We are going to have to agree to disagree but I want to clear a couple of things up.
huajiro said:
If you know that your child exists out there, even if you only donated your eggs, or sperm, you will pass a point in your life where you think about them.
IF you know this child exists they will indeed cross your mind from time to time as anything of equal signifigance would but that doesn`t mean you`ll obsess about them considering you agreed to the deal beforehand.
Obviously some people weren`t meant to be donors for this exact reason.
However it is highly unlikely you`d ever know if there was a child from your donation considering the specifics of the OP.
I think the thought of where they came from passes through every child's life, are the people that received your sperm or eggs supposed to lie to them when they ask these questions?
No you shouldn`t lie to your children about such things but again considering the specifications of the OP it really doesn`t matter as it is unlikely this child will have any means of tracking you down even if they wanted to.
If they did wish to meet you I don`t see a probelm with it as long as all parties understand the situation and POV of the opther parties.
I don't see where you having a child living with you that isn't yours gives you a better perspective, unless it would give you an argument that they don't ever wonder where there birth mother is.
I`m male and married a woman with two boys who are my step sons.
This gives me a good perspective of whats possible because their biological father has very little to do with them and often considers them a nuisance.
My point wasn`t from the childs perspective. it was from the donors perspective (IE: My sons father) to show that not everyone would care about a child they had that they never met considering my sons father has met them and sees them infrequently and he doesn`t really give a sh*t.
Let me tell you that I had a stepfather my whole childhood, and I always wondered about my real father.
I had one for most of my life too and rarely thought about my real father even after I was told who & where he was I never had any inclination to "find" him.
After witnessing one "reunion" like this I know it is best left alone.
I don`t know why I would feel anything on a personal/emotional level for someone I never met.
You say you never had any desire to meet your father. I don't believe that. I think you probably had a desire to meet him and found out that he was not exactly what you wished a father would be, and then had no desire to meet him after that.
Believe what you like, it`s untrue but hey..feel free.
I never met the man, never asked a single question about him ,and I could easily find him today if I chose to do so.
I just don`t see why I would want to.
I know nothing about him other than his name and the state he lives/lived in.
On the flip side, if this bond you speak of that a donor has for his offspring does exist in all humans as you imply then why has he never felt compelled to find me?
As far as I know he has the same amount of info on me as I do about him.
I think he chooses not to for the same reasons I choose not to.
What would it accomplish?
I think all children have a desire to meet their parents.
Again..think what you like.
I`m proof that you`re wrong.
I am sorry, to me there is a huge difference between children and money, purchased items, blood and organs, to me they are not objects.
I`d say a kidney was a bit more than a mere "object" not a child certainly but my analogy stands.
I had mentioned before that my not having a father has made me very careful to keep a child of mine (created from me in any way) from missing out on having a father his/her life. I don't care what happens, I will take care of my children, and i see it as my responsibility.
Not having a father never bothered me considering I knew nothing else.
My mother was however the most amazing woman I ever met.
Thats the part you`re not getting.
This child would not be
YOUR child.
The two tablespoons of semen you handed over would have been yours but thats it.
It would not be your responsibilty because you would have agreed that it wasn`t your responsibilty.
This is what "Donate" means, it means "To Give" and once you`ve given it you no longer have it.
Just because a child shares your DNA does not make him/her your child and again, my children are proof of this.
I love my boys, they are not biologically mine so why do I feel this bond with them?
Could it be because of the fact that for the past 7 years I am the one who has taught them to ride a bike, draw a portrait, appreciate a good book, mow a lawn, bandage their wounds, drive them to school, teach them about girls, feed them, cloth them,set up their college funds, take them places, rushed them to the hospital broken and bleeding, celebrate their victories and console their defeats?
Could it be because I am the one who helps them understand this world?
What I`m saying is that there is no magical bond between a man and his sperm.
There can be one between a man and his child if he chooses to have one.
If he chooses not to then there isn`t one.
All I`m saying is that obviously you are not someone who should donate for in-vitro but that doesn`t mean it`s wrong for someone else just because you are incapable of it.
I personally think it is an awesome thing to do for someone.
