RF Every day sexism

[oldbadger]

I thought the obvious basis of the thread was to point out everyday sexism..

Really?
Luckily, today in the UK, the Equality Act has abolished the kind of disgraceful and disgusting sexism that I faced in the 70's.
My wife was in hospital for many many months, and I had two infant children to loom after, plus expensive visits to London to see my wife, plus mortgage, work.... etc you get the picture.
Mothers in this position had many different services, charities and aids queuing to assist and help. Not only was I absolutely isolated, but I was constantly bombarded by the following:-
Social Services had a policy to to try (wherever possible) to separate lone fathers from children.
The health visitor would not visit me, but visited my neighbours in an attempt to obtain unsatisfactory reports about my progress.
The hospital where my wife was at was often staffed by people who would not give information to me over the phone, but if my mother or mother-in-law called they would give help, assistance and updates.
The government offered no financial assistance, such as travel-for-visits etc.
If a neighbour's wife offered to help with our children, or to come round to look after them while I was at work, she was abused by other neighbours.

Yeah..... I remember sexism in the 70's.

Thank goodness and common sense for the UK's Equality Act, and for new European laws which make similar common sense. This in no way is intended as an attack on either sex, it just shows how men have sometimes had to cope....... alone.

 

[Curious George]

Really?
Luckily, today in the UK, the Equality Act has abolished the kind of disgraceful and disgusting sexism that I faced in the 70's.
My wife was in hospital for many many months, and I had two infant children to loom after, plus expensive visits to London to see my wife, plus mortgage, work.... etc you get the picture.
Mothers in this position had many different services, charities and aids queuing to assist and help. Not only was I absolutely isolated, but I was constantly bombarded by the following:-
Social Services had a policy to to try (wherever possible) to separate lone fathers from children.
The health visitor would not visit me, but visited my neighbours in an attempt to obtain unsatisfactory reports about my progress.
The hospital where my wife was at was often staffed by people who would not give information to me over the phone, but if my mother or mother-in-law called they would give help, assistance and updates.
The government offered no financial assistance, such as travel-for-visits etc.
If a neighbour's wife offered to help with our children, or to come round to look after them while I was at work, she was abused by other neighbours.

Yeah..... I remember sexism in the 70's.

Thank goodness and common sense for the UK's Equality Act, and for new European laws which make similar common sense. This in no way is intended as an attack on either sex, it just shows how men have sometimes had to cope....... alone.

Yes, that is unfortunate that you couldn't get updates on your wife's condition over the phone because you were a man. It is extremely unfortunate that anyone would try to separate you from your children because you were a man. I can only imagine that experience infuriating. Why would one neighbor abuse another neighbor offering to help?

 

[oldbadger]

Yes, that is unfortunate that you couldn't get updates on your wife's condition over the phone because you were a man. It is extremely unfortunate that anyone would try to separate you from your children because you were a man. I can only imagine that experience infuriating. Why would one neighbor abuse another neighbor offering to help?

Thankyou for your empathic post. You mentioned the word infuriating.... that was a condition that I could never dare show. If I had shown anger of any kind, I (wrongly) believed that the system would have been all over me. Well, that's what I believed at the time.

Eventually friends convinced me that nasty people soon get left alone by the system, as long as they don't actually commit a crime, and that the system tends to walk over the easy soft cases to prove that it is doing something.

I bit. I became a hard case overnight, and the system cleared off to find easier cases to prove its value. How dreadful.

In England we have had many child deaths where the system has been blamed for ineptitude. You can imagine that I believe the system went away, scared by those cases! We also have cases where parents have suffered unfairly at the hands of the system. You can guess that I believe these cases were soft targets.

Oh dear...... those were sad days.

 

[Curious George]

Thankyou for your empathic post. You mentioned the word infuriating.... that was a condition that I could never dare show. If I had shown anger of any kind, I (wrongly) believed that the system would have been all over me. Well, that's what I believed at the time.

Eventually friends convinced me that nasty people soon get left alone by the system, as long as they don't actually commit a crime, and that the system tends to walk over the easy soft cases to prove that it is doing something.

I bit. I became a hard case overnight, and the system cleared off to find easier cases to prove its value. How dreadful.

In England we have had many child deaths where the system has been blamed for ineptitude. You can imagine that I believe the system went away, scared by those cases! We also have cases where parents have suffered unfairly at the hands of the system. You can guess that I believe these cases were soft targets.

Oh dear...... those were sad days.

What do you think the root of the problem was?
and you never did answer the question about the neighbors. Why would even neighbors abuse or harass other neighbors who tried to help?

 

[Me Myself]

Spoiler: Long story

So yesterday, something happened to me that I didnt realize was a sex thing until today in the morning.

In Ecuador I have always heard said that you were not a guayaquileño (habitant of the city of guayaquil, similar to saying newyorkine for someone form newyork I guess) if you havent leaped off a bus on the fly.

I have been taking bua for a month now because now I work and I do so far away from home, enough so that taxis just aint reasonable on the wallet at the end of e month. When I get out pf the bus, 9out of 10 times e bus hasnt stopped but is going on slowly while I come down. I ve seen a lot of people do this... Then again I didnt realise all of them were MEN.

Yesterday night I had my first fall. When I jumped of, I landed badly and fell and scratched my whole forearm and some of my hand. Still got the big red patch all ovr it with e skin at different... Layers in different parts. Its healing.( a shirt of mine got a hole in it cause of it though and I loved that Btman shirt still gotta ask if it can be repaired)

So I was talking to a taxi driver this morning about it and he told me


TD: yeah, you gotta go with your right foot first, man. * started talking to me about knee accidents and other accidents related to what happened to me*
Time afte it I ask

Me: so... You think I could... Like just ask him to ..STOP

TD: uhm... Sure but you gotta tell him you are injured or have a bad foot. They wont stop for a man unless you tell them you are damaged

* time after that*

Me: so... They are sexist then?

TD: ... Yeah. Its just their custom. Its just how its done.

In my city, bus drivers will stop the bus so a woman can step out, but for men they wont stop the bus. They will just go slower and expect you to jump out, unless you have an injury.

I got a really ugly de-skinning with the paviment on my forearm yesterday for this, because I fell wrongly. If you ask a man about this everyone will tell you "oh, you must make sure to put your right foot first"
A woman would tell you "they really abuse men" and "oh, ONCE the bus driver made me jump"

I would have said, I will move the CPU while you get me a cup of coffee.

Men many times look at women as sex objects which is wrong, but many women look at men as someone to do something for them.

Think about it, has a man ever gave a woman a honey do list? How would that be received?

Oh I am sure she wouldnt have been mad about it, just as I wasnt mad about what she said, the difference is I did it anyways cause I dont care and she probably wouldnt have

I am not really into coffee anyways but yeah, I do like the style. I talked about Gigi because I thought it was a good way of just putting it out there that sex has nothing to do with it. She has really admirable athletics. (Gigi)

 

[Me Myself]

Hubbie and I have given each other honey-do lists now for a few years. After I started working full time again, it became a necessity for us to communicate with each other in that way for what needs to get done and what our availability is.

I don't see a problem with getting a honey-do list. I'm glad to help out. We both work hard at our jobs and at the business. He does the laundry and a lot of the grocery shopping now. I pick up food at the farm if I'm out. And both of us have very different schedules for our availability for taking kids to and from activities and school, so text each other what we can either pick up or drop off while we're out.

Truth be told, I've never been offended.

I am sure you and your husband are exceptional in many more ways than one.

You sound like you have a beautiful relationship with great communication and understanding too .

 

[oldbadger]

What do you think the root of the problem was?
and you never did answer the question about the neighbors. Why would even neighbors abuse or harass other neighbors who tried to help?

I overlooked your question.
You were curious to know ,'Why were neighbours abused by others if they tried to help....?' Yes?
Abuse was not physical, George, it was character shaming, obstructive, slightly slanderous.
People would gossip and slander women who stepped within a lone man's home, whatever the reason. They would warn of, 'people get the wrong ideas' and such rubbish.
In fact, so did the district nurse. I forgot about the district nurse! She was one of the most obstructive of the whole system. One lady who offered to (and did) walk my kids to/from school (sometimes) was visited by the district nurse who told her 'don't help him. let him fail and then we can call social services to foster the children out'. That was the formula.

Oh..... you wouldn't believe how difficult it was for a lone father back then. The system was sexually prejudiced against fathers like me, whereas mothers had easier access to and help from the local district nurse, health visitor, social services, hospitals...... thank goodness that nightmare is over.

The Equality Act has founded legislation that would act against such behaviour by government services. The are many areas where men are being given equality now which did not exist before. We are trying to produce a reasonable balance which assists and protects all, however difficult that may be.

 

[Me Myself]

I overlooked your question.
You were curious to know ,'Why were neighbours abused by others if they tried to help....?' Yes?
Abuse was not physical, George, it was character shaming, obstructive, slightly slanderous.
People would gossip and slander women who stepped within a lone man's home, whatever the reason. They would warn of, 'people get the wrong ideas' and such rubbish.
In fact, so did the district nurse. I forgot about the district nurse! She was one of the most obstructive of the whole system. One lady who offered to (and did) walk my kids to/from school (sometimes) was visited by the district nurse who told her 'don't help him. let him fail and then we can call social services to foster the children out'. That was the formula.

Oh..... you wouldn't believe how difficult it was for a lone father back then. The system was sexually prejudiced against fathers like me, whereas mothers had easier access to and help from the local district nurse, health visitor, social services, hospitals...... thank goodness that nightmare is over.

The Equality Act has founded legislation that would act against such behaviour by government services. The are many areas where men are being given equality now which did not exist before. We are trying to produce a reasonable balance which assists and protects all, however difficult that may be.

Its truly a shame when this sort of things happen. We can never turn blind eye to sexism in any of it's forms.

 

[Curious George]

I overlooked your question.
You were curious to know ,'Why were neighbours abused by others if they tried to help....?' Yes?
Abuse was not physical, George, it was character shaming, obstructive, slightly slanderous.
People would gossip and slander women who stepped within a lone man's home, whatever the reason. They would warn of, 'people get the wrong ideas' and such rubbish.
In fact, so did the district nurse. I forgot about the district nurse! She was one of the most obstructive of the whole system. One lady who offered to (and did) walk my kids to/from school (sometimes) was visited by the district nurse who told her 'don't help him. let him fail and then we can call social services to foster the children out'. That was the formula.

Oh..... you wouldn't believe how difficult it was for a lone father back then. The system was sexually prejudiced against fathers like me, whereas mothers had easier access to and help from the local district nurse, health visitor, social services, hospitals...... thank goodness that nightmare is over.

The Equality Act has founded legislation that would act against such behaviour by government services. The are many areas where men are being given equality now which did not exist before. We are trying to produce a reasonable balance which assists and protects all, however difficult that may be.

I see, I have a better understanding of the neighbor situation now.

So would you agree the problem dealt with how we look at gender?

 

[oldbadger]

I see, I have a better understanding of the neighbor situation now.

So would you agree the problem dealt with how we look at gender?

The problem, imo, is prejudgement of a gender in various situations, locations, conditions, etc if that is the same as what you mean....?

It affects us all in differing ways, and we are often blind to our own faults. It does help handsomely to have been adversely affected by same, of course.

Sometimes it can be terrible, sometimes even funny. Example?
My enormous manly musclebound giant of a brother-in-law could not bring himself to walk down his road with me (when we visited him) if I took our miniature dachshund along with us for the walk.... but if it had been a rottweiller, ok!!! humans.... you gotta luv 'em!

 

[s2a]

yawn, boring

I just "knew" the unused jester's cap would have come in handy... if not currently in style...*sigh*

 

[Me Myself]

So, today I took bus again, and I asked the bus driver to full stop. I had to insist until he left me 4 blocks out of road.

 

[dgirl1986]

When I was on the phones of an IT service desk I would often told "I need to speak to one of the men there about my computer issues". A couple actually refused to talk to me because they didnt see how a woman would be able to help.

 

[Yerda]

I had a night out with friends and friends of friends recently which typically descended into the kind of dramatics that make you not want to be there. I asked one random wailing girl if she was OK (obviously not but what do you say?) and if I could do anything to help and she said I wouldn't understand because I'm a man. I say that she said that, I mean she sneered it. That might be fairly minor but I felt quite belittled.

 

[Me Myself]

Today at work everyone with a penis had to stay an extra half an hour to finish their stuff.

Te reason is there was some """heavy""" lifting to do and they asked *only* the men to do it.

I am sure most if not all of what we carried could have been carried by any of the women present. I mean we are not a bunch of bodyblders. I am just maybe a bit stronger than avarage, and thats a maybe and it was... Well, really nothing to lift it.

I felt so idiotic, I ad stuff to do and I am working at home too as we speak (well taking a little break right now). My time is not any less valuable.

Actually, statistically we will die sooner o.0

 

[dgirl1986]

Today at work everyone with a penis had to stay an extra half an hour to finish their stuff.

Te reason is there was some """heavy""" lifting to do and they asked *only* the men to do it.

I am sure most if not all of what we carried could have been carried by any of the women present. I mean we are not a bunch of bodyblders. I am just maybe a bit stronger than avarage, and thats a maybe and it was... Well, really nothing to lift it.

I felt so idiotic, I ad stuff to do and I am working at home too as we speak (well taking a little break right now). My time is not any less valuable.

Actually, statistically we will die sooner o.0

Ugh I hate that. Do they not realise that women can help out with that stuff too and that not all men have that kind of physical strength. Bah.

 

[Me Myself]

Ugh I hate that. Do they not realise that women can help out with that stuff too and that not all men have that kind of physical strength. Bah.

No idea. It was just silly. They were light boxes, no one had a problem carrying them and the girls would have had no problem either.

 

[Me Myself]

One of my bosses is giving a brand of mine to the new CM because she says she thinks a woman will be better handling the brand about babies.

She knows this woman has way less experience in advertising than me (by less, I mean cero)

Then again, she has a vagina.

So, you know: babies.

 

[Me Myself]

******* driving the bus laughed for two blocks saying " right foot "man " " (the "man" part was varon, which in spanish is not like in english where man is an expression you also tell to women in certain contexts. The phrase literally means you are a man, get out of the bus while its moving and use your right foot)

After lesving me shouting him some good he finally stopped.

%^*#ing people

 

[Me Myself]

My scar from the bus thing never healed commpletely. It will stay with me for the rest ofy life

On other news:

My uncle, aunt and couisins came from panama to spend holydays here. I spend a lot of time with my cousins then (the three are girls. Well, one is a woman now, 18, the other one around 16 and the oer one around 13)

Today, as in other days, their mother and my grandma were bothering them so they would use more their dresses. In other days it had been high heels. I tend to joke around to release some of the tension. Tell em go barefoot.

They say "you have beautiful legs, why you hide them?". They have attitude (gotta love em) and the one to which that one was directed simply said she didnt like to wear dresses that much. i said "So what she got legs? jeans are great to show legs. She likes jeans. Let her enjoy herself and feel comfortable with her wearings". She made faces and remarks in support of my comments.

I am all for dresses and... Well no, cant say the same for heels cause they are awful to feet , but well, the thing is I really dont like the pressure they put on them for silliness like that. Grandma said "What would ve been if you have had a sister! You would have made her rebell!" And I was like "Sister? You mean less stuff for me? Oh no, I am happy on how did it go thank you very much"

Its good I got humor and can lower those tensenesses down. Still its bothersome.

The one they were bothering about the dress draws AMAZING, her portraits appear to be black and white photos. Though she has a big complex with her nose. Mind you, her nose is perfect. I am an advetizer, I can tell you if a face needs photoshop for an ad, and she was and is fine but she is REALLY bugged by her nose. Her face is beautiful and it does sadden me a lot she seems to look so harshly on herself.

I mean , I could understand the older one cause she has zits (and as someone who had em, I know they are a proble) but thats a temporal thing. This older one apparently is also very good or was very good with. athletism and I still remember some bickering between my gradnma and her mother about her having "manly" arms

I just find it so sad that almost all the sexism I see against women in my evertday life is women against women.

Then again the sexism against men tends to be men against men.

Its a very weird world we live in.

Anyhow, they are all geeks. Today we spend the day playing pokemon and they are introducing me to Dr Who since its first 2005 season (I soecify date cause I know there are seasons a lot older) . Fnished first season of that one and started the next one.

I love my geeky cousins I will force the artist one to draw me an awesome Batman picture to hang on my room!