what to do now is to talk to my neighbor about possibly having my apartment complex re-open the community room most of the time so I have the space to talk to other residents of my apartment about their lives. I am lucky for the fact that I live in the same building that also has the community room here, despite there being twenty buildings.

But now that I know I won't be expecting any messages from my two closest online friends, after we all agreed to stop talking to each other, I feel like all the excitement and buildup in my life is now gone and I just feel awful now. It's only been a day since I've done this and I'm craving attention.

My point is: I am psychologically addicted to technology and it's been unhealthy. I am in the Millennial Generation, and I grew up with the Internet. Since I was 8 years old I've been in chat rooms. And now that I realize how bad it has got and that I desperately need to disconnect, I can't find anything meaningful in my life without computers and cyberspace. When I was at college I was even studying to become a software engineer.

I don't know what I should do about this. I want real friends, a community, something to do all day besides spending money. I have poor social skills and some have even labeled me as autistic, which thankfully I don't agree with. But now that I have experienced both real life community and online community, I want to spend my life now transitioning back to a real life community and I need help to get there.

I can't move back my old apartment. I don't own a car and I now live in the suburbs. Everything here is at least a 15 minute walk to get to places. Even to get to the busses. I know there is Meet Up, but they will expect me to Uber when I can't really afford doing that all the time.

I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder and because I purposely cut my two most emotionally close Internet friends away I am afraid that I'm going to swing into a major depressive episode, and scare the rest of my real life friends and family away. When I first moved into this complex the only time I saw someone face to face was my mom when she'd take me grocery shopping once a month. I cannot, and will not, let that happen again.

But in order to get things better you first have to let things get worse, isn't that correct? The problem is I don't even know how it could in theory get better at this point...

 

[Jimmy]

watch tv, go for a walk, draw, paint, play a game, go to a movie, fish, bowl ,golf, etc

 

[Jimmy]

take small steps. instead of 5 hrs online do 3 then watch a movie etc. ween down to a healthy amount. dont feel bad. no point in feeling bad. itll happen if u truly want it

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I'll let you know that I have also been socially inept most of my life. It's a skill you have to learn through practice and experience just like everything else, and you'll get there with time and patience. You just have to not give up no matter how awkward things are and how hard things seem. You have to keep socializing and trying to meet people in real life if you want to get there. I can't promise your dreams will come true, nobody knows for sure, but I think it sure in a hell is worth trying rather than living a life of solitude.

Is there any way you can reconnect with your internet friends? There's no need to push them away just to get out there more. It's always good to have friends to fall back on even if they're not close. To fight loneliness you're going to need all of the sources you can get.

Put yourself out there more and you'll get there in time. You'll first have to overcome the anxiety, then the awkwardness, and when you finally connect with someone (I'm sure you will find someone) then it will become a lot better from there.

This all takes time, but it's worth it.

 

[Trailblazer]

I would like to discuss what we are all on now. The Internet. I have spent six years trying my best to build Internet friendships, a few have stuck while others diminished over time. But that has all changed recently, because recently I decided that I needed to rely less on the Internet. I deleted my Discord and Twitter accounts, and cut my Facebook friends in half, only keeping the people I know in real life on it.

Why did I do this? I am starting to understand just how addicted I am to the Internet. I honestly considered removing myself from this website, but I don't feel like it as on the same obligation I had with two Facebook friends that I spent a considerable amount of time with. One of my friends can only conversate small talk, the other keeps telling me things she'll do and constantly lie about actually doing them.

So I decided to slowly detox myself from the Internet. Of course, making this thread alone is feeding into my dopamine receptors, especially when I expect or get replies. However, doing what I did was enough to crash on the lack of dopamine I have currently. Those two friends - whom I used to talk to constantly, always fed my brain with the expectations for more conversation. I'd literally wait hours on Facebook Messenger before a reply would come in.

It's destroying my life. There would be weeks I wouldn't go outside because I was so addicted to the dopamine. Messaging people on Facebook Messenger and Discord has destroyed my life. I have virtually no non-Internet friends and my social skills are horrible. I don't even know how to make a friend in real life I am so inept at this point.

Just waking up today, after what I did, made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Each and every inch of my body just wants to go back to the dopamine resources, but it is hard to seriously rely on my Internet friends for more than that. And that's just it - I want more than what they can provide me. I was just frustrated with them, and myself, because I know I expect too much from them.

If I were to completely stop using the Internet, the dopamine crash would be so catastrophic I probably wouldn't be able to handle it. Besides my Internet friends I use the Internet primarily for YouTube and Spotify. And I'm addicted to both of those as well.

I just don't know what to do about this. A part of me wants things to go back to the way they used to be when I lived in my first apartment, but I know that can't happen. And I don't want to happen either. Being on disability gives me so much free time and nothing to accomplish or achieve. I've even paid others to start projects to waste more of my time. But what I really want are real life friends and a sense of community that I'm lacking now. I had that in my first apartment, and looking back on it now those were the best times of my life.

I don't own a car or have a driver's license. I feel uncomfortable having to depend on the city busses all the time. I've cut the ties from my online friends and the depression I had when I first moved to this apartment complex is starting to set in again. I want to meet people who are nearby but all the websites I know that focus on that are awful and often people are just trying to sell sex or drugs from those platforms.

The only thing I know what to do now is to talk to my neighbor about possibly having my apartment complex re-open the community room most of the time so I have the space to talk to other residents of my apartment about their lives. I am lucky for the fact that I live in the same building that also has the community here, despite there being twenty buildings.

But now that I know I won't be expecting any messages from my two closest online friends, after we all agreed to stop talking to each other, I feel like all the excitement and buildup in my life is now gone and I just feel awful now. It's only been a day since I've done this and I'm craving attention.

My point is: I am psychologically addicted to technology and it's been unhealthy. I am in the Millennial Generation, and I grew up with the Internet. Since I was 8 years old I've been in chat rooms. And now that I realize how bad it has got and that I desperately need to disconnect, I can't find anything meaningful in my life without computers and cyberspace. When I was at college I was even studying to become a software engineer.

I don't know what I should do about this. I want real friends, a community, something to do all day besides spending money. I have poor social skills and some have even labeled me as autistic, which thankfully I don't agree with. But now that I have experienced both real life community and online community, I want to spend my life now transitioning back to a real life community and I need help to get there.

I can't move back my old apartment. I don't own a car and I now live in the suburbs. Everything here is at least a 15 minute walk to get to places. Even to get to the busses. I know there is Meet Up, but they will expect me to Uber when I can't really afford doing that all the time.

I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder and because I purposely cut my two most emotionally close Internet friends away I am afraid that I'm going to swing into a major depressive episode, and scare the rest of my real life friends and family away. When I first moved into this complex the only time I saw someone face to face was my mom when she'd take me grocery shopping once a month. I cannot, and will not, let that happen again.

But in order to get things better you first have to let things get worse, isn't that correct? The problem is I don't even know how it could in theory get better at this point...

Hmmmmm..... I do not go on Facebook or Twitter or any other social media, only forums. I used to post on more than one forum and I had friends on more than one forum, but I decided that it was too time-consuming to keep posting on several forums so I only post on this forum now. Once about a year ago, I discussed my activity on this forum with the counselor I had then and we went over the reasons I was on the forum and she concluded that it was helping me so it was good to continue with it.

I have interests such as being in nature, psychology and travel, but I do not really have any passions other than cats and religion. Over two years ago, the Baha'i community started having only Zoom meetings because of Covid and I don't like that venue. If they ever start having in person activities again I think I will attend.

For many years I did not want to see any Baha'is at all because of my feelings about God and my home situation but now that has changed and I feel better about God and I live all alone so I am very lonely. I really need the forum in order to have some social contact, people to talk (post) to. It is also an outlet for my creativity since I like writing. I also like learning new things and sharing what I know and believe with other people. After I made the list of all the benefits that accrue to me the counselor agreed that this forum is beneficial for me. As long as I do not neglect my responsibilities and other self-care such as sleep and exercise I don't see any problem with it.

I think we all need a certain amount of social contact. Maybe you can just cut back your online activity and retain the activities that you like the best.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Is there something very local that you could volunteer at?
For instance, I coach basketball on a voluntary basis, and feel much more connected to the local community because of it.

That requires some skill, but the club is always looking for people to sell tickets, or man the store, or open up/lock up venues, etc.

(Of course, I'm not saying 'go to your local basketball club'. Just that local clubs often need volunteers)

Perhaps the local library needs a hand. Or a local charity?
It almost doesn't matter how small the role...it is a way to inject a tiny amount of structure and purpose, and a chance to build some local connections. Don't aim for friendships and real purpose to start with. Aim for connections and a reason to leave the house. Everything else gets easier if you can take that first step, so make it as small and manageable as you can.

 

[Truthseeker]

I'll let you know that I have also been socially inept most of my life. It's a skill you have to learn through practice and experience just like everything else, and you'll get there with time and patience.

I have had the same reality. I'm 71 and was slow to mature in general and to be less socially inept. We have a common reason for that, as you know.

 

[Eddi]

Bye bye!

Sorry to see you go

If you change your mind you know where to find me

 

[Truthseeker]

Over two years ago, the Baha'i community started having only Zoom meetings because of Covid and I don't like that venue. If they ever start having in person activities again I think I will attend.

I prefer Zoom metings over in person activities, but I am unusual. In Zoom meetings there is usually less socialization, and I'm awkward at in person social interaction. Well, maybe that's suddenly changing and I don't know why.

 

[Brian2]

But in order to get things better you first have to let things get worse, isn't that correct? The problem is I don't even know how it could in theory get better at this point...

Addictions are like that. At the start of trying to give up it does look like it can never get better and then it does get better.
What can make it harder to stop is that it is not exactly morally wrong to be on the internet and a little bit of internet is not a harmful thing. So little bits of internet can gradually become longer and longer times.

 

[Trailblazer]

I prefer Zoom metings over in person activities, but I am unusual. In Zoom meetings there is usually less socialization, and I'm awkward at in person social interaction. Well, maybe that's suddenly changing and I don't know why.

Zoom meetings are definitely more convenient but I don't like looking at my face or other faces on a screen. When I have Zoom meetings for work I never have my face on the screen, I just listen in and watch other people.

 

[Exaltist Ethan]

Thanks for the comments guys.

But with no one to directly talk to I am losing my mind. I just keep talking to myself over and over and saying the same things, like a sim in The Sims. It's driving me insane. I have one specific thought today and I keep focusing on that thought. The problem with that thought is I cannot do anything about that thought or entertain it, for at least ten years. Pacing back and forth in my apartment, constantly obsessed with improving my life, knowing that nothing can be done about it now is driving me up the wall. Forget the dopamine spikes, I just need people to talk to so I'm not solely focused on my own self-interests.

I'm going nuts here.

 

[dybmh]

I'm going nuts here.

Is there a support group for people with bipolar in your area?

 

[Eddi]

Thanks for the comments guys.

But with no one to directly talk to I am losing my mind. I just keep talking to myself over and over and saying the same things, like a sim in The Sims. It's driving me insane. I have one specific thought today and I keep focusing on that thought. The problem with that thought is I cannot do anything about that thought or entertain it, for at least ten years. Pacing back and forth in my apartment, constantly obsessed with improving my life, knowing that nothing can be done about it now is driving me up the wall. Forget the dopamine spikes, I just need people to talk to so I'm not solely focused on my own self-interests.

I'm going nuts here.

It sounds like you are trying to quit by going "cold turkey"?

Maybe there is a gentler way for you to withdraw from the internet?

 

[Exaltist Ethan]

Is there a support group for people with bipolar in your area?

There's Independence First, which has a Bipolar and Depression Support Group every other week, but it's two busses to get there. I tried doing that once and didn't really enjoy myself.

Maybe there is a gentler way for you to withdraw from the internet?

Finding people to actually talk to would help. I could bring up the thing that is constantly on my mind when I'm alone, which is moving, but they could steer the direction of the conversation to something they can relate to better. I swear out of all my friends I'm the one who talks about moving the most and I move less often than anyone else I know. Ten years ago I left my parents and since then I've only lived in two places.

 

[Twilight Hue]

watch tv, go for a walk, draw, paint, play a game, go to a movie, fish, bowl ,golf, etc

Lots of clubs out there too. Art clubs, chess clubs, game clubs, rc clubs, caveman clubs..... club lovers clubs...

 

[Truthseeker]

Zoom meetings are definitely more convenient but I don't like looking at my face or other faces on a screen. When I have Zoom meetings for work I never have my face on the screen, I just listen in and watch other people.

I'm assuming you also talk. You know, if you come to one of my Zoom meetings you won't have to look at your own face if you don't want to. Funny, You said something like this before and I assumed you didn't want others to see your face including me.

 

[Trailblazer]

I'm assuming you also talk. You know, if you come to one of my Zoom meetings you won't have to look at your own face if you don't want to. Funny, You said something like this before and I assumed you didn't want others to see your face including me.

I rarely ever say anything in a staff meeting, I just listen.

No, I do not want others to see my face on the computer screen. My counselor sees my face in a Zoom meeting and I see his face, but that is an exception I will make since that is the only way I can have an appointment.

The very last thing I want now is to see a bunch of smiley-face Baha'is, laughing, joking and chattering away.
I have to tolerate that for work but I am not going to do it voluntarily.

You have seen my face now, it's too late!

 

[JustGeorge]

I rarely ever say anything in a staff meeting, I just listen.

No, I do not want others to see my face on the computer screen. My counselor sees my face in a Zoom meeting and I see his face, but that is an exception I will make since that is the only way I can have an appointment.

The very last thing I want now is to see a bunch of smiley-face Baha'is, laughing, joking and chattering away. I have to tolerate that for work but I am not going to do it voluntarily.

You have seen my face now, it's too late!

You could always see my grumpy face. People always say I look mad, even though I seldom get mad.

 

[Trailblazer]

You could always see my grumpy face. People always say I look mad, even though I seldom get mad.

I could if you were in the meeting.