jasonwill2
Well-Known Member
What gods move inside of you, since the day you were born? Truly as part of your being?
For me, it is Satan. Sometimes, in pure adrenaline and musical ecstasy, I can almost feel this energy... like it's somewhat aware of me... pulsing, and flowing, like Satan himself vibrating along a cord attached to me and him thousands of light years away, the ripples reaching me in a matter of seconds... so far yet so clear and obviously a very muffled yet powerful rumble.
As if, as if... I am gaining some greater connection with God, with Satan. That I am moving with the flows of The Universe and Cosmos personified. And not just Leviathan... but as if the very Blade of Destruction is encompassing me in the pure emotion... that external force of destruction and chaos. A form of communion.
But then it fades, and that aspect of The Vessel fades, and all I can sense is the parts of The Flesh, the mundane physical body, ebbing from the adrenaline.
And all I can wonder is, is it all the work of The Flesh, that part of The Mirror that is merely mundane psychological and physiological processes, or sometimes, when it is intense enough, could The Universe itself, if even in such a tiny amount, be flowing through me?
Or perhaps it is just wisps passing through me, or really weak ghosts, unintelligent daemons. I don't know, but it feels good. But I've gotten to such a heightened state of emotion before (sadness then determination to put the past behind me)... I felt like something was working with me. .. and after the ritual ended and I did the closing, something materialized and appeared to leave in a bit' of a hurry.
Sometimes I wonder that if I can reach such a heightened state of emotion again... that I can attract back again more daemons, but I am prepared to admit that perhaps out of fear I have blinded myself to them and need to erase that fear again.
Or perhaps I was just unstable, and my stability makes me less likely to see such things in heightened emotional states? I have not slept in 36 hours, and if I can make it to 48 hours, I will load up on caffeine and BLAST the music, say the invocations, and try to reach such a heightened gnostic state that the magickal signal sent off will go for miles...
I want to feel that communion with the daemons again, not felt in months.
But are they even real? Should I even doubt myself? I do not know. I do know that regardless if they are real or not, I want to see them again. Is this explainable with naturalistic science as we know it? Or is there perhaps a supernatural element to it?
I found the invocation I wrote for this kind of thing a while ago... might work.
Satan!
Accuser,
Blade of Destruction,
Hand of Creation,
That which extends within and without,
And is the Vessel and the Mirror,
I hath invoked you as a man breathes air.
Shemhamforash! Hail Satan! Hail Leviathan!
-+-
Lord and God, thy Creator, The Majestic Weaver of Cosmic Winds and Lights,
I call out to you from hence the ground to the sky;
From the edge of The Universe to the heart of the soul.
I call out to you, Spirit of Flesh.
I call out to you, Spirit of the Five.
I call out to you, oh Accuser and True God.
For Hence I have seen my weakness,
And From Hence I seek my strength.
Lord Incarnate, echoing through my flesh.
Lord Incarnate, dancing dreams of life.
Through Misery was I lead,
And from Misery was I reborn.
No where art thou?
But in my flesh?
Dormant?
Awaiting to be reawakened?
-pause-
AWAKE! COME FORTH PROFANE SPIRIT!
COME FORTH DEAR SATAN!
COME FORTH INNER DAEMONS!
COME FORTH VESSEL!
AND COME FORTH MIRROR!
Accuser,
Blade of Destruction,
Hand of Creation,
That which extends within and without,
And is the Vessel and the Mirror,
I hath invoked you as a man breathes air.
Shemhamforash! Hail Satan! Hail Leviathan!
-+-
Lord and God, thy Creator, The Majestic Weaver of Cosmic Winds and Lights,
I call out to you from hence the ground to the sky;
From the edge of The Universe to the heart of the soul.
I call out to you, Spirit of Flesh.
I call out to you, Spirit of the Five.
I call out to you, oh Accuser and True God.
For Hence I have seen my weakness,
And From Hence I seek my strength.
Lord Incarnate, echoing through my flesh.
Lord Incarnate, dancing dreams of life.
Through Misery was I lead,
And from Misery was I reborn.
No where art thou?
But in my flesh?
Dormant?
Awaiting to be reawakened?
-pause-
AWAKE! COME FORTH PROFANE SPIRIT!
COME FORTH DEAR SATAN!
COME FORTH INNER DAEMONS!
COME FORTH VESSEL!
AND COME FORTH MIRROR!
However, as optimistic as I am about the objective realities of these things, if they are not real, and I can somehow use science to improve on my magickal techniques... as depressing as it will be at first... I want to use those skills. I really don't care how real or not it is anymore. Perhaps I will use those skills and re-convince myself that this is all real with the experiences.
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