When I've had discussions like this, it has often come out during its course that "respect" means different things to different people. When I speak of "respect" I am often speaking of basic, common sense courtesy required for any kind of civilized discourse between people. Put another way, it's about not being a bigot and an *** hole to everybody you encounter in life. Respect can also mean, however, deserving of honor, reverence, worship, or prestige in a grander sense than basic civil courtesies. Where I've gotten in arguments with people over this topic, it is usually because I am seeing respect as common sense courtesy and they are seeing respect in this second sense.
Giving respect - as in basic courtesy - to all people is required for most meaningful social interactions. Unless, granted, your idea of meaningful social interaction consists of being a pain in the *** to everyone and being a general jerk. Giving respect - as in a high honor and reverence - is generally not something that is given without merit. That is perfectly understandable.
As for loss of respect, me treating someone with respect - as in basic common courtesy - has less to do with them that it does with me. My behavior reflects on me, and I'm not going to dishonor myself by being an *** to someone just because I can. That desire often (but not always) represents personal weakness or a lack of virtue that needs to be corrected. In general, I'm one of those people that you have to go out of your way to aggravate for me to rescind my Code of Honor from applying to you. Simply disagreeing or having a different perspective isn't enough. I'll disagree, perhaps heatedly, but I still respect and accept you as a human being. The other loss of respect - as in high honor and reverence - is different. It's more freely taken and given. For example, if someone claims they are part of a Gardnerian coven, I might look to them (respectfully) as an authority on that tradition. If I later find out they lied, they'd loose that authority and respect. I'll forgive you for being a liar - we're all only humans after all - but I will remember that you lied. The next time you claim you are part of a lineaged tradition I am probably not going to take you at your word.
). But true respect is something very rare to me and takes to long to achieve I'm not quite sure what to tell about gaining it. I get fond of people pretty fast, but that isn't the same thing.
