Self Awareness

[JustGeorge]

Every night that my husband doesn't have to get up early the next day, he tells me how he's going to get up at 8am(or earlier) the next day to complete this or that task. He'll set his alarm. He'll get to bed after "one more video"(that can go on awhile). And every morning that he doesn't have to work the early shift, he sleeps past a dozen or so alarms and only gets out of bed after the house is bustling with noise, usually somewhere between 10am-11am.

It isn't a problem. He works hard, and doesn't get enough sleep(though that's his own fault for staying up watching "one more video"). It doesn't really matter if he sleeps in. What makes me chuckle is that the same scenario happens again, and again, and again, and has been for years. Yet, each night, he really does believe he'll be up at 7am working on the car. There is an unwillingness in him to reconcile who he is, and who he wants to be(or may have been ten years ago).

Most of us do stuff like that. Starting that diet or breaking that bad habit "tomorrow" is pretty common(but tomorrow never comes). While willpower comes into play to some extent, unless you're an expert or have great support, sometimes I feel fighting against who we are is most often fighting a losing battle. We can work to change who we are, but trying to use willpower to get through something we've failed at 46 times before may not exactly be wise, and a different approach or a different way of seeing things must be adopted in order to have any success.

How self aware do you feel you are? What are the ways you've used your own self awareness to get over life's hurdles?

 

[Link]

It can be a losing battle, but sometimes tides can change. I didn't see myself being a gym person a long time ago nor doing University. I completely despaired of both.

 

[JustGeorge]

It can be a losing battle, but sometimes tides can change. I didn't see myself being a gym person a long time ago nor doing University. I completely despaired of both.

How have you been able to change that?

 

[Link]

How have you been able to change that?

I believed part of my lagging behind in life was dark magic that kept me back from goals, because of a dream I had with Mohammad (s) showing me things which felt like a period of 3 days but was about regular night sleep time. There I even was taught a prayer from Mohammad (s) and he made me look at the Imam (a) of time. Most of it was reciting the second last Surah of Quran in ways I didn't think was possible but at the end of it I was also taught a prayer.

The dream occurred when I was highly confused about the issue of Tawasul (seeking a means or intermediation with God through his chosen) but took a leap of faith and did a visitation of Mohammad (s). I was also in high doubt of Islam at this point.

The Quran also was augmented to me (it changed form completely I would say) when somethings happened due to that and due to things in real time which I can't disclose. I took fighting dark magic with respect to my mental illness as part of the treatment for my state along with medications (I was already taking). The doctor also helped me with new meds that I was yet to take.

And I also talked to social worker and I think they even recorded my dream experience as a claim in my medical records. Before then, I had nothing going. Since they want to study patients to, they might see dreams as helpful sometimes or something.

It was not just the spiritual, but everything lining up. But I believe without fighting dark magic, I would not have succeeded.

 

[Heyo]

Every night that my husband doesn't have to get up early the next day, he tells me how he's going to get up at 8am(or earlier) the next day to complete this or that task. He'll set his alarm. He'll get to bed after "one more video"(that can go on awhile). And every morning that he doesn't have to work the early shift, he sleeps past a dozen or so alarms and only gets out of bed after the house is bustling with noise, usually somewhere between 10am-11am.

It isn't a problem. He works hard, and doesn't get enough sleep(though that's his own fault for staying up watching "one more video"). It doesn't really matter if he sleeps in. What makes me chuckle is that the same scenario happens again, and again, and again, and has been for years. Yet, each night, he really does believe he'll be up at 7am working on the car. There is an unwillingness in him to reconcile who he is, and who he wants to be(or may have been ten years ago).

Most of us do stuff like that. Starting that diet or breaking that bad habit "tomorrow" is pretty common(but tomorrow never comes). While willpower comes into play to some extent, unless you're an expert or have great support, sometimes I feel fighting against who we are is most often fighting a losing battle. We can work to change who we are, but trying to use willpower to get through something we've failed at 46 times before may not exactly be wise, and a different approach or a different way of seeing things must be adopted in order to have any success.

How self aware do you feel you are? What are the ways you've used your own self awareness to get over life's hurdles?

It took me some time and from my experience not many manage it well. I'm diagnosed with depression and early retired because of it. I visited the loony bin three times. Realising that depression is chronic and acute periods of extreme depression can happen any time has taught me to organise my chores in a way that I can do or leave them for quite some time. In periods of less severity, I do the urgent and important stuff first, so that I don't run into a backlog when a severe period starts. I adjust my meds and I prioritise the therapeutic "chores" (going for a walk every day) when I feel a bad time coming.
That self awareness has kept me out of the clinic for the last 7 years.

 

[JustGeorge]

I believed part of my lagging behind in life was dark magic that kept me back from goals, because of a dream I had with Mohammad (s) showing me things which felt like a period of 3 days but was about regular night sleep time. There I even was taught a prayer from Mohammad (s) and he made me look at the Imam (a) of time. Most of it was reciting the second last Surah of Quran in ways I didn't think was possible but at the end of it I was also taught a prayer.

The dream occurred when I was highly confused about the issue of Tawasul (seeking a means or intermediation with God through his chosen) but took a leap of faith and did a visitation of Mohammad (s). I was also in high doubt of Islam at this point.

The Quran also was augmented to me (it changed form completely I would say) when somethings happened due to that and due to things in real time which I can't disclose. I took fighting dark magic with respect to my mental illness as part of the treatment for my state along with medications (I was already taking). The doctor also helped me with new meds that I was yet to take.

And I also talked to social worker and I think they even recorded my dream experience as a claim in my medical records. Before then, I had nothing going. Since they want to study patients to, they might see dreams as helpful sometimes or something.

It was not just the spiritual, but everything lining up. But I believe without fighting dark magic, I would not have succeeded.

That's very interesting! It sounds like this dream and learning this prayer was a big step in overcoming some personal issues, then?

Meds can certainly make a difference... I see that a lot with my kids.

I appreciate your unique take on this.

 

[JustGeorge]

It took me some time and from my experience not many manage it well. I'm diagnosed with depression and early retired because of it. I visited the loony bin three times. Realising that depression is chronic and acute periods of extreme depression can happen any time has taught me to organise my chores in a way that I can do or leave them for quite some time. In periods of less severity, I do the urgent and important stuff first, so that I don't run into a backlog when a severe period starts. I adjust my meds and I prioritise the therapeutic "chores" (going for a walk every day) when I feel a bad time coming.
That self awareness has kept me out of the clinic for the last 7 years.

I don't currently struggle with any mental illnesses, but almost everyone I interact or live with does, requiring me to approach chores in a similar way.

Just acknowledging "my life isn't going to look like most people's" was a big hurdle I had to jump for my own health and sanity.

 

[Link]

That's very interesting! It sounds like this dream and learning this prayer was a big step in overcoming some personal issues, then?

Meds can certainly make a difference... I see that a lot with my kids.

I appreciate your unique take on this.

Thanks. I appreciate you asking and listening.

Don't feel obligated to disclose, but I was wondering what type of meds do your kids take? If you don't feel like sharing here you can send me a pm or not disclosing at all is fine too.

 

[JustGeorge]

Thanks. I appreciate you asking and listening.

Don't feel obligated to disclose, but I was wondering what type of meds do your kids take? If you don't feel like sharing here you can send me a pm or not disclosing at all is fine too.

My oldest is on sertraline for OCD and depression/anxiety.

My middle son takes Abilify(an antipsychotic) for extreme agitation and, well, psychotic behavior. He also takes sertraline for anxiety. He has hydroxizine, which is an allergy pill, but is sometimes prescribed for anxiety attacks(his are prescribed for violent hysterical fits).

My youngest takes nothing.

 

[Link]

My oldest is on sertraline for OCD and depression/anxiety.

My middle son takes Abilify(an antipsychotic) for extreme agitation and, well, psychotic behavior. He also takes sertraline for anxiety. He has hydroxizine, which is an allergy pill, but is sometimes prescribed for anxiety attacks(his are prescribed for violent hysterical fits).

My youngest takes nothing.

How old are they each? Are they in sports or some activities like Martial arts?

 

[Little Dragon]

What makes me chuckle is that the same scenario happens again, and again, and again, and has been for years. Yet, each night, he really does believe he'll be up at 7am working on the car. There is an unwillingness in him to reconcile who he is, and who he wants to be(or may have been ten years ago).

Time slips by. As one does what they deep down, really want to do. Yes, we have aspirations and goals and ambitions. However, some of the most gifted people I've ever met, were hopeless drug addicts, begging for loose change, drinking cheap cider, and knowing that they had the potential to be grand masters in their respective fields and interests. Not saying your husband is like a gifted loser! It's just so human. This conflict between doing and not doing. Those people I mentioned, all had deep seated emotional problems, stemming from traumatic childhoods, their hazy lazy drug world, was their escape from this one. We all have our escapes. Like your husband, my escapes are not self destructive. I play Warhammer 40K and Magic the Gathering with my equally tragic friends. I also watch youtube up to about 3 am most nights. Which does annoy the missus, mightily. I must say. Yet. I could be doing greater things with my very strange mind.

My oldest is on sertraline for OCD and depression/anxiety.

Me too.

 

[JustGeorge]

How old are they each? Are they in sports or some activities like Martial arts?

The oldest is 17. He's doing really well. He's come a long way(he had some rather dark and scary years in the early teen years), and I'm proud of him.

The middle is 9. He has some notable disabilities stemming from autism. We are looking to secure private basketball lessons for him(it would be impossible for him in a group setting); its the only sport he has any interest in. He will use the gym facilities when we go, though(primarily to use the basketball court, the track or exercise bike, or the pool if its open).

The youngest is 4. He's content with just about anything.

 

[Link]

The oldest is 17. He's doing really well. He's come a long way(he had some rather dark and scary years in the early teen years), and I'm proud of him.

The middle is 9. He has some notable disabilities stemming from autism. We are looking to secure private basketball lessons for him(it would be impossible for him in a group setting); its the only sport he has any interest in. He will use the gym facilities when we go, though(primarily to use the basketball court, the track or exercise bike, or the pool if its open).

The youngest is 4. He's content with just about anything.

God bless them. Thanks for sharing.

 

[JustGeorge]

Time slips by. As one does what they deep down, really want to do. Yes, we have aspirations and goals and ambitions. However, some of the most gifted people I've ever met, were hopeless drug addicts, begging for loose change, drinking cheap cider, and knowing that they had the potential to be grand masters in their respective fields and interests. Not saying your husband is like a gifted loser! It's just so human. This conflict between doing and not doing. Those people I mentioned, all had deep seated emotional problems, stemming from traumatic childhoods, their hazy lazy drug world, was their escape from this one. We all have our escapes. Like your husband, my escapes are not self destructive. I play Warhammer 40K and Magic the Gathering with my equally tragic friends. I also watch youtube up to about 3 am most nights. Which does annoy the missus, mightily. I must say. Yet. I could be doing greater things with my very strange mind.

Me too.

I had a teacher tell me once I was the most gifted student he'd had, and I'd either grow up to have a successful career or full life, or I'd decided it was all a bunch of ****, and have nothing.

I've thought about writing him to tell him he was partially right. Just because one has few materials doesn't mean they have nothing. I have more than most.

Which leads me to wonder, what is 'making something of yourself' anyways? If one has made great personal strides and discoveries that aren't publicly rewarded or recognized, are they still time well spent?

 

[Alien826]

I'm nearing the end of my life, probably most personal change is behind me. I'll highlight things that stand out in my memory.

I learned to value my own opinion of myself over that of others by reading a book called When I say No I Feel Guilty by Dr Manuel J Smith. His primary rule was (from memory) "You are the final judge of your thoughts, feelings and actions". It changed my life.

Another book that had a big influence was Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. What I learned was that if I was avoiding something through fear it's worth the effort to push through it. If you succeed, one day you will wonder why you feared it, and you will have opened up new areas of your life.

As a child, I was indoctrinated by my mother think I was no good. I had lots of therapy, but what eventually "fixed" me was hypnotherapy.

Regarding the OP, I'd say that if you are avoiding doing something, first be honest with yourself. You may just not be very energetic by nature, or not a natural student or not gifted at sports. There's nothing wrong with avoiding these things, BUT. Ask yourself how that avoidance is affecting you. Some things may not be pleasant but may be necessary. Think of another approach. Can you work more on things you enjoy (and get paid for) or have less of things that don't matter to you and pay someone else to do the unpleasant things? I hate housework. I pay cleaners to come in and do it. If there is no better approach, suck it up and do it. Reward yourself in some way for doing it. Think of how much easier it was to fix the leaking pipe than to have the basement flooded. Or how much better spent the money was on employing a plumber than ... whatever. Once you have your life organized in your mind, stop worrying. It's all handled, enjoy the rest of your life.

Most of all, don't ever feel guilty about things at this level. Either get them done or convince yourself that they don't matter. Guilt will eat you alive.

 

[Alien826]

Which leads me to wonder, what is 'making something of yourself' anyways? If one has made great personal strides and discoveries that aren't publicly rewarded or recognized, are they still time well spent?

It depends who is doing the judgment, doesn't it? Is it your teacher? Or your mother's voice in your head? Or some "fashion" expert that tells you that the "latest thing" that you bought on her advice five years ago is now old-fashioned and must be replaced? Or some unwritten book about "how things should be" that many people are convinced exists somewhere?

Or is it you?

 

[JustGeorge]

I'm nearing the end of my life, probably most personal change is behind me. I'll highlight things that stand out in my memory.

I learned to value my own opinion of myself over that of others by reading a book called When I say No I Feel Guilty by Dr Manuel J Smith. His primary rule was (from memory) "You are the final judge of your thoughts, feelings and actions". It changed my life.

Another book that had a big influence was Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. What I learned was that if I was avoiding something through fear it's worth the effort to push through it. If you succeed, one day you will wonder why you feared it, and you will have opened up new areas of your life.

As a child, I was indoctrinated by my mother think I was no good. I had lots of therapy, but what eventually "fixed" me was hypnotherapy.

Regarding the OP, I'd say that if you are avoiding doing something, first be honest with yourself. You may just not be very energetic by nature, or not a natural student or not gifted at sports. There's nothing wrong with avoiding these things, BUT. Ask yourself how that avoidance is affecting you. Some things may not be pleasant but may be necessary. Think of another approach. Can you work more on things you enjoy (and get paid for) or have less of things that don't matter to you and pay someone else to do the unpleasant things? I hate housework. I pay cleaners to come in and do it. If there is no better approach, suck it up and do it. Reward yourself in some way for doing it. Think of how much easier it was to fix the leaking pipe than to have the basement flooded. Or how much better spent the money was on employing a plumber than ... whatever. Once you have your life organized in your mind, stop worrying. It's all handled, enjoy the rest of your life.

Most of all, don't ever feel guilty about things at this level. Either get them done or convince yourself that they don't matter. Guilt will eat you alive.

Guilt seems to bite many on the butt. I'm not sure how one effectively manages guilt.

It depends who is doing the judgment, doesn't it? Is it your teacher? Or your mother's voice in your head? Or some "fashion" expert that tells you that the "latest thing" that you bought on her advice five years ago is now old-fashioned and must be replaced? Or some unwritten book about "how things should be" that many people are convinced exists somewhere?

Or is it you?

As far as time well spent, I would say it lies with the individual. As to making something of one's self... I think its all a bunch of nonsense.

 

[Little Dragon]

Guilt seems to bite many on the butt. I'm not sure how one effectively manages guilt.

Near fanatical resolve to never repeat those particular mistakes again, that's all one can do. That would turn error into learning. Learning is part of life, we err we learn we move on and pick better paths, next time.

Imo..

 

[SalixIncendium]

What are the ways you've used your own self awareness to get over life's hurdles?

Being self-aware in and of itself doesn't change the hurtles one is confronted with in life. It's being aware of not only the self but what is creating barriers as well. In my experience, it's usually attachment or desire a thing. Prioritization and a sense of austerity or self-discipline usually helps to bring change.

Using your example above, there is attachment to videos, and there is a desire to watch them. Having the self-discipline or the austerity to put that device away, roll over, and go to sleep so the barrier of sleeping past what one needs to do is overcome is a means of overcoming that hurtle.

I enjoy posting on RF or watching a lecture or a race on YouTube. I've set strict times for myself for meditation each day. If I stay on YouTube late or stay up late posting on RF, my evening meditation doesn't start on time (or depending on how tired I am, I may even fall asleep during the session), I get to bed late, and my body is dragging when I'm getting ready for my morning session. Therefore, I need to prioritize my meditation over the desire to watch YouTube or post.

 

[SalixIncendium]

Which leads me to wonder, what is 'making something of yourself' anyways?

I was raised with a "s/he who dies with the most toys wins" mindset. I strived for this for years.

I've since given everything away except what I need to work or live, and I'm happier than I've ever been.

If one has made great personal strides and discoveries that aren't publicly rewarded or recognized, are they still time well spent?

One's personal strides and discoveries are exactly that. Personal. They don't need public celebration to be invaluable to the person who made them.

Needing validation from others for them is a product of ego, so depending on how subservient one is to the ego will determine if those personal strides and discoveries are considered by the person making them to be well spent.